mikebel111 Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 Hi everyone. First time poster and need some helpful suggestions Situation Just a couple weeks ago, my new semester started. On the second day of the class, a girl sat beside me(in the first class, I knew she was on the other side between me and my friend as there was a group discussion, but I never really saw who it was. I just knew there was someone on the other side) and as soon as I saw her, I instantly got attracted. She introduced herself and we just briefly talked about how things were going, I even helped her pronounce my name! Than at end of class, I said bye to my friend(girl BTW), and they responded with bye as well Now the 3rd day of the class, I was standing outside waiting for the Prof to come. Than my crush came up to me and did the normal greeting everyone does. I asked if she was ready for the quiz, she jokingly said no! Than she asked where I was from. She asked if I ever visit back home and told her all my family is basically in Canada. Etc... Normal conversation basically. During the break, I asked about her courses and (you know how the conversation goes). Sorry about the intro, Its better to know the situation fully to understand. So I do really like her, as she might be one of the prettiest girls I have seen, but one problem and its pretty big, I am about 95% sure she has a boyfriend. I wont get in the way of that as I am not an idiot. However I still do want to spend time with her, and I guess you can technically call us kinda friends. based on her making the effort to start the conversations, that is a good start to that. Approach I was thinking of maybe creating a study group between me, her, and that lady friend I had mentioned. This way I am not coming across as needy and it doesnt make her anyway feel awkward. Do you guys think this is the right plan, or should I just go and tell her how I feel? Thank you!
morrowrd Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 The problem with doing anything with ulterior motives, usually is a set up for failure. I'm going to suggest you just go with the flow, continue being social with her as opportunity presents itself, but if you try to "make things happen" via force of will, it could create an awkwardness between you two.
Lilyana76 Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 I would just continue to chat with her and be friendly with her. Have you asked her if she has a boyfriend? Sometimes the only way to get answers is to ask the question. What kind of group were you thinking of asking her to participate in?
Author mikebel111 Posted January 26, 2017 Author Posted January 26, 2017 I would just continue to chat with her and be friendly with her. Have you asked her if she has a boyfriend? Sometimes the only way to get answers is to ask the question. What kind of group were you thinking of asking her to participate in? Thats another option. Me and her are in the same class, so I was thinking of maybe creating a study group or something. Not just her and me, my friend which I talked about as well so it doesnt sound awkward. Based on her facebook profile, I am pretty certain she has a boyfriend. However to be exactly certain, what is the best way to ask though without sounding desparate? What words should I use exactly?
Lilyana76 Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 Find a way to bring it up casually in conversation. Or maybe when you set up the study group and invite her, say something like, "if you know anyone else that would like to come, like your boyfriend or other friends, feel free to bring them."
Miss Spider Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 (edited) You're a virtual stranger, there is really no way of asking her if she has a bf without revealing you're trying to get at her if she has even mild social awareness.All of this orchestrating and the FB lurking probably won't help much . If you're gonna ask her out just do it and accept that she might not be interested or has a bf. If she's attracted to you and single you won't seem needy or awkward. Do it near the end of the semester if you have to. Edited January 26, 2017 by Cookiesandough
Author mikebel111 Posted January 26, 2017 Author Posted January 26, 2017 This is what I was thinking. Form the study group and create a whats app group as well with her and my friend. I will also continue making casual coversation with her whenever there is a chance, all though she has been making the effort to talk to me so I guess thats a good thing. Than near the end of the semester, I will tell her that I like her and how I feel, than I guess we will see what happens. I am not comfortable asking if she has a boyfriend, so I think I will skip that part. Last thing I need is to make our friendship look awkward.
thecrucible Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 If you start to get to know her, you'll probably find out naturally at some point if she has a boyfriend. I mean even asking her what she's doing at the weekend might reveal it to you as many people would see their significant others on the weekend.
smackie9 Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 You want to be an orbiter? What a waste of time. Seek out a girl that doesn't have a BF.
