My first and only love dumped me after 8 years (7 living together)

[Link2]

I'm 28, she's 24. She dumped me on December 31st. We have been together since I was 19 and she was 16. For me, she was the first girl with which I have ever been (I haven't even hold any other girls's hand before nor after knowing my ex, she's been my first and only one). She had been with some guys before, but nothing serious. She wasn't virgin when I knew her, but in theory she had only done it once.

 

I was quite successful when we met, I was making a lot of money for my age. We would eat and dine out, and sleep at hotels when we couldn't be alone at their parents's or my parents's house. I was also somewhat famous in my circle, so I guess she felt some kind of admiration towards me.

 

I rented a flat on October 2009, and since then we lived together. I have always paid every expense. She has never worked in all these years. I encouraged here many times to work or study, so she could be more independent and to be better prepared in case for some reason I could no longer be with her. So her responsibility was just to do household chores. We both spent nearly all the time at home. I have always worked at home, and she also stayed at home.

 

She has always been happy with that kind of life, with just taking care of me, the house and our potential future children. Even until around mid December she was still saying she was sure she would always stay with me, because that's what she wanted.

 

During these years, we have been living in different countries. Recently we moved from a European Union country to another European country which isn't part of the European Union. Since late 2013 I had been looking for information about this and other countries and thought it was the most convenient place for us to stay long term. To be able to do that, to be able to get residence permits, I had to create a company, in which she had to be also a manager and own a part of the company.

 

So on late 2015 we came to this country and started doing the necessary paperwork to open the company. It ended up being way more complicated than I thought (more than a year later there are still some issues with a bank). Also, the company's activity itself ended up taking much more time than I expected.

 

On October there were some issues with the company that made me think about going back to our country. My girlfriend was going to art lessons here, and she was very happy about them. Teachers and other students told her she was very good at it. She was so happy about living here (also because she preferred this weather and other reasons) that she didn't want to go back.

 

Anyway, I finally found a solution to those issues, and on November I finally was able to work on the company (from home too). In theory she was going to help me with it, but in practice I had to do all the work, which was way more than I thought it would be. Meanwhile, she would spend many hours playing an online videogame.

 

I didn't like that not just because it was unproductive and I needed help with the company, but because in the same videogame she had found some guys in the past which she ended up spending too much time with. In 2012 I found out some pictures in her computer from a guy I didn't know in which he was naked (showing the upper body). And then I found 2 pictures of my ex in which she was showing her chest. Those pictures were probably from 2011. It was quite traumatic, but it ended up well. I told her not to speak ever again with him. She cried, but nothing else happened after that (as far as I know, and I think that's the case).

 

The only other remarkable thing that happened was in 2014, when I came back from a short business trip (like 4 days). I asked her if she had missed me and she said that no. And from that, I don't remember how, she said she wanted to try new things, be alone, etc. So she went to their parent's house (in theory, in practice she went with some friends, which I found out later from finding some pictures on her computer and she also confessed it). Just 2 days later we were together again and everything was perfect again. She told me that after that night she was sure I was the most appropriate person for her and that she'd like to stay with me forever. She even remembered me of that incident many times in the last years.

 

Back to November 2016. Not only she spent many hours playing that videogame, but she started talking by microphone more and more often. She'd spend lots of hours there, with at least 2 different guys. The situation was getting worse and worse, as she kept spending more time there, I was getting no help from her, and I had to insist more than before for her to do household chores (before, she'd sometimes spend a lot of time making very nice dishes, those days she'd do very simple stuff and like only once a day). She wasn't very interested in sex (but that wasn't new, so I wasn't especially worried about it). I even told her more than once that we'd end up badly, as I was getting increasingly angry because of the situation and she'd find those guys comparatively better than me.

 

I told her that while I spent all the time working, she was just trying to find a new boyfriend. She insisted that they were just friends and that she had told them she was very happy with me. I found her spending more time with them than in that game, like sharing songs or humor videos. I got even more angry. She said they were just friends. I told her than when we were knowing each other (I found her in an online forum) we would also “just talk, just share songs, just share videos”. That our relation also started like that.

