deehask Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 hey guys, so my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me almost 3 months ago, we were very close and were planning on getting married and all of that after university, but we had a lot of petty arguments that i guess she just got fed up by. she would always tell me how just weeks before she met me she would pray to god that she would meet the right guy, and as soon as she met me she would always tell me that i am everything that she ever wanted, she would constantly tell me through out the relationship how happy she was. we had so much in common. what I'm trying to say is that we really did have something so special. anyways so she ended up breaking up with me 2 years later, and not too long after she got into a rebound relationship. i know for a fact that it is a rebound because she started seeing this guy literally less than half a week after we broke up. it has been 3 months and she is still been with him. i went NC right after we broke up, and surely almost a month after she contacted me. we started talking every now and then after that and she would cry almost all the time saying how she misses me and all that, i told her too that i miss her but what she is doing to me is very damaging... but this is where it gets interesting!! i would ask her well then lets try to make it work again, and she would reply with " your the only person that i ever want to be with and i love you so much, i feel so empty without you" and all that BS. then she would continue by saying "if i could get back together with you right now i would but I'm just too damaged" lol WTF? confusing much? then she tells me that I'm still her best friend and if we could still be friends, so i tell her no sorry i still have feelings for you and i cannot just be your friend, especially now that your seeing this kid (2 years younger than her and we are both 21). LONG STORY SHORT: i go NC again but she would still contact me every here and there... i would not reply most of the time, but you gotta understand that no one really understands her like i do, so when she contacts me in need of emotional help i just get weak and start being there for her... btw keep in mind that i NEVER contact her first, even when I'm missing her. I'm not trying to run after someone that left me. what I'm trying to say is.. it has come to the point where most of the time when she contacts me its because she is sad and depressed about something, usually its about school and w.e don't get me wrong.. i would love to get her back, but as much as i miss her and think about her... I'm not trying to get in a relationship where either one of us or both of us are still damaged. it won't work.. i need advice from you guys as to what i should be doing right now overytime she contacts me... her new man clearly doesn't connect with her in such a way where she needs to contact me all the time for emotional support. but what do i do.. i feel like she's using me and at the same time stringing me along.... because she has told me several times in the past that she knows its not going to work out with this new guy.. so...whats your advice? and thank you in advance
dragonfly23 Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 It sounds to me like she doesnt know what she wants. Until she does, any relationship she has is going to be a rollercoaster ride. You need someone who is willing to fully commit to you. I know you have feelings for her, but there are so many new experiences you could be enjoying, instead of waiting around for her to figure it out. Dont be a shoulder for her to cry on, its not your job right now. She is not being fair, or faithful to you or her boyfriend. Live your life! Dont let her drama drag you down and keep you from finding happiness
Author deehask Posted January 23, 2017 Author Posted January 23, 2017 yeah but like how do i tell her that, I'm not waiting for her, but I'm not looking for another relationship right now either, it won't be fair to the girl because i still have feelings for my ex, and that would just make her a rebound for me. so how do i tell her that its not my job anymore to help you out with your emotional situations. cuz i feel like if i tell her that straight up then i would sound like a dick. and yes you are right, she has no clue what she wants right now. recently a week before new years, she showed up at my place, i went outside and got in her car and talked for a bit, we ended up hanging out for the day. we hooked up in her car, just kissing.. she started to cry telling me that she felt something. and i told her that i did too. then i told her to go figure out her **** right now with this kid, and she says yeah i will. then 2 days later she comes to see me and we hang out for about an hour, she then tells me that she won't be able to talk to me for the next week, and when i ask her why she tells me she's going to this kids cottage with his family. i tell her I'm confused af and like why she's doing this she tells me its because there is a ski resort there.. lmao. so then I'm like... ok....and then i leave the car, a week later school starts and i see her on the first day. so i ask her like "whats happening?" and she tells me that she doesn't think she's going to break up with him.. LMAO. she says its because things are going well between them right now, so i tell her okay then don't ever contact me again because I'm not your second option. she's then crying saying how she wants to be with me but she just can't... not the first time she's saying this. i go NC and then now here i am... she's contacting me again... kinda f'ed up. also another thing you need to know, i don't give one s.h.i.t. about this kid she's with because he was my closest friend at university.. so he's nothing but a scum. just letting you guys know that i really don't care how things end up for him, he's not a good person. plus he influences her to smoke weed and drink on tuesdays and stuff.. i genuinely was worried about her so i told her mom to watch out, not that I'm trying to sabotage their relationship or whatever. and not too long after that she dropped 2 courses because she wasn't on top of her work... go figure.
Pumpingiron34 Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 Heres what you do, you run and you run some more. Block her and then continue running.
