First date

[Pill]

I guess I should have. It was a combination of me being tired, stressed, insecure and afraid of rejection or getting hurt. Also, the fact that we talked for almost a month before we met and I told him so many details about my life made it look more like a friends meeting.

 

I totally understand. I think the most important thing to remember when dating is that we're all human so there is no need to put anyone on a pedestal. When we do that our minds cause us put on facades which of course aren't natural, and the result is turning people away.

 

Instead of wondering if he's interested I would reach out and let him know how much you enjoyed his company and look forward to seeing him again. Or even ask him out if you're froggy.

[BDJ_1]

I did say thank you for the beer as we parted our ways. And I did send a text last night asking about his evening. He wasnt interested in continuing conversation or textkng me this morning.

 

I think he either didnt feel any chemistry or lost interest when we met in person. The date was 2 hours long but not sure it means anything.

 

In terms of conveying interest "thanks for the beer" conveys nothing, as it is simply polite to do so and any normal person whether interested in him or not would likely say this. Next time try something like "I had a fun time, we should do this again".

 

Initiating a text after a date conveys more interest. But asking about his evening, boring! Why not ask him about something you spoke about on the date or continue a joke you had on the date? This would help generate some of the chemistry you are looking for.

[Gracieboo]

In terms of conveying interest "thanks for the beer" conveys nothing, as it is simply polite to do so and any normal person whether interested in him or not would likely say this. Next time try something like "I had a fun time, we should do this again".

 

Initiating a text after a date conveys more interest. But asking about his evening, boring! Why not ask him about something you spoke about on the date or continue a joke you had on the date? This would help generate some of the chemistry you are looking for.

 

While on a date I mentioned I had to work on my assignment once I get home. He was surprised because it was almost midnight amd I was drinking.

Yesterday, I texted him asking about his evening but then, I mentioned how I finished the assignment and made so many mistakes (because of the alcohol). He didnt say much back.

[NinjaX]

While on a date I mentioned I had to work on my assignment once I get home. He was surprised because it was almost midnight amd I was drinking.

Yesterday, I texted him asking about his evening but then, I mentioned how I finished the assignment and made so many mistakes (because of the alcohol). He didnt say much back.

 

You can consider being more forward with something like

"Hey, let me know when you're free. I'd like to get together again if you're down for it :)"

 

 

If he's wishy washy about it, then you know you can focus your efforts on someone else.

[Versacehottie]

While on a date I mentioned I had to work on my assignment once I get home. He was surprised because it was almost midnight amd I was drinking.

Yesterday, I texted him asking about his evening but then, I mentioned how I finished the assignment and made so many mistakes (because of the alcohol). He didnt say much back.

 

This is just a dating critique since you are giving very helpful details and it does seem like you want to get to the bottom of this. BDJ is right a general "how is your evening" is boring and too general, especially if he's up in the air about you. Bring up something fun or interesting about the date and expand on it or make a little joke about something. Always try to "build" upon what was discussed before. That shows the other person that you were paying attention, which shows that you were interested AND importantly interesting person yourself. In the case of what you texted him--it sounds like it was TOO literal perhaps. A list or description of exactly what you did or are doing is boring. Add personality, humor. And in this case or as a starting subject you might want to bring up something that is a "bond" for you both. Teasing him about the special kind of beer he chose was reason you were drunk and follow up with "but it was worth it" or something like that. Or a subject that is about you both or about him. It could have been too little, too late at this point. So if someone is being unresponsive, you can also wrap up the texting with a confident statement that's pretty direct. "ok, I gotta go run and do xyz but i had a great time last night so thank you again & let's do it again sometime". Then ball is in his court.

[Gracieboo]

Update: He just texted asking how my test went today. I forgot I even mentioned the test.

It does seem that our texting is lacking enthusiasm comparing to prior the date but at least he contacted me

[Versacehottie]

Update: He just texted asking how my test went today. I forgot I even mentioned the test.

