Seraphina87 Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 Im on the spectrum and often I need advice about what is ok, what isn't ok - what's a red flag etc. The man I'm talking about says over and over again that he loves me, wants a serious relationship with me, thinks I'm beautiful etc, If anything, I'm less keen to get too involved too quickly and I certainly don't try to get these kinds of proclamations early on in a relationship. However, he is talking about wanting to marry me and wanting me to move in with him. He can be a bit pressuring - i.e. Going on at me to stay with him for 2 days when I can't because of my commitments. When we're together I really like his company. However, the thing that concerns me most about him is that he is constantly friending women from sleazy sex sites on Facebook. They look like cam girls - i.e. Not real profiles the kind of thing that says 'click here if you want sex' I have, in the past had boyfriends who did this and they seemed insecure. It's not even one, it's like loads. My gut feeling is that I can't trust someone like this though. I feel as though I need to back away quickly in case I get hurt. I am not sure whether the things he says to me are genuine - he seems genuine at the time but the camgirls are seedy. Should I just cut him off now?
Larryville Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 However, the thing that concerns me most about him is that he is constantly friending women from sleazy sex sites on Facebook. My gut feeling is that I can't trust someone like this…. Stealing this… very important! There are receptors to these molecules in your immune system, in your gut and in your heart. So when you say, 'I have a gut feeling' you're not speaking metaphorically. You're speaking literally. Listening to your inner self AND PAYING ATTENTION is a gift. Don't ignore. People post here all the time about bad situations and in most cases could have avoided their issues if they used a little common sense and followed their gut. The special person in your life won't make you feel uneasy and will earn your trust. 2
smackie9 Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 Girl he has no clue about boundaries. He figures if he isn't physically involved with other women, then it's OK. You had BFs in the past that were like this so why are you picking another reject....send him off, he is not BF material. Yes red flags are everywhere. 2
Miss Spider Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 Stealing this… very important! There are receptors to these molecules in your immune system, in your gut and in your heart. So when you say, 'I have a gut feeling' you're not speaking metaphorically. You're speaking literally. . Hi. This is interested . Can you please elaborate a bit? Which molecules? Does this apply to people who have general anxiety or trust issues from the past? Thanks!!!
Gaeta Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 The man I'm talking about says over and over again that he loves me, wants a serious relationship with me, thinks I'm beautiful etc, If anything, I'm less keen to get too involved too quickly and I certainly don't try to get these kinds of proclamations early on in a relationship. However, he is talking about wanting to marry me and wanting me to move in with him. He can be a bit pressuring - i.e. Going on at me to stay with him for 2 days when I can't because of my commitments. Look up love-bombing. This man is all about instant gratification. It's not about you, it's all about him and what he wants. When we're together I really like his company. However, the thing that concerns me most about him is that he is constantly friending women from sleazy sex sites on Facebook. They look like cam girls - i.e. Not real profiles the kind of thing that says 'click here if you want sex' I have, in the past had boyfriends who did this and they seemed insecure. It's not even one, it's like loads. That's the kind of man you want to take home to mom for Sunday dinner? Again this is all about instant gratification. Naked women - feel good - click. This man is very little self aware and is all about self gratification. My gut feeling is that I can't trust someone like this though. I feel as though I need to back away quickly in case I get hurt. I am not sure whether the things he says to me are genuine - he seems genuine at the time but the camgirls are seedy. Should I just cut him off now? Yes you should cut him loose right now. You have no future with this man. He is love-bombing you, he's pressuring you without considering your feelings or schedule, he has no empathy, it's all about him him him. 1
Author Seraphina87 Posted January 23, 2017 Author Posted January 23, 2017 Well only about a month which is no time. He's also not from the same country as me (uk) so I'm not sure about cultural differences. I'm very much attracted to him physically which I tend to get caught up in. I feel confused. He's 28 by the way. I think he must be a bit insecure because he's constantly posting posing selfies in a way to seek approval it seems. But I really liked his company - it didn't feel awkward. If he was making up all the stuff he says he feels about me then that would make me a bit sick tbh. Because I wouldn't expect it as this stage anyway.
Gaeta Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 Well only about a month which is no time. He's also not from the same country as me (uk) so I'm not sure about cultural differences. I'm very much attracted to him physically which I tend to get caught up in. I feel confused. He's 28 by the way. I think he must be a bit insecure because he's constantly posting posing selfies in a way to seek approval it seems. But I really liked his company - it didn't feel awkward. If he was making up all the stuff he says he feels about me then that would make me a bit sick tbh. Because I wouldn't expect it as this stage anyway. Just dating one month!! C'mon. Why do you put up with this pressure and manipulation? It does not matter what culture he is from. I have dated men from around the world and trust me NO women, from any country, would find acceptable her boyfriend subscribes to all types of sexual profiles on FB. On top of that right in front of everyone to see ! If you add this man as your friend on FB everyone will see his crap, your friends, family and colleagues. I would be embarrass to tell my entourage that's my BF. 2
Author Seraphina87 Posted January 23, 2017 Author Posted January 23, 2017 Well only about a month which is no time. He's also not from the same country as me (uk) so I'm not sure about cultural differences. I'm very much attracted to him physically which I tend to get caught up in. I feel confused. He's 28 by the way. I think he must be a bit insecure because he's constantly posting posing selfies in a way to seek approval it seems. But I really liked his company - it didn't feel awkward. If he was making up all the stuff he says he feels about me then that would make me a bit sick tbh. Because I wouldn't expect it as this stage anyway. Omg you're right. It's love bombing. It's happened before - how did I not realise? Also he wanted to have sex with me and I didn't have time and he went on and on until I gave in. He also has this weird thing where he wants me to wear his clothes when I'm at his house. He won't take no for an answer.
Larryville Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 Cookie: It is an old quote but the bottom line is your life experiences literally shape your existence and your mental core. When you say “my gut tells me….” Whatever… all that you have seen, heard, experienced, absorbed is theoretically ingrained or programmed in you, it is not just “a feeling” People who have a better EQ and who are clearly in touch with who and what they are don’t… NEVER ignore their gut intuition. Kind of like some kids growing up NEEDED to be told not to touch a hot stove, while other would touch it or in some cases KEEP touching it because they don’t either have the common sense or intuition to avoid it. Why some people on this site will keep making the same mistakes over and over because they lack the ability (or gut instinct) to learn or avoid things, people, circumstances that bring them pain. 3
Miss Spider Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 (edited) I see. Thank you so much for explaining. it's something to ponder Edit: I see how that makes sense. But seems also limited to your subjective experience or programming . So a person who grew up severely abused..or was only cheated on by partners ..may get a "gut" feeling all people might harm them or all partners will cheat? But I guess that's something to be learned ..that they are not. And op, I wouldn't trust this camgirl befriending love bomber,either! Edited January 23, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1
Author Seraphina87 Posted January 23, 2017 Author Posted January 23, 2017 Thank you so much for your replies. I am so so glad I posted here. I have read about love bombing before - and I didn't even realise this is what he is doing! He was sending loads of Facebook messages saying he loved me before we even met. How crazy.....I'm worried now he might have given me a disease. I'd better get down to the STI clinic.
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