Serenabelle Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 (edited) So I was in a long distance relationship for the last year and a half. We dated for about 3 months before going to college, so we were together for almost 2 years. It has been an emotional rollercoaster. Long distance is really hard, as it was so difficult to meet each others' needs and also deal with college. We had a lot of stupid arguments. We broke up last year for about a month and a half, but we continued to talk right after and kept saying we loved each other until we got back together. We also had 2 other weird, half breakups that didn't feel real or last long at all. (All of this was due to long distance struggles). I just spent winter break with him, and I knew there was a chance we would breakup, as he had voiced his struggles with the distance at the start of break and we had a long conversation which nearly resulted in a breakup right then and there. However, we ended up staying together until the end of our time at home. I thought things were a lot better, we went skiing together and when I asked what he was thinking he told me he wasn't planning on ending things at the end of break. We talked about potential summer plans and visits for this semester. However, the last day that he was home (a week ago tomorrow) he suddenly shifted, said he didn't want to do the long distance anymore, and that he was an ass. He kept saying he loves me, but that it doesn't feel right and the long distance is too hard. He was crying which was striking because he never cries. It was a really difficult, sudden, and fast breakup in which I didn't feel there was closure. He said he would "wait for me", which I don't understand, and that he would still visit if I wanted. He then kissed me and said he loved me and left. This breakup felt different than before, because we've tried so hard to do the long distance for so long. Then last night, after not contacting me for the rest of the week, he texted asking if I'm doing ok, to which I responded that I'm mixed. He asked if he could do anything, and if I wanted him to disappear. I said I didn't know and then he told me he keeps thinking about things he wants to show me and things he wants to say to me. He asked if we can still be friends, but later he randomly asked if I still wanted to visit him (neither of which I gave a straight answer to), and said we can Skype soon if I want. Today he snap chatted me but I didn't respond. I guess I just want help dealing with this. To me it seemed that he is questioning his decision, and I personally know that neither of us can be friends with each other right now, so I don't know why he said that. Part of me believes we have to really breakup this time and move on, as the long distance is just such a strain on both of us, but I think to do that I would have to stop all contact with him, which is extremely upsetting. Also him asking if I want to visit made it really seem like he is unsure of his decision, because me visiting really would make no sense if we are not together. I know he loves me, which just makes everything hard and confusing. Help! How do I deal with this? How do I get over him if it's really over this time? Any opinions on if he going to change his mind Edited January 25, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator paragraphs ~6
marinero Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 He is most likely wanting to wean himself off of you. And part of that involves questioning whether he made the right decision. You could try to stay in contact to help each other move on. This only works if you are both being honest with yourselves about ending it. Otherwise someone will prolong their suffering. My wife and I remained friends after out divorce. We helped each other through it. No funny business. But if you are not ok with the breakup, it may be better to go no contact for a while. Just tell him you need a month or two to move on in peace. Maybe he will change his mind, maybe not. But it will help you reevaluate things and grow. It will be hard at first. But you'll get through it. He should respect your need for this so that he doesn't selfishly confuse you.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 He is most likely wanting to wean himself off of you. And part of that involves questioning whether he made the right decision. You could try to stay in contact to help each other move on. This only works if you are both being honest with yourselves about ending it. Otherwise someone will prolong their suffering. My wife and I remained friends after out divorce. We helped each other through it. No funny business. But if you are not ok with the breakup, it may be better to go no contact for a while. Just tell him you need a month or two to move on in peace. Maybe he will change his mind, maybe not. But it will help you reevaluate things and grow. It will be hard at first. But you'll get through it. He should respect your need for this so that he doesn't selfishly confuse you. This is what you need to do, OP. Visiting each other is not a good idea at this time. It will only hurt when you (or he) leave and you're still not together as a couple. Friendship also probably isn't very realistic right now. Maybe someday, but not at the moment. I think you need to take your time and space to detach from him. The distance aspect isn't going to change in the near future, so it stands to reason that he will continue to have mixed feelings about being together. That's not fair to you. I think he is trying to adjust to life without you, too. The tears were probably genuine in the sense that he feels bad for hurting you, as he doesn't sound like a terrible person. But if you've already had a few near-misses, then it's time for you both to realize that it's not working. Not under these circumstances.
ElizabethIII Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 You were long distance. Waste of time IMO at your young age. Forget him and find someone close to you that you can actually see regularly.
whatdeww18 Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 (edited) [] To the post above, it's the fact that rarely do long distance relationships work and ultimately they need to have a definitive end date to being long distance for them to work out, a goal in sight for both parties. I suggest you go into no contact. What you have to understand is that your ex doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, and being friends will only ease the guilt of breaking up. Contacting him will only hurt you and not help you heal unless you want to be over him and you both want to stay friends and help each other move on. Doubt that's what's in your mind so just stay no contact. If you're aiming to get your ex back, those are your best shots at it: No contact, improving on areas of yourself that you realize can use work, and moving on. He may not come back for all anyone knows, so holding onto that hope in the long run is very damaging. I believe every dumpee goes into healing with the hope that the ex will come back and at some point throws that hope away to fully heal. So go no contact, get your life back, improve yourself, and don't rush dating. Just enjoy the time you have and if someone comes along, you will be in a place to give them a shot. If your ex comes back, you'll be in a better place to judge if the relationship is worth fighting for. Relax, use this site to help cope by replying back to others' threads too, that has helped me a lot. Just do you Sincerely, -WhatDEWWWWW Edited January 25, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator threads merged and reference to duplicate thread redacted ~6
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