How do you know he loves you

January 25, 2017

Jeez, you sound super inexperienced or unlucky with women. So you think this list translates to bad boy? Interesting.

I guess a nice guy would do all the opposite of these things? How typical of someone who can't or doesn't do them to say that.

You're not going to sell that to any women but keep on saying that to yourself...

Noooo. Judging by this post... i would say your experienced with men or at least good men is lacking. Because a good man is going to do most if not all the things you posted.

The only reason i could think of why such a list would be created is from someone inexperience or only dates player types or bad boys..

The list you posted includes...

Making time for you.

He likes to be close.

He is very protective.

It just makes me wonder what type of guys they are dating if you don't know that "providing a helping hand" is at minimal kinda a no brainer.

Is this a list for someone thats lived abusive relationship their whole life? So my only conclusion is the new generation of women are so hooked on bad boys they are questioning if the guy they are with loves them... so now their is a list of "Blues clues" it just makes me laugh.

January 25, 2017

Because a good man is going to do most if not all the things you posted.

Of course, that's why I posted it!

The only reason i could think of why such a list would be created is from someone inexperience or only dates player types or bad boys..

Well, the list was not written it was said on the radio off the top of her head by a lady who is a 70 yo relationship therapist who is also widowed. She was married for 40+ years. I typed it out to show my friend, who I referenced in an earlier post, who is struggling with the decision on whether or not she should stay with her man.

The list you posted includes...

Making time for you.
He likes to be close.
He is very protective.

It just makes me wonder what type of guys they are dating if you don't know that "providing a helping hand" is at minimal kinda a no brainer.

Is is a no brainer, isn't it? Or, at least it should be.

Is this a list for someone thats lived abusive relationship their whole life? So my only conclusion is the new generation of women are so hooked on bad boys they are questioning if the guy they are with loves them... so now their is a list of "Blues clues" it just makes me laugh.

This is a call-in radio show, just like this is a message board where people come to post their problems. Don't expect to hear about unicorns and rainbows. That would not make good use of an advice line or forum. Edited January 25, 2017 by Popsicle

January 25, 2017

Noooo. Judging by this post... i would say your experienced with men or at least good men is lacking.

What do you want me to do, get with you?

(ps - I've had good men and bad men)

January 25, 2017

Of course, that's why I posted it!

Well, the list was not written it was said on the radio off the top of her head by a lady who is a 70 yo relationship therapist who is also widowed. She was married for 40+ years.

Is is a no brainer, isn't it? Or, at least it should be.

This is a call-in radio show, just like this is a message board where people come to post their problems. Don't expect to hear about unicorns and rainbows. That would not make good use of an advice line or forum.

You posted something... you asked for our thoughts...

You didnt say only things you'd agreed with only.

Majority of these things good men do. You know where these good men are?

In the breakup section.

The coping section.

You know who is calling these radio shows.. the dumpers of these good men or the ones that refuse to date good men.

Along with a lot of GOOD women as well.

And you know whats the funny part is.. this list you posted.. guys eventually stop doing it... because these same women classify this as clingy behavior and needy. So once they find this non-clingy guy... he is soooo non-clingy now im seeing these hints and tips list.

Wait so if he cuddles with me... he loves me?

Its my experience with many male friends, co-workers, and males i've dealt with that men will become less of what the list consist of... opening of the car door, walking you to your front door, or lettimg her sit down first is part of the first wave that has past... remember that... now all the things on that list... thats going to start disappearing too.

January 25, 2017

You posted something... you asked for our thoughts...
You didnt say only things you'd agreed with only.

Majority of these things good men do. You know where these good men are?

In the breakup section.
The coping section.

You know who is calling these radio shows.. the dumpers of these good men or the ones that refuse to date good men.

Along with a lot of GOOD women as well.

And you know whats the funny part is.. this list you posted.. guys eventually stop doing it... because these same women classify this as clingy behavior and needy. So once they find this non-clingy guy... he is soooo non-clingy now im seeing these hints and tips list.

Wait so if he cuddles with me... he loves me?

