butterfly29 Posted July 20, 2005 Posted July 20, 2005 So I found his sister's n'law phone number. I am not sure if I should call her. I really miss her, after all it wasn't her who hurt me, it was him. She's still married to his brother and he's hurting her just as much as my x hurt me but in a different way, last time we talked she was thinking about divorce. I guess being an a**h*** runs in the blood with them. Me and her were kinda close but never called each other after my breakup. I just want to talk to her, and if my ex wasn't involved in any way, we'd be talking long time ago. So I definately don't want to call because of him.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 20, 2005 Posted July 20, 2005 You want to talk to her to what ? Catch up ?.. Nah.. your looking to talk about the ex or to see if the ex comes up in the convo. If you were married then calling isn't that much of an issue .. But a girlfriend should not call his family after the breakup .. It's his family not yours .. But if you really want to call go ahead.. You most likely have already made up your mind. If he was calling your family I'll bet you would be upset.. posting on LS about it.. Just do a role reversal and see if you still want to.
Author butterfly29 Posted July 20, 2005 Author Posted July 20, 2005 Originally posted by A Fly onThe Wall If he was calling your family I'll bet you would be upset.. posting on LS about it.. Just do a role reversal and see if you still want to. Yeah you're right... Maybe not upset, but anoyed for sure. I don't really have as big of a family and he wasn't really close to my family either so it's hard to imagine the reverse situation. I really don't want him to know that I called her. And I want to ask her not to tell me any news about him either. I probably won't resist the urge to bitch about him though. She might be anoyed by that. Although she bitched about her husband to me many times. It just frustrates me so much that because we broke up I have to break up with his family as well that I grew so attached to. And they seemed to like me too. Seems so unfair.
Author butterfly29 Posted July 20, 2005 Author Posted July 20, 2005 So what's the moral of the story? Never get close to you bf/gf family?
Jijomo Posted July 20, 2005 Posted July 20, 2005 I don't know what the moral is, but a little girl that I work with just broke up with her boyfriend, and started dating someone else. they were together over a year. He was attached to her family, and the day after the break up, he went to her mom's house and played with her little brother. It freaked her out. She thought he was pathetic. If my husband and I broke up, I'd probably still contact his aunt once in a while. I don't see what the harm is. Just don't talk about your ex, and if he comes up, quickly change the subject. To test if it's really her that you're interested in, ask yourself if you'd still want to call her if you were in love with some one else. If the answer is yes, then call her. If it's no, then don't bother her.
smile Posted July 20, 2005 Posted July 20, 2005 I dunno after my ex and I broke up his neice had my MSN messenger name and she talked to me all the time. We never talked about my ex. I even went over on my own at christmas and took her a gift... and one for his brother and sister in law. The brother and sis in laws gifts were thrift store finds... but it turns out they had a gift for me too. I see his dad once in a while. I wound up being invited to a lot of family functions. I guess it kinda turned weird bc my ex and i were sleeping together, and hanging out and i was with his family... but if you can avoid the ex i say go for it. If you truly want to be HER friend bc of the relationship you two had , do it. Who cares what it looks like.. it's hard to find a really good gal pal these days. Just call to see how she is... or something. She can take it from there. You have valid reasons if you are truly worried. But don't use the family as a way to get closer or get info about the ex. I hung out with the family with them knowing i wanted to know NOTHING about the ex. So thats that.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 20, 2005 Posted July 20, 2005 Originally posted by Jijomo To test if it's really her that you're interested in, ask yourself if you'd still want to call her if you were in love with some one else. If the answer is yes, then call her. If it's no, then don't bother her. Perfect advice
Author butterfly29 Posted July 20, 2005 Author Posted July 20, 2005 Thank you guys for your input. I really do want to know NOTHING about him from her. I am planning to tell her that right away if I do end up calling. Like I said, if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't even be asking you guys, I'd call her long time ago. The only reason I am reluctant to call her is because I don't want to be the "pathetic" one, that's why I am asking for advice. I know what you mean, Jijomo, after I broke up with the long ago ex, he used to call my friends and family, that I have to add he wasn't nearly as close as I am to some of this guy's family members. That did bug me quite a bit. And yes, I would definately want to call her if I was in love with someone else. Just that by the time it happens it might be too late to call her. And she is the only one I want to call. I have to confess to you guys, besides really wanting to find out how she's doing I have some evil intentions behind this call. I am hoping that if he finds out that I called her and get anoyed by that, he'll learn not to bring his next gf so close into his family. The thought that his sis (and her kids) might be just as accepting to someone else as they were to me makes me furious. And the fact that I do have to completely erase myself from his life and the next girl will have to have it all, and probably eventually get hurt, cause that's the type of guy he is. I don't like him anymore for hurting me, I don't want to stay friends with him. But I do want to stay friends with his sister in law, and I don't mind if he knows. I want him to be jealous of this and I want his next gf to be jealous too.
francis Posted July 20, 2005 Posted July 20, 2005 butterfly, your call may have the effect that he thinks you are a desperate stalker trying to get to him through his family...leave well alone...if you want him back, talk to him...otherwise, take a step back and get out and meet new guys
Author butterfly29 Posted July 20, 2005 Author Posted July 20, 2005 Yes but... I have said it many times on this forum and I can't say it enough... I DON'T WANT HIM BACK!!!!! whewww.... A stalker? Wouldn't a definition of stalker be someone who tries to contact you even after you were asked not to. The last think he told me was that I can contact him anytime. But I am not going to, I don't want to. It hurts too much.
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