little princess Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 How important is it for a man to have stability in his life before he goes into a marriage? Let us say he has no job, no permanent resident permit in the country, no own place to live and that makes him feel like he is nothing and just a loser. Does the lack of any kind of stability affect a man's manliness? Does becoming dependent on a woman financially crushes his male ego and manliness? How would you feel if the girl you want to marry in the future when you are stable financially, but she pressure you into marriage now becuase of her reasons.. and you feel you are inadequate to take this responsibility yet?
Woggle Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 I think it depends on the man. Financial problems tend to put a big strain on a marriage for a man or a woman so it makes sense to want to have that in order before you make such a big commitment. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 (edited) How important is it for a man to have stability in his life before he goes into a marriage? Let us say he has no job, no permanent resident permit in the country, no own place to live and that makes him feel like he is nothing and just a loser. I wouldn't date under those conditions.....Marry? never... Does the lack of any kind of stability affect a man's manliness? For me, yes, definitely....but there are a lot of guys that don't really give a crap.. Does becoming dependent on a woman financially crushes his male ego and manliness? I don't know about "crushing" a guys ego...Heck, guys have been the carrying women financially since forever, so I don't necessarily think it's terrible if the woman is the heavy...But I'd think I would still need to be in a position to not be dependent...But again, that's always the way I have been, but there are many guys, (some I know personally), that get weekly allowances and can't spend anything without their wives/gf's approval...That would never work for me.. How would you feel if the girl you want to marry in the future when you are stable financially, but she pressure you into marriage now becuase of her reasons.. and you feel you are inadequate to take this responsibility yet? Tell her not now...and if she can't handle that, then I guess it would be a deal breaker.. TFY Edited January 24, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator formatting ~6
Lilyana76 Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 I seem to be having a problem now of being .. um... overly ambitious for men? I have 2 jobs, my "day job" consists of me punching numbers in my computer all day. Its not really time consuming, and I'm not pressured to meet a large quota or anything, giving me lots of free time during the day. For my night job, I'm a chef. It's my passion. I am also currently starting up a catering company. And to top it off, I have 3 kids. I'm finding a lot of men think I won't have time for them, or that I don't "need" anyone because I have my stuff together? Maybe they don't like the idea of me being the breadwinner, makes them feel less masculine? I do require someone I date to have their own place, and a job. If they are in debt or not doesn't mean much to me, maybe would have more importance if I were looking to getting married. Not sure I'll ever do that again so...
thefooloftheyear Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 I seem to be having a problem now of being .. um... overly ambitious for men? I have 2 jobs, my "day job" consists of me punching numbers in my computer all day. Its not really time consuming, and I'm not pressured to meet a large quota or anything, giving me lots of free time during the day. For my night job, I'm a chef. It's my passion. I am also currently starting up a catering company. And to top it off, I have 3 kids. I'm finding a lot of men think I won't have time for them, or that I don't "need" anyone because I have my stuff together? Maybe they don't like the idea of me being the breadwinner, makes them feel less masculine? I do require someone I date to have their own place, and a job. If they are in debt or not doesn't mean much to me, maybe would have more importance if I were looking to getting married. Not sure I'll ever do that again so... I said it in another thread, and I'll say it here... I don't know ANY guy that is "intimidated" by a woman who is a go getter, successful, well paid, etc...Most well grounded guys love it...It takes pressure off them as well to be the "be all and end all" as a lot of guys are with regard to finances.. TFY
Popsicle Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 Lots and lots of poor people are married. Unemployed people get married and have children too. Students do too. It really depends on the guy and what's important to him. Not all men are the same in their need to be financially stable before getting married or having kids but some may want to be and require that. The key is they are not all alike but you may have one that wants to be stable first. Or, maybe it's just an excuse he's using to string you along. Who knows?
Popsicle Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 I seem to be having a problem now of being .. um... overly ambitious for men? I have 2 jobs, my "day job" consists of me punching numbers in my computer all day. Its not really time consuming, and I'm not pressured to meet a large quota or anything, giving me lots of free time during the day. For my night job, I'm a chef. It's my passion. I am also currently starting up a catering company. And to top it off, I have 3 kids. I'm finding a lot of men think I won't have time for them, or that I don't "need" anyone because I have my stuff together? Maybe they don't like the idea of me being the breadwinner, makes them feel less masculine? I do require someone I date to have their own place, and a job. If they are in debt or not doesn't mean much to me, maybe would have more importance if I were looking to getting married. Not sure I'll ever do that again so... If you say you have 3 jobs and 3 kids, yes, they're going to think you won't have time for them. Assuming you DO have time for them, they don't need to know all that you're busy with.
