thecrucible Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 I've started up online dating (POF) again. I'm trying to have a strong backbone but yeah it does challenge my confidence in myself. It's been a couple of weeks now and even the guys I thought were legit are dropping off. I had to let get of a few of them I had nothing to talk about (as we have nothing in common). The others just talk one line stuff, nothing in depth, and then they ask for whatsapp. To me I always take that as a sign that they aren't serious. I don't see why they ask for whatsapp when we can just talk on the site. I'd rather we talk on the site and meet rather than endlessly text. Sometimes they ask to meet and then change their mind (which I know I've done) and it's frustrating. I've only ever met one decent guy from that site. Another guy I met from there a couple of years ago sounded decent in his messages but was sleazy when I met up with him. It does get to me a bit now. It didn't get to me before because I wasn't taking dating as seriously. But now I'm really determined to make it work and find the right guy for me, it's upsetting I don't get any proper attention. It makes me worry about the way I look and whether I'm attracting anyone - and also where I'm going wrong. Even if I do meet them, it's really impossible to know how interested they are until we see each other in person. Then it's hard to keep things going beyond 3 or 4 dates. I've never had a relationship from OLD. I met all my old boyfriends at social events and in person. I'm only using it because I really have to. I live in a small town, all my hobbies are ones which are female-oriented or with older married people. I have lots of acquaintances from these hobbies and opportunities to socialise but not to meet men about my age who could be single. Can anyone give me tips on how to get it working better for me or should I just quit?
Tressugar Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 Quit online dating it doesn't work... you'll never find anyone long term or serious on there. 1
Author thecrucible Posted January 21, 2017 Author Posted January 21, 2017 Maybe they ask for your WhatsApp and # because they wanna TALK TO YOU ON THE PHONE. When you don't give them your #, they think YOU are not interested and drop off the race. You are killing your chances by forcing endless POF chat texting. Most people don't wanna socialize there. They are there to DATE not penpal. I agree with your last sentence. However I wouldn't give out my number until I feel I can trust them. There's a couple of guys I would but two guys on there their questions are just "Hey how are you?" and "what are you up to?" every time and never progresses to any decent chat. But then ask for Whatsapp which I don't feel comfortable. There was a guy I gave my number to from online dating before and I came to regret it because he wouldn't leave me alone. I'm afraid it'll drag out the chat more if I give my number. Surely it'd more likely result in a meet if we stick to the site. I can then give them my number so they can contact me if they're late to the meet or whatever. You can completely didn't get what I was trying to say. I don't want penpals. That's what I'm complaining about.
Author thecrucible Posted January 21, 2017 Author Posted January 21, 2017 Quit online dating it doesn't work... you'll never find anyone long term or serious on there. It's only there 'cause I have no choice. I live in a small town and meet the same people all the time - nothing wrong with them but all the eligible ones where there was a mutual interest, have been there done that. I'd travel to the nearest city to meet people but it's gonna be hard and I'm gonna have to go out on a limb and turn up to these things by myself as I'm the only single one of the friends. If I quit online dating, will just be dead to me but at the same time, it hasn't worked out for me so far.
Miss Spider Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 Yeah. As mentioned before, o.d is a cesspool. If you're looking for anything serious Most learn this eventually. As for the text/whatsapp buddies - a lot of people just **** around on there. Some have wives, gfs, or are just not interested in ever taking you on a date but love the attention of a woman. Back when I did it(cringe) after a few good back and forths, and they didn't ask me for my # and arrange a meet, I'd move on. Same with if they asked for my whatsapp, kik(omg..), snap. I get you want to chat a bit to get a feel before you give them your #, but they might be concerned they're wasting their time too because a lot of women do the same thing (talk on there with no intention of meeting up ) But if they make no attempt at carrying a convo at least for a bit, don't bother 2
4kad Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 Quit online dating it doesn't work... you'll never find anyone long term or serious on there. I disagree I met three beautiful classy ladies online and it only ended because life got in the way which was housing, health, and employment issues. 1
mikeylo Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 The issue is not Whatsapp. The issue is the people you are meeting and giving out your number to.Everyone uses the app these days ! 1
kendahke Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 The others just talk one line stuff, nothing in depth, and then they ask for whatsapp. To me I always take that as a sign that they aren't serious. I don't see why they ask for whatsapp when we can just talk on the site. I'd rather we talk on the site and meet rather than endlessly text. That is the sign of a scammer. They want to get you off the site quickly so they can start running their game down on you. Never give out numbers or email addresses until after you've met them face to face, which you can arrange via the messaging feature on the site.
