jamili Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 Its crazy, I have this one friend at work who went through this exact same thing about 10 years back. Its scary how similar our stories are. On January 5th, I bet him a steak dinner I wouldn't hear from mine again. He stated within 30 days, and won on January 16. His point is, if she didn't care, she wouldn't email. Shes been thinking about me for awhile, and emailed to test the water. He would have driven over and confronted her, but from my thread that has ended hilariously bad for me. He said, and I agree, I have nothing to lose by texting, calling, etc. So I texted. His point is mine is much less butthurt, and wants to be back with me, but is salty I took a week to get back, so now I have to wait. According to said mate, she will want to meet up and talk. And my responses have to be perfect at that time, as she is considering how to tell all her friends who she complained about me for months to that we are together. I find this advice to be insane, but he was dead on before. We bet again to add drinks to this steak dinner, he is that sure. He was so sure, he bet a handy, but I'm down like that. lol So whatever, now we wait. My league of female advisors actually concurred with most of his advice, maybe he should write the damn book. lol Lol well i am curious about this one. Please do keep us updated. Mine emailed me 3 weeks ago, mightbe too late to respond at this point regardless. And i still fear its a "test". Your ex doesnt consider it a "deal breaker " to ever respond to an ex after a breakup, and mine does lol.
Bromeo Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 Jamili, They are both crazy as hell. If they were stable, emotionally mature, and confident women, we wouldn't be on here. Not to mention good communicators. If mine had told me never to contact her, I would have ran in the other direction. Once she told me she was seeing someone, I did. Then again, I've dated many women and not been this broke up, so there must be something there. lol Who knows, life is crazy. I have to learn to be more patient. I went 30 days and got emails. lol Dave
jamili Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 Jamili, They are both crazy as hell. If they were stable, emotionally mature, and confident women, we wouldn't be on here. Not to mention good communicators. If mine had told me never to contact her, I would have ran in the other direction. Once she told me she was seeing someone, I did. Then again, I've dated many women and not been this broke up, so there must be something there. lol Who knows, life is crazy. I have to learn to be more patient. I went 30 days and got emails. lol Dave I feel the same way about mine. But i cant imagine she would just give up after one ambiguous email if she legit wanted to talk. Especially since she told me she wanted Nc.. im just giving her what she wanted. She will have to conspicuousy make it clear that she wants to talk after that. Last thing i want to do is "confirm the reason she ended it", you know? If she truly misses me, I cant see her saying "well screw it he didnt answer that one email with no words after i explicitly told him i wanted nc forever... guess ill give up". I think patience is thekey. They arent going to forget us, and dumpers dont even enter the breakup "feels" stage until like 6-8 months after the breakup anyways. Ours are still in the "relief" stage most likely.
Bromeo Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 My sister did a good job of explaining this to me. My ex is a bartender at 37. She has no plan for herself other than to get married. The only thing she can control is her relationships. Therefore in this realm she feels confident, which of course sucks for me and is bs. lol I on the other hand, am not patient at all. I tried to force every aspect of the breakup. Nothing, and I mean nothing made a dent in her for months. When I chilled, I got contacted. Now I have to chill again. And agreed, if she wants to talk, I clearly left the door open. Mine dumped me in June, so she is right in the sweet spot. And her handlebar mustached stupid ex is in Florida with his new girl, and my life on FB is grand. Facebook propaganda, its gotten contact from two dormant exs so far. I love it. Brother, what does it matter if you send her a short message, got your email, hit me up if you want to talk? It isn't like you can chase her away further. lol
jamili Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 My sister did a good job of explaining this to me. My ex is a bartender at 37. She has no plan for herself other than to get married. The only thing she can control is her relationships. Therefore in this realm she feels confident, which of course sucks for me and is bs. lol I on the other hand, am not patient at all. I tried to force every aspect of the breakup. Nothing, and I mean nothing made a dent in her for months. When I chilled, I got contacted. Now I have to chill again. And agreed, if she wants to talk, I clearly left the door open. Mine dumped me in June, so she is right in the sweet spot. And her handlebar mustached stupid ex is in Florida with his new girl, and my life on FB is grand. Facebook propaganda, its gotten contact from two dormant exs so far. I love it. Brother, what does it matter if you send her a short message, got your email, hit me up if you want to talk? It isn't like you can chase her away further. lol Well that's the thing, i think it could push her further away. It could be a trap, she could receive it and think "yup, just as i thought.. he cant ignore an ex, he cant help himself, thank god i ended that relationship. I was right about him and he will never change". Its very possible... Especially without any words it makes it seem like a setup.