Author mikebel111 Posted January 27, 2017 Author Posted January 27, 2017 If you start to get to know her, you'll probably find out naturally at some point if she has a boyfriend. I mean even asking her what she's doing at the weekend might reveal it to you as many people would see their significant others on the weekend. That's true as well. I will just see how things go right now. I will just continue the normal conversations and create a potential study group, than as time goes on, I might find out like that You want to be an orbiter? What a waste of time. Seek out a girl that doesn't have a BF. I have no intention to be that. I won't just focus on her as I might find someone else. It's really a time thing. For now though, I will just continue being her friend and see what happens.
Jj66 Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 Jeezus. Grow a pair. If you're interested, just ask her out. That's the best way to find out if she has a boyfriend. Unless she's living with some dude or married to him, the fact that she might be seeing someone else is completely irrelevant. If the dude is not your friend, you don't owe him anything at all. Let her decide if she likes you better than this dude she may or may not be seeing. 1
Author mikebel111 Posted January 27, 2017 Author Posted January 27, 2017 Jeezus. Grow a pair. If you're interested, just ask her out. That's the best way to find out if she has a boyfriend. Unless she's living with some dude or married to him, the fact that she might be seeing someone else is completely irrelevant. If the dude is not your friend, you don't owe him anything at all. Let her decide if she likes you better than this dude she may or may not be seeing. Near the end of the semester, I might tell her how I feel. I would rather not come on too strong. I have known her for like 3 classes[i only have that class once a week]. BTW. She accepted my face book request. I know means absolutely nothing, but hey something, right:)
WaitingForBardot Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 Jeezus. Grow a pair. If you're interested, just ask her out. That's the best way to find out if she has a boyfriend. /snip.../ Near the end of the semester, I might tell her how I feel. I would rather not come on too strong. I have known her for like 3 classes[i only have that class once a week]. BTW. She accepted my face book request. I know means absolutely nothing, but hey something, right:) Did you not read the previous reply! Don't tell her you like her, show her: Ask her out! In person if that is not obvious... 1
Author mikebel111 Posted January 27, 2017 Author Posted January 27, 2017 Did you not read the previous reply! Don't tell her you like her, show her: Ask her out! In person if that is not obvious... I did read it. However I would rather tell I like her near the end of the semester. I might just ask her out during that time.
d0nnivain Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 Ask her to study with just you & her. Leave your other friend out of it. If your crush invites others go with the flow. If it's just you & her, when she gets there point blank ask if her BF minds if she's studying with another guy. You will immediately know if she's available. If she has a BF just study. You need to study anyway & at least you will get a good grade so this won't have been a waste. If she's single, gauge how the the study session goes. If it was flirty & positive before you take your leave of each other point blank ask her to accompany you to an activity: party, movie, dinner whatever. Have an actual plan, a date, a time etc. when you ask. 4
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 OP you already sound like you have the hots for this girl, I don't think you're going to be able to be her friend. Ultimately she will do something with her boyfriend that might evoke jealousy from you, and/or resentment. Or at the very least you will feel hurt. Are you SURE she has a boyfriend? I would just ask her out, and if she says no, there you go. You can always just be her friend in class, I would avoid trying to get too close to her though. Ask her to study with just you & her. Leave your other friend out of it. If your crush invites others go with the flow. If it's just you & her, when she gets there point blank ask if her BF minds if she's studying with another guy. You will immediately know if she's available. If she has a BF just study. You need to study anyway & at least you will get a good grade so this won't have been a waste. If she's single, gauge how the the study session goes. If it was flirty & positive before you take your leave of each other point blank ask her to accompany you to an activity: party, movie, dinner whatever. Have an actual plan, a date, a time etc. when you ask. I like this approach as well.
WaitingForBardot Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 Ask her to study with just you & her. Leave your other friend out of it. If your crush invites others go with the flow. If it's just you & her, when she gets there point blank ask if her BF minds if she's studying with another guy. You will immediately know if she's available. If she has a BF just study. /snip.../ This is the stuff of scripted sitcom narratives and not how things work in real life. Suppose she doesn't have a BF. He studies with her all semester and before he makes his confession some guy walks up to her and says "Hey, you're cute, let's go oit!' And there went his opportunity... Dude, ask her out already!
