CarbonCopy Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 So for background, I signed up to an online dating site a couple of weeks ago. Wasn't really expecting anything, just signed up to see what would happen. I ended up exchanging messages with a guy and we moved to talking on the phone last Tuesday. We set up our first date for last Friday and it went really well. We had dinner at a nice restaurant and I actually liked him! Gave him a peck on the lips at the end of the night and we planned our next date. He has called me everyday (not long convos, maybe 20 minutes, and hardly any texts since he doesn't like it) and I really enjoy our conversations. Last night was our second date. We went bowling and then went for coffee afterwards. There was definitely some kissing in the car afterwards, which was nice. We parted ways then he texted to let me know he got home safely and we said goodnight. I guess my question is -- what am I doing? I am a 31F and honestly, I don't have much dating experience. I haven't had a boyfriend in forever and I was never one to really go out and randomly date either. Is he going to be expecting sex soon? Do I just keep going out with him and see what happens? I guess I'm paranoid he's just using me for sex, even though he hasn't pressured me for anything. Am I overthinking things? Thank you!!!
Larryville Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 Is he going to be expecting sex soon? If you are attractive… (heck even if you are not) yes. Most dudes get excited at the “hope” of sex. Do I just keep going out with him and see what happens? Do you like him are you attracted to him… sure why not. I guess I'm paranoid he's just using me for sex, Unfortunately a good majority of dudes do this. If that is worrying you then you need to be good at reading a man’s behavior and sincerity. Ask questions understand what you are getting into. even though he hasn't pressured me for anything. Am I overthinking things? Yes, overthinking but nothing wrong with that. 1
Frozensushi Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 If you are attracted to him, by the third or fourth date you should at least get to third base. Does he know you haven't been with anyone for a fair amount of time? If it were me and you told me that, I would be less inclined to encourage you to have sex as I would appreciate that it might be a bit overwhelming for you. But, if you aren't ready for sex, I recommend not to be dating as that is the goal.
Author CarbonCopy Posted January 25, 2017 Author Posted January 25, 2017 If you are attracted to him, by the third or fourth date you should at least get to third base. Does he know you haven't been with anyone for a fair amount of time? If it were me and you told me that, I would be less inclined to encourage you to have sex as I would appreciate that it might be a bit overwhelming for you. But, if you aren't ready for sex, I recommend not to be dating as that is the goal. I have no problem getting to third base, or even sleeping with him. I am very attracted to him. I just don't want to be used for sex, if that's his intention. Like I said, I haven't dated in so long that I have no idea what I'm doing.
Frozensushi Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 I have no problem getting to third base, or even sleeping with him. I am very attracted to him. I just don't want to be used for sex, if that's his intention. Like I said, I haven't dated in so long that I have no idea what I'm doing. Well, that's all subjective. Dating is like playing slots. I feel you should be able to pick up on certain aspects of his personality by conversation and the way he treats you. Is he respectful of your boundaries? Are you getting the feeling he is impatient? You only had two dates. It's a bit premature to be jumping the gun on his motivations unless he's been pressuring you or trying to initiate sex when you have been alone with him.
Author CarbonCopy Posted January 25, 2017 Author Posted January 25, 2017 Well, that's all subjective. Dating is like playing slots. I feel you should be able to pick up on certain aspects of his personality by conversation and the way he treats you. Is he respectful of your boundaries? Are you getting the feeling he is impatient? You only had two dates. It's a bit premature to be jumping the gun on his motivations unless he's been pressuring you or trying to initiate sex when you have been alone with him. He was making jokes about going to his apartment but he hasn't pushed me into anything, no. There wasn't talk of having sex or doing anything sexual. We kissed in the car (and it was nice kissing, he wasn't trying to shove his tongue down my throat), he didn't try to touch me inappropriately, etc. We both made it clear to each other that we are attracted.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 Most guys won't go through the hassle of dating you if all they want is sex, unless it happens on the first date. He's calling you everyday, and it sounds like you have good rapport -- I don't think all he wants is sex, unless he's extremely desperate. A lot of Women will have sex on the second or third date, and the guy will vanish, and they accuse him of only wanting sex. However most relationships don't start to even get "serious" until 5/6 or more dates. If you don't want to be let down, it's always best to wait.
Jj66 Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 Sounds pretty normal to me. Of course he wants sex. Does he want more than sex is the $69 question that every woman asks herself. As a man I have no experience in how to tell if a guy is only after sex. Unless it was a pick up at a bar, in which case we both knew it was only about sex, it was never, ever JUST about sex to me. I may not have been looking for love but I was at least looking to have fun going out with the woman I was lusting after at the time.
