How often do men either cold approach you or strike up a conversation with you?

January 21, 2017

How often do men cold approach you or strike up a conversation with you, not including at a bar or club?

Okay, so I am almost never cold approached (which I guess doesn't both me that much). But what kind of bothers me is that guys never bother to start a conversation with me if I am sitting down next to them on a airplane (I travel a lot because of my work). I almost rarely have a guy start a conversation with me when I am not at a bar or club. I am start to doubt my attractiveness now..............

January 21, 2017

When I was young? I was rarely cold approached in the street - which is good because only weird guys did it.

Airplane? Very risky to start a conversation with someone on a plane. What if they are really annoying and you're stuck next to them for the next X hours? When I fly, I just do my best to enjoy the solitude of a book, screen or music.

All that said, do you ever strike up conversations with men? It doesn't have to be all on them you know.

January 21, 2017

When I was young? I was rarely cold approached in the street - which is good because only weird guys did it.

Airplane? Very risky to start a conversation with someone on a plane. What if they are really annoying and you're stuck next to them for the next X hours? When I fly, I just do my best to enjoy the solitude of a book, screen or music.

All that said, do you ever strike up conversations with men? It doesn't have to be all on them you know.

But I have sat next to a few attractive guys on airplanes that I wouldn't mind talking to. The thing is that I don't usually start a conversation with men I think are attractive because they usually don't seem approachable. But in any case, I rarely have men want to get to know me for dating outside of bars or clubs so I don't know about my level of attractiveness.

Edited January 21, 2017 by pindie

January 21, 2017

When I was younger (20's) it was pretty often, about once a week. But I took public transportation exclusively back then so I was always out in public and around people, on the bus, walking down the street, etc. That being said, they weren't all the cream of the crop (actually, very few if any were). And I remember sitting next to a cutie a few times (on the bus, in class, etc.), hoping they would talk to me, but no go.

Now (40's) it's about once every few months. But again, I'm rarely out in public anymore. (A few weeks ago, I had to work with the general public one week for my job and that week, I was approached twice by strangers.)

January 21, 2017

But I have sat next to a few attractive guys on airplanes that I wouldn't mind talking to.

Him being attractive does not mean that he will be pleasant company.

January 21, 2017

If you want more cold approaches (bearing in mind most of them won't be someone you'll be interested in), then you need something visible for them to comment on, whether that be a t-shirt with writing on it, a dog on a leash, or a flashy car you're standing by. It's location specific too. Obviously bookstores, record stores (thing of the past) you may ask about something to start a conversation. That's not so easy at the grocery store.

I tend to talk out loud to myself and sometimes someone will jump in on that. It could be "Such a pretty day" or "great car" or whatever. But you need to give someone who knows nothing about you something to comment on.

That's why, in the most extreme circumstances, you'll see a guy walking around with a parrot on his shoulder or some such nonsense. It's why musicians get so much play -- automatic something to compliment them on. Don't act or look the fool, but keep it in mind. I mean, I'm not into sports, but I'm sure if around game day you're wearing a jersey, someone is going to comment on it, for instance.

This is a really unexpected thing that drew men to our table. We are old ladies and went to a barbecue place that is in another town and has the most awesome french fries, so my friend and I bought not just two small orders but the beer platter full of them, a huge mound. Now, you'd think this kind of piggery would repel men, but an entire parade of them came by the table commenting positively on it and mooching a little.

January 21, 2017

But I have sat next to a few attractive guys on airplanes that I wouldn't mind talking to.

This is pretty much why a lot of guys don't do cold approaches. Yeah you'll like it when you think they're attractive, but if you're not interested, they're creeps. I see cute girls all the time, but don't really do anything about it because I don't want to bother them. (And sometimes regret that) So no need to worry about your attractiveness if guys don't approach you

January 21, 2017

This is pretty much why a lot of guys don't do cold approaches. Yeah you'll like it when you think they're attractive, but if you're not interested, they're creeps. I see cute girls all the time, but don't really do anything about it because I don't want to bother them. (And sometimes regret that) So no need to worry about your attractiveness if guys don't approach you

This ^^

In my previous post, I commented on how only weird guys have done cold approaches on me. Given that I found cold approaches a bother, I was never interested and therefore found them weird.

