J dub Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 I really need some insight ya'll because I am in a dilemma. I first talked about this new guy I am seeing http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t67197/ there, but heres the problem. He wanted to hang out monday but I already had plans for that day and the next so we agreed on weds. We briefly discuss what we'll do on weds, but it comes down to him saying he'll plan it, I just gotta keep my time open. Fine. We never decided on who would go where or when, just that he would plan it. Tuesday, I only talk to him for a few mins because I'm busy and we dont get a chance to talk the rest of the day. Today, (Weds)...I see him @ lunch but I get nervous and kinda give him the cold shoulder. I smiled and all but didnt really flirt back with him. Just made a sassy remark and turned away. He sat by himself just as me and my coworker were getting up to leave, and as I walked past him, he & I locked eyes and remained in eye contact for quite a few seconds. It never dawned on me that I should go TALK TO HIM, because I was very nervous Stupid I know. I dont hear from him all afternoon, and by 530 (when he knows I get off work) I call him and ask where hes at. He says, he knows its weds and all but hes going to the doctor because he has a problem with his ear that he needs to get checked out immediately. I asked if he planned on telling me this, he said yes - once he got out. Ok....that upset me because I felt like he was blowing me off. So I was all, "I gotta go" and stuff, he protested a bit and asked me to call him later and I said "probably not". He was like, why? I didnt really say anything, just said "no..." and he goes, alright you made your decision not me. I said, you could have told me what was going on! He calls me back 5 mins later and leaves a message (I didnt want to talk to him I was too hurt). Hes like, look .. I dont know if youre mad at me - I hope you arent - but I dont know if you are upset because I had to go to the doctor - because if thats it then...well, I dont understand but fine. If thats how you wanna be. Or maybe its because I didnt tell you earlier? If thats it, my bad. I will let you know sooner in the future. I apologize, give me a call" I deliberated for an hour what to do, and finally called him back and left him a message that was just basically nice and breezy - I said, maybe its my fault you didnt tell me since I didnt talk to you at work. I had a very very crazy day and didnt want to take it out on you. Im not mad, I just thought you'd let me know that plans changed. I'm sorry things didnt work out today, but give me a call and we'll chat" No call back. Ack...now what! My friend suggested I seek him out tomorrow morning and ask him if he is alright, since I didnt hear from him. I really like this fella and I feel like an a$$ because I got nervous and acted all stupid. What do I do???
Cecelius Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 First he wasn't calm enough. Now you aren't calm enough You both need to calm the heck down and stop seriously dissecting every look, message, etc. Honestly, what I think happened is: 1) In his effort to look all don juan, alpha and masterful, he wanted to plan the date and be a man of action. But he's a recovering chump so he feels like he's out on a limb about it. 2) You brush him off, give him the cold shoulder, whatever, and so he goes "I guess she's not into me that much and don't I feel silly for trying to put together a wednesday date. She's having a bad day clearly and I will feel foolish for putting this together when she's not into it." He makes up/exaggerates a Dr.s story so that he can have an out in case he doesn't want to go/thinks you don't want to go. 3) You brush him off because of this brush off to you. 4) You post here, saying you like him. You assume he likes you. Answer: calm down and get him to calm down too.
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