darkmoon Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 is love fated, good or bad? is your love-life mapped out ahead of you? 1
PegNosePete Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 "I have noticed that even those who assert that everything is predestined and that we can change nothing about it still look both ways before they cross the street" -- Stephen Hawking 9
neowulf Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 I meet you half way. I think we're imprinted with the basics, both biologically and sociologically to feel attraction towards certain partners. When it boils down to it, we have zero choice about who we feel attraction too and who we fall deeply in love with. This doesn't make those choices always positive. But those choices are made at some deeply fundamental level, that escapes our conscious mind. So, if by fate you mean "A mystical force", then no, I don't. But if you mean we are heavily biased towards certain individuals when it comes to mate selection, then I'd agree completely. 4
salparadise Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 I meet you half way. I think we're imprinted with the basics, both biologically and sociologically to feel attraction towards certain partners. When it boils down to it, we have zero choice about who we feel attraction too and who we fall deeply in love with. This doesn't make those choices always positive. But those choices are made at some deeply fundamental level, that escapes our conscious mind. So, if by fate you mean "A mystical force", then no, I don't. But if you mean we are heavily biased towards certain individuals when it comes to mate selection, then I'd agree completely. ^Yup. Pheromones baby. And to a lesser degree, orgasms. 2
Lilyana76 Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 No, if there is such a thing as fate, wouldn't we lose our freewill? We all make choices every day, those choices are intertwined in how things in other peoples lives go that day. If we make different choices the outcome is different for every person.... If fate really has a hand in things, what is the point in making any choices at all? 4
afoolto no end Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 I think we all grow through living and feeling, thus creating who we are and what looks and feels good to us....I don't think there is any fate in that, just experience and time.... attraction fuels some emotions or likes in all of us, does it mean it would be a fairy tale good ending no, that again takes us and experience and time to grow and future in order to work. I think some times it may seem that way because the chance meeting seems so unlikely or out of the ordinary. If we hadn't been somewhere at that exact moment we wouldn't have met or had a relationship at all....sometimes we think it must just be meant to be, "fate" that we met or are together....... I think it's just luck and then the rest is up to us if it's meant to be. 1
Jj66 Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 I think it's just luck and then the rest is up to us if it's meant to be. Argue both sides much? How can it be just luck and also meant to be? Meant to be by whom or what? If something is meant to be then someone or something has to do the meaning. I absolutely do not believe in fate. Nothing is meant to be. We meet people by chance. The rest is entirely up to us- and perhaps some continued luck. Some advice: When something good lands in your lap, don't stand up. The fickle finger of fate will not rescue you from your poor choices and your failure to seize the opportunities presented to you. This goes for business, personal growth, dating relationships, everything. 2
Satu Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 "You must make the unconscious conscious, or it will rule your life and you will call it fate. - Carl Jung 4
MrDuck Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 I do not believe in a fate that will fall on us no matter what we do. I do believe in a fate that will fall upon us if we do nothing! Ronald Reagan quote. That's what I believe though! I believe that there are a million possible paths mapped out for us in the stars, but I don't believe we have to accept the fate that seems to fall to us with the least resistance. I believe in freewill, i believe that we have it in our power to change our paths at any point! Its up to us to make the right choices! 1
RecentChange Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 Short answer? NO. "You must make the unconscious conscious, or it will rule your life and you will call it fate. - Carl Jung Excellent quote. I meet you half way. I think we're imprinted with the basics, both biologically and sociologically to feel attraction towards certain partners. When it boils down to it, we have zero choice about who we feel attraction too and who we fall deeply in love with. This doesn't make those choices always positive. But those choices are made at some deeply fundamental level, that escapes our conscious mind. So, if by fate you mean "A mystical force", then no, I don't. But if you mean we are heavily biased towards certain individuals when it comes to mate selection, then I'd agree completely. I agree with moth of this, especially the underlined, but I disagree that we have "zero choice" over who we fall in love with. I can be attracted to someone, but I can CHOOSE not to be in a relationship with them, not to fall in love with them. I can CHOOSE myself over an unhealthy relationship. Now, like the quote above, that takes a level of introspection so you can realize what emotions and experiences are leading you towards a good, or bad choice. We are the result of our experiences - but we aren't solely at their mercy. 3
preraph Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 I'm 64. If love were fated, I'd be in a MUCH different situation today. In my life, I have found that if I don't go after whatever dream it is and make it happen, it will just pass me by. Now, that isn't so easy with the opposite sex. You can't make a person feel the same way about you. But always remember no one has more control over your life than you do -- while keeping in mind that other people make their own choices and that doesn't have to be choosing you just because you caught feelings. Sometimes we can be so drawn and attracted to someone that we feel the MUST eventually feel it back. Trust me when I tell you that that isn't how it works, and make yourself move on from lost causes to increase your chance of finding someone who is reciprocal. Good luck. 2
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 I don't, actually. Maybe in a general way but even then I believe we're subconsciously driving ourselves toward certain eventualities.