MeadowFlower Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 Excuse me for chiming in here... but I don't think you should reply Jamili, but you already know that 1
jamili Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 Excuse me for chiming in here... but I don't think you should reply Jamili, but you already know that Lol im so conflicted in general. Its really a tough situation. My ex is the type to never really "reach out" with an "i miss you" or anything like that. She is very stubborn, and guarded. She would never let herself become vulnerable. Maybe the photos was the most vulnerable she can become?
Bromeo Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 Jamili, You will figure out the right thing to do. I can't sit still most of the time, so I texted mine. My mates reasoning was simple, we can't breakup any more than we are right now, no? lol I don't believe in the action of inaction, OTHER than strict no contact. Mine is the same, she is being very guarded, testing waters, etc. Imagine though, if you hurt someone, wanted to possibly restart, and didn't know how? And before I get flamed, not everyone can communicate well. My bartender sent songs and memes to convey her thoughts for 18 months, and sent a song in her second email. So the blanket, "NC until something substantial" should be used case by case, and take the mindset and health of the dumpee in mind.
jamili Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 Jamili, You will figure out the right thing to do. I can't sit still most of the time, so I texted mine. My mates reasoning was simple, we can't breakup any more than we are right now, no? lol I don't believe in the action of inaction, OTHER than strict no contact. Mine is the same, she is being very guarded, testing waters, etc. Imagine though, if you hurt someone, wanted to possibly restart, and didn't know how? And before I get flamed, not everyone can communicate well. My bartender sent songs and memes to convey her thoughts for 18 months, and sent a song in her second email. So the blanket, "NC until something substantial" should be used case by case, and take the mindset and health of the dumpee in mind. I think we have the same ex.. if it werent for the bartender thing lol. Thought about sending her back equally confusing and random photos.. but that is a bit sarcastic . Maybe i could just say some thing simple..... Like... "Thank you". ?
Bromeo Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 One thing I have figured out from all this noise, is that pictures are worth 1000 words. Which is why on FB, I throw pics up as much as possible, with the vaguest status updates I can come up with. Its petty, but I know for a fact booger-face checks my page. I learned that after reading about how another LS poster did the same, and it clicked like gangbusters. Wine classes, workshops, parties, songs, life is grand. Makes em salty, I tell ya, to see how you dusted yourself off, and moved on without em. lol Concerning your response, if there is one to be made, just go with your gut. You can't be anymore broken up, and you'd hate to lose out if she is trying to make contact. If you don't, you'll heal as well, and there are 3 billion more single gorgeous women out there. Either way, don't do anything until you are healed, and then don't regret it when you take action.
AllyStrass Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 I am sorry this breakup has been difficult at times with some lingering questions. Breakups are always hard and can be emotional. Depending on the seriousness of the relationship, deciding on what kind of/how much communication with the sig. other post breakup can be tricky. One question that I have asked myself in the past with regards to speaking with ex's is 'what am I desiring to get out of any communication with ____?'. That has helped me to ground myself and look at at motive- Do I miss this person? Do I want to try to fix thing and start dating again? Do I really just want to try to be friends? Sometimes, in the height of the emotions from the breakup, its hard to answer this questions honestly, even to yourself. I can imagine your ex is going through a similar thing, trying to figure out what is best and most healthy for her emotionally now. I am sorry, however, that it causes a lot of unanswered questions for you during this time. Do you have any trusted friends that you can talk to about this? Maybe someone who knows you and knew your girlfriend as well? It might be good to lean on someone who can give you support and encourage you in the steps to take in the following weeks/months with regards to any communication. It's not an easy road, but there is always something to learn and grow from that you will be able to bring into your personal life and future relationships! Good luck to you!
