To move on? [He went back to his ex. this explains everything]

[BeStronger]

Long story short - Just got out a broken marriage, and started dating awhile ago.

 

I met this guy, and we started hanging out. The whole relationship felt like a whirlwind romance. From the time we met, till we got together, was like 1.5 weeks.

 

We didn't last long, he ended things with me 1 month into our relationship. Saying I was moving too fast for him (talking marriage and all - which in my defense, was brought out in jokes because he started saying things like "next time when get a house, when we get married etc)

 

That was 1 month ago. After the breakup, I was desperate to get back with him, so I threw my pride out of the window and "pleaded" with him (Total regrets here). He said no, even though he still had feelings for me.

 

Occasionally, we would hang out. He would send me the most mixed signals one could ever ask for. When we were out, he'd hold my hands, and if i held on too, he'd let go. He'd put his arms around my waist, feed me, tell acquaintances that I'm his girlfriend. Sometimes he'd call me baby, or say things like hold me. He'd lean in to try to tease me for kisses.

 

However, whenever i become too clingy/needy, he'd pull away and totally distance himself from me.

 

A few days ago, we had an argument. I had made plans for us to have lunch together alone after meeting some friends. Initially he agreed the night before. When i told him, he said he had already made plans, and didn't even inform me. Obviously i got pissed, so I showed my displeasure and he told me "Let's not make plans anymore then." I was pissed off and said "fine" and drove off.

 

We didn't talk for about 2 days, then he texted and asked me how my day was. We texted intermittently that day, we were obviously taking our time to reply each other. Then he didn't reply my text at all. I called him the next day, asking him what was up and why he didn't reply, then he told me that he had a gf (totally bull**** in my opinion, but who knows), and he couldn't divide his attention with me and her. So he wanted to text less and that he wasn't a texty person to begin with. I told him to please stop thinking i was hung up on him (even though I am maybe), and that I didn't have any more feelings. He asked if it was because I was seeing someone else, I said maybe, but most importantly cos he never gave me a reason to hold on. His actions were inconsistent. I felt like i was dating Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.

 

We hung up. No contact till 2 days later when he called and asked me how my day was. We spoke for about 10 mins, totally cordial and friendly. Next day, he texted me again asking me how my day was. We texted for awhile, and I didn't reply him.

 

That was yesterday. Right now, I am so tempted to text him to just reach out and be "friendly", but I have no idea what I should do.

 

I still have feelings. I really had one of the greatest times of my life with him. But his mind games drive me really crazy. I'm wondering if my sudden lack of interest will cause him to pull away or not. I think i still wanna keep him as a friend, i don't know.

 

Thanks for listening to me rant. I needed this.

[Satu]

From my journals:

 

 

Getting back on the horse

 

"Never begin a new relationship until you've fully moved on from the one before.

 

Also never begin a new relationship with someone who hasn't fully moved on from their one before.

 

By 'moved on,' I mean any necessary grieving done, not preoccupied with the ex, enjoying life, feeling good about yourself, and optimistic about the future.

 

The best way to move on is to decide to be single for a while; not dating, not hooking up, no fwb.

 

'Get back on the horse' is sound advice, but its best to let the cuts and bruises heal before you do."

(ymmv)

 

Take care.

[ExpatInItaly]

Stay away from him.

 

He is toxic for you, and playing you like a fiddle. Stop allowing him to do it.

 

He is not friend material, either. Sorry, OP. You need to move on.

[RatherNotSay]

I have to agree with the two previous replies,

 

This relation you have with him is toxic. Even if you contact him, and even you two get back together, nothing will change. He and you will remain the same.

 

As harsh it might seem to you, as much as you don't want to do it nor even read this,

 

You have to cut off contact completely. Not even friends. 'till you both have moved on, then who knows.

[BeStronger]

Thank you for all your replies.

 

How is it that even though i know all these, it's still so hard to let go?

 

I want to stop letting him manipulate my mood. He called me yesterday and we spoke on the phone for like almost 30 mins. It was like as if time went back to our good days.

 

Since the call, I haven't heard from him. But i did just text him awhile ago, but he has yet to respond even though he saw the text.