Satu Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 I look at life this way: Amor Fati "Amor fati is a Latin phrase that may be loosely translated as "love of fate" or "love of one's fate". It is used to describe an attitude in which one sees everything that happens in one's life, including suffering and loss, as good or, at the very least, necessary, in that they are among the facts of one's life and existence, so they are always necessarily there whether one likes them or not. Moreover, amor fati is characterized by an acceptance of the events or situations that occur in one's life. This acceptance does not necessarily preclude an attempt at change or improvement, but rather, it can be seen to be along the lines of what Nietzsche means by the concept of "eternal recurrence": a sense of contentment with one's life and an acceptance of it, such that one could live exactly the same life, in all its minute details, over and over for all eternity." I have no complaints. None. Take care. 4
Shanex Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 Nope, neither fate or destiny. I believe in luck more than fate. Especially when it comes to love. 2
neowulf Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 Short answer? NO. Excellent quote. I agree with moth of this, especially the underlined, but I disagree that we have "zero choice" over who we fall in love with. I can be attracted to someone, but I can CHOOSE not to be in a relationship with them, not to fall in love with them. I can CHOOSE myself over an unhealthy relationship. Now, like the quote above, that takes a level of introspection so you can realize what emotions and experiences are leading you towards a good, or bad choice. We are the result of our experiences - but we aren't solely at their mercy. Good points. I suppose I was meaning from the other side. When we date people who a wonderful on paper. Who are attractive, caring, decent people, who deserve our love.. yet we're unable to feel it for them. We don't have a say in that. I've had to let go of some truly amazing women in my life because in the end, the feelings just wouldn't match there's, no matter how badly I wished it otherwise. 2
RecentChange Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 ^^^ okay I will give you that. I had the "perfect on paper" guy once. He really was perfect on paper, and was a good friend - but no "spark". I actually met my husband when I was dating Mr Perfect, and couldn't deny the attraction to Mr. Recent - and promptly broke up with Mr Perfect to persue Mr Recent. I joke my life would be different if I had stayed with Mr Perfect, he isextremely successful in the tech industry these days. Although maybe I would have never felt the deep love I do have with Mr Recent - which is surely more rewarding then a life of wealth right? Also, what about arranged marriages? Some of those grow into love right? Isn't that choosing who to love? 1
Satu Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 snip Also, what about arranged marriages? Some of those grow into love right? *Isn't that choosing who to love? *I look at it this way: There are 2 kinds of choosing: Conscious choosing and Unconscious choosing I'll just leave that thought there 2
thecrucible Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 (edited) I don't believe in fate. Obviously we are limited by specific circumstances but you can work hard and try your best to make your own luck to some extent. I also know life is full of junctures where choices are to be made and you never know whether the choice you make at one juncture is going to be the right one. It's like the movie Sliding Doors. Edited January 24, 2017 by thecrucible 1
preraph Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 I had one of those "perfect on paper" guys too, but it was only on paper. He was super nice, but he had a scientific mind and very little else to talk about and it was boring, and he wasn't sexually aggressive. Snooze. 1
2.50 a gallon Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 (edited) I too am not a believer in fate. BUT, when I look back over some of the events in my life (I am long retired) I realize there have been happenings that can not be put down to coincidence. It is like some unseen wind will direct me into paths I had never thought of taking. Example: All of my life I have loved history, when I got to college nobody could help me down the right path. I tried to be a teacher, that just was not me, same thing with archeologist, I eventually dropped out of college half way thru my junior year. A dozen years later I marry and move to Silicon Valley, to be exact. Palo Alto, home of Stanford. The marriage did not last. Down and out a few months later, I am driving by Palo Alto, and remember that I had never visited the campus. I stop then get out to check out that years crop of coeds, and end up walking around the campus. Then a quick rain shower had me searching for cover. The nearest door turned out to be one of their libraries, I walked in and needing something to do when looking for the history section. I pull down a book a title that I had never heard of, from the 1880's and begin to read. Within 15 minutes, I find the answer to a question that had stumped historians since the turn of the century. The students must have thought I was crazy as the excitement of my find, had me run outside, and dance in the rain. After I got over my high I went back and went back to reading, where upon I found something else, then another and another. For me it was my epiphany, I was meant to be into historical research. It is my life's passion. At the time I had not been in a library for over a decade. One other thought, there are less than half a dozen copies of the book that set me down my path. The only one that was shelved for the general public was in that library. All the others are in special collections, where you have to ask the librarian to bring it out to you. Edited January 24, 2017 by 2.50 a gallon
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