Sweetfish Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 I seem to be having a problem now of being .. um... overly ambitious for men? I have 2 jobs, my "day job" consists of me punching numbers in my computer all day. Its not really time consuming, and I'm not pressured to meet a large quota or anything, giving me lots of free time during the day. For my night job, I'm a chef. It's my passion. I am also currently starting up a catering company. And to top it off, I have 3 kids. I'm finding a lot of men think I won't have time for them, or that I don't "need" anyone because I have my stuff together? Maybe they don't like the idea of me being the breadwinner, makes them feel less masculine? I do require someone I date to have their own place, and a job. If they are in debt or not doesn't mean much to me, maybe would have more importance if I were looking to getting married. Not sure I'll ever do that again so... Once a women has her life under control. A house, kids, pays for her own stuff. You have stripped a man's purpose away. Giving him purpose is what he is attracted to. So its harder to find men these days who find purpose being single and can intergate with a self sustained women. Also, thats a slippery slope to get a man like that... specially one that has his own home, a job and probably in the looks department you seek as he will have the the pick of younger women, single, and without kids. What happen if you are too busy and a woman who needs him... becomes attracted to him. Someone that fulfills his biological imperative to provide. Im just putting it out... its not true to all men... but to a lot of GOOD men have to provide...
Gaeta Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 How important is it for a man to have stability in his life before he goes into a marriage? Let us say he has no job, no permanent resident permit in the country, no own place to live and that makes him feel like he is nothing and just a loser. This man should not be dating, he has major issues to solve before thinking of dating someone. Does the lack of any kind of stability affect a man's manliness? Yes it does affect his manliness. Male psychology 101. Men hunt and women nest. If you want to destroy a man take his job away. Does becoming dependent on a woman financially crushes his male ego and manliness? It's ok with most men nowadays if the woman earns more but if she is the only brain winner in the relationship yes it is destructive to him. How would you feel if the girl you want to marry in the future when you are stable financially, but she pressure you into marriage now becuase of her reasons.. and you feel you are inadequate to take this responsibility yet? Best way to lose a man = pressure him.
carhill Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 How important is it for a man to have stability in his life before he goes into a marriage? Let us say he has no job, no permanent resident permit in the country, no own place to live and that makes him feel like he is nothing and just a loser. Depends on the man and his socializing and psychology. Generally, though, men aren't Jack Dawson from the movie Titanic. Does the lack of any kind of stability affect a man's manliness? If he equates stability with masculinity, sure. If he equates other aspects of his existence with masculinity, less sure. He could care less about stability. Does becoming dependent on a woman financially crushes his male ego and manliness? If he defines himself by money and independence, definitely. How would you feel if the girl you want to marry in the future when you are stable financially, but she pressure you into marriage now because of her reasons.. and you feel you are inadequate to take this responsibility yet? IMO, impetus to marriage should never include pressure, but be freely and voluntarily entered into, regardless of specific circumstances. I've been married and have suffered financial reverses and did earn less than my exW for awhile, while I was caregiving, and from what she told me it was more of a problem for her than me. However, respecting that she represents nearly all the women I've met in life, I chose, after divorcing, to eschew marriage instead of supplicating to the whims of society and women and instead pursue purposes in life which give me fulfillment, the pursuit of money to satisfy some societal standard not being among them. So, the lack of voluntary refusal comes not from inadequacy but rather clear disinterest. Not my cuppa. Plenty of guys out there who have what she wants. Go see them.
Lilyana76 Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 Once a women has her life under control. A house, kids, pays for her own stuff. You have stripped a man's purpose away. Giving him purpose is what he is attracted to. So its harder to find men these days who find purpose being single and can intergate with a self sustained women. Also, thats a slippery slope to get a man like that... specially one that has his own home, a job and probably in the looks department you seek as he will have the the pick of younger women, single, and without kids. What happen if you are too busy and a woman who needs him... becomes attracted to him. Someone that fulfills his biological imperative to provide. Im just putting it out... its not true to all men... but to a lot of GOOD men have to provide... I don't know, I think they are somewhat intimidated by me. But, I don't think they are not with me because I wouldn't give them a purpose. I don't NEED a man, but I want one. I want a companion, a best friend, someone whos there for me and me for him. I could argue that I don't need to be taken care of, but every woman wants someone who will take care of them (pamper them, help them with things, fix cars ect ect.) to some point. If a man would chose to leave me simply because I have my sh*t together, and someone else needs his "help", then I guess I'm better off without him.
Miss Peach Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 I said it in another thread, and I'll say it here... I don't know ANY guy that is "intimidated" by a woman who is a go getter, successful, well paid, etc...Most well grounded guys love it...It takes pressure off them as well to be the "be all and end all" as a lot of guys are with regard to finances.. TFY I have mostly male friends. They all love this and actually look for it in women. The issue is that some women act like men and basically compete with them. They can't stay in a feminine place when around the guy. It's the masculine competition-like energy that many men don't like.
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