GF broke up with after 1 year and 6 months. She wanted to find herself. What do I DO?

[Thatoneguy101]

Hello All,

So I have been with my girlfriend for a year and half now. She's 23 about to graduate soon. I am 25 college graduate working at a biotech company for almost 3 years and going to post grad school work for pharm school. We live together and both have busy life's with work and school. We always try to spice things up by going out on weekends or going on random round trip adventures. We always try to go to each other's families homes and hang out especially during holidays. And yes we both fight like any other relationship but we always resolve them quickly.

 

But suddenly as of recent like this past weekend during our east coast New York trip, my girlfriend confessed to me that she wanted a break from me. She told me that she wanted to improve herself and wanted to find herself and said she never had the chance to do that because she has been with a man ever since high school. She tells me she wants to roam and experience who she is as an independent person and see the type of person she is. She wanted to see what is out there without any attachment even knowing that I let her go out with her friends all the time. I never understood what this meant but I had an idea.

 

But when she finally told me she doesn't know if she will come back to me or not, it finally hit me hard because I don't want to lose her. I love and care for her so much. We already had too many talking and crying sessions at the last days of our NY trip. She told me that we could come back or not but she doesn't know the future. I love her too much and went through lots of good and bad. We have discussed marriage and kids 5-6 years from now when we are fully happily employed with the field we want to work in. I eventually got to get her to tell me more details of what she is going through emotionally and says she’s scared of commitment. She talked about how she has qualities as person she needs to improve on and I do too. She talked about how she's worried I will be still in school not with a stable job at around 30-31 (marriage) and also she is worried what she wants to do after college.

 

Ever since then, I have given her the space she wants alone and time with her friends. Yet she still wants to connect with me via text or call because she tells me she cares a lot for me and worries about me (even though i won't do anything stupid). The day after, because i love her so much and care about her I told her I can’t be in the same place with someone that doesn't want to be with me rn. She sounded bitter and angry and told me to go ahead and do whatever I want. Then later she texted me let's at least try this for 2 months more. I ignored her all weekend and then finally when I had to head back to my place for work. I talked to her and she seem to show some bitterness towards me. She thought I had moved out already. I told her straight up that I understand what she is going through and she trying to find herself as a person and the chance to roam around. I told her if this is what makes her happy, then I will let her go cause I love her. I told her I am content and willing to put your needs first instead of mine or the relationship. I did everything in my power to try to get her back, but what is there more I can do? Should i keep fighting or let her go and if it's meant to be she will come back to me?

 

Everyone, I am in an odd situation and don't know what to do. What is the best solution or proper direction to take from this point forward to give me a better hope of being with her again? Should I still be supportive of her while I live my life independently or ignore her completely? I don’t want any resentment with each other.

Also worse thing is that we live together. I have been avoiding her as much as I can since I work 6-3:30 pm and class from 6:30 - 10 pm and try to go study somewhere until late. I go home on weekends too. I am doing this while I look for a place for myself.

 

Please any help would be great for me and my future with her. Thanks.

 

 

UPDATED*****

She recently looked through my phone a couple of days ago while I was sleeping and saw that I was flirting with women and escorts, pictures and all. I am ashamed and disgusted in myself. Because it was not the person I am. I am not that person. The breakup made that. It was very uncharacteristic of me to do. I mishandled my coping of the break up with her. Everyday I felt a sense of hurt in my heart just seeing her and realizing the unknown with her in the future and how she kept stringing me on as "friends" but still doing the things that couples do like cooking or physical contact. I was all smiles but in reality i was hurt everyday because I cant be with the person I want to be with long-term. Even though she broke up with me, and I am single, I still feel a good amount of guilt that it was my fault. I then moved out the next day and left a two page letter of how feel about her and everything. She is now using that as the silver platter for the break up to all her friends. Ever since then I have not heard from her.

 

She did however call me and left me a 3 minute voicemail of her crying at 2:30 am on Saturday. I don't know what to think about it. My heart couldnt take it anymore so i texted her how she was doing and left a voicemail as well and let her know to let me know when she is ready to talk to me again. I still care about her a whole lot and everyday it seems to get harder and harder to get her off my mind. It prolly doesnt matter but she also deleted one picture of us and left everything on Instagram. She hasnt blocked me on any social media.

 

Was it really my fault? What is her mind at right now? Was i wrong flirting with other girls trying to cope with my break up with her? She was the one that broke up with me and started stringing me on for 3 weeks. Is no contact the best solution? Do you believe in the quote "If you love someone enough, you will forgive them?"

Also I am still on the contract of the apartment lease with her....

[Thatoneguy101]

Can anyone help me? Or shed me some light? Please and thank you everyone.

[Thatoneguy101]

Can anyone help me? Or shed me some light? Please and thank you everyone.

[bluefeather]

ugh... dude. so many mistakes you made. but the very first and probably biggest one was still wanting to keep her even though she wanted to leave. She wanted to leave, you should have told her to go. I tell you this from experience. I know it is very hard to view things that way because you are afraid to lose that person, but here is a better quote than "If you love someone enough, you will forgive them." it is, "If you love someone enough, you will let them go."

 

Let her go.

[Satu]

The absolute best thing you do is let her go and move on.

 

Sorry to be blunt, but, *She told me that she wanted to improve herself and wanted to find herself and said she never had the chance to do that because she has been with a man ever since high school. She tells me she wants to roam and experience who she is as an independent person," means that she wants to have sex with at least one other guy, but more likely more than one.

 

23 year old girls don't end relationships to persue a life of celibacy.

 

The more you hope to get her back, the more pain you will experience.

 

The more you hold on, the more pain you will experience.

 

She's gone.

 

 

No contact.

 

 

Take care.