he called, I picked up

[katty]

I am just not getting this whole confusing situation, bf broke up with me on Saturday, called me on Sunday and then called again today. I was just shutting down things at work when my cell phone rang, I had deleted his number from my phonebook so it had no name but I recognized the number, the smart thing would have been to let voicemail pick it up but no stupid Kat had to answer the d--- thing. He was acting all casual, and asking me how my day was going etc. I was casual right back. He didn't give me a reason for his calling, just kept making small talk, well then he ask me what I had been up to this week, I replied with "Nothing much. just work and I've went out to dinner a couple of times this week" He then started asking me who I had been to dinner with and ask if I had been out to dinner with Ken. I replied No not Ken, and he said " then who with? I said "Nobody in particular" He kept asking me. I finally told him with my Godson, and his mom, and people like that. He then went on to ask me what I was going to be doing this weekend? I said " I am not sure, I have not decided, Ken ask me to go to the Symphony but I am unsure if I will go yet" He was quiet, I then said " I guess you will be headed down to your brothers again this weekend to help him on his house? He said " No I don't think I am going this weekend" We talked a little more and then he ask me if I missed him, why did he have to ask me that, instead of answering him I just turned the question over to him and ask him if he missed me, he replied with " Yes, I told you that I did, but just a little bit" That is what I had told him when he ask me Sunday if I missed him I had told him Yes but just a little bit. So he then ask me again "so do you miss me?" I said " No" but said it in a joking way so he knew I wasn't serious, I had to go so I ask him if I could call him back because I needed to take care of something before I left the office, he said Yes, call me back on your way home from work, I will be here. So like a stupid stupid stupid idiot I did but only after I had spoken with my sister. I told her he had called and she told me that he stopped by her office today and he seemed really down in the dumps. This is very unusual bc my sister has always bragged about how he is always smiling and how he is always in a good mood and happy and now she is telling me he seemed down in the dumps. After I got off the phone with her I called him back bc I had promised to do so. I don't really even know why he called, I decided to ask him that, he said " I just wanted to call because I haven't talked to you in a while and just wanted to see how you were doing" OK this bothered me a little bit and the smart a-- in me had to come out, I said " Oh, was you afraid that I just couldn't handle being without you, so you had to check on me to see if I was surviving without you. He said " No that wasn't it" I said " Were you afraid that I might go thru the day without thinking about you so you had to call so I wouldn't forget you" He said "NO". I can't remember exactly what was said after that but he ask me if I could hold on for a minute and I said OK, and then I hung up. Less than 3 minutes later he called me back and ask what happened and I said you ask me to hold on for a second so I did and then I hung up, he said I clicked right back over to you and you were gone. We talked a little more and then he said I'm starvin I've got to go eat, he said " I'll call you this weekend if thats ok, I said " Ok, whatever, " He said "Do you want me to or not?" I said " It doesn't matter, do whatever you want to, but you don't have to. Well he started making small talk again and finally I said " I am going to get off of here and let you go get you something to eat OK" He said " Alright, what are you going to get into this evening? I said " I don't know" He then said " OK I will talk to you in a little bit OK" I said Ok, and he then said again " I will call you in a little bit" I said Bye .

 

OK now I realize people that this is long and boring but can someone please help me, I am so pi---- at myself for being so d--- nice. I will have to admit that I sounded really upbeat and happy so I don't think he knows how I was really feeling.

Here is a dumb question??? How come a phone call can make you feel so many emotions? I would love to set here and type that I felt nothing but to be honest I was thrilled to death that he called. I was thrilled to talk to him. Why did I feel this way? Would I not have been better off with knowing that he tried to call me and missed me than calling me and talking to me. God I am so confused. My biggest question is why is he still calling me? Does he really believe that I can switch off my emotions that fast and become his buddy that he calls and chats with? Why is he really calling? Does he miss me or is he just trying to make sure that there are no ill feelings and trying to stay in touch as a friend. GGRRRRHHHH Why can't I understand what he is up to. I don't want to get my hopes up and think that he called because he is rethinking his decision, but to be honest I go to sleep at night praying he will change his mind, that says more about me than it does about him. I shouldn't belittle myself to want someone who has dumped me. Help me sort this out.

[Jilllyn]

First off you are not dumb and most people in your situation would have answered the phone.

 

The way it sounds to me is that he is rethinking his decision. Becareful and think about why it ended in the first place. Would it happen again? If you two were to reunite- would you get over the fact that he had left once? Be honest with yourself about these questions and answers.

 

Just tell him that you are unsure of what is happening right now and ask about his intensions. If he says he wants to just be friends, let him know you need time to heal before you can do that. If he says he wants to get back together, tell him that you have to think about that as well, and that you will get back to him eigther way(on your schedule). I have made decisions in the heat of the moment and it has never turned out well for me.

 

Just take your time to decide and know that most people who have been broken up with, do the same thing you are doing right now.

 

Hope this helps a little

[katty]

First off thanks Jilllyn for replying it was greatly appreciated and I am going to be careful. Thanks for making me feel better for picking up the phone however he did call again this morning, early this morning. He called at 7 am this morning, I was just getting in my car to go to a meeting when he called. You are not going to believe this... he started the small talk and then once again ask me what I was going to do this weekend, and said would it be ok if I called you tonight or in the morning and see about us going out on a date Friday night?, can you believe that? Right before he ask me he told me he was just pulling up at his office. The odd thing is when he ask me about going out Friday night I must have made some type of heckle or something, really unsure what I did, and he said " Why did you do that?" I said " What?" and he said " make that laughing noise, what is all of the sudden wrong with me asking you out on a date, we have been on lots of dates? I replied " Hello, you broke up with me remember? and guess what B. nothings changed, I'm still not Catholic. He started to say something else and I said " Look I know your at your office now we will talk about it later." I didn't want to give him an answer right then. I guess I should have just said He-- No but I didn't. I don't know what I am thinking anymore but I didn't want to make a rushed decision that I couldn't get out of later.

Thanks again for posting back to me.

[Jilllyn]

Once again you are being completely normal. I don't think that anyone is sure what to do or what they are doing.

 

I think that your best move is that the next time you talk to him that you ask straight out what he wants and then tell him you need time to think about it. then say that you will call him back when you have made your decision. Unless you want to talk to him while you are still deciding, then tell him you will call him so that you don't have to go work with that fresh on your mind. I know when i talk about a problem on my way to work its on my mind all day and I can't focus. That is not fair to you. Your life needs to go on with or without him.

 

Glad to try to help anytime you need it.