purrrfectlyflawed Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 Great, then find women looking for sex. Adult Friend Finder is a great site for that so is Craigs List. I had in my profile I am not looking for a hookup. I have 10 guys in my phone I can use for sex, why would I join a dating site for that if that is all I wanted? I have it avail to my anytime. Not bragging, just a fact. QUOTE=phineas;7204036]Do you see the problem here with dating apps? men who want relationships are basically ignored or should they manage to schedule a date, they are ghosted on because women get hit up by guys like the OP's guy who just wants sex and they forget the other guy. because he isn't "exciting" like the player types. Then complain "men just want sex" and FYI the reason most men online are just looking for sex is because most women online are looking for the same thing. 2
selinaluv Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 i don't know what you are saying here. that men who want relationships and don't try for sex lose interest in you? No, more like quite a few of the nice guys online do not know how to maintain momentum and keep the conversation going. Not all, but some. That was my initial comment. Many don't even get to the first date because they don't even ask or progress fast enough. Even when I do most of the work and initiate, the ball still moves slowly, so interest is eventually lost. We could blame the fact that the women get blinded by the players, but if those are the ones who usually keep moving things forward, asking for dates, keeping the woman interested, the onus is also on the relationship guys to be a bit more forward and aggressive. Hope that makes sense.
SwordofFlame Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 It's hard to take things slow with dating apps. If you don't put out relatively quickly, people move on because they'll just get another date. That applies to both men and women. I'm an average looking guy and all my relationships that actually went somewhere from dating apps, we had sex on the third date or sooner. I guess people assume that you're not into them or playing games if you make them wait. Maybe things are different for older folk, but I'm in my late 20s. I'm also of the belief that the timing of when you have sex doesn't really have a significant impact on whether that leads to a long term relationship or not. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 I'm just not seeing - in the real, physical, all-around-me world - this motif of "nice guys just won't ever get the girls, it's so much harder for them and girls constantly deny them." The overwhelming majority of hooked-up (girlfriend, or wife) men I know are very, very, very, very, very average, non-"player," non-uber-charismatic, basic, good guys. 2
Pill Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 So I met a guy on an app called Bumble (like Tinder but where women have to initiate the convo). I always think that the kind of guys that match with me are the types who don't just want a casual hookup as my profile is very PG/innocent looking and I state my intent to make friends (having moved to a new city) and slowly see if it leads into something meaningful. BUT this assumption is misguided I guess as women probably come across as not into hook-ups initially but do that very thing, so a guy can try right!! So the guy and I go on a first date, we have drinks at a bar and stay for hours, like 4+ and the bar is near his house so I agree to walk him home on the basis that I'll order an uber from the front of his place (which I did do). We had crazy good chemistry in my opinion. Out the front, we made out heavily but he was very grabby/hands everywhere and asked me to come in, which I politely declined. He then messaged me the next day saying he had a lot of fun and that we should do it again next week, and I agreed (although being a bit apprehensive as to his intentions). Second date: dinner and drinks (he paid), again stayed out until like 2am, we held hands a lot, he wanted to know all about me and my family, life values etc etc, (he also texted me everyday in between the dates). Afterwards, I walked him to his house and I went in to have a glass of water (both kind of drunk at that point), but I already told him I was only staying for 5 mins to have water as I didn't know him that well just yet. More making out in the kitchen and he was trying hard to seduce me and talking very dirty-ly and grabbing me everywhere and trying to undress me while making out. I then exited the situation (not in a rude way) and he kissed me goodbye a few more times and I caught my uber home. Then nothing. 2 day pass and I send a "how'd the rest of your weekend go" type message. He replied and asked a question but at like midnight, so I responded the next morning, no questions in my text though (I could feel the fade on his part - huge decline in text frequency before the 2nd date). Then he wrote back about 10 hours later confirming that he also has two days of leave this week (it's a public holiday in Australia), but didn't ask me any questions or to hang out again, despite us both having time off. So my approach is currently to not reply. I haven't responded because I think he was only after one thing. Do you guys agree? He was previously messaging me daily, checking in, always asking a lot of questions, always complimenting me, even multi-texting, and then post the 2nd date, just dropped away. I think it has more to do with the fact that it seems like you get off on getting him aroused then pulling back. Getting sent home with blue balls isn't fun. If I was dating someone who appears to get off on having me chase I'll stop pursuing too. That's why I don't kiss and "hook up" until after a few dates. No hand holding or lovey dovey stuff until she's comfortable going all the way.