It does seem that our texting is lacking enthusiasm comparing to prior the date but at least he contacted me

 

ok, good. Big question: What did you do to ensure that the texting WASN'T lackluster? Second question: if you were putting in your best & sure that you were doing a good job, maybe it's time to consider that he is a boring texter or that texting isn't his thing. If you can almost certainly deduce that he isn't good at it or doesn't like it, keep it brief and use it like a guy would--to set up your next date. Seriously, take it right to the edge--where the next logical thing would be that he asks you for the date. OR you can just suggest something yourself. But if after a few of these bad texting sessions you think the lackluster is just routine normal for you guys now, then don't do it really. Move to other types of communication & seeing each other. There is nothing worse than liking someone and possibly or probably vice versa and having the life sucked out of it by continuing to do the thing that hurts it. Good luck

[Gracieboo]

ok, good. Big question: What did you do to ensure that the texting WASN'T lackluster? Second question: if you were putting in your best & sure that you were doing a good job, maybe it's time to consider that he is a boring texter or that texting isn't his thing. If you can almost certainly deduce that he isn't good at it or doesn't like it, keep it brief and use it like a guy would--to set up your next date. Seriously, take it right to the edge--where the next logical thing would be that he asks you for the date. OR you can just suggest something yourself. But if after a few of these bad texting sessions you think the lackluster is just routine normal for you guys now, then don't do it really. Move to other types of communication & seeing each other. There is nothing worse than liking someone and possibly or probably vice versa and having the life sucked out of it by continuing to do the thing that hurts it. Good luck

 

When I said less enthusiastic I mean: before he would only text me to tell me if he was doing something interesting and we would talk about it. Also, we skyped few times for few hours and it was good. I am not complaining now, it is just that my text was (last night) hows your evening. And today he was like: how was your test. Nothing wrong with that.

 

Btw after he asked how my test was he also said: I'm glad to hear ur test went well tho! I took u away for a few hrs and fed u beers...I'd hate for that to have affected ur test grades.

I replied:

It was worth it. That's all that matters

 

Hopefully, he knows now how I feel about the second date.

[biker23]

Stop saying I hope he knows now how I feel about a second date. Say I'd love to see you again when I don't have to rush home to finish a paper.

 

What do you have to lose ?

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

OP, you will soon realize actions speak louder than words.

 

You can say the date went well, but if you don't SHOW enthusiasm, it sounds empty.

[Gracieboo]

OP, you will soon realize actions speak louder than words.

 

You can say the date went well, but if you don't SHOW enthusiasm, it sounds empty.

 

He never replied to my text (the one I said I had a good time and that is all that matters). He could have said "me too" or something. He never texted me at all after that.

[NinjaX]

He never replied to my text (the one I said I had a good time and that is all that matters). He could have said "me too" or something. He never texted me at all after that.

Hmmm well... time to move on. Live and learn.

[Gracieboo]

Hmmm well... time to move on. Live and learn.

 

Why did contact me at all then?

[Versacehottie]

He never replied to my text (the one I said I had a good time and that is all that matters). He could have said "me too" or something. He never texted me at all after that.

 

Well under the current circumstances given everything that's happened (or not happened!), you've now done pretty good/best you can. I would leave the ball in his court. I know you asked in your subsequent post "why would he text you then". I think you need to think that he is processing things much like you are--in the way that you don't know the "end" yet. You are assuming he knows his feelings for you and where he wants it to go in some black and white fashion. He probably doesn't. He probably is just going through the motions, gathering evidence about what dating you would be like, checking his feelings along the way, no conclusions yet but doing his part to ensure he will have a chance with you IF HE WANTS IT. The thing is repeated lacklusterness will kill the deal. He may just fade off gradually.

 

Anyway, it's possible that he is just boring and lackluster himself--you've got to consider that and be evaluating him too. But I can't emphasize enough that you should do your part to ensure that you have a positive result with him and then YOU get to choose which way to go--plus you bring out the best in the other person which brings great people into your life. I feel like you are really new to dating, right?