 

But she would insist that she didn't want anything with them, that they were just friends, that she only wanted to stay with me, blablabla. I trusted her, so I kept working. Many nights, before going to sleep, she's spend like half an hour on the bathroom. And I saw she was online on Whatsapp. That was already quite strange. Why hiding?

 

Lately I told her that I was working too much, and that I'd focus just on doing the most profitable stuff. The company wasn't very profitable and was just an excuse to be able to legally reside here (my income comes mainly from other sources).

 

Sometimes she'd come to me and tell me that I just wanted her to hug her (I loved hugging her, I was very affectionate) and to have sex. So I'd tell her that if she helped me, I'd have more time to spend with her. And I also asked what did she want to do with me. She's extremely indecisive, and wanted me to thing about something to do. I'm also quite indecisive and had too much work to do, so I didn't spend much time thinking what do with her.

 

So basically, she was bored (while I was super busy), and needed attention. She found that attention in those guys. On late December we went back to our country to visit our families. On December 30 she came to my parents's house. Something already smelled fishy. During those days, she hadn't talked much to me, and I'd see her online on Whatsapp until quite late, even leaving some messages from me unreplied. So that day we slept together, but she didn't even want to kiss me. She said she was on her period and there was no point. It was strange, but OK.

 

So the next day I asked her if she wanted to go back to our new country. She said “no”, because she wanted to get an arts degree. And what's worse, she didn't want to live with me anymore. She wanted to be independent, try new things, to stop “following” me, etc.

 

Well, so she basically dumped me. At that moment I wasn't sure of what was going on. What she was telling to me was very surprising. Both of us cried a lot.

 

On January 2 we went back to our new country. Now our mission was either closing the company or she'd leave it and I'd own 100% of the company and become the only employee.

 

First, she told me she didn't feel the same for me that I felt for her. That we were too different, that she didn't believe I could permanently change, etc. Like every dumpee I cried a lot, promised to change, to do whatever was needed, etc. And like every dumpee, I failed doing so and regretted afterwards. I thought that what we needed was going out together, like having a date again. So I spent a lot of hours looking for places to visit on tourism websites. Then, I told her those options. She didn't like any of them and said she preferred to just play and talk with those guys.

 

Some days later she told me she'd look for something to do together. I was super happy about it. So we had a date! We just ate at the place she wanted, spent some time at an Starbucks and visited some stores. When we were waiting the bus to go back home, she told me she had enjoyed the day but that she didn't feel anything special, that for her it was like spending time with a friend.

 

Just a few days later I found her spending a lot of time talking with one of those 2 guys. She seemed very sad, like crying. After insisting a lot, she finally told me what happened. She told me that she had “just” found out that she liked the other guy, and was explaining it to this one.

 

She spent 2 days like that, talking to that second guy, while ignoring me. Unbelievable. I didn't deserve any explanation.

 

Around those days I started reading about “no contact”, but it wasn't viable as we were living together. I just tried to ignore her. We didn't talk to each other.

 

She told me she had to go to her parent's house to do some paperwork to be able to matriculate to what she wanted to study. To me it was somewhat suspicious, and some tips made me be quite sure that she was going to meet that guy. That was confirmed later, when her mother sent me a message two days after she had left, assuming she was with me.

 

When she came back, she also confirmed it, and told me something like he was very different, and that I should also try to meet other people.

 

Yesterday we spoke a lot. She told me that for her it was also very hard to leave me. That we both will learn from this experience. That during these years there were many things she didn't like about me, but that she thought they couldn't be changed (I told her I'd had changed if she had made it much more clear that it was so important for her). That it wasn't worth to try being together again. That she thinks she should confront the world alone, instead of with my financial support (her parents will pay her expenses, though…). That with me she would had only been a homemaker and she would regret later. That she wants to be alone and has enough with talking with those friends (yeah, talking, sharing pictures, meeting in person and who knows what else). That she wants to stay friends and know about me. So the same bull**** every dumpee says.

 

Tomorrow she moves back to her parent's house. I'll put no contact in practice from that moment. I don't want to know anything about her.

 

This situation is very hard for me not just because we have been 8 years together, and because she has left me alone in a foreign country with no family or friends, but because I have never been with any other girl. During those years, we have been like hermits, we haven't spent much time with other people (just with our families, and not very often). So even though for the moment I don't want to meet any other girl, I know it'd be quite hard for me. I need to improve in many ways to be able to attract anyone. In some sense I feel like I have wasted 9 years.