Author Bulls12nba Posted January 25, 2017 Author Posted January 25, 2017 This thread really spiraled out ha I don't think I even want her back just curious why she would bother emailing me I would have never said anything to her again had she not emailed. Before I emailed back I looked at her Facebook for the first time since we broke up and looked at her pictures felt nothing anymore she still has pictures of me and her on it and the same old profile picture nothing new whereas I've put tons of new pictures on there once a week of me out and about
jamili Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 This thread really spiraled out ha I don't think I even want her back just curious why she would bother emailing me I would have never said anything to her again had she not emailed. Before I emailed back I looked at her Facebook for the first time since we broke up and looked at her pictures felt nothing anymore she still has pictures of me and her on it and the same old profile picture nothing new whereas I've put tons of new pictures on there once a week of me out and about Yea.. sorry to hijack lol. I think you should keep nc. If she contacts you again, just explain that you would like to have a clean break, and that you wish her the best. If you don't want to ever reconcile, then its probably best to part ways for good imo.
marky00 Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 His point is, if she didn't care, she wouldn't email. Shes been thinking about me for awhile, and emailed to test the water. This is true. But you have to remind yourself that caring about someone doesn't transcend into wanting a relationship with someone. I think in all 3 of our cases, there is evidence our dumpers care on some level. For now I say, stop responding to breadcrumbs and see if that caring develops into something stronger. The way I see it, if after 3 - 6 months you hear nothing after the round of bread crumbs (and not responding bothered you), I guess you could respond then if it was really bothering you.
jamili Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 This is true. But you have to remind yourself that caring about someone doesn't transcend into wanting a relationship with someone. I think in all 3 of our cases, there is evidence our dumpers care on some level. For now I say, stop responding to breadcrumbs and see if that caring develops into something stronger. The way I see it, if after 3 - 6 months you hear nothing after the round of bread crumbs (and not responding bothered you), I guess you could respond then if it was really bothering you. My personal feeling about breadcrumbs is that the ones that are rhetorical, or basically them just journaling something into your inbox i.e. "This reminds me of you", or "I hope you are well", (or just sending a bunch of photos with no words ) aren't worth responding to because they don't even have the respect to address you personally, nor do they ask any question or anything specific that calls for a response. I think better ones to respond to - but in a neutral, emotionless but cordial way are ones like, "How is your dog doing?", "How are things at work, did you get that promotion you were after?". And obviously the best case scenario is "I really want to talk, can we meet for coffee?". In which I think you should respond if you want to reconcile. That's my belief about them.
Author Bulls12nba Posted January 26, 2017 Author Posted January 26, 2017 she responded to my email and i just hit archive and didnt read it and gonna ignore it now thanks for the advice
marky00 Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 My personal feeling about breadcrumbs is that the ones that are rhetorical, or basically them just journaling something into your inbox i.e. "This reminds me of you", or "I hope you are well", (or just sending a bunch of photos with no words ) aren't worth responding to because they don't even have the respect to address you personally, nor do they ask any question or anything specific that calls for a response. I think better ones to respond to - but in a neutral, emotionless but cordial way are ones like, "How is your dog doing?", "How are things at work, did you get that promotion you were after?". And obviously the best case scenario is "I really want to talk, can we meet for coffee?". In which I think you should respond if you want to reconcile. That's my belief about them. Well she used my name and asked how I was doing, but still not enough. I agree its at the next level up, i.e. she probably knew she had to act in a candid way but still not enough in my opinion.
marky00 Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 she responded to my email and i just hit archive and didnt read it and gonna ignore it now thanks for the advice haha rofl ok
Author Bulls12nba Posted January 26, 2017 Author Posted January 26, 2017 (edited) if she cared she'd text or call, im not her security blanket anymore Edited January 26, 2017 by Bulls12nba 2
behappyallisOK Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 i know what it feels like. keep your head up. it gets easier
Nadine123 Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 Thanks for the advice, oddly enough she picked the exact perfect time to reach out. I was just seeing another girl for almost a month and it ended the same day she emailed. This is so weird, my ex who reached out did a day after i ended things with the other guy.
Author Bulls12nba Posted January 28, 2017 Author Posted January 28, 2017 Update on this a weird random twist of events and I met my ex for coffee and coffee turned into dinner then dinner turned into come over for a movie and then makeup sex now we're working on things. Turns out she had been psyching herself up to reach out to me since Christmas
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