LivingDeadGrl Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 Hey all, Just wondering what everyone's opinions are on having your ex on your Facebook friend list. I have a couple exes on mine, but they are men I dated over 10 years ago. One is my daughters father. I don't really speak to any of them at all. Maybe just 'like' a post or two here and there. The reason I am asking is because I noticed my boyfriend has an ex of his on his friend list, a girl he dated probably 2-3 years ago. He told me it was a terrible relationship. I know they weren't friends on there for a while (I've known my bf for 5 years and I've had him on fb) after they broke up but I just happened to notice her on his friend list today and I kind of wondered why she is there if they had a terrible relationship like he said? I am sure she has been on his friend list for months before we started dating so it's not like he recently added her. He doesn't 'like' any of her pics (yes, I creeped, sue me). I don't want to ask him about it because I don't want to seem jealous or insecure or crazy or any of the above. I trust him 100 % and he has never given me a reason not to. I just want to know the logic behind it? I guess because I have no desire to have any of my recent exes on my Facebook as I don't consider them friends. As far as I know he is not friends with her on any other level either. Opinions?
Shanex Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 I don't use social medias anymore (was on FB from 2008 to 2013 though so I know the deal) For me it's a no-no. Too much jealousy involved with the new person you are dating or in a relationship with. Men and women are equally jealous of people keeping exes on social medias. Solution: if you stay ''friends'' with an ex, keep her in your phone, and text or call her occasionally. Much less dramas for every party involved. 1
coolheadal Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 Ex wife is blocked for me. I care not talk to her on FB. Suppose to use NC = no contact rules. After 5 years she and new boyfriend came to my house where I live 1536 miles from her and it was her birthday to boot. Why in the world would she come here this was 2015. She said she wanted to see her baby (dog) yeah right. But in any case the Ex loves there blocked why would you keep them on your friends list. Move on..
Gaeta Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 Some people may have had bad relationships together because of incompatibility but still can remain civil and friendly toward each other. They probably have common friends too. It doesn't say anywhere we have to hate our exs. 3
alphamale Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 I've never remained in contact with any of my exes. Probably because most of the time I dumped them.
rushed Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 I don't have any exes as friends on facebook. I'd rather them just know nothing about my current life. My boyfriend, however, seems to have all his exes as friends on facebook - his ex-wife, an ex-girlfriend, a one-night stand, and those are just the ones I know about. It doesn't bother me at all. He seems to stay friends with his exes. I trust him, and the things I've seen them post on each other's facebooks are completely innocuous.
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 I don't have any exes on Facebook, but I know some people who do, and who truly do not think of them as anything other than friends. My brother-in-law does this. He is a gentleman, never speaks ill of exes in any way and stays friends with them - true friends, as in: if they needed him, he would help.
thecrucible Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 The only exes I have on Facebook are guys I went on less than 10 dates with kind of thing. So there's not really any bad feeling there since our interaction with them was very short. We don't actually talk to each other though. Other exes I don't keep as friends because I prefer to have a clean break.
4kad Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 Hey all, Just wondering what everyone's opinions are on having your ex on your Facebook friend list. I have a couple exes on mine, but they are men I dated over 10 years ago. One is my daughters father. I don't really speak to any of them at all. Maybe just 'like' a post or two here and there. The reason I am asking is because I noticed my boyfriend has an ex of his on his friend list, a girl he dated probably 2-3 years ago. He told me it was a terrible relationship. I know they weren't friends on there for a while (I've known my bf for 5 years and I've had him on fb) after they broke up but I just happened to notice her on his friend list today and I kind of wondered why she is there if they had a terrible relationship like he said? I am sure she has been on his friend list for months before we started dating so it's not like he recently added her. He doesn't 'like' any of her pics (yes, I creeped, sue me). I don't want to ask him about it because I don't want to seem jealous or insecure or crazy or any of the above. I trust him 100 % and he has never given me a reason not to. I just want to know the logic behind it? I guess because I have no desire to have any of my recent exes on my Facebook as I don't consider them friends. As far as I know he is not friends with her on any other level either. Opinions? I don't even want someone I am dating on my friends list. 2
Author LivingDeadGrl Posted January 27, 2017 Author Posted January 27, 2017 I don't think just because someone is an ex that you have to hate them. As far as I know they didn't have a good break up and if he said the relationship was terrible then I'm not really understanding it. I just find it a little weird and it does bother me a tad, but I'm not going to mention it. I am sure he doesn't give a rats ass about her, I just wonder why she's even there. I guess I won't know unless I ask, and at this point I'm not really wanting to do that.
