damni Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 I have been seeing this guy for a month, we went on our 5th date last week and we ended up sleeping together...since then, I would say contact has stayed the same but what has really confused me is 4 days on he has not asked me out again. Usually he is pretty quick with setting up dates. I have had men lose interest before, they usually just ghost me but I dont get why this guy is still contacting me if he is not interested enough to ask me out again? I admit I do regret sleeping with him, I do not feel secure in how he feels/thinks about me. He is quite closed off emotionally to me so far. I have been getting annoyed and today I have been taking hours to reply to his messages, which for some reason has made him text me more but still no date offer? Any advice here? I do not want a texting buddy or to be someone, meh girl.
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 Oh sweetie...you already know the answer. As for why he's still texting, well...you know that answer too. You know you're on the hook as potential backup if he can't get laid for a couple/few more weeks and things start building up. LOSE this guy's number and DON'T answer his texts anymore. I won't demonize the guy and blah blah...you say you slept with him although he was emotionally closed off from you...there's no "one bad guy" here; he knew you were just for sex and deep down you knew it too, but you had some fantasy that he was closed up for some deep dark emotional Hollywood reason and sex with you would show him what a wonderful person you were and the floodgates of his tortured past would burst and he'd love you forever and yadda yadda. Not that I read minds...just guessing here. Lose his number. Do not respond to his texts. Don't bother. And next time don't... don'tdon'tdont dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon't DO NOT ...do to the not... ...sleep with a guy who's "emotionally closed off" and whom you're just not sure about/not feeling that emotional "give" from. 5
Pill Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 I have been seeing this guy for a month, we went on our 5th date last week and we ended up sleeping together...since then, I would say contact has stayed the same but what has really confused me is 4 days on he has not asked me out again. Usually he is pretty quick with setting up dates. I have had men lose interest before, they usually just ghost me but I dont get why this guy is still contacting me if he is not interested enough to ask me out again? I admit I do regret sleeping with him, I do not feel secure in how he feels/thinks about me. He is quite closed off emotionally to me so far. I have been getting annoyed and today I have been taking hours to reply to his messages, which for some reason has made him text me more but still no date offer? Any advice here? I do not want a texting buddy or to be someone, meh girl.it's only been four days, it's possible he may reach out before the weekend?
Redhead14 Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 I have been seeing this guy for a month, we went on our 5th date last week and we ended up sleeping together...since then, I would say contact has stayed the same but what has really confused me is 4 days on he has not asked me out again. Usually he is pretty quick with setting up dates. I have had men lose interest before, they usually just ghost me but I dont get why this guy is still contacting me if he is not interested enough to ask me out again? I admit I do regret sleeping with him, I do not feel secure in how he feels/thinks about me. He is quite closed off emotionally to me so far. I have been getting annoyed and today I have been taking hours to reply to his messages, which for some reason has made him text me more but still no date offer? Any advice here? I do not want a texting buddy or to be someone, meh girl. Have you done any any initiating? By about 3 or 4 dates, the woman can and should initiate a date/communication so that the guy doesn't feel like he's doing all the work. At some point, even though you may have accepted dates, etc., he needs you to start giving some clearer demonstration of interest. Being receptive is good for the very beginning, but you do need to contribute. He's been communicating regularly so don't get pissy. Either respond or don't, but don't be passive-aggressive. Invite him someplace your treat. Initiate something and then give the reigns back to him, so to speak, to see if he starts picking up that ball again. 10
Gaeta Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 Out of those 6 dates how many did you set up and pay for? Maybe he just expects a little reciprocation. 6
Author damni Posted January 24, 2017 Author Posted January 24, 2017 Have you done any any initiating? By about 3 or 4 dates, the woman can and should initiate a date/communication so that the guy doesn't feel like he's doing all the work. At some point, even though you may have accepted dates, etc., he needs you to start giving some clearer demonstration of interest. Being receptive is good for the very beginning, but you do need to contribute. He's been communicating regularly so don't get pissy. Either respond or don't, but don't be passive-aggressive. Invite him someplace your treat. Initiate something and then give the reigns back to him, so to speak, to see if he starts picking up that ball again. I have not ever asked him out on an date. I do initiate some texts but he initiates the majority. We had sex, he knows I am into him. I have paid for things on our date and even cooked for him on one date. You think after we had sex he be anxious to see me again, but nothing. He know I would say yes if he asked me out again.
Shining One Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 Speaking for myself, I tend to reevaluate things after sex. I start picturing what a relationship with the woman in question would be like. If I felt I had put in a disproportionate level of effort, I would decrease my efforts or just walk way entirely, especially if I have other prospects available. As others have said, he may be looking for some reciprocation from you. I know I would not be pursuing a woman who expects me to initiate every date, even if we already had sex. 2
Redhead14 Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 I have not ever asked him out on an date. I do initiate some texts but he initiates the majority. We had sex, he knows I am into him. I have paid for things on our date and even cooked for him on one date. You think after we had sex he be anxious to see me again, but nothing. He know I would say yes if he asked me out again. Ok, you did initiate, great. It may simply be a case of a late one-night stand. I always tell women that the first time they sleep with a guy, even if it's been a few dates and especially if it's the first/second date, she should assume it will be one-night stand until he shows her otherwise. Did you have a conversation about what he's looking for out of his dating journey? Did he say he's looking for casual or dating for a relationship? We had sex, he knows I am into him -- Does he? He had sex with you, so you wouldn't be wondering if he's into you by that theory. Pick up the phone and have a conversation. You've dated him a number of times and you've slept with him. You can open an adult conversation to get/give clarity and make sure you're on the same page.
