Conflicted!!! [he cheats, and he is selfish, he is a terrible father]

[enlighten-me]

I'm new to this discussion forum but I'm giving it a chance, so maybe I can get some advice that could help me along with this.

 

I'm 29 years old and I've been involved with the same guy since we were in highschool for almost 15 years (on and off). We have a little boy together. Unfortunately, our relationship has always been toxic. There are the obvious reasons why I shouldn't be involved with him anymore; he cheats, and he is selfish, he is a terrible father. I know he loves our son but he is not responsible in any way a father should be. I lost custody of our son during the last time we were together because of drug use but I have 11 months clean and am doing everything within my power to get my life together and, although my son isn't in my home with me, I see him as much as possible and we have such a great relationship. I love my son and he comes first.

 

On the other hand, I want to support his father. I love him but I know that I'm not in love with him. I care for him deeply though, and I want him to be in my son's life. I've even entertained the idea of being with him if there ever came a time that he could get his life together. It's difficult for me to just walk away. How do I get to a point where I can break away from this? Or can I, because he's the father of my son? I don't want his actions to damage my son.. he hasn't seen him in months and I try to encourage him to do what it takes to build a relationship with our son before it's too late. I know it's not in my control how he goes about living his life. I love my son, and it hurts my heart to see him hurt. Especially over his dad. I'm 100% in compliance with child services and my case is moving forward with each passing day. I'm doing so good, and he's doing absolutely nothing on his end of the case.

 

Any advice?

[BluesPower]

He is not your problem, getting your life together and getting custody of your son is what you need to be concerned about.

 

Now that you are sober, I am hoping you are in some type recovery program.

 

In that you should learn that you are not responsible for your husband. You cannot fix him.

 

If he gets his life together and becomes part of your son's life that is great. But you cannot count on that, and you cannot allow it to affect your progress and your recovery.

 

I am guessing that you and your H were both involved in drugs and that is why you lost custody. So until he is sober he should be no where around you or your child.

 

So focus on yourself and your child. I have lived with a drug addict for 20 years and I can promise you that you cannot fix another addict. Only they can do that.