Ugh [after we slept together...crickets]

[PinkPampies]

^^^ absolutely spot on.

 

I was in a similar situation as you. Married in 20s and divorced in my 40s and I will verify that older men are better at intimacy and I fell into the same problem you had! Intimate men in their 40s vs intimate men in their 20s = a WORLD of a difference in intimacy.

[anika99]

You keep saying you thought he would want something more because he is older, because he is 50. That is an extremely incorrect assumption.

 

Most people in their 50's have had at least a couple of long term relationships. They have had their heart broken and been through painful divorces or breakups. Starting another relationship is often the last thing a person in their fifties wants. They have been there, done that, and now they are enjoying their freedom and independence.

 

Sometimes a person in their fifties who has just become single will be overly eager to get into a new serious relationship because they have never been single before and they are afraid to be alone but for the most part 50yrs plus people are independent and perfectly happy with their freedom.

 

A lot of older men are loving the fact that they can be free and single while still getting all the casual sex they want just by schmoozing women on the Internet. Getting laid used to be much harder for men. They had to groom themselves, spiff themselves up and then go out for the evening to work at charming someone's pants off. I think sometimes men got into relationships just so they could get regular sex that didn't take so much effort, lol. Now with everybody meeting on the Internet it's just a numbers game. If a guy casts a wide net he's going to catch someone. Doesn't matter how long it takes to bed her because it takes so little effort and he can be working on several women at the same time.

 

So firstly don't assume that every older man is desperately looking for someone to settle down with as often that's the last thing they want and secondly remember that talk is cheap. Also there is no relationship at just two dates. If you are having sex that early because you want sex then that's fine but if you are having sex with the expectation that it will turn into relationship then you are likely going to be disappointed. Sex does not equal a relationship.

 

Also want to agree with what another poster said about men getting better at intimacy as they get older. This is very true, they know how to pay attention to a woman and how to make her feel good and they also enjoy the intimacy as it enhances the date and the sex. They might only be looking for casual sex but they also want it to be affectionate and warm. Doesn't mean they want a serious relationship.

Edited January 24, 2017 by anika99

[VictoriaB]

You keep saying you thought he would want something more because he is older, because he is 50. That is an extremely incorrect assumption.

 

Most people in their 50's have had at least a couple of long term relationships. They have had their heart broken and been through painful divorces or breakups. Starting another relationship is often the last thing a person in their fifties wants. They have been there, done that, and now they are enjoying their freedom and independence.

 

Sometimes a person in their fifties who has just become single will be overly eager to get into a new serious relationship because they have never been single before and they are afraid to be alone but for the most part 50yrs plus people are independent and perfectly happy with their freedom.

 

A lot of older men are loving the fact that they can be free and single while still getting all the casual sex they want just by schmoozing women on the Internet. Getting laid used to be much harder for men. They had to groom themselves, spiff themselves up and then go out for the evening to work at charming someone's pants off. I think sometimes men got into relationships just so they could get regular sex that didn't take so much effort, lol. Now with everybody meeting on the Internet it's just a numbers game. If a guy casts a wide net he's going to catch someone. Doesn't matter how long it takes to bed her because it takes so little effort and he can be working on several women at the same time.

 

So firstly don't assume that every older man is desperately looking for someone to settle down with as often that's the last thing they want and secondly remember that talk is cheap. Also there is no relationship at just two dates. If you are having sex that early because you want sex then that's fine but if you are having sex with the expectation that it will turn into relationship then you are likely going to be disappointed. Sex does not equal a relationship.

 

Also want to agree with what another poster said about men getting better at intimacy as they get older. This is very true, they know how to pay attention to a woman and how to make her feel good and they also enjoy the intimacy as it enhances the date and the sex. They might only be looking for casual sex but they also want it to be affectionate and warm. Doesn't mean they want a serious relationship.

 

Yes that's what I missed! This was honestly my first time with someone that older so yes Why didn't I figure that out!

Thank yoj

[Miss Spider]

Victoria, I understand the feeling. I'm sexually inexperienced too and feel like it might put a guy offbutif he really likes you a lot I don't think it will! I mean all guys I've dated were more than willing to teach me and or stick around to let me get some practice hahaha.

 

 

Don't beat yourself up it. You had got an experience out of it and was fun at the time. Sorry it didn't work out.

[winny]

You keep saying you thought he would want something more because he is older, because he is 50. That is an extremely incorrect assumption.

 

Also, when you go with such assumptions you somehow portray that you cannot get a guy who is appropriate for you hence you would go for someone who you think is already at a disadvantage (in this case due to their age) and would therefore like you.... because you think that from where he stands you seem a catch... and your mindset is that someone closer to your age may not find you to be a catch and hence won't want something meaningful with you.