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 Speaking for myself, I tend to reevaluate things after sex. I start picturing what a relationship with the woman in question would be like. If I felt I had put in a disproportionate level of effort, I would decrease my efforts or just walk way entirely, especially if I have other prospects available. As others have said, he may be looking for some reciprocation from you. I know I would not be pursuing a woman who expects me to initiate every date, even if we already had sex. ^ I'm curious, why is this? ^ I mean why after sex?
Gaeta Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 I have not ever asked him out on an date. I do initiate some texts but he initiates the majority. We had sex, he knows I am into him. I have paid for things on our date and even cooked for him on one date. You think after we had sex he be anxious to see me again, but nothing. He know I would say yes if he asked me out again. In the beginning of a relationship it will serve you a great deal to never assume....anything. It's better to show with actions and words where we stand. Initiating contact once in a while and never asking him out on a date = not THAT into him. Sure women have some insecurities after sex for the first time, we wonder is he gonna call again blahblah, men have those same insecurities and I would say those insecurities are even heavier on them than on us, they have the pressure to 'perform' and 'impression' us in the bed. Ask him out. It's about time. 6
Shining One Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 ^ I'm curious, why is this? ^ I mean why after sex?After sex, lust is satiated. Thus, I'm evaluating the relationship potential with a clear head and not influenced by other factors. 2
Author damni Posted January 24, 2017 Author Posted January 24, 2017 Well I asked him out for the weekend for a day time date, he said yes. I have my doubts but I am going give it one last shot, just in case I am wrong and he wanted me to initiate. There be no sex on this date and if he does not bother initiate the date after...well I got my answer.
Miss Spider Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 (edited) Why put so much effort into an emotionally unavailable man ? After a month, 6 dates, and sex, he's still emotionally closed off, became blasé about seeing you again after the date you all had sex, and you're still unsure how he feels about you. The chase high was what had him so eager to see you before. I doubt going in reverse in intimacy will do anything in regards to switching him back to pursuer. This whole thing just does not bode well, but I wish you the best of luck. Edited January 24, 2017 by Cookiesandough 3
Gaeta Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 Well I asked him out for the weekend for a day time date, he said yes. I have my doubts but I am going give it one last shot, just in case I am wrong and he wanted me to initiate. There be no sex on this date and if he does not bother initiate the date after...well I got my answer. You seem in a hurry to give up. (Darn just got off the wrong train station!!) 6
winny Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 Everyone is assuming too many things here. OP - calm down. He is still texting you and it's not always the same thing.. not everyone is thinking to ghost you after sex. Go and have that date... have fun... stop overthinking... all will be well. If he likes you he will open up to you with time. Its just been a month... Take care. 1
Miss Spider Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 I have not ever asked him out on an date. I do initiate some texts but he initiates the majority. We had sex, he knows I am into him. I have paid for things on our date and even cooked for him on one date. You think after we had sex he be anxious to see me again, but nothing. He know I would say yes if he asked me out again. 5* my bad. And yeah, you would think. He should be enthusiastically asking when he can see you again just as before. They'll text and text and yes agree to a date if you ask esp nothing better going on. Guys aren't just lukewarm interested in women only for sex, but for company in general. But it's still lukewarm.
Miss Spider Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 Perhaps she assumes he is not that interested in her because he has been distant and emotionally closed off. That's a fair assumption. Maybe he just has a tough shell to crack, but it's not like her feelings are unfounded. Women know how men who are interested have treated them so when someone diverges from that a lot it makes sense they might question their interest. Where did she say he spent a ton of money on her? 3
zeeohsixer Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 4 days? I wouldn't sweat it because he still texts you. Probably just busy with work, if nothing by the weekend I'd have a discussion.
Purepony Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 Ask him out and make him pay Then don't sleep with him haha imnkididng Ask his straight out or tell him your seeing some is that okay ?
Dis Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 JMO, but this guy is over it He got what he wanted and for whatever reason he doesnt want it again OP, you said yourself he's emotionally closed off...were you thinking he'd magically open up after you had sex? Because I think he's doing the exact opposite I understand that he's still contacting you but you're feeling a shift, you're getting that gut feeling that something is off...because it probably is I know people are saying to ask him out and show some interest because he's feeling like you're not feeling him anymore.... but I dont think this guy deserves that much credit This is probably just a, 'Guy slept with girl and shuts her down after' story Next time try to be more careful with who you chose to sleep with...If you're expecting more than sex....then having sex with an emotionally closed off guy probably isnt a safe bet Did he use a condom? 3
Versacehottie Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 After sex, lust is satiated. Thus, I'm evaluating the relationship potential with a clear head and not influenced by other factors. I feel like this is the truth for lots of guys. Good intel, shining one. OP, I also think he doesn't want or is worried about your expectations going forward. Pull back. Let him process it. I would also say the continued texting is to keep you on the hook but it doesn't have to be a negative thing. How has he been treating you otherwise? Also I guess it has to be said, maybe it wasn't that good for him.
VictoriaB Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 Op just have a look at my topic titled ugh after sex Criquets...Basically same thing happened to me but instead I got no contact from the guy. So he's not that into you as you thought
Pill Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 I have not ever asked him out on an date. I do initiate some texts but he initiates the majority. We had sex, he knows I am into him. I have paid for things on our date and even cooked for him on one date. You think after we had sex he be anxious to see me again, but nothing. He know I would say yes if he asked me out again.You expect him to be knocking down your door just because you gave him some? 2
Gaeta Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 I have been seeing this guy for a month, we went on our 5th date last week and we ended up sleeping together...since then, I would say contact has stayed the same but what has really confused me is 4 days on he has not asked me out again. Usually he is pretty quick with setting up dates. I would like some clarification on the time frame. You said your 5th date was last week, what day was it? If I count 4 days that makes it last Friday? What was your routine, did you have dates on weekends or mostly weekdays?
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