ch1477 Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 I've known this guy for just over a year and we're good friends. On a drunken night we slept together and I thought nothing of this. I am also very good friends with his sister and in the summer, myself and a few others went to visit them both. Nothing happened but I realized that i like him more than i originally thought i did. One odd thing.. his mother mentioned to me that she thought he was sweet on me because of the way he talked about me. However didn't say what he said... :/ Fast forward to December, on a slightly less drunken night out we went home together again... this time he was quite forward. He doesn't linger in the mornings (but in no way is it awkward) and he doesn't message me asking to hang out or literally do anything as just us two. Which would indicate that he has no romantic feelings/any interest of perusing me. However, I've been told by many people that he's super shy and will only flirt if he's had a few jagers in him & i've been the only person that he's slept with since his last girlfriend... I know it doesn't help that I'm good friends with his sister or that we're in the same friendship group but like if I had no interest in somebody I wouldn't sleep with them..period.. especially if we all had the same friends & they'd all find out My question is basically, am I just being used for sex because I'm someone who says yes or does anybody think that they'res a slight chance that he's into me but just too shy to do anything? &&&& should i just suck it up and tell him that I like him or avoid the situation and move on. I don't know if this is important but personally I don't want a relationship I just kinda want a friends with benefits situation so that's what i'd kinda hint at if i did tell him I was interested...
leogirl876 Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 If all you want is a FWB then what's the point in wondering or asking him if he likes you? And if all you want is a FWB then what difference does it make if he's using for you sex when that's what you're doing? I'm of the strong belief that nobody can be FWB that long because of the people in the situation always ends up wanting more. It's hard to have sex with someone and not want something more with them.
kidm Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 Your current thing with him is friends with benefits so what's the point with telling him that's what you want unless you're not being honest with yourself. You mentioned you are good friends and I guess you see each other in group settings? He doesn't have to ask you to hang out one on one for a FWB. He's quite forward and slept with you but he's shy to ask you out? I doubt it. If he's not asking you out, seems like he wants to keep things casual but maybe you should ask him. You sound like you want more than a FWB.
mikeylo Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 I've known this guy for just over a year and we're good friends. On a drunken night we slept together and I thought nothing of this. I am also very good friends with his sister and in the summer, myself and a few others went to visit them both. Nothing happened but I realized that i like him more than i originally thought i did. One odd thing.. his mother mentioned to me that she thought he was sweet on me because of the way he talked about me. However didn't say what he said... :/ Fast forward to December, on a slightly less drunken night out we went home together again... this time he was quite forward. He doesn't linger in the mornings (but in no way is it awkward) and he doesn't message me asking to hang out or literally do anything as just us two. Which would indicate that he has no romantic feelings/any interest of perusing me. However, I've been told by many people that he's super shy and will only flirt if he's had a few jagers in him & i've been the only person that he's slept with since his last girlfriend... I know it doesn't help that I'm good friends with his sister or that we're in the same friendship group but like if I had no interest in somebody I wouldn't sleep with them..period.. especially if we all had the same friends & they'd all find out My question is basically, am I just being used for sex because I'm someone who says yes or does anybody think that they'res a slight chance that he's into me but just too shy to do anything? &&&& should i just suck it up and tell him that I like him or avoid the situation and move on. I don't know if this is important but personally I don't want a relationship I just kinda want a friends with benefits situation so that's what i'd kinda hint at if i did tell him I was interested... Whats the question again? 1
preraph Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 He's not dating you or showing you any respect, so yes, he's just coming over and getting sex from you for as long as you go along with it. Don't expect anything more. He probably disrespects you for going along with this, the old double standard. So he'll probably never think you're good enough to be serious about.
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 It's only sex and what's more, only opportunistic!ly so; in other words, he isn't even making the least effort, he's only going for it when it is literally right in front of his face by chance or drunkenness. He is not moved to seek even no-strings sex. You're like Option D. I can't see where this guy would want to be officially anything, even officially a FWB.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 It sounds like you already are in FWB territory, more or less. There's no need to hint at it. You already have what you want, no? On another note: My experience with guys who are so shy they need liquor to loosen up and show interest is that they are a lot of work. If they're too shy to ask you out, then trying to forge some type of relationship is going to be difficult. Until he's more secure and confident in himself, it's probably best to just keep it casual anyway.
Shining One Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 My question is basically, am I just being used for sex because I'm someone who says yes or does anybody think that they'res a slight chance that he's into me but just too shy to do anything? I don't see how you're being used in any way. It is possible he's into you. He may be shy or he may not want to "rock the boat". He may want more, but he doesn't want to risk what he currently has: Friendship with benefits.&&&& should i just suck it up and tell him that I like him or avoid the situation and move on.Determine what your desired outcome is and then determine an action based on that.I don't know if this is important but personally I don't want a relationship I just kinda want a friends with benefits situation so that's what i'd kinda hint at if i did tell him I was interested...If all you want is FWB, you already have that. Thus, there would be no need to say anything.