Lilyana76 Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 Quit over thinking and just have fun! Go with the flow! He's nice, he hasn't pressured you, aside from a few offhanded meant to be funny comments. If you aren't ready for it, explain that to him. You'll know then if he is after you just for sex. I find that most of the men I've met OLD have wanted in my pants only, but there are a few good ones out there looking for love. Are you doing anything besides OLD? Maybe join some local events, or clubs that meet. I joined a divorce support group, and I started helping to teach in a local cooking club. Both have been great ways to meet new people and open up my social circle.
Larryville Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 As a man I have no experience in how to tell if a guy is only after sex. There is a thread started here every single day where a woman is either “worried” a man is using her just for sex, or pissed that a man ghosted her after having sex because it clearly is all he wanted. Ladies just assume all dude are just looking for sex. As for “experienced” just how a dude talks to you and engages you will make it obvious. As someone said a guy who is looking only for sex won’t waste his time unless his target is frankly above his pay grade. On a recent trip to visit a friend I had not seen in many years was describing how he met his wife. She had been drinking a lot so her followed this lady home, was only being polite and making sure she was cool when she got home. As he was going to drive off, she came up to the car and asked does he want to come in? He declined, she took it as an insult at the time but later she appreciated it. Long story short they are married and happily married for 15 years. On many occasions (many instances on first or second date, I was asked to “come in” and declined, many of these women initially were shocked and mildly annoyed. I’m older and frankly don’t put sex as a priority but the number of women who are “shocked” that I’m not after that tells you something is seriously wrong. Trying to be a “gentleman” (for lack of another word) is WEIRD and shocking to many women. That frankly is a much bigger “sociological” problem or discussion. I find that most of the men I've met OLD have wanted in my pants only, but there are a few good ones out there looking for love. I may not have been looking for love but I was at least looking to have fun going out with the woman I was lusting after at the time. I never “look for love” when I first go out with someone, but someone said on another thread some time ago that the point of “dating” deciding to go out with someone meant that you at the very least had “romantic interest” (I will add based on prior discussions, phone conversations, emails asking relevant questions.. communicating, vetting!) in the individual… also meaning potential sexual partner down the road, otherwise why bother unless people don’t mind wasting time, money and mental energy.
Author CarbonCopy Posted January 25, 2017 Author Posted January 25, 2017 I don't have a problem with casual sex -- I've done it a couple of times myself. However, I actually like him and I want to develop something with him. I'm very attracted to him but I also don't want to rush into anything. Then again, I worry he might get bored if I don't sleep with him soon.
Jj66 Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 As a man I have no experience in how to tell if a guy is only after sex. There is a thread started here every single day where a woman is either “worried” a man is using her just for sex, or pissed that a man ghosted her after having sex because it clearly is all he wanted. Ladies just assume all dude are just looking for sex. As for “experienced” just how a dude talks to you and engages you will make it obvious. As someone said a guy who is looking only for sex won’t waste his time unless his target is frankly above his pay grade. On a recent trip to visit a friend I had not seen in many years was describing how he met his wife. She had been drinking a lot so her followed this lady home, was only being polite and making sure she was cool when she got home. As he was going to drive off, she came up to the car and asked does he want to come in? He declined, she took it as an insult at the time but later she appreciated it. Long story short they are married and happily married for 15 years. On many occasions (many instances on first or second date, I was asked to “come in” and declined, many of these women initially were shocked and mildly annoyed. I’m older and frankly don’t put sex as a priority but the number of women who are “shocked” that I’m not after that tells you something is seriously wrong. Trying to be a “gentleman” (for lack of another word) is WEIRD and shocking to many women. That frankly is a much bigger “sociological” problem or discussion. I never “look for love” when I first go out with someone, but someone said on another thread some time ago that the point of “dating” deciding to go out with someone meant that you at the very least had “romantic interest” (I will add based on prior discussions, phone conversations, emails asking relevant questions.. communicating, vetting!) in the individual… also meaning potential sexual partner down the road, otherwise why bother unless people don’t mind wasting time, money and mental energy. It's acceptable for a woman to say no, but lord help a man when he says no. The questions will start pouring out. Women become insulted. Doesn't he find me attractive? Is he gay? Can he not get it up? I've been the recipient of this. Ya know.. In all honesty I was just tired or I wasn't sure if I wanted to risk the friendship, or whatever. It's happened quite a few times. And they always feel insulted unless you handle the rejection with kid gloves.
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