 

Also, I'm not used to live alone, so there are many things I need to learn (like cooking something else than super basic stuff, and getting used to be alone in general). I went from living with my parents to living with her.

 

I got sad relatively easy (that's one of the things she didn't like about me), and she was always there to make me happy. So I really feel her loss.

 

So basically I miss her in so many ways, but at the same time I'm so angry at her, at how easily she has broken such a long and apparently happy relationship (we never argued or anything, and were being affectionate with each other). At how instead of helping me, she was just looking for a substitute. At how instead of telling me all those horrible defects that needed to be fixed, she just looked for someone that was apparently a better option for her.

 

I made a list of things I didn't like about her. And the list is quite long. But I still miss her so much, being with her is way better than being alone, and I think that because of how I'm I'll be alone for a long time.

 

I have never joined a gym, but it seems like now is the appropriate moment. I also have to set for myself some life goals, that's the most urgent thing. I was just focused on working, assuming we'd stay always together. Now, without her nor future children in mind, everything has drastically changed. I have no idea of what to do with my life now. Even staying in this country doesn't make that much sense anymore. I'm financially independent, thanks to working and saving a lot, and being quite decent at investing. So I don't need to work, but I think I should join some activities that I like, at least to know some people. For the moment I'll stay in this new country (she's no longer part of the company). I think it's the best option for me, the option that will make me learn. The easy option would be just going back to my parents's home.

Edited January 26, 2017 by Link2

[SerPundnes]

I read your story here, and all I can think of regarding your ex is that she is finally growing up and want to do something with her life. She don't want to be tied down at the moment. Remember, she dosen't know any other (adult) life. She wants to explore, see what's out there.

 

A massive GIGS right here, but for good reasons, I'd say. I don't say you didn't treat her well, you obviously did, but there was something calling out to her outside the relationship.

 

And I can understand that she got bored. No job, no nearby friends, and half a boyfriend (if even that).

 

I'd say she paid you back with the same coin you gave her (you working too much, she playing too much).

 

You see, a BF/GF always wants attention from their partner, and when a partner can't show/give them that, they're 100% going to search for it elsewhere.

 

And you shouldn't be feeling you have wasted 9 years of your life! We all grow up different! Just because you're not with this girl anymore, dosen't mean there won't be someone new for you down the line!

 

Since you don't have a day to day-job I'd suggest you fill your days with something! You HAVE to get out, you HAVE to have something to fill your mind with!

 

Grief for as long as you have to, but keep looking forward and focus on you.

 

You're in a new country, perfect opportunity to work on yourself social-wise! Try going out alone, look around for clubs/hangouts and try to make new friends.

 

In my situation I have to see my ex GF 5 days a week at work! I can only DREAM of a situation you have! Starting from scratch! Figuring out the future aaaaall on your own! Sounds awesome, IMHO!

 

When a chapter in our lives closes, a new one opens! It's up to you how you deal with this!

 

Don't feel more sorry for yourself than others, you couldn't control this breakup, but you control your own life!

 

One day or day one. You decide.

[Link2]

And I can understand that she got bored. No job, no nearby friends, and half a boyfriend (if even that).

 

Thanks for your message. I find this a bit offensive, though. Maybe I wasn't clear enough in my initial post (I thought it was already too long).

 

Everything I did was to have the best possible future for both of us and future children. I also loved her a lot and was completely loyal all the time. I never did anything wrong to her. I wasn't perfect, like nobody is. If doing more things with me was so extremely important and she really loved me, she should had told me, instead of breaking like nothing something that has taken so much time to build. Honestly I think her decision is just emotional (especially if she's in love with that guy; she says she likes it but doesn't want to have any boyfriend) and she isn't completely aware of the magnitude of what she's doing. But that doesn't matter, she's doing it anyway.

 

I think it's likely she'll regret it in the future, but who knows when, and I don't care about that. Her life with me was extremely easy, and she could had studied that degree also if she wanted to. She could had even studied that degree without living with me, and without me supporting her financially. But she didn't want any of those options, she didn't want me in her life anymore. She didn't love me as before. It wasn't just about doing something in her life, that's secondary.

