Author Sandwoman Posted January 28, 2017 Author Posted January 28, 2017 it seems like a recurring theme for this guy to wait until the eleventh hour before setting up/confirming plans? But it's a bit different to not have a time or activity planned. He texted if he can see me this weekend after the date on Thursday...I said yes. He said cool and no specific plan. Some texting yesterday. Now it's Saturday 4pm? Haven't heard from him today 1
dumbass2 Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 Please make some plans for tonight and tomorrow so if he gets back last minute you can resist and let him know that he didn't make specific plans with you and now you are busy. Don't be surprised if you hear from him and get some BS. 1
winny Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 The text he used for that purpose should have been something like "I'm having dinner with a friend but I'd like to take you out on Xday (Saturday or Sunday or even Monday, perhaps), at Xplace and Xtime". While this is ideal behavior and we cannot expect everyone to text exactly this way, but at least his behavior and words should be free from any vagueness and not make the OP feel that she is hanging without any idea about whats going on. I wouldn't be thrilled with an invitation for a date via text either but I know lots of people who think that's OK. To me it's impersonal. It's like driving up to pick me up at my house and beeping the horn for me to come out. I don't really care if someone texts or calls. In fact I hate talking on phone unless its my family or best friends, I don't like to be tied to my phone or even put it to my ear maybe because of my job which is full of conference calls, I just don't like anyone calling me.. ha ha Texting is my preferred way of communication followed by face to face. I wouldn't hold this against someone at all. Either way, don't let this guy set up last minute dates. If he texts or calls last minute, create a boundary. "Hey, I'd like to go tonight, but I am making other plans because I hadn't heard from you. But I am available on Xday". Your time is important and he should respect that. Agree. And, stop chasing him. Do not initiate any texts, phone calls or meetings for a while. Sit back and observe. Agree. Lastly, don't take any of his behavior personally or as a reflection of what your value is. Stay happy and enjoy your weekend. 1
winny Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 Please make some plans for tonight and tomorrow so if he gets back last minute you can resist and let him know that he didn't make specific plans with you and now you are busy. Don't be surprised if you hear from him and get some BS. @OP - Make plans for yourself because YOU want to. Not to prove anything to him. That way you are letting him control your life indirectly. 2
winny Posted January 28, 2017 Posted January 28, 2017 Maybe he's dating others at the same time. It's ok. I'm just going to distract myself and focus on work. Even if he is, still if he made a plan with you for the weekend he should follow up on it. 1
Author Sandwoman Posted January 29, 2017 Author Posted January 29, 2017 Thank you everyone. I'm really touched by your support. He still hasn't messaged or even "read" my last message. His last online on watsapp was yesterday. I just feel very disappointed...went to dinner with other friends. Maybe he'll never text me. I guess I can live with that. It's just such a bummer. I even met his friends. Dating is exhausting... 1
dumbass2 Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 Thank you everyone. I'm really touched by your support. He still hasn't messaged or even "read" my last message. His last online on watsapp was yesterday. I just feel very disappointed...went to dinner with other friends. Maybe he'll never text me. I guess I can live with that. It's just such a bummer. I even met his friends. Dating is exhausting... Yes. Dating sure can be, but when you meet the right person there is no better feeling in the world. 1
Author Sandwoman Posted January 29, 2017 Author Posted January 29, 2017 Please make some plans for tonight and tomorrow so if he gets back last minute you can resist and let him know that he didn't make specific plans with you and now you are busy. Don't be surprised if you hear from him and get some BS. I went out with some friends instead. Tmr I'll have brunch with a friend and spend the rest of day working. Already set up a date with someone else next tues. Thank you for your suggestion... just feeling bummed
Author Sandwoman Posted January 29, 2017 Author Posted January 29, 2017 @OP - Make plans for yourself because YOU want to. Not to prove anything to him. That way you are letting him control your life indirectly. Yes I do want to hang out with friends. I'm just disappointed because I did enjoy hanging out with him and thought we could build up a deeper connection. I guess he's on a different page...