January 21, 2017

Him being attractive does not mean that he will be pleasant company.

Are you forgetting women base everything on looks now adays !!!

If your not a model they'll ignore you !

January 21, 2017

This is pretty much why a lot of guys don't do cold approaches. Yeah you'll like it when you think they're attractive, but if you're not interested, they're creeps. I see cute girls all the time, but don't really do anything about it because I don't want to bother them. (And sometimes regret that) So no need to worry about your attractiveness if guys don't approach you

I get this, but a smart guy will already know when he's fishing out of his pond and just bothering a woman way too good looking for him. But there was a study published a couple years ago that said that the more attractive a woman was, the more likely men were to think she was interested in them, so. . .

To me, that is delusional in the extreme, and I hope the study is wrong, but based on some of the things I've seen, it probably isn't. The only explanation I can think of for that would apply to men and women and it would be the magical thinking of when you are extremely smitten with someone and believe in fairytales, then you think for you to feel that strongly, it must be kismet and should be mutual. It isn't.

But there is power in smiling and just looking up at a stranger. The office I used to work in, there was a paid escort working there during the day who a record label financed. She was petite, had long hair, tiny waist, perfect butt, etc. She would look up and smile at every guy who walked by (guess why) and they always fell for it. A nerdy friend of mine had to rescue me there one day. He was a good 15 years older than her and he got all excited because she acted like she liked him, which was just looking up and smiling as he walked down the hall. He said she looked "like the girl nextdoor," (read too many Playboys) and he was convinced she'd be a safe bet to approach for a date. I told her her other occupation, which I wasn't sure would dampen his interest, and he backed off.

Thing is no matter if she smiled or not, he was so far out of his attractiveness range that it was ludicrous he'd think that was interest on her part. He was pudgy and balding. She was young and red hot.

January 26, 2017

How often do men cold approach you or strike up a conversation with you, not including at a bar or club?
Okay, so I am almost never cold approached (which I guess doesn't both me that much). But what kind of bothers me is that guys never bother to start a conversation with me if I am sitting down next to them on a airplane (I travel a lot because of my work). I almost rarely have a guy start a conversation with me when I am not at a bar or club. I am start to doubt my attractiveness now..............

I travel a lot for work too. I always fantasized about meeting someone on the plane. A few years ago, I actually did attempt a conversation with this pretty girl who sat beside me. She wasn't receptive and was very cold.

Since then, I've never attempted it since. I've had a few more instances in the years where I sat next to attractive women but I never tried it again.

Good guys don't want to come off as creeps and it totally horrifies us if you think we're creeps when all we wanted to do was try our luck and just get to know you. Maybe this is why the douchebags get all the women because they don't care what other people think.

I also strongly believe that if you think the guy is attractive in the first place, you won't mind if he talks you up. Whereas if he's unattractive, he's automatically a creep. That's just my opinion.

January 26, 2017

I get this, but a smart guy will already know when he's fishing out of his pond and just bothering a woman way too good looking for him. But there was a study published a couple years ago that said that the more attractive a woman was, the more likely men were to think she was interested in them, so. . .

To me, that is delusional in the extreme, and I hope the study is wrong, but based on some of the things I've seen, it probably isn't. The only explanation I can think of for that would apply to men and women and it would be the magical thinking of when you are extremely smitten with someone and believe in fairytales, then you think for you to feel that strongly, it must be kismet and should be mutual. It isn't.

But there is power in smiling and just looking up at a stranger. The office I used to work in, there was a paid escort working there during the day who a record label financed. She was petite, had long hair, tiny waist, perfect butt, etc. She would look up and smile at every guy who walked by (guess why) and they always fell for it. A nerdy friend of mine had to rescue me there one day. He was a good 15 years older than her and he got all excited because she acted like she liked him, which was just looking up and smiling as he walked down the hall. He said she looked "like the girl nextdoor," (read too many Playboys) and he was convinced she'd be a safe bet to approach for a date. I told her her other occupation, which I wasn't sure would dampen his interest, and he backed off.

Thing is no matter if she smiled or not, he was so far out of his attractiveness range that it was ludicrous he'd think that was interest on her part. He was pudgy and balding. She was young and red hot.