You do not like the guy for who he is but rather you feel with him you are more probable of finding a relationship since you are a great option for him (supposedly cause you are younger). This is just insecurity... and thinking you are not good enough... might wanna address these issues.

[RecentChange]

Thank you :-) thing is he did say how he likes me...Likes my face...My eyes...kept staring in my eyes kissing my face...Great actor i suppose

 

What did he say about your personality, your accomplishments, your intelligence?

 

Always make sure a man values and respects you beyond your body.

 

Curious, you said you met on IG. How? Did he comment on one of your pictures?

[VictoriaB]

What did he say about your personality, your accomplishments, your intelligence?

 

Always make sure a man values and respects you beyond your body.

 

Curious, you said you met on IG. How? Did he comment on one of your pictures?

 

Well he was asking how my day looks like, what music I like, mostly was talking about himself, we laughed a lot..It was very easy going, nice.

He messaged me after like 2 months following me and things went from there.

[VictoriaB]

Also, when you go with such assumptions you somehow portray that you cannot get a guy who is appropriate for you hence you would go for someone who you think is already at a disadvantage (in this case due to their age) and would therefore like you.... because you think that from where he stands you seem a catch... and your mindset is that someone closer to your age may not find you to be a catch and hence won't want something meaningful with you.

You do not like the guy for who he is but rather you feel with him you are more probable of finding a relationship since you are a great option for him (supposedly cause you are younger). This is just insecurity... and thinking you are not good enough... might wanna address these issues.

 

 

Honestly it's not that im after 50 year olds...I like them older but 50 is the limit. Low self esteem? I like myself, I think I have a great personality, I have a lot of hobbies but when it comes to men the more I have these situations the more I think that yes maybe I am not worthy of someone wanting to be with me more than one night...Of someone who will say damn she's great. I'm 30 as me I want to find someone but I am not desperate...Just dissapointed and miserable...Maybe I'm not meant to have a realtionship...I lost my virginity very late...Maybe I am scared of men..

[VictoriaB]

It is what it is and I guess the pro of the 2 days spent with him was at least it was so much fun and I really don't regret it...I believe what's meant to be will be

[winny]

Honestly it's not that im after 50 year olds...I like them older but 50 is the limit. Low self esteem? I like myself, I think I have a great personality, I have a lot of hobbies but when it comes to men the more I have these situations the more I think that yes maybe I am not worthy of someone wanting to be with me more than one night...Of someone who will say damn she's great. I'm 30 as me I want to find someone but I am not desperate...Just dissapointed and miserable...Maybe I'm not meant to have a realtionship...I lost my virginity very late...Maybe I am scared of men..

 

If you have to, then feed your mind with positive stories about yourself. These negative thoughts will get you nowhere.

[Mkn1010]

Hey OP, I just want to say that you sound a lot like me! I'm a 30 year old female too, limited dating/sexual experience and lost my virginity at 24!! So I just wanted to say that I think I know how you feel, but all of that stuff makes you UNIQUE! I recently had a similar situation to you (posted on here about it), but I didn't have sex with the man on the 2nd date despite his efforts and I have to just say how relieved I am. People like us get attached by sharing physical intimacy with someone, we're not like the standard person of today who can do 'no strings attached' and that's bloody great if you ask me! People are too afraid to feel! Just don't change and conform with the common folk.

 

 

I truly still have hope that someone will love me for me and I believe that for you too! Just be true to yourself, believe that inner voice and don't rush into sex with a man until he proves he's worthy of you. And know that most men will not be. It's just how it is. Sooo many people ask me why the heck I'm single...all the time... and I am very familiar with meeting many many d-bags! But I won't lower my standards for anyone.

 

 

God bless you and give yourself a chance to heal from this!

[VictoriaB]

Hey OP, I just want to say that you sound a lot like me! I'm a 30 year old female too, limited dating/sexual experience and lost my virginity at 24!! So I just wanted to say that I think I know how you feel, but all of that stuff makes you UNIQUE! I recently had a similar situation to you (posted on here about it), but I didn't have sex with the man on the 2nd date despite his efforts and I have to just say how relieved I am. People like us get attached by sharing physical intimacy with someone, we're not like the standard person of today who can do 'no strings attached' and that's bloody great if you ask me! People are too afraid to feel! Just don't change and conform with the common folk.

 

 

I truly still have hope that someone will love me for me and I believe that for you too! Just be true to yourself, believe that inner voice and don't rush into sex with a man until he proves he's worthy of you. And know that most men will not be. It's just how it is. Sooo many people ask me why the heck I'm single...all the time... and I am very familiar with meeting many many d-bags! But I won't lower my standards for anyone.