 

No contact and focusing on me, thinking about new life goals and finding new activities as you say. Unfortunately I live in a small town, so there isn't that much to do here.

Edited January 26, 2017 by Link2

[springy]

I'm sorry for your loss. I'll admit I started skimming after getting what I thought were key points, so forgive me if I've missed something.

 

You never should have let her sit around the house unemployed while you foot all the bills. She is young and healthy, I presume, and has no children. Why wasn't she working? You didn't need her home all day just to keep up the housework...did you? I'm of the frame of mind of idle hands are the devil's playground. She needed something productive to do.

 

Although she's spouting the I want to be independent line, don't be surprised if she starts missing the gravy train and comes sniffing around when things fall through with her other guy(s). I hope you don't just let her back in. Start cultivating a life outside of your home and business. Make some friends, get some hobbies. The two of you were both too wrapped up in each other, without much else going on in life. Sorry, but my advice is to maintain strict nc and get on with your life. Find someone who is not a lazy moocher.

 

Your significant other should never be your "all". You have to have other things going on in your life that fulfill you and make you happy. It is easy to get into that rut, lots of people do it, but I am certain you will learn this lesson and not repeat it in the future.

 

You can look at this breakup as an opportunity to create a new life for yourself, to get to know yourself, and to meet new people and explore new possibilities. Chin up, it's not such a horrible thing.

[SerPundnes]

Thanks for your message. I find this a bit offensive, though. Maybe I wasn't clear enough in my initial post (I thought it was already too long).

 

Everything I did was to have the best possible future for both of us and future children. I also loved her a lot and was completely loyal all the time. I never did anything wrong to her. I wasn't perfect, like nobody is. If doing more things with me was so extremely important and she really loved me, she should had told me, instead of breaking like nothing something that has taken so much time to build. Honestly I think her decision is just emotional (especially if she's in love with that guy; she says she likes it but doesn't want to have any boyfriend) and she isn't completely aware of the magnitude of what she's doing. But that doesn't matter, she's doing it anyway.

 

I think it's likely she'll regret it in the future, but who knows when, and I don't care about that. Her life with me was extremely easy, and she could had studied that degree also if she wanted to. She could had even studied that degree without living with me, and without me supporting her financially. But she didn't want any of those options, she didn't want me in her life anymore. She didn't love me as before. It wasn't just about doing something in her life, that's secondary.

 

No contact and focusing on me, thinking about new life goals and finding new activities as you say. Unfortunately I live in a small town, so there isn't that much to do here.

 

Did not mean to offend you in any way, really.

 

Why live in the future, when you can live right at this moment?

 

Oh my friend, I can tell you've been in the same relationship for the past 9 years. She would never tell you this straight out. There was probably alot of signs you missed out on.

 

She is in no state to jump into a new relationship right now. This new guy is probably what she thinks she wants. But come on, a gaming-pal shes been talking to online? I doubt that will last.

 

If she got the GIGS it will ALWAYS overrule the relationship, it's the greener grass after all.

And yes, who knows, maybe she realizes that the grass wasn't greener outside the relationship further down the road. But I wouldn't be too concerned about that. Again, 100% focus on you.

[Link2]

I'm sorry for your loss. I'll admit I started skimming after getting what I thought were key points, so forgive me if I've missed something.

 

You never should have let her sit around the house unemployed while you foot all the bills. She is young and healthy, I presume, and has no children. Why wasn't she working? You didn't need her home all day just to keep up the housework...did you? I'm of the frame of mind of idle hands are the devil's playground. She needed something productive to do.

 

Although she's spouting the I want to be independent line, don't be surprised if she starts missing the gravy train and comes sniffing around when things fall through with her other guy(s). I hope you don't just let her back in. Start cultivating a life outside of your home and business. Make some friends, get some hobbies. The two of you were both too wrapped up in each other, without much else going on in life. Sorry, but my advice is to maintain strict nc and get on with your life. Find someone who is not a lazy moocher.

 

Your significant other should never be your "all". You have to have other things going on in your life that fulfill you and make you happy. It is easy to get into that rut, lots of people do it, but I am certain you will learn this lesson and not repeat it in the future.

