LDR hell!! To give up or rebuild and try her again

[LaSurf22]

Have a destroyed all chances?

Thanks for reading. Brutal honest advice would be appreciated, dash some hope in there too haha.

 

So my story. Met this girl while we both we are vacation. We ended up hooking up. She had just gotten out of a 6 year relationship, didn't bother me at the time, never worried me. I was just having fun and in a great place at my life, very content and happy. Well we started chatting often, facetiming, texting, felt natural and we both were laughing and adoring our time together. We started meeting each other. She started to visit my hometown (1.5 hour plane flight). She was really into me. I enjoyed her company but I hadn't fallen for her yet. Was just enjoying the present situation. Couple more trips here and there and it hit both of us, we had a great connection and man o man we felt the agony of being apart. I started feeling heavy anxiety when we left each other counting the days until we would meet. She would cry a couple times. I started to became dependent on out FaceTime daily routine, making myself free during these time slots. If we didn't FaceTime I was bummed. I missed her. I kept it together fairly well, having equal communication. I was likely reaching out a little more. Our traditions added like sexy FaceTime and count down pics till we met. Great tradition. She started telling me that she missed me so much it was affecting her mood and making her sad. Several more trips to Mexico, her hometown, and that vacation spot. All great. I started to notice her backing off, figured it was self preservation, fear of getting hurt again following her last breakup. I took on the role of reassuring her whenever she had doubts like... The distance is too tough and she had trust issues. We did have a bad Fourth of July, too much alcohol on my part and said an insecure comment and inappropriate jokes in a bar, I'm a joker, but was a bad idea. Her mom was out drinking with us, but her mom is single and potty mouth too and hooks up with guys on the regular. Anyways she did say I made her laugh more than anyone else and she thinks she loves me. Month later she breaks up with me a week after I ask her to be my girlfriend. She says she can't handle the long distance and it's silly. Try to reason with her but accept her decison.

 

A week later she calls crying she can't live with out me in her life. She wants to take it slow and stay positive. Going from in it to suppressing out interactions was tough for me. So the next cycle repeats itself for 5 months. I suggest we meet up, she says maybe let me figure out my schedule and then bails. Then she says this isn't going to work. We have a great connection and I fell in love with you but I didn't know how this will work. I follow up saying nice things and trying to rationalize how we can make this work and tell her sweet things about her or I write these sexy poetry song things. I know I'm forcing myself into her life, acting selfish, but I am trying to make this work cause what I think we have is pure, awesome, and if we just stick it out could be something amazing. These 5 months I am doing 90 percent of the initial contacting in a desperate effort to win her back. I finally do meet up with her and it was pretty good. She's back to showing me affection and care. She goes on a 14 day cruise with her promiscuous horrible influence of a friend girlfriend. Literally her only friend and all the do is party hard on the weekends and she disappears from contact. So right before this trip she is calling leading up to it. I feel good. Then during the trip she I text daily, she responds back saying she misses me and once she hits land she stops reaching out, says she'll call but never does. I get upset and say the no calling isn't cool with me and that I have been stressed since we wernt committed and I was I'm worried. She gets pissed and breaks up with me. Week after her trip she finally gets back saying she though I didn't trust her and acted like a man with no confidence. Somehow, likely me we start contacted again and we FaceTime when she was sick and she texts after that she loves how I make her laugh when she is feeling horrible and it makes her miss me even more. Another opportunity comes up to meet at that vacation spot and I ask her. She says maybe let me figure out my schedule. She declines a couple days before and I get upset and say if you really miss me you would come. Just bummed, she has turned down so many chances to meet. She says she does miss me all the time because she fell in love with me and cares a lot about me but has been pushing me away because she doesn't want to lead me on and she knows it will not work, it's best if we just move on. I text over the weekend and finally say we need to talk because I'm tired of my efforts getting know where. She finally calls me after endless texts wanting to chat with her and she is cold and over it. She says you deserve someone better who will put in the effort and that I am so pushy (she has said this several times, didn't get it till now) but does admit we have a great chemistry.

 

Before all the haters come down on me, and I'm being selfish I know and pushy, and neurotic, but I did all this because we really have an amazing time together on FaceTime and in person. She once said that last meet up that she acted the way she did was because we are too perfect together, and I'm so smooth, and she is afraid of getting hurt. I know I came unglued out of fear of loosing her. I played the movie role and fought for her like crazy. I'm currently experiencing daily anxiety and have been watching videos, reading books and blogs, seeing the error of my ways. Not saying she is the one, many out there, but I haven't been so happy with someone like this before. She is good for me and makes me want to improve my life and grow with her. Also it sucks and I haven't looked since she finally broke it off, but she has been getting a lot of attention on social media with her sexy selfies, haha awesome.

 

Okay let me have it. Anyway to salvage this? From everything I've read. It has to be her decision to reconnect. Last contact was a month ago, I ended with well you know I adore you and want this to work, so if you reconsider contact me. She did send a text on Christmas saying I know we are over but I hope you have a good one . She Christmas trees me, haha. I hope she reaches out, and my approach would be casual, Nice to hear from you. Doing great. Would love to chat. When are you free this week to FaceTime.

 

Thoughts and please sympathize with my struggles.

Edited January 25, 2017 by LaSurf22

[BAcK]

Too much drama. Let this one go. Nothing more to add.

[Ieris]

It has only been 5 months and she has given up on you already, clearly this relationship isn't going to make it if it's fallen to pieces at the first hurdle.

 

Probably not what you want to hear but don't waste your time waiting for this one. You are clearly way more invested than she is and it won't work if you are the only one pulling the weight.

[LaSurf22]

For clarity it was 6 months on then she did initial break up, then 5 months of post breakup struggle till the final break up. Haha this sounds silly. I had too much to deal with and it drove me mad. If she does come back she will have to crawl. I admit I didn't play it masculine and confident enough and acted needy but did what I thought I had to do, was the stronger more vulnerable person.

[ExpatInItaly]

She's not into it, OP. Call me a "hater" if you wish, but the writing is on the wall.

 

I know you feel you have this amazing connection and you're awesome together, but it's evident she doesn't share that feeling or you two would be making it work. Actions speak louder than words, and her actions indicate she has been pulling away from you for a while now.

 

You've been apart nearly as long as you were together. At some point, you will have to accept her position that she doesn't want to commit to this. My guess is she's met someone locally or has been dating locally and you're not taking the hint when she's telling you it's not going to work. All those times she goes out of touch, she is out living her life while you are getting more and more anxious not hearing from her. A woman who really wants to be with you doesn't do that. If she wanted to contact you, she would. (Her promiscuous friend has zero to do with that, believe me.)

 

Even if this is down to distance or fear of getting hurt, it's still not what she wants. It's too much for her and she's tried to tell you that. Right now, you're that annoying ex who won't accept the break-up. Harsh, I know, but I can guarantee that's what's going through her mind. What you've been doing isn't working.

 

You can't save this if she doesn't want to come back. Let go. Observe. She might reach out but you need to be careful that it's for the right reasons. If she doesn't come back to find you, then you really have no other option but to begin to truly move on.

[marinero]

It's done. Free yourself from this and just let go. You are holding on to something that does nothing but cause you anxiety. And it only gets worse, not better.

I was in a similar situation once. I ended it before it even got close to this point. Why? Because I knew I would be in your situation if I stayed and tried to make it work. Once I ended it I felt a huge relief.