WaitingForBardot Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 ...and further... Every day that goes by without asking her out (not confessing, asking her out), especially if you are with her, you descend deeper and deeper into the friend zone.
d0nnivain Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 This is the stuff of scripted sitcom narratives and not how things work in real life. Suppose she doesn't have a BF. He studies with her all semester and before he makes his confession some guy walks up to her and says "Hey, you're cute, let's go oit!' And there went his opportunity... Dude, ask her out already! I said study with her once and at the end of that hour he should ask her out if he has confirmed that she does not have a BF. I recommended action not a First Class ticket to the Friend Zone. If he studies with her all semester he deserves to have another guy come along & sweep her out from him. Fortune favors the bold!
WaitingForBardot Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 I said study with her once and at the end of that hour he should ask her out if he has confirmed that she does not have a BF. I recommended action not a First Class ticket to the Friend Zone. If he studies with her all semester he deserves to have another guy come along & sweep her out from him. Fortune favors the bold! Yeah, I read that too and only disagree with the specific tactics. IMO asking things like does your boyfriend mind you studying with guys as a way to determine if she has a boyfriend is playing games; setting up a study group as a way to facilitate a relationship is playing games. If he actually likes her, he should just ask her out at the first opportunity. He'll show her he's interested romantically, find out if she has a boyfriend, and if his interest is reciprocated all with one simple question. Two (I mean three ..lol..) birds with one stone and all that.
Author mikebel111 Posted January 28, 2017 Author Posted January 28, 2017 Thanks guys for the suggestions. Upon thinking about it, I think I might follow your advice and create a study group with just her and not my friend. Then as I go along, I might bring the question up. Reasons for why I am almost certain she has a boyfriend? Well her Face Book profile picture has her taking a picture with another guy, so I think its a big hint but than again I could be wrong. What I might also do, if the study thing goes well the first day or something, than I could ask her to maybe meet up outside somewhere.
d0nnivain Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 Then as I go along, I might bring the question up. What I might also do, if the study thing goes well the first day or something, than I could ask her to maybe meet up outside somewhere. Not as you "go along". No "maybe meet up". You need to learn to be decisive. 1 study session & a request for a real date at the end the of that single study session. No pussy-footing around. No hedging your bets. No waiting. Re-read WaitingForBardot's post. If you hesitate you will lose her for sure because while you are sitting around hemming & hawing, being the guy who takes her notes, you will end up in the friend zone & some other guy will come along & sweep her off her feet because he was brave enough to ask for the date. The study session is you creating an opportunity for yourself. It's a means to an end. It is not the way you should spend your semester.
smackie9 Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 I will just continue being her friend and see what happens. If that isn't being an orbiter, then I don't know what one is.....
Author mikebel111 Posted January 28, 2017 Author Posted January 28, 2017 Not as you "go along". No "maybe meet up". You need to learn to be decisive. 1 study session & a request for a real date at the end the of that single study session. No pussy-footing around. No hedging your bets. No waiting. Re-read WaitingForBardot's post. If you hesitate you will lose her for sure because while you are sitting around hemming & hawing, being the guy who takes her notes, you will end up in the friend zone & some other guy will come along & sweep her off her feet because he was brave enough to ask for the date. The study session is you creating an opportunity for yourself. It's a means to an end. It is not the way you should spend your semester. Your probably right. I guess I am just a little shy. At the end of the study session, I need to be brave and I will ask her to meet up. I was thinking a coffee or something. 1
Jj66 Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 Near the end of the semester, I might tell her how I feel. I would rather not come on too strong. I have known her for like 3 classes[i only have that class once a week]. BTW. She accepted my face book request. I know means absolutely nothing, but hey something, right:) How is asking for a date coming on too strong? I don't like the FB friend request at all. That sends the message you want to be friends. You have just increased your likelihood of the friend zone by an order of magnitude.
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