KayteeB93 Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 So, ive been seeing a guy for three weeks on Monday. We've seen eachother around seven times and things were going great. We have had sex and we cuddled afterwards, he kisses me on my forehead, we have dates where he just lays on my chest and we watch a movie etc and he texts most days, not every day. However, the last three days its been me initiating the contact etc and he's told me he's been really busy with work and he's had meetings etc which I respect and understand as he's a manager at a company. He told me he's not seeing anyone else and I believe him because he's spent a lot of time with me. Anyway, our communication has completely changed from him texting numerous times in the day, and when that slowed down he would always call/text after work which doesn't happen anymore. It's more just the odd text a day which can sometimes lead onto a good conversation etc. I know its only been three weeks but because of the amount of time we've spent together and the way we act when are together I've got real feelings for this guy and I wanted to make sure we are on the same page. I'm seeing him tonight and was gonna ask him what he wanted, whether he was hoping for this to lead onto a relationship or if he's wanting to keep this casual. because I don't want to invest my feelings/time if we are not on the same page. My mum told me I should wait until valentines day and what he does then will show me where he sees this going, what do you think? Just to clarify im 23 and he's 31.
Tressugar Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 Personally I think you're rushing things instead of allowing things to develop naturally. Try asking the questions before getting your feelings involved. Allow him to pursue you and don't make yourself so available. I understand you're still young, but following a strategic order will hopefully eliminate confusion and heartbreak.
mikeylo Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 So, ive been seeing a guy for three weeks on Monday. We've seen eachother around seven times and things were going great. We have had sex and we cuddled afterwards, he kisses me on my forehead, we have dates where he just lays on my chest and we watch a movie etc and he texts most days, not every day. However, the last three days its been me initiating the contact etc and he's told me he's been really busy with work and he's had meetings etc which I respect and understand as he's a manager at a company. He told me he's not seeing anyone else and I believe him because he's spent a lot of time with me. Anyway, our communication has completely changed from him texting numerous times in the day, and when that slowed down he would always call/text after work which doesn't happen anymore. It's more just the odd text a day which can sometimes lead onto a good conversation etc. I know its only been three weeks but because of the amount of time we've spent together and the way we act when are together I've got real feelings for this guy and I wanted to make sure we are on the same page. I'm seeing him tonight and was gonna ask him what he wanted, whether he was hoping for this to lead onto a relationship or if he's wanting to keep this casual. because I don't want to invest my feelings/time if we are not on the same page. My mum told me I should wait until valentines day and what he does then will show me where he sees this going, what do you think? Just to clarify im 23 and he's 31. Its only 3 weeks. You are rushing way too fast.
Simple Logic Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 So, ive been seeing a guy for three weeks on Monday. We've seen eachother around seven times and things were going great. We have had sex and we cuddled afterwards, he kisses me on my forehead, we have dates where he just lays on my chest and we watch a movie etc and he texts most days, not every day. However, the last three days its been me initiating the contact etc and he's told me he's been really busy with work and he's had meetings etc which I respect and understand as he's a manager at a company. He told me he's not seeing anyone else and I believe him because he's spent a lot of time with me. Anyway, our communication has completely changed from him texting numerous times in the day, and when that slowed down he would always call/text after work which doesn't happen anymore. It's more just the odd text a day which can sometimes lead onto a good conversation etc. I know its only been three weeks but because of the amount of time we've spent together and the way we act when are together I've got real feelings for this guy and I wanted to make sure we are on the same page. I'm seeing him tonight and was gonna ask him what he wanted, whether he was hoping for this to lead onto a relationship or if he's wanting to keep this casual. because I don't want to invest my feelings/time if we are not on the same page. My mum told me I should wait until valentines day and what he does then will show me where he sees this going, what do you think? Just to clarify im 23 and he's 31. Take a deep breath, slow down, and listen to your mum. You can't force a relationship.
Author KayteeB93 Posted January 21, 2017 Author Posted January 21, 2017 Thankyou for your advice I've been single for 5 years so this dating thing is all new to me and really confusing! haha. When is it the right time to approach the whole "where is this going" thing?
Redhead14 Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 (edited) So, ive been seeing a guy for three weeks on Monday. We've seen eachother around seven times and things were going great. We have had sex and we cuddled afterwards, he kisses me on my forehead, we have dates where he just lays on my chest and we watch a movie etc and he texts most days, not every day. However, the last three days its been me initiating the contact etc and he's told me he's been really busy with work and he's had meetings etc which I respect and understand as he's a manager at a company. He told me he's not seeing anyone else and I believe him because he's spent a lot of time with me. Anyway, our communication has completely changed from him texting numerous times in the day, and when that slowed down he would always call/text after work which doesn't happen anymore. It's more just the odd text a day which can sometimes lead onto a good conversation etc. I know its only been three weeks but because of the amount of time we've spent together and the way we act when are together I've got real feelings for this guy and I wanted to make sure we are on the same page. I'm seeing him tonight and was gonna ask him what he wanted, whether he was hoping for this to lead onto a relationship or if he's wanting to keep this casual. because I don't want to invest my feelings/time if we are not on the same page. My mum told me I should wait until valentines day and what he does then will show me where he sees this going, what do you think? Just to clarify im 23 and he's 31. Certainly by 7 dates and having slept together, you should at least, find out if the two of you are on the same page in terms of dating goals overall. You/he may not be sure that you want that with each other at this point, but it's important to know each others goals. If you're not on the same page with this, then you need to make your exit. This guy is certainly, perhaps, lukewarm at this point. But, you should open that conversation before Valentine's day or you will set yourself up for a sad day. "You know, Xname, I'm dating to find a long-term relationship. At the moment, I am not interested in dating anyone else. What is your dating goal and are you/do you intend to see others at this point?" Then let him talk. If he says he's looking for a relationship, you sit back and observe whether he dates you that way by having consistent communication, setting up regular and proper dates going forward. In other words, if he tells you he's exploring the possibility of a relationship with you, you can't accept his lukewarm approach anymore. After this conversation, he needs to demonstrate sincerity. You've been sleeping with him, you have the right and responsibility to yourself to get clarity. Yes, it's only been 3 weeks, but you've been intimate with him, that kinda changes the playing field. If he says he's only dating casually and not looking for a relationship, you tell him you're moving on. Edited January 21, 2017 by Redhead14
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