 

You can look at this breakup as an opportunity to create a new life for yourself, to get to know yourself, and to meet new people and explore new possibilities. Chin up, it's not such a horrible thing.

 

Yeah, I would had preferred that she had worked or at least studied. I encouraged her to do so. That way we'd earn more, she'd value more my effort, she'd be able to buy things for herself without having to ask me, she'd value more our time together, as she's be more hours out of home, etc. Many benefits.

 

She was going to art classes, and eventually that could had become her job. So in that sense I didn't complain.

 

You are right, we both were too dependent of each other. She was completely dependent on me financially (and I thought that emotionally), but that's not relevant if her parents just pay her expenses (they don't have much money though, so we'll see how it ends up...). And I was dependent on her because she was basically what made me happy (she was always happy, while I easily got sad), and also she did household stuff, but that's not that complicated nor takes that much time (she was very lazy, so for example she didn't clean that often, but she made delicious dishes).

 

I wouldn't let her get back that easily. She has made me suffer a lot (these days, while I tried to ignore her she just kept playing, talking and laughing like usual), and I couldn't just trust her like before, she could do the same again. Anyway, there's no point in thinking about that scenario. If it happens, I'll see what I do. But it could not happen or happen in years (I hope I'm already happy with someone else by then).

 

Why live in the future, when you can live right at this moment?

 

Oh my friend, I can tell you've been in the same relationship for the past 9 years. She would never tell you this straight out. There was probably alot of signs you missed out on.

 

That's one of my defects. I have always done what I thought I had to do to have the best possible future. So I try to be productive, to learn things that will be helpful for me in the future, etc. The only times I was really happy was when I was doing things with her. I feel so stupid now for not having spent more time with her. I wish she had been more clear. But thinking like that will just make me feel sad. I have to realize this has ended and just learn from my mistakes.

 

She is in no state to jump into a new relationship right now. This new guy is probably what she thinks she wants. But come on, a gaming-pal shes been talking to online? I doubt that will last.

 

I don't know how that will end up. I don't know much about him. From what I know, he's quite different from me (which makes sense, leaving me for someone similar to me would be quite rare). He seems to spend a lot of time playing videogames. I have no idea of what he does for a living nor anything like that. But getting involved in a 8 years relationship is already a quite bad sign (what kind of values could have someone who is capable of that kind of meddling?). Anyway, I can't do anything about it. Maybe they are happy together or maybe she comes back crying in a few months. Anyway I'll try to forget about her.

 

If she got the GIGS it will ALWAYS overrule the relationship, it's the greener grass after all.

 

What does getting the GIGS mean? Sorry, English isn't my mother language.

Edited January 26, 2017 by Link2

[SerPundnes]

What does getting the GIGS mean? Sorry, English isn't my mother language.

 

GIGS - Grass is Greener Syndrome

[springy]

Why are you so sad? Maybe that is something you should look into before getting into a new relationship. You don't want to be dependent on someone else to make you happy; then when things like this happen where does that leave you? Work out that sadness. It may have to do with her being what sounds like your only social contact in life, and spending so much time at home. Maybe get a job outside of the house. Even though you don't need the money the social contact might be good for you.

[Link2]

GIGS - Grass is Greener Syndrome

 

That's basically what happened, she said it explicitly. She said, the day before going to meet him (by then she hadn't told me she was going to meet him, but I already knew it), that she always thought there probably was someone out there better than her for me. And that now she also thought there could be someone better than me for her. He lives relatively far, so it could take a lot of time until they find each other's defects, which are more easily seen when living together.

Edited January 26, 2017 by Link2

[Link2]

Why are you so sad? Maybe that is something you should look into before getting into a new relationship. You don't want to be dependent on someone else to make you happy; then when things like this happen where does that leave you? Work out that sadness. It may have to do with her being what sounds like your only social contact in life, and spending so much time at home. Maybe get a job outside of the house. Even though you don't need the money the social contact might be good for you.

 

Yeah, I didn't spend much time with friends since meeting her (she was always at home too). Now I'm lost. I have to think about something to do outside, but there isn't much to do here. So far only joining a gym seems "obvious" to me. I have never gone to a gym though.