Frozensushi Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 I have one Ex as a FB friend. We broke up over 10 years ago and I didn't even realize she was on my friends list till I bumped into her one day. Other than that, I really want nothing to do with any of the women I dated. I just don't feel it's necessary, that part of my life is over and I don't care for any reminders. Also, I practice Hardcore NC, so my FB blocks are indefinite. 1
Author LivingDeadGrl Posted January 27, 2017 Author Posted January 27, 2017 I have one Ex as a FB friend. We broke up over 10 years ago and I didn't even realize she was on my friends list till I bumped into her one day. Other than that, I really want nothing to do with any of the women I dated. I just don't feel it's necessary, that part of my life is over and I don't care for any reminders. Also, I practice Hardcore NC, so my FB blocks are indefinite. I agree. One of my exes I dated for 2 months over 10 years ago and the other one is my kids dad who I never talk to anymore now that she has her own Facebook. I've considered deleting him actually. I just don't get why my boyfriend has her on there. It makes me wonder what other exes of his are on there and why.
kendahke Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 I agree. One of my exes I dated for 2 months over 10 years ago and the other one is my kids dad who I never talk to anymore now that she has her own Facebook. I've considered deleting him actually. I just don't get why my boyfriend has her on there. It makes me wonder what other exes of his are on there and why. She's on there because he friended her and wants her on there. Otherwise, she wouldn't be on his list. This is a non issue if you're not going to ask him. 2
lolablue17 Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 You wrote "yes, I creeped, sue me", Well, that is exactly what i'm going to do... I can understand if people have no Ex's at all on fb, so they might be bothered about their bf\gf having ex's on fb. But you definitely keep contact with ex's, more than one, and still trying to control his fb. Of course you understand how rediculous you are, so you try rationalize it by funny diferences like "my ex's on fb are 10 years seniority, and his is only 3 years seniority..." WOW!! So, i am suing you, and say that you are jealous and controling and have double standards - One standard for yourself, and one for your bf. This itself is not so bad... The problem is that you cannot stand people (your bf) will see your true colors, so you want to look better and to not being considered as jealous. Jealousy can be charming when it's not too much, as long as you admit it. So I advice you to go to your bf, tell him you're jealous about her, admit the creeping, and if he loves you, it will be solved in a second. 1
Cem90 Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 I don't have any exes on my FB. I have no desire to talk to any of them or see what's going on in their lives. My husband used to be friends with some of his exes on FB when we were still just dating. I never cared until one of his ex girlfriends started posting questionable things 9n his wall that bothered me. He never would respond to her though and when I finally let him know it bothered me thay this girl was trying to flirt with him, he deleted all his exes off his friend list. 2
ASG Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 I have all my exes on FB apart from one. It's not a thing. Most aren't even that active. I wouldn't even call any of them proper friends, more like acquaintances. I'm not deleting them either. Doesn't bother me at all that someone has exes on FB. 1
Author LivingDeadGrl Posted January 27, 2017 Author Posted January 27, 2017 You wrote "yes, I creeped, sue me", Well, that is exactly what i'm going to do... I can understand if people have no Ex's at all on fb, so they might be bothered about their bf\gf having ex's on fb. But you definitely keep contact with ex's, more than one, and still trying to control his fb. Of course you understand how rediculous you are, so you try rationalize it by funny diferences like "my ex's on fb are 10 years seniority, and his is only 3 years seniority..." WOW!! So, i am suing you, and say that you are jealous and controling and have double standards - One standard for yourself, and one for your bf. This itself is not so bad... The problem is that you cannot stand people (your bf) will see your true colors, so you want to look better and to not being considered as jealous. Jealousy can be charming when it's not too much, as long as you admit it. So I advice you to go to your bf, tell him you're jealous about her, admit the creeping, and if he loves you, it will be solved in a second. Yeah, you hit the nail on the head there. I am so controlling and jealous and can't stand that he may possibly see my true colours, LOL I was just wanting to know the rationale of it because I clearly don't understand. I am sure if I did speak to him about it he would rectify it but in the end I don't care all that much. I know he's not doing anything.