Dis Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 You ladies may not feel like it, but you are so young. He is there. And when you find the right one you really will know it. He may not necessarily be your forever one (we did get divorced, but for many years he was my one and I wouldn't change it for anything), but when it is right and good there will be no games and he really will make it so clear. And I found it when I least expected it navigating the same way through the heartache of my early 20's dating. Turned out he was right there in my face and when he was ready he showed me. That is why I always believe it can happen at any time. Thank you so much girl! Needed to hear this! 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 I think it has more to do with the fact that it seems like you get off on getting him aroused then pulling back. Getting sent home with blue balls isn't fun. If I was dating someone who appears to get off on having me chase I'll stop pursuing too. That's why I don't kiss and "hook up" until after a few dates. No hand holding or lovey dovey stuff until she's comfortable going all the way. She can't hold your hand until you've gotten an assurance that she's going to spread her legs???? OMG. I would make my first date with that person my last. I'm not 15, I can't be threatened with "you 'tease' me by holding my hand, you better be prepared to lie down, pronto". I mean my goodness. 3
Author Mkn1010 Posted January 25, 2017 Author Posted January 25, 2017 For the record, I do not get off on getting guys arroused and then leaving! I usually don't even make out with guys on the 1st or 2nd date for that reason, and wouldn't have here if HE wasn't the one constantly pulling me in for a makeout session, he got arroused at his own doing! He did all the grabbing, I was trying to be PG and polite at the same time as I did like him, can you even fathom the trickiness involved in that haha This is an isolated situation for me! I also agree with the poster about how people will just go and find another date if you don't put out by like date 3, but that's not my issue. I'm not going to change my values just to blend in with dating app culture! Yuck! And thank you Selinaluv for the inspiring post about finding love! That made me smile today and I know you're right as I've been lucky enough to be in love once and it was completely random timing and an unexpected person! No games either, you both just KNOW and it's wonderful 1
selinaluv Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 For the record, I do not get off on getting guys arroused and then leaving! I usually don't even make out with guys on the 1st or 2nd date for that reason, and wouldn't have here if HE wasn't the one constantly pulling me in for a makeout session, he got arroused at his own doing! He did all the grabbing, I was trying to be PG and polite at the same time as I did like him, can you even fathom the trickiness involved in that haha This is an isolated situation for me! I also agree with the poster about how people will just go and find another date if you don't put out by like date 3, but that's not my issue. I'm not going to change my values just to blend in with dating app culture! Yuck! And thank you Selinaluv for the inspiring post about finding love! That made me smile today and I know you're right as I've been lucky enough to be in love once and it was completely random timing and an unexpected person! No games either, you both just KNOW and it's wonderful Awe thank you both for the kind words. I know how frustrating it seems cause I am right there with you now. But I also try and remember how it all felt before and how EASY it all was. That is what it should be and what keeps me positive, cause I know it can happen anytime and I am happy in life regardless. I also know a couple in their early 40s who met on Tinder with the complete intention of a hook up. Both of them. Something completely clicked, surprised them both, and they were engaged to be married last year. He was the self-admitted handsome, hook up guy and he expected the same with her. But they met and decided they genuinely had fun with each other and started dating. She had been so jaded by men, it took him sitting her down and giving her the verbal smack in the face that he was genuine and he loved her. They are the perfect example it can happen even off of Tinder lol. 1
phineas Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 No, more like quite a few of the nice guys online do not know how to maintain momentum and keep the conversation going. Not all, but some. That was my initial comment. Many don't even get to the first date because they don't even ask or progress fast enough. Even when I do most of the work and initiate, the ball still moves slowly, so interest is eventually lost. We could blame the fact that the women get blinded by the players, but if those are the ones who usually keep moving things forward, asking for dates, keeping the woman interested, the onus is also on the relationship guys to be a bit more forward and aggressive. Hope that makes sense. it does now. But i don't know what to tell you. I did ask for dates and did get dates and did have women alone at my house and then did absolutely nothing. LOL! it took a while for me to learn to be forward and aggressive and it took women being aggressive towards me first to give me the confidence to make moves.
phineas Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 I think it has more to do with the fact that it seems like you get off on getting him aroused then pulling back. Getting sent home with blue balls isn't fun. If I was dating someone who appears to get off on having me chase I'll stop pursuing too. That's why I don't kiss and "hook up" until after a few dates. No hand holding or lovey dovey stuff until she's comfortable going all the way. eh, when you've had a girl start kissing you, let you take her top off, let you put your fingers...ahem....then she tells you "I can't". twice. then you've got a tease. i wasn't there but it doesn't sound like she was leading him on. 2
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 26, 2017 Posted January 26, 2017 eh, when you've had a girl start kissing you, let you take her top off, let you put your fingers...ahem....then she tells you "I can't". twice. then you've got a tease. i wasn't there but it doesn't sound like she was leading him on. This is just nuts. Do women really do this? Grown women? I haven't heard of this sort of thing since high school!
phineas Posted January 27, 2017 Posted January 27, 2017 This is just nuts. Do women really do this? Grown women? I haven't heard of this sort of thing since high school! It's happened a few times with women 40 and older. I just go NC on them when they do that crap.
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