Edited January 26, 2017 by Link2

[SerPundnes]

Yeah, I didn't spend much time with friends since meeting her (she was always at home too). I have to think about something to do outside, but there isn't much to do here. So far only joining a gym seems "obvious" to me. I have never gone to a gym though.

 

After a while you'll realize that it wasn't healthy the way you two were going. Not socializing with anyone else. At the moment it might be hard to see because you're just too used to it!

 

Definitely hit the gym!! I can't stress that enough! Gym, gym, gym! It does wonders with your phsyical and mental health!

Look up newbies-tutorials on Youtube, hire an personal trainer or whatever!

Just start going there! Get yourself a program that works for you, set yourself a goal! Either if it's losing or gaining weight.

It will take your mind of your ex, and will really boost your self image a ton!

 

I hit the gym 4 days a week, and it's amazing what it does to the mind (and of course the body over time).

 

I'm almost 100% sure you'll feel better even after 2 weeks at the gym!

 

Surely there must be other stuff to do where you live?

May I ask what country you live in?

[lolablue17]

It is very painful to cut a relationship such as yours. Time will heal you.

 

You should only beware of one thing. She may want you back, even sooner than you guess. Please don't fall for that, because if you take her back, it will be out of so many wrong reasons.

 

You both can be together only after a long journey each one of you must make separately. She was right, you need to find out who you are without her. The fear of doing that is part of the process.

[Link2]

After a while you'll realize that it wasn't healthy the way you two were going. Not socializing with anyone else. At the moment it might be hard to see because you're just too used to it!

 

Definitely hit the gym!! I can't stress that enough! Gym, gym, gym! It does wonders with your phsyical and mental health!

Look up newbies-tutorials on Youtube, hire an personal trainer or whatever!

Just start going there! Get yourself a program that works for you, set yourself a goal! Either if it's losing or gaining weight.

It will take your mind of your ex, and will really boost your self image a ton!

 

I hit the gym 4 days a week, and it's amazing what it does to the mind (and of course the body over time).

 

I'm almost 100% sure you'll feel better even after 2 weeks at the gym!

 

Surely there must be other stuff to do where you live?

May I ask what country you live in?

 

Yeah, that was a mistake we both made, we should had tried to get out of home more often, make friends, etc. We both are very introvert and shy.

 

I have already found a beginner routine I hope it isn't too hard for me.

 

I live in a very small country, but I'll try to find out what to do. I'd like to improve my English, maybe they can help me with that in a nearby language school.

[Link2]

It is very painful to cut a relationship such as yours. Time will heal you.

 

You should only beware of one thing. She may want you back, even sooner than you guess. Please don't fall for that, because if you take her back, it will be out of so many wrong reasons.

 

You both can be together only after a long journey each one of you must make separately. She was right, you need to find out who you are without her. The fear of doing that is part of the process.

 

We'll see what happens. I'm assuming she won't ever want to come back. If she does, I'd have to think about it, it'll depend on the circumstances of that moment. But I really hope that by then I'm in a position I can just say no. As you say, to be together again we'd need to change a lot, and it would take years. Anyway, thinking about that is unproductive.

 

She has just said me good bye, as she will be leaving tomorrow morning and I may be still sleeping (that's if I can sleep tonight...). We just hugged but I have been quite indifferent. I know I'll eventually end up crying, but at least I didn't want that to happen in front of her.

[behappyallisOK]

im sorry for your loss. it gets easier. keep your head up

[ExpatInItaly]

I think she outgrew this relationship and checked out quite a while ago.

 

She was very young when she started dating you and she hasn't really done anything with her life. It's clear she wants to explore, in all areas - studies, career and relationships. She was too young and inexperienced to be setting up house with you; while you were ready, she wasn't. That is clear by her need to take breaks away from you and now this.

 

I think you will need to let her go. You had a good few years together but you both drifted apart. It's normal for couples who start dating young, even though it's not fun.

[Link2]

I think she outgrew this relationship and checked out quite a while ago.

 

She was very young when she started dating you and she hasn't really done anything with her life. It's clear she wants to explore, in all areas - studies, career and relationships. She was too young and inexperienced to be setting up house with you; while you were ready, she wasn't. That is clear by her need to take breaks away from you and now this.