hercules22 Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 i have 2 of my exes except one has no impact on me the ones that i have we never talk anyway not even interact with whatever social content shared just feel like people i used to know lol 1
Mrlonelyone Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 Think about it this way. A long time ago people lived in small groups then in small isolated villages. The "great cities" of Ur and Summer the first cities ever ... had maybe 20,000 people. Right up until the industrial revolution there were very few cities with more than 100,000 people. My point? For most of human history your ex was right there in the community every single day. You also got to see how your ex's life worked out and they yours. If dating was allowed then everyone may have dated (and mated) everyone else in the group at least once. In the "large" cities you would see an ex around town a lot. What was strange was the period between having most people live in cities of millions of people and the creation of social media. At that time a person could be a total jerk on one side of town and have a completely different persona on the other side of town and probably never be found out. The bottom line is this is not really that new of a thing. Unless an ex cheated or lied or stole from or abused you ... there is no reason to make an enemy of them. An ex could even be a valuable resource just like any other friend.
lolablue17 Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 (edited) I am sure if I did speak to him about it he would rectify it but in the end I don't care all that much. I know he's not doing anything. Of course you don't care that much. That's why you're spying on him while hiding it from him, and can tell exactly how many comments or likes he and she are involved on fb, after reading EVERYTHING, and put so much time to write posts and read our comments here. :p I've had ex's that i remained friends with immediately after the break up, and also ex's that remained in good terms shortly after the break up, without being friends at all. So, what's the big deal? Why are the details so important? Ah.. Ye... it's not important, I forgot, you don't care at all... Edited January 28, 2017 by lolablue17
Raena Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 It's just facebook. It really doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things. "Friends" on fb doesn't really mean friends in real life. I have almost every person I went to high school with on my friends list. Some of them I haven't seen since graduation and probably never will. Some don't even interact with me very often. My point is, who cares if his exes are on his friends list. Unless they are chatting it up all the time and behaving as if they are still involved then it means nothing in the long run. I see it more as a list of people you know now or have ever known in the past. For what's it's worth... I have just about every single man I've ever dated on my friends list... including my son's father and his new girlfriend (and we had a nasty break up if you read my past threads). None of it means much of anything to me one way or the other. To be honest, I'd probably be more concerned with someone who is active on fb but never stays friendly with any of their exes at all. I don't mean best friends, bend over backwards to help them and stay in contact kind of friend... just friendly with no animosity.
OatsAndHall Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 1. I several ex-girlfriends as friends on FB but that doesn't necessarily mean that I keep in contact with them. To be honest, I had forgotten that I added them as friends when I first started my FB account many years ago and only realize it when they pop up in my feed some how. Two of them will "like" a post of mine every once in awhile and I don't view it as a big deal. 2. I did have a few ex gfs who were posting and "liking" on my page far more than I was comfortable with. They knew I was married but they was obviously keeping close tabs on me via FB. I change my profile pic every once in awhile and they would ALWAYS "like" it or post something about it. I know this wasn't good for my marriage so I took them off of there. They're not bad people but I know that social media interaction can be detrimental to a relationship. 3. I pay close attention to my significant others' social media interaction as there are red-flags that pop up. I don't have an issue with them having exes as friends on social media as it's harmless enough as long as it's just random contact via social media. But I will be hesitant to stay involved with them if their interactions with them are what I view as attention seeking. I will be spooky about a woman that is posting selfies of themselves constantly, especially if there is a laundry list of men (exes and "friends") that respond in some manner to the post. One ex of mine would post new selfies every other day and would get p-ssed off when I'd get upset over guys telling her how beautiful and gorgeous she was. Again, I feel that it's attention seeking behavior and can be indicative of a person with insecurities that I'm not going to deal with.
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