Its my experience with many male friends, co-workers, and males i've dealt with that men will become less of what the list consist of... opening of the car door, walking you to your front door, or lettimg her sit down first is part of the first wave that has past... remember that... now all the things on that list... thats going to start disappearing too.

I know who you are and you're annoying.

Leave me alone and get a life.

January 25, 2017

I know who you are and you're annoying.
Leave me alone and get a life.

Wait huh???

January 25, 2017

Well, the list was not written it was said on the radio off the top of her head by a lady who is a 70 yo relationship therapist who is also widowed. She was married for 40+ years. I typed it out to show my friend, who I referenced in an earlier post, who is struggling with the decision on whether or not she should stay with her man.

I would expect a 70 year old woman that spent 40 years with the same man to have a different kind of list.

A list like I know he loves me because:

* He takes care of me when I am sick

* We go to my brother's every Sunday even though he hates him

* He takes me to see all the chick flicks I get excited about

* We have a pre-nup that is generous to me in case of a divorce

You know I was married 15 years and it didn't make me a specialist of dating or a specialist of relationships. It made me a specialist of being in a relationship with my ex. Nothing more. That is why when I turned up single in my 40s I had no clue what I was doing. If I want relationship advice I'd be more inclined to ask someone who has dating experience and had a few relationships.

For a relationship therapist I find her list a little weak. My ex-b did all of those things you are listing and he still disappeared without a word.

January 25, 2017

I am not into sappy men.

So thankfully for me, he Mr Leigh 87 doesn't do the majority of that list.

But my bf gets giddy despite the initial infatuation ending. His eyes occasionally just light up and he gets that giddy look;people have commented that we must be loved up.

He remembers xmas and birthday and anniversary...gets me nice gifts for them and gets genuinely excited at me seeing what he got me.

He is not a romantic. No flowers or random gifts. Although when he has savings he will occasionally treat me to a beautiful dress or skirt as he knows I love clothes.

Aside from the occasional dress he randomly buys, the only actual random gift was a Pandora charm and a surprise weekend away afted we had been apart for weeks due to my overseas trip.

He calls me often while he is at work just to chat. Despite living with me for over a year now.

He can't imagine a life without me.

January 25, 2017

The biggest thing he does is to binge watch horror movies with me when he doesn't even like horror movies.

He started doing it for me and ended up loving our binge watch sessions.

The second biggest factor that makes me feel loved? Despite our hot tempers and intense relationship, we can have awfuo fights that would kill the spark and connection in just about EVERY couple.

No matter how mad we have gotten, our love and true friendship has remained entirely in tact.

Last but not least good sign: the fact we were anti marriage or or indifferent at times at best and anti kid........but wanted these things with each other while simultaneously knowing we have no desire to have these things in general or if we didn't work out.

He is a real @sshole at times and I have bipolar so an unbearable once every fortnight to a month yet we still adore the sh*t out of each other.

January 25, 2017

I would expect a 70 year old woman that spent 40 years with the same man to have a different kind of list.

A list like I know he loves me because:

* He takes care of me when I am sick
* We go to my brother's every Sunday even though he hates him
* He takes me to see all the chick flicks I get excited about
* We have a pre-nup that is generous to me in case of a divorce

You know I was married 15 years and it didn't make me a specialist of dating or a specialist of relationships. It made me a specialist of being in a relationship with my ex. Nothing more. That is why when I turned up single in my 40s I had no clue what I was doing. If I want relationship advice I'd be more inclined to ask someone who has dating experience and had a few relationships.

For a relationship therapist I find her list a little weak. My ex-b did all of those things you are listing and he still disappeared without a word.

Ya I have had a guy disappear despite his amazing performance of that lovely list.

January 25, 2017

I would expect a 70 year old woman that spent 40 years with the same man to have a different kind of list.

A list like I know he loves me because:

* He takes care of me when I am sick
* We go to my brother's every Sunday even though he hates him
* He takes me to see all the chick flicks I get excited about
* We have a pre-nup that is generous to me in case of a divorce

You know I was married 15 years and it didn't make me a specialist of dating or a specialist of relationships. It made me a specialist of being in a relationship with my ex. Nothing more. That is why when I turned up single in my 40s I had no clue what I was doing. If I want relationship advice I'd be more inclined to ask someone who has dating experience and had a few relationships.

