winny Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 OK I texted ! Good... let us know if he responds. 1
Miss Spider Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 Here's hoping he responds and apologizes and says he just fell off the map after sex because he was tired of initiating ..or his performance was embarrassing or something. Got my fingers crossed
Author VictoriaB Posted January 23, 2017 Author Posted January 23, 2017 Here's hoping he responds and apologizes and says he just fell off the map after sex because he was tired of initiating ..or his performance was embarrassing or something. Got my fingers crossed Wow your comment made me feel it was stupid to initiate contact but you know what sometimes you never know...Of he doesn't respond it's ok..I'm already hurt so he can't further hurt mr
Miss Spider Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 Sorry Yeah you're right. Sucks either way but at least you won't be wondering as much. I really do hope he gets back
winny Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 Sorry Yeah you're right. Sucks either way but at least you won't be wondering as much. I really do hope he gets back Even I suggested the texting because then if he doesn't respond she won't have to keep wondering and overthinking...
winny Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 Wow your comment made me feel it was stupid to initiate contact but you know what sometimes you never know...Of he doesn't respond it's ok..I'm already hurt so he can't further hurt mr It's not stupid. It's okay... don't worry... it will be all well - irrespective of his response. 2
salparadise Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 If he vanishes after sex (2nd date, 4th date/1 month in, 8th date... whatever) then that's all he wanted from the get go. Sure, maybe he had to wait a bit more in some of these circumstances but in the end if a guy just wants sex, he will show that by disengaging after. So, you believe that a man always makes up his mind before sex whether he wants to marry her or just bang her awhile? And men are not capable of assessing and making an informed decision based on how things go during the course of dating? I think this guy liked you, buttered you up, prob felt he had some things in common, enjoyed the sex and then vanished. Perhaps he freaked out and thought people would judge him for dating someone 20 years younger. Maybe he was nervous he couldn't bring you out without being called a "sugar daddy". Who knows? If you have a very youthful appearance this could have been both a lure to him and also something that made him nervous in the long run (due to judgment from others). I don't think men are always that calculating. If there's attraction and some chemistry we may just go for it without planning the end game in advance at all. Then if she really flips our switch we may pursue a relationship, but if we aren't exactly operating on the same wavelength we might chalk it up to enjoyable and interesting but lacking long-term compatibility. Men are not a homogeneous little group of robots all wired the same. Sex is something humans do fairly regularly... like breathing, scratching your nose, blinking your eyes, etc. Granted, the asymmetrical strategies cause men and women to attach different meaning to sex and the rituals surrounding mate selection, but believe me... there are not always ulterior motives, everything is not decided in advance, and overall men and women are more alike than they are different. Women enjoy sex too –– it's not just something they use to catch men. 2
Saracena Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 Well....having read the entire thread... .has he responded OP?
Miss Spider Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 Not necessarily. I've known a few older men who operate this way. They almost exclusively work in sales and travel a lot throughout the year. They "cultivate" many women with talk over a period of time and then sleep with them when they travel to their cities. In one case, I found a ridiculous number of pictures of "conquered women" on a salesman's laptop. In many cases, these guys are wining and dining the women on the company's dime! I get that guys can have different girls from city to city, but I got the impression from OP previous to meeting they talked regularly? Maybe I'm getting people confused? Even so, the whole juggling people and communicating with so many in effort to get laid seems so exhausting to me, lol but my goal is not to "conquer" bodies. Hopefully he's being safe
Seraphina87 Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 If he's 50 and has never had a LTR and also doesn't have any children then that is a big red flag imo. Men like this are single for a reason - usually it's that they can't hold down a relationship. I also agree that at your age you could have more success with someone younger (who also doesn't have years of messing people about already under their belt) 3
Miss Spider Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 Is there a chance this guy was being genuine in his interest,but the sex was so wack he just couldn't do it and backed off? Sure, possible . But this rings more like an out of town, social media hookup where the guy used some nice words to get OP guard down and make her genuinely think she liked him. And male or female, ghosting and deleting someone after you have sex with them and had been initiating/chasing up until that point is a kind of dirty, chkn sht thing to do, imo.
Miss Spider Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 If he's 50 and has never had a LTR and also doesn't have any children then that is a big red flag imo. Men like this are single for a reason - usually it's that they can't hold down a relationship. I also agree that at your age you could have more success with someone younger (who also doesn't have years of messing people about already under their belt) True. I know it's marriage, not LTR, but TheRing research had some pretty sturdy data with older (>40, iirc) people who are on their first marriages. The longevity was about equal to those over 26 but 5 year followup reported Significantly lower marital satisfaction than those first married over their mid 20s to 30s. I think it's just about getting used to a lifestyle. After so long, it's more difficult to compromise and adjust to other things necessary for healthy, long-term pair bonding. I think a lot of women (not necessarily Op) go for the older men thinking it's more stability, but quite contrary of they aren't used to or has ltr for a long time. Huge red flag.