 

 

God bless you and give yourself a chance to heal from this!

 

Hi! Thank you so much for your kind words...I just got teary :-)

Yes it's true I get too attached...When I want someone I put them up on a pedestal..When someone romances me I don't want to see the bad sides...I only see the good in them and it gets me in trouble. I do hope too we will find a Man worthy of us because I am so loyal, so sensitive hence this topic haha. I do forgive him thou..And I won't lower my standards as well!!

 

Kisses and God bless

[stillafool]

Also remember sex is a two way street. Just because he wants it doesn't mean you have to give it to him. If you are horny and want the sex then do it but not with an expectation of a relationship. You obviously wanted the sex as much as he did or you wouldn't have had it on the second date. That's okay and don't feel guilty about it. I've known men to pursue women they didn't think were good in bed but had a deep emotional connection with; and men who pursue women who were the best sex they ever had but couldn't have a conversation with. You never know what pushes one's buttons. Just be you and do what your heart feels.

 

You say you two have been in touch for a year; so does that mean on a daily basis or here and there? 50 year old men will not sit by and wait to see if a woman is going to contact them. If they are interested they will pursue until they get a hint that you're not interested. They know the game and have been around the block multiple times. Him being a restaurant owner brings him in contact with a lot of women. If he is successful and in good shape; I suspect he dates a lot with very little effort. Don't beat yourself up over this and don't waste too much head space about him. You should be dating other men as well.

[VictoriaB]

Also remember sex is a two way street. Just because he wants it doesn't mean you have to give it to him. If you are horny and want the sex then do it but not with an expectation of a relationship. You obviously wanted the sex as much as he did or you wouldn't have had it on the second date. That's okay and don't feel guilty about it. I've known men to pursue women they didn't think were good in bed but had a deep emotional connection with; and men who pursue women who were the best sex they ever had but couldn't have a conversation with. You never know what pushes one's buttons. Just be you and do what your heart feels.

 

You say you two have been in touch for a year; so does that mean on a daily basis or here and there? 50 year old men will not sit by and wait to see if a woman is going to contact them. If they are interested they will pursue until they get a hint that you're not interested. They know the game and have been around the block multiple times. Him being a restaurant owner brings him in contact with a lot of women. If he is successful and in good shape; I suspect he dates a lot with very little effort. Don't beat yourself up over this and don't waste too much head space about him. You should be dating other men as well.

 

 

From time to time...I understand what you mean but he found me before shouldn't he txt me again? He knew I'm interested in him. How can he not know? The thing that gets me is he did say that was fun beautiful the next morning.. hugged me and kiss on the cheek

[VictoriaB]

Also remember sex is a two way street. Just because he wants it doesn't mean you have to give it to him. If you are horny and want the sex then do it but not with an expectation of a relationship. You obviously wanted the sex as much as he did or you wouldn't have had it on the second date. That's okay and don't feel guilty about it. I've known men to pursue women they didn't think were good in bed but had a deep emotional connection with; and men who pursue women who were the best sex they ever had but couldn't have a conversation with. You never know what pushes one's buttons. Just be you and do what your heart feels.

 

You say you two have been in touch for a year; so does that mean on a daily basis or here and there? 50 year old men will not sit by and wait to see if a woman is going to contact them. If they are interested they will pursue until they get a hint that you're not interested. They know the game and have been around the block multiple times. Him being a restaurant owner brings him in contact with a lot of women. If he is successful and in good shape; I suspect he dates a lot with very little effort. Don't beat yourself up over this and don't waste too much head space about him. You should be dating other men as well.

 

 

And yes it's true he does have a lot of options but I thought I was different to him. I didn't want to be like the RS. Especially when he kept saying how comfortable he feels with me and wishes we met sooner. Can't help but feeling that maybe my Inexperience got him

[CaliforniaGirl]

From time to time...I understand what you mean but he found me before shouldn't he txt me again? He knew I'm interested in him. How can he not know? The thing that gets me is he did say that was fun beautiful the next morning.. hugged me and kiss on the cheek

 

"Gets you" in what way? A guy who is hitting it and quitting it (not saying that's definitively the case here, I guess you'll find out?) doesn't want a scene before making his getaway, and anyone who's even a mediocre player knows what women want to hear.

 

One whispered sentence, a brush on the cheek in finest romance fashion and whew - getaway!

 

I know that sounds cynical but you seem to want to read more into this, based on what you as a woman think of as longer-term potential signals. He doesn't necessarily see things that way at all. He said all the right things to butter you up for getting you into bed, and he said and did all the right things for quietly getting away without you getting angry or crying or making him feel guilty or anything.

