Hopeful30 Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 My boyfriend has had a rough few days at work. He was up all night, barely slept, and this morning he was affectionate with me, though I saw he had a very sad mood. We took a bath together, I was comforting because I sense he needs this right now, but before I started making breakfast, he said he would spend the day at his place. I asked him if he was okay, he said yes. I also asked if maybe I did or said something that he didn't agree with, and he said no. I don't feel this is related to the relationship, and even though I'm being comforting and offering my support (even just by sitting next to him without saying a word), I feel like it's inadequate. I mentioned today that I found an opportunity for a job, could that be the reason for his disappointment? He's old fashioned and feels the man should be the breadwinner, and since he is struggling financially right now, he might feel inadequate because I'm going back into the field of work (currently a student in Uni -- career change in progress). What's your opinion? Is there any other way I can offer my support and comfort at the moment? It hurts me to see him like this. Thanks
Gaeta Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 Absolutely. It can hit them right in their self-esteem. My bf is waiting for his permanent residency in my country and till then he cannot work in his field so till he gets his license he works at a fraction of what he's used to. It's hard on him and his self-worth and yes sometimes he is down a bit and he needs some time alone which I give him with no resistance. I encourage him the best I can think of. I remind him it's a temporary situation and everything will be alright and no matter the hurdles we will face it together. At every opportunity I try to boost his ego in other areas, when he helps me with something I tell him how I appreciate he makes my life easier and how I am happy he takes good care of me. I ask him advice and tell him I trust his judgement, I tell him how he brights up my days and makes me happy and of course at every occasion I tell him what a wonderful lover he is. A little bit of this every day goes a long way. 2
BluesPower Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 Yes, yes and yes... Always and forever. If they lose their job, or fail in some ways, they feel like, well a failure. Some men seem to get all of their approval and satisfaction from their job. You really should not, but many do. 2
Lilyana76 Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 It can take a major hit on their self esteem if they aren't getting promoted or a raise as they see fit. Be there for him, and support him. As you have been. Let him know you understand how he feels, but remind him that he is important and you value him no matter what. Hopefully he will find that, being successful or not at the office, isn't what makes him a successful human being in life. 1
gaius Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 This might be harsh but your boyfriend just sounds weak in general hopeful. I've had terrible days at work, a few days when I thought I might get fired. But I still come home, get hard when I lay eyes on my love and sleep through the night. I don't think anything you do at the end of the day is going to make your problems with this guy get any better. It's just who he is. Weak.
Gaeta Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 This might be harsh but your boyfriend just sounds weak in general hopeful. I've had terrible days at work, a few days when I thought I might get fired. But I still come home, get hard when I lay eyes on my love and sleep through the night. I don't think anything you do at the end of the day is going to make your problems with this guy get any better. It's just who he is. Weak. That's extremely harsh for no reason. A man can have a moment of vulnerability with his gf without risking being called weak. 3
kendahke Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 My boyfriend has had a rough few days at work. He was up all night, barely slept, and this morning he was affectionate with me, though I saw he had a very sad mood. We took a bath together, I was comforting because I sense he needs this right now, but before I started making breakfast, he said he would spend the day at his place. I asked him if he was okay, he said yes. I also asked if maybe I did or said something that he didn't agree with, and he said no. I don't feel this is related to the relationship, and even though I'm being comforting and offering my support (even just by sitting next to him without saying a word), I feel like it's inadequate. I mentioned today that I found an opportunity for a job, could that be the reason for his disappointment? He's old fashioned and feels the man should be the breadwinner, and since he is struggling financially right now, he might feel inadequate because I'm going back into the field of work (currently a student in Uni -- career change in progress). What's your opinion? My opinion is that you need to let him work through what he needs to work through. Is there any other way I can offer my support and comfort at the moment? It hurts me to see him like this. Don't offer it unless he asks you for it. Give him space in his man cave without making it all about you. He already knows that you're there for him. And while that's wonderful, by the same token, he may equate comfort with being coddled like a child--he's not a child. He's an adult who has adult issues he has to work through for himself. To answer the question in the title of this thread: yes--the inability to support one's self can have a huge impact on a guy if he's got an ideal of what it means to be a man and he's not meeting it. It also is prevalent in some women, me being one of them. I don't equate being frustrated with where one is in life with being weak--that is silly and too great of a leap. 1
Redhead14 Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 It hurts me to see him like this . . . men don't want or need their partners to be "mothers". He does not need the additional pressure of know that his partner is unhappy or hurting in any way. He needs a strong partner, who can allow him to deal with his problems without clinging to him or smothering/nurturing. If they want nurturing, they will come to you. All that being said, it's is understandable and natural for a person to pull away for a little while at certain times, but they should not completely cut you out and drop off the earth for a week or more if the relationship is sound. Let him do what he needs to do. He's showing you that he needs space. When someone tells me they need space, I become NASA and they can contact Houston when/if they figure out/resolve what their problem is. If they take too long and cut me out altogether, they may find that they don't have a place to land their aircraft. It's OK to reach out in a light way here and there, but let them come to you. Be receptive and positive when they do reach out. Don't pull on him or shower him with niceties. A little something here and there is OK. If he basically disappears for more than a week, there may be something else wrong. 2
Mrin Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 Lol. Love this topic. As others have said, the short answer is yes. Yes. And hell yes. So now what do you do about it? Love that you want to be supportive. You finding a job may be a rub on him. Or maybe not. Depends on the guy. The bath was a good move. Honestly, don't take this wrong but the best thing you can do is f*** like there is no tomorrow. Act like his cock spurts out liquid gold. That it is literally impossible to get too much of it. We men are simple creatures and to believe that we are being craved by our women is a huge ego stroke.
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