winny Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 He is just showing you that he is an unreliable person and at this point he fails your evaluation. Try not to feel disappointed rather be grateful that you discovered so early on and didnt have to waste more time. If he contacts you again, be very direct (yet calm and kind) and say you do not appreciate unreliable behavior and hence choose to no longer see him. Observe how he reacts and let us know... And don't worry, the universe is moving you towards the one... have faith
Author Sandwoman Posted January 29, 2017 Author Posted January 29, 2017 He is just showing you that he is an unreliable person and at this point he fails your evaluation. Try not to feel disappointed rather be grateful that you discovered so early on and didnt have to waste more time. If he contacts you again, be very direct (yet calm and kind) and say you do not appreciate unreliable behavior and hence choose to no longer see him. Observe how he reacts and let us know... And don't worry, the universe is moving you towards the one... have faith Eventually at midnight, he "read" and thanked me for my last message and asked what I have been doing in a very upbeat and casual tone. I replied "reading". That was it...he hasn't replied. Should I say anything?
winny Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 Eventually at midnight, he "read" and thanked me for my last message and asked what I have been doing in a very upbeat and casual tone. I replied "reading". That was it...he hasn't replied. Should I say anything? Instead of "reading", I would have said - "Had a great evening with friends." Don't say anything more at this point unless he asks you out. 2
winny Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 Remember that he knows he asked you out and you agreed and now he is not following up on it. Your attitude should be that he and his date offer are so unimportant at this point that you don't even care enough to bother feeling bad. If he texts you again, you need to sound more casual and upbeat than him, if you choose to respond. Fake it till you make it And if he brings up the topic of going out then you say as a joke -- "Oh are you sure you can take me out, you seem to be quite forgetful my friend... haha.. remember last weekend? " The "my friend" phrase will hit him so hard... he will either step up his game or leave you alone forever and know he cannot mess with you. The key is to keep it all light and never get into any accusing or argumentative tone. 2
Author Sandwoman Posted January 29, 2017 Author Posted January 29, 2017 Instead of "reading", I would have said - "Had a great evening with friends." Don't say anything more at this point unless he asks you out. Thanks! I realized whatever he does, I shall stay calm and play it cool. It's too early to let his actions affect my emotional state. It doesn't make sense. He's still just a stranger. 1
Miss Spider Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 So far he's on disrespectful strike x2. 1st was when he ignored ur text for 7 hours while on a dating site. This one is worse, imo. He made plans for you this weekend then blew you off. I understand you like him and still want to give him a chance, though. Just answer really briefly but politely and positive. Say u had a good time. Then back way the hell up. Be short with him and take your time responding but be positive when you do. Truly, I think this guy is lukewarm at best and has been since the 1st date. (My intuition tells me based on how touchy-feely he was on date 1 and his comment on how he's not sure how you fit long-term makes me feel like he's trying to hint for something a lot more casual. That's just my intuition, however.) He's just going with the flow. Right now it looks like he's not pursuing you or doing so pretty lazily. You're way more into him. Mirror him and see if he steps up and try to see if anything takes off with this date you have Tues. Good luck! 1
winny Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 Thanks! I realized whatever he does, I shall stay calm and play it cool. It's too early to let his actions affect my emotional state. It doesn't make sense. He's still just a stranger. Super cool, casual, chill and upbeat. I would even include few pics of me having fun with my friends in answer to questions like - what have you been up to. 1
Author Sandwoman Posted January 29, 2017 Author Posted January 29, 2017 Remember that he knows he asked you out and you agreed and now he is not following up on it. Your attitude should be that he and his date offer are so unimportant at this point that you don't even care enough to bother feeling bad. If he texts you again, you need to sound more casual and upbeat than him, if you choose to respond. Fake it till you make it And if he brings up the topic of going out then you say as a joke -- "Oh are you sure you can take me out, you seem to be quite forgetful my friend... haha.. remember last weekend? " The "my friend" phrase will hit him so hard... he will either step up his game or leave you alone forever and know he cannot mess with you. The key is to keep it all light and never get into any accusing or argumentative tone. omg you are so genius!!!...I get it now haha...I totally agree! It feels funny that I've actually spent so much energy on this. totally distracted me from my amazing life before I met him. Tbh, I'm starting to feel indifferent already... 1