 

I think you will need to let her go. You had a good few years together but you both drifted apart. It's normal for couples who start dating young, even though it's not fun.

 

I don't know. Until very recently, like mid December, she was still saying she wanted to be with me forever, and that she didn't want those guys to be anything more than friends (even up to 2 days ago she was still telling me she didn't want any boyfriend, that she had enough with friends). Maybe she was lying, but I didn't notice anything strange in her, she still showed love for me, we had sex, etc. It wasn't until December 30th that she no longer wanted to kiss me. She was probably thinking about leaving me for some weeks or maybe months, but she never manifested it until it was definitive. We never argued, fight nor she never threatened me with leaving. It was completely sudden, like finding out you have a horrible and incurable illness that will kill you in a few days.

 

Yeah, I have spoken with more people about our case and they say that relationships in which both start being young tend to end.

 

I also thought all these years about being with other girls, as there were some things about her that I didn't like. For example, she was too lazy and conformist (I was very competitive when we started, I played a particular game professionally and was quite successful). In the end, it seems like she wasn't that conformist, though...

 

But I thought trying it with someone else wasn't worth the risk. Ending a relationship in which I'm happy just in case I could be happier with someone else, didn't make much sense to me (it sounds to me like risking what you can't afford losing to maybe end up in a better position, "you only need to get rich once").

 

Also, I didn't speak with any other girls (why should I? I already had one, so I just focused on her and having the best possible future together, but I wasn't focusing in the things we really valued), so I didn't really have any clear option nor had any idea of what being with someone else could mean. My self esteem has always been quite low in that sense, I didn't think I could be able to find someone else that would like to stay with me.

 

However, she did speak with guys, so she could see other options. And it seems like she finally thought that she would be happier with someone else (at least apparently, who knows how is that person then in practice, when living together and all that).

Edited January 27, 2017 by Link2

[Marc878]

No contact and block everything. It's the best thing for you and your future.

 

You're to young to waste time on this.

 

Learn to live alone. It'll make you a much better person long term

[Link2]

I'm angry with her. She should had told me what was wrong, instead of just ignoring it and talking with those guys, until eventually liking one of them. I'd had given her more attention if it was so important for her. I could had given her more attention if she had helped me with the company as she said she would do. She just took the easy road.

 

While still living with me, and knowing that I was suffering, she spent all day talking with them, laughing and playing on the computer like nothing happened. I even caught her probably taking pictures of her chest (she "semiconfirmed" it). Less than 2 weeks after telling me she didn't feel the same for me anymore, she was already meeting that guy (she didn't tell me, I figured it out myself and then confirmed it thanks to her mother). And a few days after coming back she told me he was very different (like implying much better than me) and that I should also meet other people. How can you say that to someone that still loves you and has been dumped by you?

 

I feel so stupid for losing her so easily. We never argued, fought, etc. Everything seemed to be alright, and then... boom!

 

For the moment I'm not missing her as much as I thought I would. For some reason I haven't been interested in sex the last weeks, so I don't even miss that. Maybe I'm more independent that I thought. She didn't do that many things after all, I can do the same household chores and they don't take that much time (she cooked really well, though). And I was already doing everything else.

 

Also, by being alone I have in some way found tranquility. Now at home there's only what I want and everything is organized and clean, which is something I love (she was quite disorganized, didn't clean that often and liked to keep useless stuff, so the exact opposite).

Edited January 28, 2017 by Link2

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, this is why I say she checked out before she broke up with you.

 

If she wanted to stay with you, she would have talked to you about the problems between you. The fact that she chose to say nothing strongly suggests she wasn't all that interested in fixing things.

 

The anger you're feeling is normal. She could have handled this break-up much more maturely and with more consideration of your feelings. It will take time, but be very kind to yourself right now. Write here when you're sad and angry. Many of us have been in your position, at some point in our lives. Lots of sympathetic ears to be found in this forum.

[Link2]

This is like a roller coaster. Sometimes I remember her and feel so bad. Like when leaving or arriving home and not being able to hug her like I usually did. She has always been so adorable, which is something I loved since the first day (for some reason I'm attracted to "kawaii" girls as partners).

