Ryan52 Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 I've had exes comeback after months, a year and years but there are some that you never hear from again. Long story short: I met this girl off of tinder and we ended up dating for about 3 months. She ended things saying we jumped into it so fast. It ended on a good note with a hug. A week after she asked if I was going to church for a holiday. She was going to be there and possibly wanted to say hi. Well I went out with my friends instead and had a good time she saw my snapchats of that night and then blocked me. I did not text her after that. I didn't chase. I just dropped off and continued life. This is what I do with all my exes. Some get mad at me because I get over them so easily. When it's never the case. It just seems that way to them. A year later she moved across the country and dated a guy for a year. Now 3 years after the break up she came back into town for a holiday. We haven't spoken in 3 years. Well we matched on tinder again. So I messaged hi and asked how she's been. I'm not expecting anything because she lives across the country. I wanted to be friendly since it's been 3 years and it ended on a nice note. But she deleted me right after I sent the message. So in general, after things ended on a good note, why can't exes be friendly after years?
Raena Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 3 years later after a 3 month relationship and she matched with you again on Tinder? I'm going to guess she decided it wasn't worth it to interact with you. It might have been different had she ran into you at a social gathering or something. But to match on Tinder again... no. Especially not after that's where you met and she decided to end it a few months later. It's not like you remained friendly afterwards, so why try to rekindle that now after all this time?
Author Ryan52 Posted January 26, 2017 Author Posted January 26, 2017 3 years later after a 3 month relationship and she matched with you again on Tinder? I'm going to guess she decided it wasn't worth it to interact with you. It might have been different had she ran into you at a social gathering or something. But to match on Tinder again... no. Especially not after that's where you met and she decided to end it a few months later. It's not like you remained friendly afterwards, so why try to rekindle that now after all this time? I'm not try to rekindle anything. Just wanted to be friendly. What's the harm in just saying hi to someone?
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 I'm not try to rekindle anything. Just wanted to be friendly. What's the harm in just saying hi to someone? Ryan52. Some people simply have no interest in rekindling any kind of relationship with someone they dated or even married from the past. Especially if the break-up was bad or routine. If you two ended things as real friends, that's different. Also, why get in contact with someone you are trying to forget, or move on from?
Author Ryan52 Posted January 26, 2017 Author Posted January 26, 2017 Ryan52. Some people simply have no interest in rekindling any kind of relationship with someone they dated or even married from the past. Especially if the break-up was bad or routine. If you two ended things as real friends, that's different. Also, why get in contact with someone you are trying to forget, or move on from? I am over her. I've dated 5 girls since her and she didn't even cross my mind until we matched. I'm just wondering why in general people can't be friendly.
dumbass2 Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 "A year later she moved across the country and dated a guy for a year. Now 3 years after the break up she came back into town for a holiday. We haven't spoken in 3 years." So how do you know all this if you have not been in contact and you moved on with your life 3 yeas ago? Also, never contact an ex, no matter how it ended, on a dating site. She's not looking for a friend on there and you and her gave it s hot and it didn't work. Maybe she felt it didn't end as nice as you say or it just wasn't a big deal to her and no sense in even opening that up.
Redhead14 Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 (edited) I've had exes comeback after months, a year and years but there are some that you never hear from again. Long story short: I met this girl off of tinder and we ended up dating for about 3 months. She ended things saying we jumped into it so fast. It ended on a good note with a hug. A week after she asked if I was going to church for a holiday. She was going to be there and possibly wanted to say hi. Well I went out with my friends instead and had a good time she saw my snapchats of that night and then blocked me. I did not text her after that. I didn't chase. I just dropped off and continued life. This is what I do with all my exes. Some get mad at me because I get over them so easily. When it's never the case. It just seems that way to them. A year later she moved across the country and dated a guy for a year. Now 3 years after the break up she came back into town for a holiday. We haven't spoken in 3 years. Well we matched on tinder again. So I messaged hi and asked how she's been. I'm not expecting anything because she lives across the country. I wanted to be friendly since it's been 3 years and it ended on a nice note. But she deleted me right after I sent the message. So in general, after things ended on a good note, why can't exes be friendly after years? First of all, I don't really consider someone I went out with for 3 months to be an "EX". He's just a guy I dated for 3 months. If I saw him again on Tinder after 3 years, I'd just treat it like any other guy on Tinder that I wasn't interested in. After 3 years, he's a stranger again. I don't think it's a matter of civility. It's just a matter of having moved on and not wanting to "go there" again for any reason. It wasn't lack of civility, it was lack of interest. She didn't message you and tell you to get lost or go F yourself. She may not have even recognized you. I've seen guys after years who I didn't even remember dating right away . . . I had an "ah, ha moment later", but at the time, he didn't look familiar to me. Edited January 26, 2017 by Redhead14 1