For a relationship therapist I find her list a little weak. My ex-b did all of those things you are listing and he still disappeared without a word.

The lady wasn't writing a book about it, I'm sure it's not an exhaustive list. It was off the cuff answer on a call in show. Plus, she's an MFCC and has been also for decades. She's only been widowed in the last couple of years, and married in her late twenties-early thirties, she dated before then, but I see your point. Dating changes over time.

January 25, 2017

Ya I have had a guy disappear despite his amazing performance of that lovely list.

Anyone can disappear. We're talking about already being in a relationship for a while. Most of her callers are already in a relationship.

But to add more to that point, there is no way to discern a liar. Time is your only friend in every case. And consistency is key, and I know how I'd rather a man be treating me while time passes.

January 25, 2017

So I looked at the list closely. My fear is that a younger women (or older) would read this and assume the man she is dating loves her because he does a few of those things but in reality those things aren't an indication of love:

The 4 items below. A man that loves you will of course cuddle with you and hold your hand BUT there are also plenty of fwb that enjoy those physical touches and they are far from being in love with you. Taken alone, physical attention and affection is not a sign he loves you. I had micro-relationships where the man cuddled and confined about his past all night. Out of inexperience I thought OMG he must like me!! After 3-4 dates POOF.

• He loves to hold your hand.

• He just likes to be close. Watch a movie cuddling together.

• He touches you in subtle loving ways.

• Maybe even gets a little giddy when he’s around you.

The 9 items below to me sounds more like real signs that he loves you or at least appreciates you. All of them are actual actions.

• He makes an effort to turn your bad day into a good one. Reminding you about good stuff. Bringing sweetness into your life somehow.

• He remembers the little things you say and do. He brings them up. Shows he’s listening.

• He does sweet little nothings.

• He puts your first. Puts you in front of his guy friends.

• He asks you questions to know more about you.

• He really enjoys taking care of you, making sure you’re okay.

• He offers you a helping hand when you need one.

• He makes an effort to meet your friends and family and to like them.

• He apologizes when it’s appropriate, not just to kiss your butt, but when it’s appropriate.

The 1 item below to me means nothing. Some men have no memory for birthdays and anniversaries and it's not an indication they don't love you or appreciate you. It's a matter of personality.

• He remembers the special occasions.

The 4 items below could be simply because he respects you, or has a strong feeling of friendship toward you. Alone those 4 points do not mean he loves you.

• He makes time for you.

• Your opinion matters to him.

• He can’t stay mad at you long even when you’re a pain in the butt.

• He says nice things about you to his friends and family.

The 1 item below. Gosh we would have to define protective.

• He’s very protective of you. Not neurotically.

And last item below. Talk is cheap. Look up the thread of the woman who's been listening to her bf talk about marriage for 4 years.

• He talks about his dreams for the future, sort of hinting about “our” dreams for the future.

January 25, 2017

Anyone can disappear. We're talking about already being in a relationship for a while. Most of her callers are already in a relationship.

But to add more to that point, there is no way to discern a liar. Time is your only friend in every case. And consistency is key, and I know how I'd rather a man be treating me while time passes.

This list is definitely not for couples that have been in a relationship for a while. It's more for couples that have been dating but no ILY yet. At the bottom she says when a man hints of a future with you we're talking short term dating. If you have been dating for more than 9 months you don't hint of a future together, you have open conversations about your future together.

January 25, 2017

Gaeta, those are all fair points. Any skeptic would question some taken in isolation. Still, I'd rather a guy be doing these things than not.

January 25, 2017

Gaeta, those are all fair points. Any skeptic would question some taken in isolation. Still, I'd rather a guy be doing these things than not.

It's not so much about if he does or doesn't do these things. It's more about when he does them it does not automatically means he is emotionally invested in you as being in love with you.

We come across a lot of treads on here from women who are baffled their guy moved on after they 'cuddled', because if they 'cuddled' and 'held hand' they had to be emotionally invested (in their logic). When the real test is if the man 'does' things for you or make 'efforts' or goes out of his way for you. I think that is the real sign if there is an investment from the man.

