little princess Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 What is the reason men goes silent after an argument or after you refuse to give in for his demand? And even after you maybe have been pushing him about some issue or during a conflict when you demand solution, but he just goes silent and says he needs time to think. The silence or stonewalling or ignoring behaviour can last from days to weeks depending on situation and cause before he finally start talking and behaving normally again. And what is the best a girl can do when he is giving silent treatment? And how to snap him out of it?
basil67 Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 I had a guy do the silent treatment to me once. I waited and worried until he came back to normal. Then he did it again and I gathered up my dignity and threw him out of my house. It hurt me to do so, but I knew that I could not tolerate a man who comes and goes at will. In short, you can't change him. All you can do is figure out if this behaviour is acceptable to you or not. But be assured there are many men who won't do this to you. 2
Redhead14 Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 What is the reason men goes silent after an argument or after you refuse to give in for his demand? And even after you maybe have been pushing him about some issue or during a conflict when you demand solution, but he just goes silent and says he needs time to think. The silence or stonewalling or ignoring behaviour can last from days to weeks depending on situation and cause before he finally start talking and behaving normally again. And what is the best a girl can do when he is giving silent treatment? And how to snap him out of it? When someone tells me or shows me that they need space, I become NASA. They can contact Houston when they figure out/resolve what their problem is. And, if they take too long, more than a week, tops, they may find that they do not have a place to land their aircraft. It's best to let him be for a bit. You can reach out in a light way, but don't pull on him. When he does come out, you can and should let him know how that behavior affects you in a non-confrontational way. "You know, Xname, I understand you were dealing with something difficult and may need some me time to think, but it's not acceptable to me to be pushed away for so long". When you express a need or a concern, you do it and then sit back to observe whether or not they attempt to accommodate you. If after you've been clear about it they do not respond, you don't keep harping on it. You've established a boundary and you should enforce it -- not go through it over and over again. If he does this again for an extended period of time, you end the relationship. It is not healthy for a relationship at all. Partners share with each other, not cut them out of problems. 3
preraph Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 Because his parents failed to teach him to communicate and compromise and that he couldn't always get his way. In other words, he's still five upstairs. 6
Ronni_W Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 Because his parents failed to teach him to communicate and compromise and that he couldn't always get his way. In other words, he's still five upstairs. As adults, we can't put our behaviour on our parents, though. At some point, we have to take 100% responsibility for all the life and relationship skills that we chose to develop or chose to ignore developing within ourselves. Otherwise, we're all in the position of just keep having to make excuses for other people -- because, at this point, all of us can claim 'parent failure' to a higher or lesser degree.
Gaeta Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 And what is the best a girl can do when he is giving silent treatment? And how to snap him out of it? A girl has to find herself a real man. One that doesn't play head games, doesn't use control and manipulation, one that doesn't emotional and mentally abuse his girlfriend. The silent treatment is emotional abuse. 4
elaine567 Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 Because his parents failed to teach him to communicate and compromise and that he couldn't always get his way. In other words, he's still five upstairs. Exactly. The emotional maturity of a typical narcissistic person is akin to a 5-year-old child who pouts and refuses to play with a friend in the sandbox because the friend wants to share the pail and shovel. The 5-year-old refuses to talk with the friend and angrily storms off to play on the jungle gym with someone else. The bewildered child with the pail and shovel may feel confused, rejected, and may not understand why they can’t share. He or she just wanted to build a sand castle together. ...The 5-year-old storms off and plays with a new, innocent target on the swing set. It is too much work to share the pail and shovel.Silent Treatment: Preferred Weapon of People with Narcissism 2
preraph Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 As adults, we can't put our behaviour on our parents, though. At some point, we have to take 100% responsibility for all the life and relationship skills that we chose to develop or chose to ignore developing within ourselves. Otherwise, we're all in the position of just keep having to make excuses for other people -- because, at this point, all of us can claim 'parent failure' to a higher or lesser degree. Hey, it's really hard to dislodge the role modeling our parents provided. Because that stuff is hardwired when we're young. This is why you see cycles repeating. It's really hard to change stuff you learned young. 1
Arieswoman Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 Gaeta post #6 nails it here; A girl has to find herself a real man. One that doesn't play head games, doesn't use control and manipulation, one that doesn't emotional and mentally abuse his girlfriend. The silent treatment is emotional abuse. 1
Ronni_W Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 Hey, it's really hard to dislodge the role modeling our parents provided. Because that stuff is hardwired when we're young. This is why you see cycles repeating. It's really hard to change stuff you learned young. I 100% agree with you that it's incredibly difficult to undo, overcome and transcend our 'human' patterns and programming. However, I don't see how else we are going to get free of it, unless we're willing to put in the hard work. For me, I don't want to just blame my parents and other childhood caregivers and role-models for my bad/dysfunctional behaviour in adulthood. 1
stillafool Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 And what is the best a girl can do when he is giving silent treatment? And how to snap him out of it? You can't snap him out of it. Give him all the silence he desires while you date other guys. That's the best solution.
stillafool Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 For me, I don't want to just blame my parents and other childhood caregivers and role-models for my bad/dysfunctional behaviour in adulthood. Thank you. I hate when people blame problems on their childhood and parents. We all can change. If my mother is a serial killer doesn't mean I have to be one.
Miss Peach Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 My XH did that and that's a large reason I divorce him. My last xbf did that too and I let it slide the first couple of times and told him it bothered me. When he did it again I left him. 1
hercules22 Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 i always give the silent treatment with this one girl where we dated only because i cant deal with the whole lets just be friends for now sort of thing . i rarely start convos with her anymore why chase someone who doesn't want to be chased im surprised we still talk thought it would completely died out maybe she doesnt want to lose me completely i dont know i think of her still all the time so frustating and i do still get back to her and i dont ignore her calls
aileD Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 Stonewalling is a form of emotional abuse. They are punishing you and attempting to control you. 2
preraph Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 I 100% agree with you that it's incredibly difficult to undo, overcome and transcend our 'human' patterns and programming. However, I don't see how else we are going to get free of it, unless we're willing to put in the hard work. For me, I don't want to just blame my parents and other childhood caregivers and role-models for my bad/dysfunctional behaviour in adulthood. Great, but the guy in question on the original poster's question had no desire to change, so that's what my answer was about.
stillafool Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 i always give the silent treatment with this one girl where we dated only because i cant deal with the whole lets just be friends for now sort of thing . i rarely start convos with her anymore why chase someone who doesn't want to be chased im surprised we still talk thought it would completely died out maybe she doesnt want to lose me completely i dont know i think of her still all the time so frustating and i do still get back to her and i dont ignore her calls As long as you do this expect her to continue her silent treatment. I've found the best way to show people you won't accept their behavior is to not accept it and ignore, ignore, ignore.
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