 

Sometimes I feel like she must be in some kind of vacation and she'll be back. It's still very hard to me to assimilate that's she's gone forever, and by her own choice. On December 24, when we came back to see our families, everything seemed fine. When we met again, just 6 days later, she didn't want to kiss me, and then the following days the rest of the story unveiled. How could things had changed so much in just a few days? I still wanted to hug and kiss her like before, but suddenly she didn't want me to approach her. She went from saying she didn't want to have sex often because she just didn't feel like it, but that I liked her, to saying that I didn't attract her. From accepting my defects to saying she was leaving me because "everything" about me was wrong. Those 2 vultures she met online really brainwashed her.

 

I feel so stupid and impotent for having lost her so easily and not being able to do anything to fix it. She wasn't perfect, but she was the first one, we were so used to each other, we had long term plans together. I don't want to be with anyone else now. If I find any other person, she'll have a past with other people, while with my ex her past so mainly me.

 

I'll keep 100% no contact, as I think that's what I have to do. And I'll assume she will never be back. It just feels so strange, as I didn't do anything bad to her.

 

I found this article about the Grass is Greener Syndrome, and it seems to be exactly what happened to her (except for the part when she wants to come back, we'll see if that happens and where I'm at that moment): http://www.relationshiptalk.net/all-you-need-to-know-about-gigs-grass-is-greener-syndrome-2076.html

Edited January 30, 2017 by Link2

[Link2]

So after blocking the dumper on social media, do you think it's better to keep posting stuff (obviously stuff unrelated with the past relationship or with new potential partners) or to just stop posting at all?

 

In the first case, we'd be acting like if nothing had happened, as if we aren't suffering that much. In the second case, we are giving less information, but the dumper may think we are suffering so much that we don't even want to say anything publicly.

 

In theory the ex shouldn't have access to this information, but maybe she can by mutual friends or something like that.

[springy]

So after blocking the dumper on social media, do you think it's better to keep posting stuff (obviously stuff unrelated with the past relationship or with new potential partners) or to just stop posting at all?

 

In the first case, we'd be acting like if nothing had happened, as if we aren't suffering that much. In the second case, we are giving less information, but the dumper may think we are suffering so much that we don't even want to say anything publicly.

 

In theory the ex shouldn't have access to this information, but maybe she can by mutual friends or something like that.

 

Why does it matter what you post after you have blocked her? She would not be able to see it anyway.

 

I think you should carry on as you normally would with your social media posts.

[ExpatInItaly]

If she is blocked, how can she see what you post?

 

In any case, it really doesn't matter. I'll explain: When someone has already lost interest and left the relationship, what the dumpee is doing isn't where their attention is focused.

 

A personal anecdote: I broke it off with a guy I'd been dating a while. We had been friends on FB long before we ever went out. I didn't think of deleting or blocking him, to be honest, because it wasn't a nasty split. I just didn't feel the right way about him anymore. Several months later, I bumped into his friend who told me my ex had taken the breakup pretty hard and hoped I didn't mind that he'd deleted me.

 

Truth? I hadn't even noticed he was no longer on my contact list. I was so wrapped up in my own stuff I didn't realize it had been a while since he'd posted or "liked" anything of mine. We humans are self-centered creatures. So, I wouldn't worry about you post or don't post. Your ex isn't in the same frame of mind you are and won't be looking at it the same way.

[Link2]

If she is blocked, how can she see what you post?

 

In any case, it really doesn't matter. I'll explain: When someone has already lost interest and left the relationship, what the dumpee is doing isn't where their attention is focused.

 

A personal anecdote: I broke it off with a guy I'd been dating a while. We had been friends on FB long before we ever went out. I didn't think of deleting or blocking him, to be honest, because it wasn't a nasty split. I just didn't feel the right way about him anymore. Several months later, I bumped into his friend who told me my ex had taken the breakup pretty hard and hoped I didn't mind that he'd deleted me.

 

Truth? I hadn't even noticed he was no longer on my contact list. I was so wrapped up in my own stuff I didn't realize it had been a while since he'd posted or "liked" anything of mine. We humans are self-centered creatures. So, I wouldn't worry about you post or don't post. Your ex isn't in the same frame of mind you are and won't be looking at it the same way.

 

Unfortunately that makes sense, she may not even had noticed I blocked her.