ElizabethIII Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 I used to eat myself up over this sort of thing. File in the f8ck it bucket and move on is now how I deal. You have 20 years on him op. You have more options than him.
LivingDeadGrl Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 I think it doesn't matter how long you wait to have sex with someone, if they truly like you then they aren't going anywhere...BUT, if you are willing to sleep with someone within 24-48 hours of knowing them I wouldn't expect much. Your case I can see why you'd be confused considering you spoke for a whole year prior to. Are you really sure of his situation? You're sure he isn't married or attached in some way? And if you are sure, how? Instagram is selective posting so I hope you weren't judging by that alone. People can be extremely deceiving. He never reached out after sex and I feel like if he was truly interested in you then he would have. Was the sex bad in any way? Him unfollowing you after 3 weeks pretty much means nothing other than he has no interest in seeing anything you post anymore. I would have advised you not to text as even on the off chance he had been waiting for you to initiate contact, it took you 3 weeks. If that were me I wouldn't reply either. 1
strawberryshortstack Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 If he's 50 and has never had a LTR and also doesn't have any children then that is a big red flag imo. Men like this are single for a reason - usually it's that they can't hold down a relationship. Or don't want to. 2
Author VictoriaB Posted January 23, 2017 Author Posted January 23, 2017 Well he messaged me back...Saying he's good and whats new with me ....Like nothing ever happened
Author VictoriaB Posted January 23, 2017 Author Posted January 23, 2017 I think it doesn't matter how long you wait to have sex with someone, if they truly like you then they aren't going anywhere...BUT, if you are willing to sleep with someone within 24-48 hours of knowing them I wouldn't expect much. Your case I can see why you'd be confused considering you spoke for a whole year prior to. Are you really sure of his situation? You're sure he isn't married or attached in some way? And if you are sure, how? Instagram is selective posting so I hope you weren't judging by that alone. People can be extremely deceiving. He never reached out after sex and I feel like if he was truly interested in you then he would have. Was the sex bad in any way? Him unfollowing you after 3 weeks pretty much means nothing other than he has no interest in seeing anything you post anymore. I would have advised you not to text as even on the off chance he had been waiting for you to initiate contact, it took you 3 weeks. If that were me I wouldn't reply either. I know he's not married trust me I just know...... The sex was OK but again I was kinda nervous as I don't have a lot of experience...
Author VictoriaB Posted January 23, 2017 Author Posted January 23, 2017 Is there a chance this guy was being genuine in his interest,but the sex was so wack he just couldn't do it and backed off? Sure, possible . But this rings more like an out of town, social media hookup where the guy used some nice words to get OP guard down and make her genuinely think she liked him. And male or female, ghosting and deleting someone after you have sex with them and had been initiating/chasing up until that point is a kind of dirty, chkn sht thing to do, imo. Yes it is really dirty...But he did reply to my text
Author VictoriaB Posted January 23, 2017 Author Posted January 23, 2017 Good... let us know if he responds. Yes he responded
winny Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 Well he messaged me back...Saying he's good and whats new with me ....Like nothing ever happened Maybe to him it was nothing ever. What are you planning to do now?
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 Well he messaged me back...Saying he's good and whats new with me ....Like nothing ever happened "What's new"? After having poinked the guy, for goodness' sake? I would never accept a casual "so whatzup, yeah, just chillin'" type of text (of all things) after having slept with a man, not at my age. Maybe when I was 17? (Maybe...not definitely...) Today...nope. I'd not even answer that one. Already forgotten, on to bigger and better things. Just my take. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 Yes he responded Oh, wait. He didn't even text you...this was a casual reply, however many days/weeks later? Am I correct there? Yeah, ... .................... ................................... HELL to the no. Don't answer, and move on. 1
Author VictoriaB Posted January 23, 2017 Author Posted January 23, 2017 Maybe to him it was nothing ever. What are you planning to do now? Well nothing...This time if he doesn't contact me again then I know that it was only fun
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 Well he messaged me back...Saying he's good and whats new with me ....Like nothing ever happened Why are you doing this to yourself? Yes, like NOTHING happened. Okay, so now that you have his attention, ask him why the silence after sex and unfollowing you? You are not going to be satisfied with his respond, IF he responds. 1
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