[Gracieboo]

Well under the current circumstances given everything that's happened (or not happened!), you've now done pretty good/best you can. I would leave the ball in his court. I know you asked in your subsequent post "why would he text you then". I think you need to think that he is processing things much like you are--in the way that you don't know the "end" yet. You are assuming he knows his feelings for you and where he wants it to go in some black and white fashion. He probably doesn't. He probably is just going through the motions, gathering evidence about what dating you would be like, checking his feelings along the way, no conclusions yet but doing his part to ensure he will have a chance with you IF HE WANTS IT. The thing is repeated lacklusterness will kill the deal. He may just fade off gradually.

 

Anyway, it's possible that he is just boring and lackluster himself--you've got to consider that and be evaluating him too. But I can't emphasize enough that you should do your part to ensure that you have a positive result with him and then YOU get to choose which way to go--plus you bring out the best in the other person which brings great people into your life. I feel like you are really new to dating, right?

 

I am new to dating. I dont think he is a boring person (when it comes to texting). I am the one who started with "how are you?" what are you up to?" texts. We had some really long conversations on skype and just few texts before. I guess you are right, he is either processing things or slowly fading. But considering that we never texted much, he didnt have to send this one text last night (if he is fading).

 

Nothing else I could do. If he wants fine, if not...

[Versacehottie]

I am new to dating. I dont think he is a boring person (when it comes to texting). I am the one who started with "how are you?" what are you up to?" texts. We had some really long conversations on skype and just few texts before. I guess you are right, he is either processing things or slowly fading. But considering that we never texted much, he didnt have to send this one text last night (if he is fading).

 

Nothing else I could do. If he wants fine, if not...

 

Well don't act deflated. I think that you might be failing to recognize that some of your actions come across sooooo passive, not taking responsibility and not confident. I'm not saying this to hurt you. Only that if you are new to dating, I'm trying to tell you some things that will help you going forward. If he gets back in touch, act happy, confident and upbeat--not about him necessarily, about your life, what you have going on. Like you said, if he doesn't want to date, no big deal (that's what you kinda are saying right?). So don't act hurt or deflated. Act like it was one date, we had some good talks prior to the date, might have been some miscommunication during date or whatever, but I can't take it back, it might be him too, maybe we just didn't have chemistry, I will survive and there's someone else out there for me. BTW, if he's get back in touch within 1-3 days, you can act upbeat about him too because that's effort that's related to you. Effort that is genuinely related to you, show appreciation. If you feel like you are some back burner sh*t, act upbeat about yourself and a little indifferent but "friendly" not girlfriendly toward him. Then see what he comes up with to make effort. does this make sense?

 

BTW, if you are in college, have fun dating! It can be so fun. No REAL need to lock into just one guy. Life mostly likely will move on from whoever that person is.

[Gracieboo]

Well don't act deflated. I think that you might be failing to recognize that some of your actions come across sooooo passive, not taking responsibility and not confident. I'm not saying this to hurt you. Only that if you are new to dating, I'm trying to tell you some things that will help you going forward. If he gets back in touch, act happy, confident and upbeat--not about him necessarily, about your life, what you have going on. Like you said, if he doesn't want to date, no big deal (that's what you kinda are saying right?). So don't act hurt or deflated. Act like it was one date, we had some good talks prior to the date, might have been some miscommunication during date or whatever, but I can't take it back, it might be him too, maybe we just didn't have chemistry, I will survive and there's someone else out there for me. BTW, if he's get back in touch within 1-3 days, you can act upbeat about him too because that's effort that's related to you. Effort that is genuinely related to you, show appreciation. If you feel like you are some back burner sh*t, act upbeat about yourself and a little indifferent but "friendly" not girlfriendly toward him. Then see what he comes up with to make effort. does this make sense?

 

BTW, if you are in college, have fun dating! It can be so fun. No REAL need to lock into just one guy. Life mostly likely will move on from whoever that person is.

 

Yes, it does make sense. I wont be devastated if he doesn't come back. Who knows exactly what his reasons might be, but thats dating...

