jackheyman Posted January 22, 2017 Posted January 22, 2017 Hey guys! First post on this site! I'm 22, my ex was 24, about to turn 25. It was both of our first relationships and we were together for 2 and a half years. The whole relationship was great, up until the very end. Things started getting kind of ****ty in late October, mid-November. She got a new job, and I was working a lot. I work in retail, and the holiday season started picking up and I would usually work around 30 hours a week, on top of a hectic school schedule. We used to spend so much time together, up until this time as well. We were able to see each other two or three times a week, but called every day. In mid-December, we went on a break. I can't recall, but I think five or six days passed and she texted me saying she missed me and we planned to meet up on the 30th of December. On the 30th, we hung out in the morning, took our dog for a walk, had lunch, played video games, saw a movie and had dinner. She was actually supposed to work that day but called out to be with me. We also had sex somewhere in between on that day. It was really fun and we both enjoyed the day. She said that I would "have to win her back", playfully. A few days later, after texting me, we met up again and spent a few hours together, just laying on her bed and talking. No sex, but it felt like any other time we were together. On January 6th, she texted me, asking if she could stop over my house for a while, to which I immediately said yes and got everything at my house ready. She asked to meet her in my driveway, and she handed me a bag of all of my clothes that were at her house. She said she couldn't do it anymore and had to end the relationship. I was shocked and heartbroken. I looked at this as a cop-out, as we had just spent time together a few days before and had a great time. She came over my house at 5:45, but had to be at a movie with her friend at 6:00. It was rushed and she didn't give me much to say. I was very upset and insulted by that move. On January 8th, I sent her a message basically saying that I will always love her and I wished I was able to say what I wanted to say. She called me later that night, we argued for about an hour, and after begging and pleading, she said that there was no way we would end up back together "for a long time" and that "she can't take the stress anymore". I was upset from the breakup because in my opinion, it was two stressful months of school and work, and I was not able to find much time for the relationship. She always agreed that school and work come first, and I was bothered it built up to a point where she felt she needed to end it. I haven't spoken to her since the 8th, and unfollowed (not unfriended) her on most forms of social media. I hate to admit that I still check on her profiles probably every other day. I'd also like to add that she suffers from a chronic illness that prohibits her from doing most everyday activities. Her illness was not always serious, but over the past six or so months, it has hindered her from lots of things. She has to stick to a strict diet, which took a long time for my body to adjust to, and also was difficult to find things to eat. It was a strict "paleo" diet, and she couldn't eat anything with gluten, dairy, sugar, wheat, among several other ingredients. Dinners weren't as easy as "let's go pickup a Pizza" or "let's get Chinese!". Dinners were expensive and had to be prepared hours in advance. Sometimes I felt as if she used her illness as an excuse to get out of certain things, but other times I could tell she was in excruciating pain. It hurts me to not talk to her. My sister just had a baby girl, and we were so excited for it. The semester has also just started and we go to the same school. Since I deleted her messages, I don't know her schedule and worry that I might run into her at school. I keep thinking that we will end up together, but I'm convincing myself that it's finished so I don't let myself down. My friends, some of them even mutual friends with her, along with my family suggest that I don't talk to her until she texts or calls me first. I don't see this happening as she was always sort of bossy and the end of the relationship was me trying to please her and make sure she was comfortable. Sorry if this is hard to follow or read, my mind is all over the place and I can't seem to stop and think for more than a few minutes. I just want to know if there is anything I should do, or anything that can be done to save the relationship. I am proud of myself for not contacting her for two whole weeks, but it's so difficult! I want to send her pictures of the baby but I don't want to give her the satisfaction (just yet) of seeing what I'm up to and knowing that I still want her so badly. I'm a mess.
Sweetfish Posted January 22, 2017 Posted January 22, 2017 My friends, some of them even mutual friends with her, along with my family suggest that I don't talk to her until she texts or calls me first. I don't see this happening as she was always sort of bossy and the end of the relationship was me trying to please her and make sure she was comfortable. Sorry if this is hard to follow or read, my mind is all over the place and I can't seem to stop and think for more than a few minutes. I just want to know if there is anything I should do, or anything that can be done to save the relationship. I am proud of myself for not contacting her for two whole weeks, but it's so difficult! I want to send her pictures of the baby but I don't want to give her the satisfaction (just yet) of seeing what I'm up to and knowing that I still want her so badly. I'm a mess. Do not contact her in any way or fashion. Do not tell or show her mutual friends you are hurting. Only confide in your very close friends and/or family. Right now its not about saving the relationship. Its about holding your own under direst. Do not spy or check any social media. Stay confident and work on you..(what ever working on you means) GYM, school, and so on. Any other move will burn you... If you run into her.. just be respectful and move on swiftly as nothing ever happen. If you think contacting her or having her mutual friend return information about your feeling will fix anything .. you got another thing coming. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted January 22, 2017 Posted January 22, 2017 Why did you two go on a break before? Who initiated it? I don't think her illness has much to do with this, though I understand how it impeded certain activities. My ex-boyfriend suffers from ulcerative colitis and liver problems, and severe dietary restrictions as a result. It certainly affected where and when and what we ate, but there were ways around it. Does your ex have a similar digestive disorder? In any case, I have a feeling she checked out of the relationship a while ago. Don't send her pictures of the new baby. You will need to start adjusting to this new life without her. She might reach out to you, but it's hard to know when you haven't really explained the problems in the relationship. She cites not being able to handle the stress anymore - what stress is she referring to?
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