Friend confessed - I rejected her but I miss her

[XYZciper]

Last year When i started my job I became friends with this girl who works with me. I'm not her boss (nor is she mine); we work in adjacent departments and have the same title. Over the course of a few months we became very Jim/Pam like. Constantly emailing and joking around, eating lunch together, even texting, etc. we talked a ton about things that ran way deeper than work. She really cared about me and what was going on in my life and did thoughtful things for me. I found myself getting protective of her at work, too. I had a pretty devastating situation with a coworker I had at a previous job (she led me on for a very long time then rejected me and it got very awkward and I was super depressed) so now I have a rule against "love at work" and I never really looked at this new coworker as anything more than a friend. Shes cute but definitely not my normal type. About a month ago I was going through some horrible stress at work and home and I kind of shut her out. I could also sense that she had feelings for me, so I withdrew. Gave her short answers to her IMs, didn't initiate talking with her, just all around ornery. She was still a great friend to me, even when I was acting like that, though.

 

 

 

One night she IMed me that she liked me and would be open to dating. I knew that was coming. I took 3 days, emailed her back and told her I didn't see her like that. She breezily told me it was all good and she must have misinterpreted.

 

 

 

We didn't talk for 2 weeks (not even for work, as she was working off-site). I emailed her and told her I didn't want it to be weird so I was hoping we could go back to talking because I missed it. She took a while to get back to me but eventually nonchalantly said it def isn't weird and let's be friends. However since then she's being pretty short (albeit mature and cordial) with me and I hate it. She doesn't joke with me or ask me about myself. I understand she's hurting though.

 

 

 

I really miss her. Every time something weird or funny happens at work, I miss telling her. I miss having her to vent to and hear her funny opinions about people and situations. I am very shy and introverted and don't open up easily, so I don't have a ton of friends (which is fine. I don't want a lot of friends. I pick them very deliberately, and I liked her in my life, in particular. I could find another friend at work but I liked HER.) we didn't hang out much outside of work but I miss her in my life. I never looked at her like a girlfriend and now I'm confused because I feel like if she was simply a plutonic friend I wouldn't really miss her this much. I liked how I felt when I was around her. She knew me pretty well and she actually liked me. she never judged me.

 

 

 

She is very extroverted, hilarious and warm, and has a lot of friends at work, so when I see her laughing with them yet being so impersonal with me it makes me really sad.

 

 

 

I don't know what to do or even how I feel. Advice? Has anyone gone through this? (We are in our early 30s, btw.)

[behappyallisOK]

keep your head up. it gets easier. everything will be ok. have faith . bless

[preraph]

If you end up changing your mind and decide you might be attracted to her, tell her you've missed her so bad that you realize you must have deeper feelings than just love. And ask her out on a proper date. Kiss her at the end of it.

 

In this case, the relationship, the damage is already done, so you have nothing to lose by taking the next step and seeing if it works or not.

[springy]

I don't blame her for keeping her distance and keeping it strictly professional. She's got to get over the crush and it's possible she's a little embarrassed.

 

Maybe in time things will go back to somewhat normal - but it's kind of unrealistic to think she would just go straight back to business as usual, don't you think? Plus, you were a bit crummy toward her at the end so...

 

You'll get past it in time, just as she will - but the friendship may never be the same.

Edited January 27, 2017 by springy