I was pretty happy and confident (even flirty last night). At least I think so. I told him that my exam went really great and then I got the opportunity to tell him I had a good time on our date and wasnt worried about the exam.

Up to him now.

[Versacehottie]

Yes, it does make sense. I wont be devastated if he doesn't come back. Who knows exactly what his reasons might be, but thats dating...

I was pretty happy and confident (even flirty last night). At least I think so. I told him that my exam went really great and then I got the opportunity to tell him I had a good time on our date and wasnt worried about the exam.

Up to him now.

 

I do think that's pretty good, CONSIDERING the circumstances up to that point. I think, honestly, it was in salvage mode at that point. So maybe it wasn't salvageable. I think you need some tweaks in your end of stuff though. I like the attitude you have in the above post. Even if you did "everything" right in your texts last night, it might not have been enough or where cumulatively he could see continuing to see you. I think if you can grasp that none of this happens in a bubble or without bouncing back and forth between you (feelings and thoughts and actions of both of you are continually playing on one another), you will be in a better place for future dating. That way you will understand that your actions from the first moment play on what he thinks about you AND VICE VERSA. You should constantly be evaluating whether he would make a good bf for you. Not in a judgmental way, but not be so focused on getting to the end point of having a bf/this guy that you ignore the rest of it.

 

For example, not responding to your sweet text of "it was worth it", is a little blunt, perhaps low interest. Note that and see what he does next. it's a LAYERED process for both people. Good luck

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

OP you say that you SAID you had a good time and "that's all that matters". NO!!! This is not the case.

 

If you say one thing but act like another, actions speak louder than words. He might have thought you lacked energy and seemed boring/not interested. Just because you TOLD him that you had a good time, it's not going to hold much weight with him.

 

You need to up your enthusiasm with guys if you want them to take you seriously.

 

Based on your posts you sound VERY apathetic.

[Versacehottie]

OP you say that you SAID you had a good time and "that's all that matters". NO!!! This is not the case.

 

If you say one thing but act like another, actions speak louder than words. He might have thought you lacked energy and seemed boring/not interested. Just because you TOLD him that you had a good time, it's not going to hold much weight with him.

 

You need to up your enthusiasm with guys if you want them to take you seriously.

 

Based on your posts you sound VERY apathetic.

 

Yes. agreed. I know its a little harsh but that is how it's coming across. And barcode is giving you more info on what I mean by it doesn't happen in a bubble. One sentence or phrase won't turn the tables in your favor. It may be that you are getting the idea of taking responsibility for your part of the date but maybe not. Even if you tried to fix things now, the guy you went out with will be influenced by all that's happened between you two--not just the last ditch attempt to fix things. I don't really know much about his part so it's totally possible that he could have been lame. Since all we can do is control ourselves, try to make sure you are not lame at any part of your interaction with him. That doesn't mean kissing his a**. It means showing that you are worth dating by presenting yourself in the best light (being yourself so it varies from person to person) but definitely confident and happy to be there. Otherwise assured that you will happily move on because something better is out there for you.

[Gracieboo]

OP you say that you SAID you had a good time and "that's all that matters". NO!!! This is not the case.

 

If you say one thing but act like another, actions speak louder than words. He might have thought you lacked energy and seemed boring/not interested. Just because you TOLD him that you had a good time, it's not going to hold much weight with him.

 

 

You need to up your enthusiasm with guys if you want them to take you seriously.

 

Based on your posts you sound VERY apathetic.

I get it. Is there anything I should do now?

Also, why do you think he ignored my text (but texted forst yesterday).

[Versacehottie]

I get it. Is there anything I should do now?

Also, why do you think he ignored my text (but texted forst yesterday).

 

I don't think so. I think the ball is in his court. You can't change the past which is why it's important to do your best. At the same time you need to move forward in general, everyone does and do your best in each moment. Since you can say that about last night's texting, then leave it there. You can't push or rush things or trying TOO hard to fix things or apologize isn't cool either. It doesn't mean you won't hear from him but if you texted last, let him follow up.

