em23 Posted July 20, 2005 Posted July 20, 2005 I have a real problem and after trying to talk about it with my boyfriend Im starting to wonder if everything is in my imagination or if Im telling the truth and he wont admit it. Me and my bfrind live together and although we have so much in common and should get on wonderfully we dont, we are always arguing and recently its about the following: He hates having me around, he is not interested in anything i have to say, he spends hours on his computer or with his friends that come round without uttering a word to me and when I go to make conversation he tuts or sighs or doesnt answer me! He never invites me out with him and if me and my friends happen to be going to the same club he goes to EVERY SINGLE WEEk he suddenly decides not to go out. He says if I call him from work more than once in a day I am annoying him and when I try to talk to him about it he says its not true,its all in my head and Im not normal. He says its always me that starts the arguments but I dont mean to, I just try and explain to him how the way he is acting is hurting me and I want to sort it out but he says there is nothing to sort out and its me who is unhappy not him.He says all I do is moan and Im no fun. Im starting to believe him and think Ive turned into this awful person that is always giving out. I dont know how to stop all this, I love him to bits and we have so much in common that apart from the usual arguments couples have we should get on amazing but all that he seems to say is that he needs more time away from me. Its hard because he's not working at the moment so I have very little money to go out and let him have his space but he goes out at least once a week and he Dj's in a bar weds evenings so he gets time away. Also we live with his parents and he knows I cant afford to move out and I think this is preventing him from just finishing it (that could just be me being paranoid though!) I really dont know what to do, I feel like just leaving and hoping he would realise that he does want me but I hate playing those childish games, I feel stuck I dont know what to do ?
whichwayisup Posted July 20, 2005 Posted July 20, 2005 You have a couple of choices. You can continue this path and push him away more or just stop. Don't argue anymore, let it all go. See what happens and how he reacts towards you. DO your own thing! Go out more with your friends and make plans without him. Give him some space. Trust me, he'll feel that and once you stop making so much effort to "talk" to him, he may come around again and be more open. And he'll also notice you not putting energy into HIM and he'll react to that, in a good way. Guys don't generally like to "talk" alot about their feelings, issues etc., so you can't keep at him otherwise he'll clam up. How is your sex life? Are you two intimate alot? If so, how he is, attentive to your needs and does he tell you he loves you? Try to concentrate on the good and not the bad. Every couple fights and gets on eachother's nerves, that is normal. And it's normal to not spend every minute together, though he seems to go out ALOT without you. Hang in there and keep posting.
Treasa Posted July 20, 2005 Posted July 20, 2005 It seems like you're being clingy. Why do you have to call him from work even once, much less more often? I don't call my boyfriend while I'm at work. It's a measly nine hours to get through. I don't need constant contact, and neither do you. Chances are he feels choked a little bit. Try going out, and not to where he goes, with your friends for a few nights, and not calling him from work. Work on gaining your own independence, and he'll probably come around. P.S. - Men don't like to talk about relationships. Don't bring it up unless he does.
griftymcgriff Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 "P.S. - Men don't like to talk about relationships. Don't bring it up unless he does." lol this might seem offtopic and i apologize but I dont mind talking about relationships...is there something wrong with me?
JS17 Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 maybe it's me, but this guy sounds like a jerk. if i was you i'd get out of this situation. but i will agree with everyone else that you need to work on finding yourself and gaining your independence.
Treasa Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by griftymcgriff lol this might seem offtopic and i apologize but I dont mind talking about relationships...is there something wrong with me? I mean when you're nagging them constantly and asking, "Do you love me? Where do you think this is going?" A lot of women do this, ad nauseum, and a lot of men really hate it. I know from personal experience on both sides.
griftymcgriff Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 im a guy tho, and i dont nag her all the time asking her if she loves me. i asked her once when she said she wanted a break but not to fully break up. so aparently i still count as the bf?..
Sal Paradise Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 You sound a bit clingy to me. Could be driving him away.
NYCmitch25 Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 Simply put -- It's over. He's not emotionally invested, he wants out, and he wants his freedom from you.. etc. etc. etc. (that is life, it just happens) Regardless of what you've said you were going to do, You will be dumped shortly (in a way, read on). I say for you to take the power to just act first and end the relationship. Strangely that could be the first step in you becomimg a better person. However, since you will have self-worth issues because you appear to be co-dependant, he will most likely cheat on you or act like a jerk until "you" dump him. Moreover, If you won't take those less subtle "hints", he'll eventually just dump you. I suggest you try being independant for a while, perhaps see why you define yourself though other people and learn to be a better partner. Other things could be the problem such as he is imature or doesn't like the sex, but then again, those are signs you guys aren't on the same relationship level anyway so why continue in it? (Note: with the very little amount of information given, you can easily dismiss my advice since it could easily be conjecture). p.s. conjecture is a nice way of saying 'wrong'... lol good luck!
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