January 25, 2017

It's not so much about if he does or doesn't do these things. It's more about when he does them it does not automatically means he is emotionally invested in you as being in love with you.

We come across a lot of treads on here from women who are baffled their guy moved on after they 'cuddled', because if they 'cuddled' and 'held hand' they had to be emotionally invested (in their logic). When the real test is if the man 'does' things for you or make 'efforts' or goes out of his way for you. I think that is the real sign if there is an investment from the man.

I know what you're saying is true, but I can't deny that I would like it from the beginning and continuing on. And I agree that some of the items are more meaningful than others. I still like them all. I certainly wouldn't want a guy who didn't cuddle or didn't hold my hand.

January 25, 2017

It's not so much about if he does or doesn't do these things. It's more about when he does them it does not automatically means he is emotionally invested in you as being in love with you.

We come across a lot of treads on here from women who are baffled their guy moved on after they 'cuddled', because if they 'cuddled' and 'held hand' they had to be emotionally invested (in their logic). When the real test is if the man 'does' things for you or make 'efforts' or goes out of his way for you. I think that is the real sign if there is an investment from the man.

When my gf got a cold I went out to get the best hot and sour soup in the area, then I drove more than an hour to take it to her. I didn't tell her I was coming because I didn't want her to feel she needed to straighten up. After I got there I made tea. Then we cuddled. I said no to sex. My investment: 2.5 hours of driving round trip, gasoline, cost of the soup. My return: a woman who KNOWS that I care about her.

January 25, 2017

When my gf got a cold I went out to get the best hot and sour soup in the area, then I drove more than an hour to take it to her. I didn't tell her I was coming because I didn't want her to feel she needed to straighten up. After I got there I made tea. Then we cuddled. I said no to sex. My investment: 2.5 hours of driving round trip, gasoline, cost of the soup. My return: a woman who KNOWS that I care about her.

That is so nice of you! She must have been so endeared by that gesture.

January 25, 2017

That is so nice of you! She must have been so endeared by that gesture.

She was. It may have been too much. She told me I was a much better boyfriend than she was a girlfriend. I wasn't quite sure how to take that.

January 25, 2017

She was. It may have been too much. She told me I was a much better boyfriend than she was a girlfriend. I wasn't quite sure how to take that.

I guess it depends on whether you think she's correct.

Me, I'd smile and say "damn right".

January 25, 2017

She was. It may have been too much. She told me I was a much better boyfriend than she was a girlfriend. I wasn't quite sure how to take that.

It wasn't too much. But whether she's a good girlfriend or not is for you to answer.

January 25, 2017

It wasn't too much. But whether she's a good girlfriend or not is for you to answer.

I think she is. But I get the impression that she thinks she isn't.

Sometimes I think she believes she doesn't deserve to be treated well. That could explain her space wasting ex husband who was completely undeserving of her even from the beginning. She divorced him 9 years ago after she caught him embezzling money from his company and giving it to his mistress. She got everything. He knew if he didn't sign the papers she had drawn up she would likely report the crime and he'd go to jail.

January 25, 2017

Eh....When I look again at that list, it reeks of the "yes. dear" type of guy...Not that there is anything particularly wrong with that, but its not something id ever do...but that's me...

TFY

January 25, 2017

To me, he shows me that he loves me by, one, saying it. And two by treating me with respect, prioritizing my needs and wants as well, LISTENING to me, ASKING me about my day, thoughts, etc., and putting into action the things that I like as well.

To me it is a two way street so as much as I want to see that he loves me I also want to see that he loves himself as well.

Sign In

How do you know he loves you

Recommended Posts

Sweetfish

Popsicle

Popsicle

Sweetfish

Popsicle

Sweetfish

Gaeta

Leigh 87

Leigh 87

Leigh 87

Popsicle

Popsicle

Gaeta

Gaeta

Popsicle

Gaeta

Popsicle

Jj66

Gaeta

Jj66

GorillaTheater

Popsicle

Jj66

thefooloftheyear

Got it

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...