Mike19 Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 Now that I'm a year and a half removed from my breakup, I feel like I have a more clear perspective on things ..we broke up in september of 2015. I got some GREAT advice on this forum,but like a lot of people, I didn't take it.... I had to learn it the hard way... I accepted her "friendship" I did what most do, so much texting,begging,etc... We would maybe talk a few times a week, sometimes it would be once every few weeks, from basically December 2015(the first few months after the breakup was up and down) until I would say May 2016... Then she didn't talk to me at all from June to August... and now we haven't talked since September I'm back to myself now,but I basically prolonged the process way longer than it needed to, it started because I wanted "closure" and then I just wanted to be in contact with her What I'm saying is, listen to the people here when they say GO NO CONTACT RIGHT AWAY. I would say I fully got over the breakup, around this Christmas.. I extended it by being a moron and not listening What I realized is, we don't need closure from them, besides, most of the time they aren't going to tell you the truth, I remember my ex saying that she wanted to be single for awhile and we brokeup because she needed time to herself The funny thing is, she got into a relationship like 2 months later lol, so it made me realize, if they do give you closure, most of the time it's bull**** For anyone reading this, sorry it took me so long to get to the advice, I wanted to give a background story, so people knew I know how they feel it might be hard, but cut contact the second they breakup with you,don't be friends ESPECIALLY right after a breakup, maybe you guys will be friends months/years down the road, but don't think about it right away... Most of the time they'll cut off friendship once they get a new boyfriend/girlfriend. Also, DON'T think about getting back together or how to get them back what you should be focusing on is healing yourself and getting YOURSELF back. I know how you guys feel just getting out of a relationship... you already lost the relationship, so you don't want to lose the friendship as well, but it's not worth it... it will just prolong things 2
marinero Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 Some people, like myself, have to learn the hard way a few times. My ex wife did the same thing to me. We were friends for a year after our divorce. I wasn't trying to get her back. I knew she was kinda weaning herself off of me. But I think it helped her. And it helped me too because I knew I was done. So having it feel amicable was great. There were times she asked to get back together, but I didn't want to. As soon as she got a boyfriend she cut me out of her life lol. I wasn't hurt at all. I was happy for her. But if I had been wanting to reconcile I'd have been crushed. Then months later, she began contacting me again, just wondering how I was doing. After a year of this, I recently changed my number and ghosted her. I was just tired of it and had moved on. Plus she has our dog, and I can't see my dog because her boyfriend would be jealous. But whatever. I respect it. I want her to have a good relationship.
behappyallisOK Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 a year and a half . good on you . im at a year and it still hurts. stay strong
behappyallisOK Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 we can relate. just remember to focus on yourself , hit the gym, do things you wouldnt normally do and try to be a better person in the world. good things will come
Cocoaflavareena Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 Now that I'm a year and a half removed from my breakup, I feel like I have a more clear perspective on things ..we broke up in september of 2015. I got some GREAT advice on this forum,but like a lot of people, I didn't take it.... I had to learn it the hard way... I accepted her "friendship" I did what most do, so much texting,begging,etc... We would maybe talk a few times a week, sometimes it would be once every few weeks, from basically December 2015(the first few months after the breakup was up and down) until I would say May 2016... Then she didn't talk to me at all from June to August... and now we haven't talked since September I'm back to myself now,but I basically prolonged the process way longer than it needed to, it started because I wanted "closure" and then I just wanted to be in contact with her What I'm saying is, listen to the people here when they say GO NO CONTACT RIGHT AWAY. I would say I fully got over the breakup, around this Christmas.. I extended it by being a moron and not listening What I realized is, we don't need closure from them, besides, most of the time they aren't going to tell you the truth, I remember my ex saying that she wanted to be single for awhile and we brokeup because she needed time to herself The funny thing is, she got into a relationship like 2 months later lol, so it made me realize, if they do give you closure, most of the time it's bull**** For anyone reading this, sorry it took me so long to get to the advice, I wanted to give a background story, so people knew I know how they feel it might be hard, but cut contact the second they breakup with you,don't be friends ESPECIALLY right after a breakup, maybe you guys will be friends months/years down the road, but don't think about it right away... Most of the time they'll cut off friendship once they get a new boyfriend/girlfriend. Also, DON'T think about getting back together or how to get them back what you should be focusing on is healing yourself and getting YOURSELF back. I know how you guys feel just getting out of a relationship... you already lost the relationship, so you don't want to lose the friendship as well, but it's not worth it... it will just prolong things Well the GREAT thing is you did it ! I bet you were telling yourself how could you go through this , now look at you! Very strong ! Thank u for the helpful tips . I recently broke up with a guy of 4 years emotional abuse and mistreatment. I think the no contact rule is perfect , but I think some people fear is the ex moving on but honestly, if you tried to be everything to that person and make them happy and if they couldn't appreciate it , kudos to them!
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