FayeBe Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 Me and my girlfriend/fiancee have broken up after an eight year rocky relationship.We both mutually decided it was for the best, she was being so nasty that i thought I would be happy and relieved to be away from her, turns out i feel the absolute oppisite. Three days after leaving i'm feeling so alone, I miss her so much. I keep texting then I just recieve short answers or no answers at all and I know she is already speaking to/seeing other people which is driving me mad. I cannot eat or sleep (if I do sleep for a short amount of time I just dream about her) and I'm finding it so hard to get out of bed in the morning or do anything in the day without crying my eyes out. I literally have no idea how to deal with this and I just want to know I will get over this! Sorry if i sound pathetic I have just never felt like this and i have no idea how to move on.
whatnot Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 8 years is a significant portion of a lifetime. 3 days is not. Will you get over it? It depends. Age is the primary factor. 50% of people my age are single. Boomers are finding the other sex just not worth it now. We'd rather be lonely and safe it seems. Life has it's way of wearing you down. 2
salparadise Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 Been there. It will get better. Three days after the breakup of an eight year relationship, this is not unusual or unexpected. When we go through a breakup like this, it's like a death in the family––you have to go through the grieving process. You don't want to skip the grieving either because this is how you process it emotionally and prepare to move on with your life. You need to talk about it with people who care - friends, family, etc. Chances are that you will wear them out long before you're done, so journaling and therapy can certainly help. You can also call crisis hotlines to speak with volunteers trained to listen and provide empathy and support. If feels absolutely awful, but it's perfectly normal. One trick I've used is to think of the two hemispheres of my brain (emotional vs. rational) as buddies who look after one another. Allow them to have conversations with each other. E says to R, this is the worst I can remember ever feeling... and R says, it's ok E it's temporary and you know it's necessary. I will help you through it, and I have suggestions... exercise, eat well, connect with people, indulge in a new interest, be optimistic about the future, etc... and E accepts the help and suggestions and view itself as having the resources to persevere. It works for me because my rational side is somewhat dominant, but I'd bet it can work for feeling types as well. Just accept that you're going to have to suffer for a awhile, but before too long (assuming do self care) you'll notice it subsiding a little bit every day. After you're mostly through the grieving try to look forward optimistically and avoid dwelling on the past. Think about possibilities, make it real, pursue dreams and aspirations. Keep posting if you think it helps. Take care. 1
Author FayeBe Posted January 25, 2017 Author Posted January 25, 2017 I'm 25 I have been with since I was 17, I cannot even imagine being in another serious relationship for the risk of going through this again. Thank you for your reply
Author FayeBe Posted January 25, 2017 Author Posted January 25, 2017 Been there. It will get better. Three days after the breakup of an eight year relationship, this is not unusual or unexpected. When we go through a breakup like this, it's like a death in the family––you have to go through the grieving process. You don't want to skip the grieving either because this is how you process it emotionally and prepare to move on with your life. You need to talk about it with people who care - friends, family, etc. Chances are that you will wear them out long before you're done, so journaling and therapy can certainly help. You can also call crisis hotlines to speak with volunteers trained to listen and provide empathy and support. If feels absolutely awful, but it's perfectly normal. One trick I've used is to think of the two hemispheres of my brain (emotional vs. rational) as buddies who look after one another. Allow them to have conversations with each other. E says to R, this is the worst I can remember ever feeling... and R says, it's ok E it's temporary and you know it's necessary. I will help you through it, and I have suggestions... exercise, eat well, connect with people, indulge in a new interest, be optimistic about the future, etc... and E accepts the help and suggestions and view itself as having the resources to persevere. It works for me because my rational side is somewhat dominant, but I'd bet it can work for feeling types as well. Just accept that you're going to have to suffer for a awhile, but before too long (assuming do self care) you'll notice it subsiding a little bit every day. After you're mostly through the grieving try to look forward optimistically and avoid dwelling on the past. Think about possibilities, make it real, pursue dreams and aspirations. Keep posting if you think it helps. Take care. Thank you for this advice it has definitely opened my mind, i'm going to follow what you've said and try to see the positive sides of this horrible situation, i keep seeming to focus on the negatives at the moment.
not-again Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 Sorry to hear what happened. 8 years is a very long time but I can tell you it does get better. I'm not saying I'm the prime example of coping after a break up but my ex broke up with me about 3-4 weeks ago after a 6 year stint. Initially it was emotionally numb from the shock, then the grieving. I'm not sure what stage I'm at but all I know is that I've taken a few steps forward to moving on. It's damn hard but meet up with friends, take up a new hobby, speak to family and friends who will be there for you and listen (it does help). But as salparadise mentioned, don't skip the grieving stage. It helps you analyse what went wrong and prepares yourself for when it's time to heal. Take care. 1
Author FayeBe Posted January 25, 2017 Author Posted January 25, 2017 Sorry to hear what happened. 8 years is a very long time but I can tell you it does get better. I'm not saying I'm the prime example of coping after a break up but my ex broke up with me about 3-4 weeks ago after a 6 year stint. Initially it was emotionally numb from the shock, then the grieving. I'm not sure what stage I'm at but all I know is that I've taken a few steps forward to moving on. It's damn hard but meet up with friends, take up a new hobby, speak to family and friends who will be there for you and listen (it does help). But as salparadise mentioned, don't skip the grieving stage. It helps you analyse what went wrong and prepares yourself for when it's time to heal. Take care. I'm sorry to hear you're going through a similar experience, it is absolutely awful I seem to be going through all the stages at once at different times in one day! Such a rollercoaster of emotions. I glad you're taking steps forward moving on. Take care and thank you for your reply, it's nice to know you're never alone. 1
ZayKayWill Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 8 years is a long time to be with someone. It's gonna take a LOT longer than 3 days to get over it. Me and my gf were emotionally together for maybe a good 9 months. It's been a year and it still hurts. So yeah. It's going to take some time. All depends on the individual and the circumstances surrounding the individual. 1
whatnot Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 (edited) I'm 25 I have been with since I was 17, I cannot even imagine being in another serious relationship for the risk of going through this again. Thank you for your reply Don't worry about a thing. You've got a full life yet to be lived. I know you don't wanna hear this now....and I know you must be having a difficult time believing when I say......"You WILL love again FayeBe". That's not a cliche' (at least in this usage). It's not even meant to make you feel better. (nothing can really do that where you are). What it is is....it's a fact. You will meet another person whose company you enjoy even more. Trust me on that one. Go lick your wounds. (they are real and they are deep) You're doing the exact right thing for yourself as we speak. Edited January 26, 2017 by whatnot 1
Author FayeBe Posted January 26, 2017 Author Posted January 26, 2017 An 8 year engagement - seriously? 2 year engagement, 6 years in a relationship. Should have made that clearer i guess.
Author FayeBe Posted January 26, 2017 Author Posted January 26, 2017 Don't worry about a thing. You've got a full life yet to be lived. I know you don't wanna hear this now....and I know you must be having a difficult time believing when I say......"You WILL love again FayeBe". That's not a cliche' (at least in this usage). It's not even meant to make you feel better. (nothing can really do that where you are). What it is is....it's a fact. You will meet another person whose company you enjoy even more. Trust me on that one. Go lick your wounds. (they are real and they are deep) You're doing the exact right thing for yourself as we speak. Thank you so much, your message means a lot! It actually made me smile! That's something I haven't done in a few days
behappyallisOK Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 i feel you. keep your head up. all will be ok. have faith 1
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