 

BTW, I don't see how he ignored your text. I reread what you said about last night's texting, he didn't ignore, he just stopped replying. Your last text, even though it's sweet, doesn't require a reply. Some guys think like that. It's not too encouraging but you can't totally predict the future. But to create balance, after a last text like yours, I'd let him get in touch with you the next time. Time will tell how interested he is. You should be gauging how interested YOU are. If you feel "ignored" by him not replying to your last text, then don't ignore what you feel is right for you. I wouldn't recommend cutting someone just on one instance but if they accumulate then maybe he's not the guy for you. If you are already dating and this stuff comes up, you can communicate with him about it BUT if you are just starting out (first few dates) then you can make the decision without talking to him. It takes self-awareness to realize what you need and what sort of stuff from another person will or won't make you happy.

[Gracieboo]

I don't think so. I think the ball is in his court. You can't change the past which is why it's important to do your best. At the same time you need to move forward in general, everyone does and do your best in each moment. Since you can say that about last night's texting, then leave it there. You can't push or rush things or trying TOO hard to fix things or apologize isn't cool either. It doesn't mean you won't hear from him but if you texted last, let him follow up.

 

.

 

BTW, I don't see how he ignored your text. I reread what you said about last night's texting, he didn't ignore, he just stopped replying. Your last text, even though it's sweet, doesn't require a reply. Some guys think like that. It's not too encouraging but you can't totally predict the future. But to create balance, after a last text like yours, I'd let him get in touch with you the next time. Time will tell how interested he is. You should be gauging how interested YOU are. If you feel "ignored" by him not replying to your last text, then don't ignore what you feel is right for you. I wouldn't recommend cutting someone just on one instance but if they accumulate then maybe he's not the guy for you. If you are already dating and this stuff comes up, you can communicate with him about it BUT if you are just starting out (first few dates) then you can make the decision without talking to him. It takes self-awareness to realize what you need and what sort of stuff from another person will or won't make you happy.

 

Thanks Versacehottie, you are so helpful

[Gracieboo]

This is getting interesting now. He texted me asking if I saw fifty shades of grey. My first thought was maybe he will suggest movie for a second date. I said yes and there is a sequel (not a big fan of the movie but whatever). He said: well I am like Christian Grey. I was soooo annoyed and replied: ok, not that I have to know that. He replied: I mean personality wise. I texted: so you are abusive and controlling? He said, no not really, I am only slightly possessive.

Anyway, in the end I asked him if he was going to see the movie and he was like when it is on TV.

 

Wtf? Is he interested or what? Also, on our date I mentioned I had surgery but refused to tell him what kind of surgery. And now, he told me he will tell me more about his personality when I tell him about my surgery. That was obviously bothering him and looked like I was hiding something, I guess.

[Redhead14]

This is getting interesting now. He texted me asking if I saw fifty shades of grey. My first thought was maybe he will suggest movie for a second date. I said yes and there is a sequel (not a big fan of the movie but whatever). He said: well I am like Christian Grey. I was soooo annoyed and replied: ok, not that I have to know that. He replied: I mean personality wise. I texted: so you are abusive and controlling? He said, no not really, I am only slightly possessive.

Anyway, in the end I asked him if he was going to see the movie and he was like when it is on TV.

 

Wtf? Is he interested or what? Also, on our date I mentioned I had surgery but refused to tell him what kind of surgery. And now, he told me he will tell me more about his personality when I tell him about my surgery. That was obviously bothering him and looked like I was hiding something, I guess.

 

Say Goodnight, Gracie. Move on from this guy. It's a dead end. He's playing games with you. It's Thursday night and he hasn't asked for another date. Instead he's being sketchy and passive-aggressive. Actually, I think you are too. Unless the surgery was so personal or a lobotomy, why wouldn't you share that with him as a matter of making conversation. You withheld the information to see if he cared enough to ask about it and now he is. If it is that personal, you shouldn't have mentioned it all. Nevertheless, I don't think he's worth bothering with.