Shining One Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 He's not dating you or showing you any respect, so yes, he's just coming over and getting sex from you for as long as you go along with it. Don't expect anything more. He probably disrespects you for going along with this, the old double standard. So he'll probably never think you're good enough to be serious about.Please explain how he's disrespecting the OP. Nothing in her post indicates disrespect to me.
Miss Spider Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 First, define "like"? I don't see anything that indicates this is anything more than a sexual relationship. You stated you guys just have drunken hookups. I don't buy the "he's just shy" You guys have had sex. I think if he had romantic feelings for you he'd want to talk to you and ask you to do things together without sex and alcohol involved. Even as "friends"...Sounds like this is just a circumstantial sexual thing. The only way to know for sure is to ask. Also, how is he using you? You guys are having consensual sex right?. He doesn't know your feelings for him and nothing has been established at all. You're using him just as much. I don't understand this... 2
preraph Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 Please explain how he's disrespecting the OP. Nothing in her post indicates disrespect to me. from the original post: "he doesn't message me asking to hang out or literally do anything as just us two. "
Jj66 Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 Also, how is he using you? You guys are having consensual sex right?. He doesn't know your feelings for him and nothing has been established at all. You're using him just as much. I don't understand this... Amen. I never understood the "he's only using me for sex" thing that some women complain about. It's usually said when she's not getting what she wants from him as if there is supposed to be some sort of quid pro quo transaction involved. The best way to get what you want is to ask for it. 4
Timshel Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 Please explain how he's disrespecting the OP. Nothing in her post indicates disrespect to me. Oh, coy now....
Shining One Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 from the original post: "he doesn't message me asking to hang out or literally do anything as just us two. "That's not disrespect. That's disinterest. Lots of people don't message me to hang out, including FWBs. I don't feel disrespected by them.
mightycpa Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 I've known this guy for just over a year and we're good friends. On a drunken night we slept together and I thought nothing of this. I am also very good friends with his sister and in the summer, myself and a few others went to visit them both. Nothing happened but I realized that i like him more than i originally thought i did. One odd thing.. his mother mentioned to me that she thought he was sweet on me because of the way he talked about me. However didn't say what he said... :/ Fast forward to December, on a slightly less drunken night out we went home together again... this time he was quite forward. He doesn't linger in the mornings (but in no way is it awkward) and he doesn't message me asking to hang out or literally do anything as just us two. Which would indicate that he has no romantic feelings/any interest of perusing me. However, I've been told by many people that he's super shy and will only flirt if he's had a few jagers in him & i've been the only person that he's slept with since his last girlfriend... I know it doesn't help that I'm good friends with his sister or that we're in the same friendship group but like if I had no interest in somebody I wouldn't sleep with them..period.. especially if we all had the same friends & they'd all find out My question is basically, am I just being used for sex because I'm someone who says yes or does anybody think that they'res a slight chance that he's into me but just too shy to do anything? &&&& should i just suck it up and tell him that I like him or avoid the situation and move on. I don't know if this is important but personally I don't want a relationship I just kinda want a friends with benefits situation so that's what i'd kinda hint at if i did tell him I was interested...If all you want is a FWB situation, then why don't you just bang him again, and before he leaves in the AM, just tell him that he's welcome to do this with you any time he feels like it? Problem solved! Even though I've solved it for you, I don't really see what the problem is. 2
Timshel Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 Too many ladies try to lead with sex. Some girls think if they have sex with a man and don't ask for too much that the dude will fall head over heels in luvs. Now, lot's of dudes know this. Taking advantage of desperation/naivete is no achievement. 2
Miss Spider Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 (edited) Op, I can't tell what you want from this guy...can you clarify? You ask if he could have romantic feelings then you say you just want fwb Edited January 21, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1
Jj66 Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 (edited) Some girls think if they have sex with a man and don't ask for too much that the dude will fall head over heels in luvs Don't you know it. We met at my house to go out dancing. When we got back I kissed her in my car and was about to walk her to hers when she said "well, aren't you going to invite me in?" I wasn't, but I wasn't born last night. I recognize an offer of sex when it's given. We go inside and have sex. Not long after she starts hinting at the L word. That and being jealous of my time with my buddies and I pull the plug. She starts telling all her girlfriends that I'm an ******* and that I used her for sex. One of the people she told just happened to be an ex FWB of mine. So I guess I'm an *******. Otherwise I surely would have fallen for her after I accepted her offer of sex on the second or third date. Edited January 21, 2017 by Jj66 3
Timshel Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 It is what it is, both genders need to fess up and talk straight. It is something that I will talk to and teach my son and daughter about when they are age appropriate. I want them both to know...quality over quantity and what they know about themselves better be along the lines of 'I know what comes next.'
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