Author deehask Posted January 23, 2017 Author Posted January 23, 2017 Heres what you do, you run and you run some more. Block her and then continue running. yeeeeaaahhhhh.. see here is the problem with that.. when we were dating i lived at her place with her parents for about a year, her parents love me and still love me. they paid over $10,000 for my school in order for me to get my high school grades back up so that i can go to university. right now i have the help of OSAP to help me for school but her mother is still paying off the remaining balance every semester. so whether i want to or not... I'm still going to be stumbling across her every now and then. her parents accept me. like... literally. they wanted us to get married. plus i voluntarily helped to take care of her handicapped sister for 5 months... but then again, my relationship with her parents has nothing to do with her. im not going to lie, i want her back. but i will go wherever god takes me. because that is whats best for me. i want to know how to deal with her when she contacts whenever she is in need of help. how to break the news to her that..well... basically tell her "too bad" this isn't my problem right now, go and talk with your boyfriend"
dragonfly23 Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 I dont blame you for not being concerned with "the other guy". What I am trying to point out is that what she is doing in her relationship with him, is most likely the same thing she will do, or was already doing, if she was in a relationship with you. Confiding in another person of the opposite sex, falls in the category or cheating. I know you dont want to seem like a jerk, but she will keep using you over and over. You will start to heal, and she will run back, tearing your heart open again. Its tough to see clearly when your heart has a lot at stake. You completely removing yourself from her life will help her see things clearer. She has the best of both worlds right now, but she can only have 1. She will never see that cuz you cloud her judgement
Author deehask Posted January 23, 2017 Author Posted January 23, 2017 yeah, it would be best if i just ignore her than huh? i think deep down I've been fooling myself by telling myself all this nonsense, but in reality i just want her back. and I've been trying to get her back by attempting to connect with her the way we used to. i definitely do not want to give her the best of both worlds, but i want to connect with her the way we used to. and when i was with her, we were together every day. i knew for a fact that she did not talk to other guys when she was with me, she even voluntarily gave me passwords to all of her social media. i did not check them because i did trust her. I'm pretty sure she's talking to me while with this kid because there is still "something" there between us. and once again, i know its still technically wrong to do this because there is someone else in the picture, but i don't care. i really don't care about him, he just wants to get laid and he took advantage of my ex when she was most vulnerable. he doesn't care about me. i don't care about what happens to him. I'm pretty sure he's caught strong feelings for her because she would tell me how he would tell her sometimes that he's "scared" because sometimes when he tells her that he loves her, she doesn't say it back. like wtf does he expect, she just got out of a serious 2 year relationship. with that being said. i don't care what happens to him. he is my enemy. i don't show any hatred towards him, and i do not do purposely do anything to get back at him. i just want my girlfriend back. and if he gets hurt in the process, thats too bad. his intentions are not good with her. sorry, i just got a little mad there thinking about the whole thing.
Pumpingiron34 Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 yeah, it would be best if i just ignore her than huh? i think deep down I've been fooling myself by telling myself all this nonsense, but in reality i just want her back. and I've been trying to get her back by attempting to connect with her the way we used to. i definitely do not want to give her the best of both worlds, but i want to connect with her the way we used to. and when i was with her, we were together every day. i knew for a fact that she did not talk to other guys when she was with me, she even voluntarily gave me passwords to all of her social media. i did not check them because i did trust her. I'm pretty sure she's talking to me while with this kid because there is still "something" there between us. and once again, i know its still technically wrong to do this because there is someone else in the picture, but i don't care. i really don't care about him, he just wants to get laid and he took advantage of my ex when she was most vulnerable. he doesn't care about me. i don't care about what happens to him. I'm pretty sure he's caught strong feelings for her because she would tell me how he would tell her sometimes that he's "scared" because sometimes when he tells her that he loves her, she doesn't say it back. like wtf does he expect, she just got out of a serious 2 year relationship. with that being said. i don't care what happens to him. he is my enemy. i don't show any hatred towards him, and i do not do purposely do anything to get back at him. i just want my girlfriend back. and if he gets hurt in the process, thats too bad. his intentions are not good with her. sorry, i just got a little mad there thinking about the whole thing. Samething but, i was with my girl for five years. I really got so fed up with the every time they fought she ran to me game. Thats what shes gunna do. Save every phone call and message. Thats what i did. Then, i just messaged him and said hey listen dude ive had enough of playing option for your girlfriend keep her away from my life. He dident even believe me but, i had proof. He to is also a scumbag recovering addict(funny cause she left me whos in college bc "she wanted somebody with a future or whatever bs" well she got a felon close enough. I also definitely got the last laugh on her bc she would of prolly never thought in a million years id do that but, why am i keeping her secretes shes banging him, go get emotional support from him. (this is bad advice but, honestly i just couldn't play back up boyfriend anymore)
Author deehask Posted January 23, 2017 Author Posted January 23, 2017 Samething but, i was with my girl for five years. I really got so fed up with the every time they fought she ran to me game. Thats what shes gunna do. Save every phone call and message. Thats what i did. Then, i just messaged him and said hey listen dude ive had enough of playing option for your girlfriend keep her away from my life. He dident even believe me but, i had proof. He to is also a scumbag recovering addict(funny cause she left me whos in college bc "she wanted somebody with a future or whatever bs" well she got a felon close enough. I also definitely got the last laugh on her bc she would of prolly never thought in a million years id do that but, why am i keeping her secretes shes banging him, go get emotional support from him. (this is bad advice but, honestly i just couldn't play back up boyfriend anymore) lmao, thats hilarious. i guess she got what she deserved. yeah I'm not trying to play no backup either, i do want to make it work with her tho. but at the same time I'm not no therapist, i really don't care that she can't get the emotional support that she needs from her boyfriend, and that she has to come get it from me. i just give it to her hoping i can reconnect with her and have her realize that we could make it work again. but maybe I've done enough, i need to stop giving it to her, i think then she will wake up one morning and realize what she has lost. i helped her through everything while we were together, i gave her the motivation to go back to school. i gave her hope. i helped her make wiser decisions.. ect...
RatherNotSay Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 Hey mate, Soo, I didn't go over all the comments, but I believe you can never trust your intuition nor your point of view because its going to be blinded by your feelings. Even then, if you honestly love her, no matter what type of advises you get from the observer your subconscious mind will choose to ignore it unless it's something you want to hear. It's not until you yourself become the observer of your feelings and your relationship you will be able to make the right choices. For what its worth, I see this relation you have with her is toxic, and shes keeping you on the side in case things didn't work out with the new guy, (don take anything she says man) YOU said it yourself, her words are BS. You need to cut off contact completely, and start the healing process, god knows how long that will be. Good luck mate !
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