[VictoriaB]

"Gets you" in what way? A guy who is hitting it and quitting it (not saying that's definitively the case here, I guess you'll find out?) doesn't want a scene before making his getaway, and anyone who's even a mediocre player knows what women want to hear.

 

One whispered sentence, a brush on the cheek in finest romance fashion and whew - getaway!

 

I know that sounds cynical but you seem to want to read more into this, based on what you as a woman think of as longer-term potential signals. He doesn't necessarily see things that way at all. He said all the right things to butter you up for getting you into bed, and he said and did all the right things for quietly getting away without you getting angry or crying or making him feel guilty or anything.

 

Why unfollow me 3 weeks after? Did he really need that much time to process my reaction?

[VictoriaB]

Can any Men give me their insight on here?

[CaliforniaGirl]

Why unfollow me 3 weeks after? Did he really need that much time to process my reaction?

 

Victoria, come on, stop.

 

You are trying so hard to read into this.

 

He may have just felt he had let enough time go by so you perhaps wouldn't even notice. Who knows? Again, it sounds like a slow, slithery getaway to me. Nothing more.

 

OTOH, he may have loosely considered hitting it one more time but then thought better of it a while later, realizing you may have caught feelings, and at that point did the unfollowing or whatever.

 

One thing it ISN'T a sign of is, "He somehow wants me for a relationship." Not in this, or any alternate universe, I'm afraid.

 

You'll never know for sure (not even if you ask him - because he'll lie...he doesn't want to have to deal with hearing you cry, or with you being angry and saying angry things to him). So why harp on this? Why do YOU think this is? You keep bringing it up over and over and over again. Obviously, you have your own theory. What is it?

[selinaluv]

Why unfollow me 3 weeks after? Did he really need that much time to process my reaction?

 

I wouldn't nit pick too much on something like that. It is just social media, which in reality is a very poor way to connect and get to know someone.

 

The key here is he cut off from you quickly after you slept together. He doesn't really care how you react at this point.

 

The best thing you can do for yourself at this point is to move on and move forward.

[dumbass2]

Can any Men give me their insight on here?

 

I'm a guy and if I unfollowed someone after 3 weeks during no communication, it was because I decided that I no longer want anything to do with that person. Maybe I'm getting into another relationship and don't want that person to be able to see anything I post. I don't want to see anything about them. I just accept it's over and it's part of moving on and not looking back. I don't see how there could be any other reason other than that person is done with you. The reason it could be 3 weeks could just be getting around to it. Maybe had to think about it a little, but probably the not. You can't worry about what he's thinking about because the only thing that matters is that his actions (or lack there of) have told you he's not interest. Maybe you'll be a fall back for him at a later point, maybe not. Don't get stuck on the 3 weeks thing. It could have been a day or months down the road. Doesn't matter.

[VictoriaB]

I'm a guy and if I unfollowed someone after 3 weeks during no communication, it was because I decided that I no longer want anything to do with that person. Maybe I'm getting into another relationship and don't want that person to be able to see anything I post. I don't want to see anything about them. I just accept it's over and it's part of moving on and not looking back. I don't see how there could be any other reason other than that person is done with you. The reason it could be 3 weeks could just be getting around to it. Maybe had to think about it a little, but probably the not. You can't worry about what he's thinking about because the only thing that matters is that his actions (or lack there of) have told you he's not interest. Maybe you'll be a fall back for him at a later point, maybe not. Don't get stuck on the 3 weeks thing. It could have been a day or months down the road. Doesn't matter.

 

Thank you :-)

I still can see his photos he didn't block me just he is not following me on Instagram...Just to be clear...Anyway thanks again

[stillafool]

From time to time...I understand what you mean but he found me before shouldn't he txt me again? He knew I'm interested in him. How can he not know? The thing that gets me is he did say that was fun beautiful the next morning.. hugged me and kiss on the cheek

 

He certainly meant it when he said those things but that wasn't enough to make him pursue you further. Just because you are interested in him does not make him interested in you enough to want more. That's okay. We don't always get who and what we want in life so we have to keep pushing forward.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Thank you :-)

I still can see his photos he didn't block me just he is not following me on Instagram...Just to be clear...Anyway thanks again

 

UNFOLLOW him.

 

Victoria...why the hell are you still looking?

 

Just unfollow! And be done.

[stillafool]

Why unfollow me 3 weeks after? Did he really need that much time to process my reaction?

 

There have been 4 men that I know of on this thread who have given you their advice. He's not interested. Why do you continue to bang your head on the wall over this?