 

Just a quick question, how to learn to stop obsessing over a person this way? It's like if i don't hear from him, my mood goes from good to bad. and the minute i see his name on my phone, it's like i'm completely happy. The cycle goes on the whole day.

 

It's exhausting

[BeStronger]

We broke up slightly more than a month ago, in between this month, we've gone out, hung out, talked on he phone, whatsapp and what not.

 

The last few days have been different, our texts/calls have drastically decreased and we've not met for about 1 week (which is longest we have gone).

 

I want to start the process of healing fully. I want to try to go NC. How do i start because in this one month of breaking up and going back and forth - (he initiated wanting to be friends) he has been sending me very mixed signals. Blowing hot and cold.

 

We work together in the same building. Though we don't bump into each other often (thankfully). I'm trying to make this as proper as it gets, because I didn't go NC the minute we broke up - but rather doing the friendship dance.

 

Please help.

[LargoLagg]

Be calm and direct. Call him up, rather than text or email, because that shows strength, respect and sincerity. Say something to the effect that you've been thinking about things and you've decided that what's best for you right now is to avoid contact with him. Tell him because you can't do that due to your close proximity, you have to do it through your actions. Then tell him it's nothing personal and you'll get in touch when you're ready, but until then, you'd appreciate it if he doesn't try to get in touch with you, or even acknowledge you if you run into each other in the building. I don't know if you want to go that far, but if you do, then just say so.

 

You can entertain a couple of questions, but don't apologize and don't talk about your reasons or your feelings. Just reiterate that this is what you've decided, then say goodbye and thank him for understanding and cooperating.

 

Then you're clean and green.

[BeStronger]

Just need some support to get through the day.

 

Long story short, we ended things in dec (just before Christmas). Danced on and off till last week where he abruptly went LC on me.

 

Coincidentally, before we went LC, I saw that he became friends again with his ex (who he still loves) on the social media platform.

 

Usually when i go NC, he will always come back within a day or two. This time its been a week.

 

He used to say his ex deleted him of all social media, so now that they have "rekindled" i think it means something more.

 

I'm not reading too much into it, but somehow it gives me the closure to why he could suddenly just disappear from me. He found another supply.

 

I just need some support today. Thanks everyone.

[BeStronger]

I want to text him so badly. I want to ask him how he could just leave me and disappear on me. How could he have moved on (or backwards in this case) to be with someone when I'm still hurting.

 

How can this short term relationship have such an impact on me is beyond me. I'm way better than that. I deserve a man that really loves me, not one that bails on me suddenly.

 

Feeling so down right now. Can't wait to get better. Can't wait to not feel anything when I think of him again.

[VeveCakes]

time to delete and block him on ALL social media. The only way forward from here...

[courtneykay]

Delete and block him. It's the only way.

 

After my long-term relationship ended, I was in a similar situation. I dove into a relationship with a new guy, where the terms of our relationship were always loose, we were official at one point, then just "friends," but we slept together, went on dates, and had on and off contact. This went on for months, until I finally decided I had enough and went NC.

 

You deserve better. You deserve someone who will give you their full attention. The way he is treating you SUCKS! Don't settle for that.

 

If he reaches out to you, either ignore it or just say it plain and simple, you don't want him to contact you anymore.

 

Best of luck.

[BeStronger]

time to delete and block him on ALL social media. The only way forward from here...

 

It's so hard to. We technically co-workers, so doing that would be so awkward if we met again or had to work together?

[BeStronger]

Delete and block him. It's the only way.

 

After my long-term relationship ended, I was in a similar situation. I dove into a relationship with a new guy, where the terms of our relationship were always loose, we were official at one point, then just "friends," but we slept together, went on dates, and had on and off contact. This went on for months, until I finally decided I had enough and went NC.

 

You deserve better. You deserve someone who will give you their full attention. The way he is treating you SUCKS! Don't settle for that.

 

If he reaches out to you, either ignore it or just say it plain and simple, you don't want him to contact you anymore.

 

Best of luck.

 

I know it does. I know i deserve better. I'm just wondering if in the last conversation i had with him before we went NC, if i had said something wrong.