jamili Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 I know I did wrong to plead to be her backup. After having gone a week of no contact I've more or less reflected on my self on that. I've decided that I won't be chasing her anymore. If I'm gonna get back with her it has to be the other way around and under my terms. The unfairness of our relationship was basically why we fought two weeks ago. I basically told her I can't be her friend if she's not going to give me the respect a friend should have. She said fine and let's not meet or contact each other anymore etc. Fast forward to tonight, she ended up calling me but I ignored her call. She then went a message on fb saying that she has something she needs to ask me (the check) and why I don't respond. I still ignored her. I mean is there a point that no contact becomes counterproductive? Like it pushes her away more? Or should I entertain her with a response now and then? She's tried to contact me across multiple channels now and I can't really just ignore her completely. I'm also worried that Valentine's is next week and the bf might try to pull something. The idea behind no contact is that it gives you both time apart to heal, sort out your thoughts, grow, etc, but the theory is the time apart can usually cause the dumper to miss the dumpee, and decide if they made the right choice. Sounds like shes getting anxious and that's typically a good thing if you want her to regret the decision. She knows you love her and want her, she knows you are even willing to be her fallback guy, so i dont think staying NC will push her away. If anything it might pull her back (eventually). Its way too early to tell... 1week of Nc? You are in the very early stages. Im sure she knows how to cash a check. I personally believe in taking the high road and being civil in matters of logisitics after a breakup. This is clearly bait, in this case, though. Frankly, she can ask the bank or her new boyfriend how to do it. According to what you said, she even told you she didnt want to be in contact. Let her have that, and dont respond IMO. And delete her off faceook too. Seems like shes desperately trying get you on her string and is kind of panicking. This is good (ignore your instinct, pulling away from will not push her away, it will only do the opposite. If you MUST respond about this check thing, id do it over email, and be VERY brief in your respond, zero emotion, and act indifferent. Some thing like "check can be cashed at your bank, thx". Thats it!!! Then stop responding, at least for a long while. You really need to go NC in asap in this situation.
dumbass2 Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 "but asked (pleaded) her to come find me if the new bf don't work out to which she agreed" Every time you respond to her she will think of this and knows she has you in her back pocket. You can't take it back, so the only way to redeem your self respect is to just ignore. Give NC a few months and see where you're at. Let the raw emotions die down so you can think clearly and not make any more ridiculous comments to her like that one. 1
Sweetfish Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 I know I did wrong to plead to be her backup. After having gone a week of no contact I've more or less reflected on my self on that. I've decided that I won't be chasing her anymore. If I'm gonna get back with her it has to be the other way around and under my terms. The unfairness of our relationship was basically why we fought two weeks ago. I basically told her I can't be her friend if she's not going to give me the respect a friend should have. She said fine and let's not meet or contact each other anymore etc. Fast forward to tonight, she ended up calling me but I ignored her call. She then went a message on fb saying that she has something she needs to ask me (the check) and why I don't respond. I still ignored her. I mean is there a point that no contact becomes counterproductive? Like it pushes her away more? Or should I entertain her with a response now and then? She's tried to contact me across multiple channels now and I can't really just ignore her completely. I'm also worried that Valentine's is next week and the bf might try to pull something. You pretty much wrecked any manhood she saw in you by pulling off the things you did. She was also probably having sex with you and the new guy and you created feelings of intense anger within weeks of each other. Now your only concern is valetines day??? WTF There is no vagina on this planet...worth going back to after you got used like that. My sugguestion is NC forever or until you learn self worth and self respect. 1
Bromeo Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 Op, you are choosing not to listen to the unbiased advice here. I usually try and keep a balanced, neutral stance on threads, and you are killing me. At some point you will get fed up, and walk away. You will hurt until that time.
Chi townD Posted February 8, 2017 Posted February 8, 2017 I know I did wrong to plead to be her backup. After having gone a week of no contact I've more or less reflected on my self on that. I've decided that I won't be chasing her anymore. If I'm gonna get back with her it has to be the other way around and under my terms. The unfairness of our relationship was basically why we fought two weeks ago. I basically told her I can't be her friend if she's not going to give me the respect a friend should have. She said fine and let's not meet or contact each other anymore etc. Fast forward to tonight, she ended up calling me but I ignored her call. She then went a message on fb saying that she has something she needs to ask me (the check) and why I don't respond. I still ignored her. I mean is there a point that no contact becomes counterproductive? Like it pushes her away more? Or should I entertain her with a response now and then? She's tried to contact me across multiple channels now and I can't really just ignore her completely. I'm also worried that Valentine's is next week and the bf might try to pull something. Counterproductive? Counterproductive to who? NC is a tool. It's a tool for you to heal and move on. If you use NC while making positive changes to your life, you will heal more quickly. The point of NC is not to get your Ex back, but to let go! Look if you still have business to conduct to finalize the relationship. Then, get it done. Like, you just stated she had a question about a check? Text about it. Don't talk. Do it all by text and that's it. If she starts asking personal questions or tries to get personal, ignore it.
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