Newcitygirl Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 My ex was never great with confrontation. He broke up with me then never gave me closure. He moved states and college to be with me. I was home for Thanksgiving. I met a friend for lunch while I was home. I saw my ex and his new wife. I did not approach them. He saw me and the whole table got up. He looked at me as I was the worst person in the world. I heard through the grapevine he was married recently. But couldn't at least tell me he was. I don't care he is married. But would have been nice to know at least(instead of walking into seeing a pregnant wife) I'm truly happy for him. I was appalled by his reactions. That after 3 years he can't be civil. I know i dodged a bullet with this one. The last few years I've gotten back into church and worked on issues with therapy that I had from him. I'm in a great spot in my life. Sometimes people are just never good with confrontation. 1
Redhead14 Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 I've had exes comeback after months, a year and years but there are some that you never hear from again. Long story short: I met this girl off of tinder and we ended up dating for about 3 months. She ended things saying we jumped into it so fast. It ended on a good note with a hug. A week after she asked if I was going to church for a holiday. She was going to be there and possibly wanted to say hi. Well I went out with my friends instead and had a good time she saw my snapchats of that night and then blocked me. I did not text her after that. I didn't chase. I just dropped off and continued life. This is what I do with all my exes. Some get mad at me because I get over them so easily. When it's never the case. It just seems that way to them. A year later she moved across the country and dated a guy for a year. Now 3 years after the break up she came back into town for a holiday. We haven't spoken in 3 years. Well we matched on tinder again. So I messaged hi and asked how she's been. I'm not expecting anything because she lives across the country. I wanted to be friendly since it's been 3 years and it ended on a nice note. But she deleted me right after I sent the message. So in general, after things ended on a good note, why can't exes be friendly after years? Generally, people are friendly. Specifically, this girl didn't want to acknowledge you for whatever reason there might be. If she's not being civil after 3 years and harboring some kind of animosity toward you after only dating you for 3 months, she's got issues anyway or you aren't telling the whole story and you really "hosed" her over . . .
basil67 Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 We frequently get posters asking "why is my ex reaching out?". The replies so often seem to talk about the ex throwing 'breadcrumbs'. Or they are reaching out to see if they still have you on the hook. It's all about their ulterior motives and cynicism. Sadly, nobody seems to think that an ex is reaching out for the sole purpose of being friendly. That they want a quick catch up to see how things are going. If your ex has read all the advice which I so often read, she probably thinks that you are trying to play games and is ignoring you for that reason. 4
Redhead14 Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 We frequently get posters asking "why is my ex reaching out?". The replies so often seem to talk about the ex throwing 'breadcrumbs'. Or they are reaching out to see if they still have you on the hook. It's all about their ulterior motives and cynicism. Sadly, nobody seems to think that an ex is reaching out for the sole purpose of being friendly. That they want a quick catch up to see how things are going. If your ex has read all the advice which I so often read, she probably thinks that you are trying to play games and is ignoring you for that reason. She was going to be there and possibly wanted to say hi. Well I went out with my friends instead -- This comes off as smug to me. She was trying to be civil after they parted ways and possibly offering an olive branch or attempt to reconcile and he blew her off and made a social media spectacle of it and she saw it. Instead of talking to her and saying that it was best if they just went their separate ways and politely turning down her "invite". Basically, to me, it seems she did what he did to her . . . 1
thefooloftheyear Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 You are contradicting yourself... On one hand you say you get over exes easily and that you move on...Great....Then you hit them up and they don't respond, so you get miffed?? Makes no sense... Bottom line is "don't complain if the rattlesnake bites you.....you went and picked it up off the street...It was just minding its own business..." TFY 2
elaine567 Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 She dumped you as things were moving too fast for her, she then reached out her hand to you and you bit it off, as no doubt you were peeved and hurt at the time and wanted her to hurt like you were hurting... Now YOU want to be friends... It doesn't really work that way. Women tend not to forget things like that.
BetrayedH Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 My gut says she had more of an emotional investment in that meeting at the church than you might expect. Perhaps she'd changed her mind about breaking up. But then you blew her off. Since she then blocked you, I'd guess she was miffed. Did you adequately apologize for that? Three years ago or not, that's how SHE remembers it ending, and it wasn't on good terms. That, and she swiped the wrong direction on accident. Or she realized who you were a second too late.
umirano Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 I don't feel that people in general are uncivil with their exes. It's important to see that No Contact can be an extremely civil way of interaction. Now, when you talk about people in contact with their exes specifically, again I cannot confirm that most people are so in an uncivil fashion. One friend sees his ex probably about once a month in a group setting and makes an effort to do so, sometimes with his current GF. I maintain NC with almost all of my exes, sometimes for many years. We've simply gone in completely different directions, socially, geographically. Sometimes it's deliberate to overcome that particular relationship. I don't despise them, nor do I think they despise me. There are no strong emotions involved. With one ex I am currently in semi regular contact, very low intensity. Very civil. She was never able to fully keep NC and when I was over her we just messaged back and forth every other month or so.
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