winny Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 So far he's on disrespectful strike x2. 1st was when he ignored ur text for 7 hours while on a dating site. This one is worse, imo. He made plans for you this weekend then blew you off. I understand you like him and still want to give him a chance, though. Just answer really briefly but politely and positive. Say u had a good time. Then back way the hell up. Be short with him and take your time responding but be positive when you do. Truly, I think this guy is lukewarm at best and has been since the 1st date. (My intuition tells me based on how touchy-feely he was on date 1 and his comment on how he's not sure how you fit long-term makes me feel like he's trying to hint for something a lot more casual. That's just my intuition, however.) He's just going with the flow. Right now it looks like he's not pursuing you or doing so pretty lazily. You're way more into him. Mirror him and see if he steps up and try to see if anything takes off with this date you have Tues. Good luck! I know, right?!! That "insecure" behavior could totally be an act. And you intuition is spot on. There is no date on Tuesday. 1
winny Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 omg you are so genius!!!...I get it now haha...I totally agree! It feels funny that I've actually spent so much energy on this. totally distracted me from my amazing life before I met him. Tbh, I'm starting to feel indifferent already... I am happy I could make you laugh...ha ha 2
Author Sandwoman Posted January 29, 2017 Author Posted January 29, 2017 So far he's on disrespectful strike x2. 1st was when he ignored ur text for 7 hours while on a dating site. This one is worse, imo. He made plans for you this weekend then blew you off. I understand you like him and still want to give him a chance, though. Just answer really briefly but politely and positive. Say u had a good time. Then back way the hell up. Be short with him and take your time responding but be positive when you do. Truly, I think this guy is lukewarm at best and has been since the 1st date. (My intuition tells me based on how touchy-feely he was on date 1 and his comment on how he's not sure how you fit long-term makes me feel like he's trying to hint for something a lot more casual. That's just my intuition, however.) He's just going with the flow. Right now it looks like he's not pursuing you or doing so pretty lazily. You're way more into him. Mirror him and see if he steps up and try to see if anything takes off with this date you have Tues. Good luck! I agree. I think it's clear that he isn't passionate about dating me (he probably has others going on/still want to play the field/whatever), but is still somewhat interested as the dates went well and I am a catch (he grabbed my hand when other guys tried to talk to me during the social event...) Your strategy sounds just about right. 1
Author Sandwoman Posted January 29, 2017 Author Posted January 29, 2017 I know, right?!! That "insecure" behavior could totally be an act. And you intuition is spot on. There is no date on Tuesday. I'm having a date with someone else on Tuesday. wow for the "insecure" thing being an act lol I hope it's not...I told my analyst the whole story, she thinks it's genuine because it's totally my behavior pattern to intimidate people and act like a snob when I'm nervous... 1
winny Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 I'm having a date with someone else on Tuesday. Oh yeah right... Focus on the new guy 1
winny Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 I'm having a date with someone else on Tuesday. wow for the "insecure" thing being an act lol I hope it's not...I told my analyst the whole story, she thinks it's genuine because it's totally my behavior pattern to intimidate people and act like a snob when I'm nervous... Do you know what kind of people get "intimidated"? The ones who have no depth to their personality and character... ha ha Others would either call you out for being a snob or totally be unfazed. I won't give many points to a guy who gets intimidated and more so after you have confessed and clarified why you may seem snobbish.
winny Posted January 29, 2017 Posted January 29, 2017 I am a catch (he grabbed my hand when other guys tried to talk to me during the social event...) Or potentially controlling. Need to evaluate all angles.
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