Jj66 Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 Contrary to asking for your number being a sign of low interest, it's a sign of high interest. At least for most red-blooded men. You also absolutely can meet decent people through online dating. You need to understand "the game" a little bit. Chatting on these dating apps is a lot like talking to a woman in a bar. It really does have that feel, at least to many guys. He wants to get you out of that bar and talk to you in person without all the distractions and hopefully set up a date with you. To do this he wants to get your number. Just like it doesn't usually work to go up to a woman and ask for her number at a bar, it doesn't usually work to ask for her number straight off the bat in an OLD message. He will chat you up to gauge your interest and confirm his own. If he thinks things are going well he will ask you for a number. Or he might give you his. In my experience giving her your number seems to work a lot better online than in real life. If you give him your number or you text him after he gives you his, you have indicated your willingness to leave the relative safety of the OLD site. It's a show of interest (and of trust). Now his goal is to build up the rapport and trust even more and then set up a date with you. If a guy just flat out asks for your number before getting a rapport going, he doesn't lack interest, he lacks game. He doesn't really know what he is doing in the dating world. He may be shy and this could seem like lack of interest later on. My suggestion: make the man earn your number by showing you he can hold your interest.
kendahke Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 Quit online dating it doesn't work... you'll never find anyone long term or serious on there. My sister met her husband of 12 years on Match, so it does work for some. 3
Jj66 Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 Quit online dating it doesn't work... you'll never find anyone long term or serious on there. Tell that my my girlfriend of 10 months and counting. So far it's the best relationship I've ever had. We will be moving in together after my daughter graduates high school. 3
Shining One Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 Quit online dating it doesn't work... you'll never find anyone long term or serious on there.My girlfriend of 31 months and I would respectfully disagree. 3
Halen1988 Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 Think of online dating as a room full of people to choose from..that's why it's hard. Many guys on there use that as their only dating pool. They have choice. You'll have better luck meeting guys offline.
winny Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 Try other ways along with online dating. Good and bad people are everywhere. Yes the number of losers is high online. But keep it as an option too. You never know where you will meet the one.
Author thecrucible Posted January 22, 2017 Author Posted January 22, 2017 Try other ways along with online dating. Good and bad people are everywhere. Yes the number of losers is high online. But keep it as an option too. You never know where you will meet the one. Thank you. And thanks everyone for your advice. I'm needing to up my chances of meeting a guy IRL but it's really difficult for me. As I say all three of my close female friends are in LTR so I don't mean as many people through friends anymore. Also I see the odd event advertised and think "hey I'd love to go to that. Maybe I'll bump into someone?" but I just can't because there is no one I can ask to go with me. I mean I have gone to things by myself before but it tends to look a little bit weird if you're a woman. It doesn't look weird if you're a guy. A couple of years ago, I'd go out on the regular to bars by myself but I don't like to do this anymore.
Author thecrucible Posted January 22, 2017 Author Posted January 22, 2017 That is the sign of a scammer. They want to get you off the site quickly so they can start running their game down on you. Never give out numbers or email addresses until after you've met them face to face, which you can arrange via the messaging feature on the site. Yeah I can spot it a mile off. I'm reasonably perceptive when it comes to spotting timewasters/non-serious guys/scammers. I think it just frustrates me that I have to filter through so much of that before I come across someone vaguely normal and we then have to figure out if either us feels enough attraction and there's enough things in common to move forward. I've started messaging guys first now so I feel that I'm definitely talking to someone where there's an interest but I don't know if they're interested in me or talking to me just because? I know I'm not desperate. If I was I would have dated someone wildly inappropriate by now. But I have been single for about 5 years. For the first couple of years, I didn't really care and I was happy being alone. I'm starting to get really fed up now though. I said to me friend today that it's not about finding someone straight away, it's the feeling that I'm making progress or at least meeting guys who are somewhat my type (I'm talking personality, not looks).
Author thecrucible Posted January 22, 2017 Author Posted January 22, 2017 This particular POF guy for instance is getting on my nerves. He asked if I could get WhatsApp and I said that I would look into it when I get time. I'm not prioritising this because well I actually have stuff to do other than download some stupid app. Anyway he's sent me like 5 messages in a row complaining that I haven't downloaded it yet and I explained to him again that I have stuff to do (I'm working on a piece of writing atm) but then he sends another "that's taking a long time" and "you seem to have a lot to do". I'm feeling pretty creeped out now.
Miss Spider Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 This particular POF guy for instance is getting on my nerves. He asked if I could get WhatsApp and I said that I would look into it when I get time. I'm not prioritising this because well I actually have stuff to do other than download some stupid app. Anyway he's sent me like 5 messages in a row complaining that I haven't downloaded it yet and I explained to him again that I have stuff to do (I'm working on a piece of writing atm) but then he sends another "that's taking a long time" and "you seem to have a lot to do". I'm feeling pretty creeped out now. Omgosh block him. Where does he get the nerve to demand you get some stupid app? 2
Chris2016 Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 Anybody use a second mobile phone (prepaid phone) for online dating?
Jj66 Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 Anybody use a second mobile phone (prepaid phone) for online dating? Yes, married people all over the world.
Author thecrucible Posted January 24, 2017 Author Posted January 24, 2017 Omgosh block him. Where does he get the nerve to demand you get some stupid app? He's not nasty - just sends me loads of messages before I get a chance to actually respond. While I would have been okay about talking to him on WhatsApp before, I'm iffy now. Another guy just asked for Facebook but I don't feel comfortable with that. But I've got to keep going with this and just hope I'll meet the right person and broaden my horizons in real life too.
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