iekika Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 I'm in a bit of a dilemma here, and wanted some advice from others on what I should do. I know what the 'obvious' answer is if I kept it relatively short, so I will provide some background. I'm in my early 20s, just recently split up from a long term relationship about 9 months ago. Just after this, I met a guy 10 years my senior who I didn't 'fall' for immediately, but we did form a bond very quickly as friends and casual dating partners (as he worked away for a while). As this obviously wasn't official, and he had left the country around early May as 'friends', I had pursued other avenues and became unexpectedly pregnant by middle of June. He had visited home at the end of May and we had a couple of moments... but never thought too much of it. As I have said, we were close friends, and after finding out about the pregnancy at the end of June, he was one of the first ones I had told. His immediate response was to tell me that he had a vasectomy, even though I had not even questioned at this stage who was the father (although I did have doubts). As I trusted him, I took this as word, and proceeded to let the other guy know and things carried on as normal. Since I have been pregnant, I told him I wished to keep the physical side of our relationship down, although we still continued to meet up for lunch/dinner/coffee regularly and also go for our long walks. He was still affectionate and still there for me, which I appreciated as I needed a good friend and some company. He was also going through a divorce and had told me that his custody battle was going haywire, and after having a fight with his father, had to leave the family business and had no money to fund his solicitor fees. I am very trusting in nature, and very generous and told him I would lend him £100 towards the fees but that was all I could afford. He gained custody of his son a couple of months later and thanked me for the money (which I have yet to receive back). Then, a few weeks after, he had no money due to his 'bank accounts being locked as his father had blocked them and he had none in his own name' and I lent him another £20. Last forward another passage of time, and suddenly he has lost his wallet and needed to lend £30 off me. I think you can guess, that I haven't received any of this back. I know that to most of you, you're probably thinking why the hell would I do this, but the trust had been built over almost a year, and he had become a close friend. A few days ago he texted me to tell me he couldn't see me as arranged, as his son had taken ill and was in hospital and asked me to bring him milk etc round to his house as he hadn't got round to going to the shops. Being the mug (if that's what you want to call it!) I dropped some essentials over for him. Starting to sense that something was not quite right.. (why would you be at home most of the day if your child was ill?!) I had done a bit of Facebook creeping on his ex-wife's page to find pictures of said child out on the days he was 'sick' at the farm. I saw that and my heart just sank. I was so disappointed. Not angry, just incredibly upset that I had been lied to about something like this. I am now 36 weeks pregnant, and a few weeks from giving birth, so how anybody could lie about their child being seriously ill is beyond me. I haven't said one single word and he has still proceeded to contact me as normal. I have no idea why he would be using me for money, as he pays most of the time we go out, so it isn't exactly giving him any financial gain. He openly talks about other women he is dating because we aren't exclusive, as had I until I put a hold on my dating life (as it's not the best idea while pregnant). I appreciate his friendship, and I enjoy his company, but it makes me think then if he has lied about this - what else has he lied about? The vasectomy, god forbid, after me telling the other guy he was the father? My head is a bit all over the place, and I'm incredibly upset and confused as to whether I should keep this friendship going in case it evolves over time due to the bad timing or cut him loose and move on? I know that the obvious answer is probably to run like hell in the opposite direction, but I don't want to believe that I have wasted almost a year of building up a close bond with someone, for it to just crash down.
MsJayne Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 Don't get rid of him yet, you may need to do a paternity test. Other than that, just don't lend him money again, plead that you're saving for the baby, and kiss the £150 goodbye.
Author iekika Posted January 24, 2017 Author Posted January 24, 2017 I know, now that I know he is capable of lying I don't know what to believe about anything that he has told me. I have found it vaguely suspicious that the other guys I was casually dating have faded out but yet he insists on keeping regular contact, wanting to know how I am and how the baby is. Maybe its mind games but it makes you believe that he does care about you in some respect. I have said goodbye to that money and wont be giving anymore. This is a guy who claims to be making more than double what I am...
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