Northlake14 Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 Hi everyone, Its first time I am posting here, but I've decided to share my experience because i feel an obligation to the loveshack community helping me and teaching me a lot during my first serious break up 7 years ago. I;ll try to be as short as possible. At the time, I was in college having the time of my life, partying, drinking, having fun, dated couple of girls, good reputation, people loved me, easy and outgoing etc. Met someone totally random, fell in love over the course of couple of weeks. Everything functioned perfectly, never believed it could happen to me. We both knew it will end towards the end of semestarsince she would leave to her country and I will continue my studies and used every moment together perfectly. She left and I started thinking about my future plans. Job, internships, master degrees, many options, doors opened, big companies, scholarships etc. after the break, i go back to university and one of my closest female friends with whom i was very close starts intensively hooking up on me. Going to the pool together, dinners together, studying together, never in a second i think of something more can happen between us. One night she gets drunk, starts dancing with me, falls on my shoulder after a while and tells me to go out with her so she can get some fresh air. We go out and started kissing. The next day i wake up feelin a bit embarassed, don't know what to do. We go to coffee, she starts telling me that she always had some feelings for me, that she wants a relationship etc. I start explaining myself that i am not ready for relationship, i have other plans, dont feel ready to settle without stabilizing my future.She starts crying and i decide to give a try. After a month and a half of small stupid quarrels and most of the time me being over her, carrying the relationship, afraid to do something wrong, she was my friend for two years, i respected her, showed emotions tried to make it the best way she starts neglecting me for a week. We discussed our future plans and decided to spend the summer together working, and i change all my plans for the good of the relationship, dropping all my previous chances of landing a good job, scholarship for masters maybe. Soon, one day she starts arguing with me over nothing, it goes on for a couple of days blaming me for not behaving properly, not being a good boyfriend and so on. I ask her to tell me the right reasons she denies everything and continues to blame me. I decide to end the relationship the next day with her crying and saying that i am making a mistake. Still, ended it and went immediate NC. The next two weeks I had to drop two important opportunities for an internship, one chance for scholarship, lost some money, since my plans became different during the relationship. At the time for me and my ambitions it was a disaster. When i heard that she is back again with her former boyfriend it was the end of the world for me. How did I got played this way? Stress, couldn't sleep, lost 30 lb, depressed, bad financial situation, everything turned upside down in one night. That summer I spent it in the bed, listening to music and reading loveshack. For 3 months everyday i was going through all the stories here, not once feeling the urge to write something. Not a single girl interested me, neither i went out with my friends, my heart was swollen from pain. Learnt about GIGS, other stories, many advices from experienced users and started noticing the patterns people exhibit. More or less they can be generalized and applied to all people. I became a better person, kept my dignity, learnt that it was not my fault, learnt that i can only think of myself and love again in the future. I started understanding the causes and effects that can happen in a relationship. People without dignity, cheaters rarely change. People without honesty, dignity, moral values slowly learn their behaviour the right way. Those who love honestly, get hurt etc etc etc. Never ever broke NC. Stayed strong even in the most desperate times. After 8 months she starts throwing breadcrumbs. By that time i was already a "loveshack champion". Everything that followed went "by the book". As we go towards graduation she intensifies contact and i am always polite, short in my answers and keeping NC from my side. One night she tries to kiss me, i decline. On the eve of graduation she followed me the whole night and at the end i ask her what does she want. she says i want to talk to you. We sit down and me being drunk i remember she told me she broke the previous relationship, she thinks i am a perfect boyfriend and whether i still have feelings for her? My response was no, i dont have feelings, even though it was not true, i was dying for her. She just stood up and went away. Couple of months later new breadcrumbs: mutual friends trying to organize visits to my city, everything seems spontaneous, people asking me why i dont contact her.... I stay away from all the breadcrumbs. One night she comes with mutual friends to a pary, i did not know she will be there and at the end of the night after failing to talk to me starts crying and goes home. Soon, writes to me and tells me she is going to another country to work. I do not reply. After two years, i finnally meet new girl, finally decide to be with someone and start a relationship since the pain and the traces have eased. month later probably she found out and started causing problems. sending mutual friends over to test the situation, writes to me all the time. I did not make big deal out of it. Year later my relationship ends and 5 days later i got calls from two college friends to have a coffee. I go there and they start teling me about the college love that she is now grown up she is sorry she loves me, they have spoken with her parents, her parents (whom i do not know) had high regard for me, they wanted to open new business and thought of me dealing with the finances. I stay astonished and only listen feeling that something is wrong here. One of them offers me to go on a vacation together and i accept. There, he is always on the phone texting someone, telling me how her new boyfriend is stupid, nobody likes him, her parents like me and i decide to cut all ties with these people including her telling them i am not interested in any of their spanish soap operas, intrigues, and to stop interfering in my private life. They turn the blame towards me that they did not have any intentions, she was not interested into anything she has a boyfriend i am making things up etc. The next four years she tried to test the waters several times through many mutual friends, some of them knew the story and warned me about her intentions some of them did not, somehow i managed to stay away from contact with her and did not know where she is nor what she is doing. Two years ago i met a girl, we are still in a relationship, usual relationship ups and downs fighting together staying together resolving issues together trusting each other, me even sometimes making some small issues, parents like us a lot, friends like us a lot, every day we have some activity together. I am again the same happy stable outgoing person, having a job, having fun. 5 days ago after 7 years of us being together, and 2 years of last breadcrumb my college love shows up at my work. Sits in the office for 2 hours trying to have a convo with me. I politely declined all the approaches, called my girlfriend to tell her that she is here and after two hours of smiling and looking at me she left dissapointed. I do not think that it is over, most probably there will be another approach in the next 6 months from her side, but i want to point out that she is still behaving like a psycho, still not having a proper relationship, still throwing breadcrumbs and testing the waters without honest approach, without dignity, causing intrigues and all that is normal for her. I want to say to all of you: stay strong, believe and listen to your hearts, not a single person deserves to be hurt, read as many stories as possible, listen to the supportive advices, everyone has been there, learn how to recognize realtionship worth people, learn how to develop and constantly keep a relationship with someone you love, nothing is ideal but if you believe and nurture your heart eventually it will pay off one day. So, after 7 years I have not forgot Loveshack, seeing my college love after so many years have reminded me of what i went through at that time and in reality many of the similar stories i ve read then and the advices i ve read have turned out to be unfolding in the simillar pattern in my case over the years. It made me prepared and to protect myself from ill-fated people. Maybe a second chance story is more romantic and is what many of you out there want to listen - I never tried a second chance with my college love knowing she is not worth it no matter how much sorry she is. Maybe my story is not a perfect story but Loveshack helped me to have a new story and that is why i like to share my experience. Thanks!! 1
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