That's such an extreme example. Most guys won't cold approach smoking hot girls. Most approach girls they feel are within their range and if she actually looks approachable. But even in cases like this, sometimes the girl will be cold to him.

The girl I attempted to cold approach on the airplane a few years ago, I'd say she was about a 7.5. I consider myself a 6.5. This is purely looks. This isn't counting my personality or my personal or professional accomplishments or anything else. Purely physical.

And yet, she acted as if I was bothering her and was cold to me. Suffice to say, I NEVER tried it again.

And I don't consider myself a creeper. I have a good career, polite and gentlemanly. And I'm not ugly either. And I also don't approach young, hot blonde chicks who look like they're from a magazine.

It's possible that I had bad luck and that the girl I attempted to talk to was having a bad day and was in a really bad mood. But in a public place like on an airplane, being at the risk of branded as a creep is enough to put me off from ever doing it again. And I've never done it since.

Sometimes women need to take a look at their own behavior and stop blaming it on men. Did the article you read also mention a scientific study that men fear being branded as a loser in front of their peers the most? They fear it more than death itself.

Edited January 26, 2017 by offwithhishead

January 26, 2017

Men and women often strike up conversations with me. My friends tell me that I look harmless and friendly which surprises me since RBF is how I envision my expression.

January 26, 2017

Not getting approached doesnt mean youre not attractive. Maybe you could have friends or family observe you acting naturally, and they can give you a critique.

I dont get approached mych in my life. Most of the guys who approach ne are 50 and up.

I get approached about onvce a week, but i went through some, ahem, changes.

Its a little late, as im almost 30 and care a lot less. If he doesnt want to talk to mr, he doesnt have to.

January 26, 2017

If you need to validate your attractiveness, try dating apps.

January 26, 2017

That's such an extreme example. Most guys won't cold approach smoking hot girls. Most approach girls they feel are within their range and if she actually looks approachable. But even in cases like this, sometimes the girl will be cold to him.

The girl I attempted to cold approach on the airplane a few years ago, I'd say she was about a 7.5. I consider myself a 6.5. This is purely looks. This isn't counting my personality or my personal or professional accomplishments or anything else. Purely physical.

And yet, she acted as if I was bothering her and was cold to me. Suffice to say, I NEVER tried it again.

And I don't consider myself a creeper. I have a good career, polite and gentlemanly. And I'm not ugly either. And I also don't approach young, hot blonde chicks who look like they're from a magazine.

It's possible that I had bad luck and that the girl I attempted to talk to was having a bad day and was in a really bad mood. But in a public place like on an airplane, being at the risk of branded as a creep is enough to put me off from ever doing it again. And I've never done it since.

Sometimes women need to take a look at their own behavior and stop blaming it on men. Did the article you read also mention a scientific study that men fear being branded as a loser in front of their peers the most? They fear it more than death itself.

Who knows, maybe she considered herself a 9 because of her accomplishments. In a cold approach, no one knows the other person, only their looks, so you were going up a point over your attractiveness and got shot down.

In my old crowd, there were two women most of the guys approached at one time or another and got shot down. They were both good looking enough to be used as local models in the music scene but neither pursued a modeling career. One was a bar waitress and I'm not sure the other one even worked. At the music bars, all the guys would be watching whoever the hottest woman in the room was, whether they cold approached them or not. Then at the end of the night when that seemed hopeless, they might pick the drunkest girl with blond hair and see if they could pick her up for a one-nighter.

Cold approaches in bars is a different thing altogether, of course. The best cold approaches in a bar are something to diffuse the situation, like just saying something funny to someone instead of "Are you a model?"

January 26, 2017

ok so now I'm wondering...

Cold approached as in a person just walking up and asking you out or asking for your number? or Cold approached as in just striking up a conversation?

I get cold approached daily if it's just striking up a conversation. I am a very open and smiley person though, People tell me I give off a very friendly vibe. As far as these conversations going into asking out on a date or for my number, maybe a handful of times in my entire life.

Just for the record I do not consider myself attractive or ugly... average at best. I guess wearing a smile is the best part of your wardrobe

January 26, 2017

Guy here....Never cold approached in my entire life....Never...

Id think if I were a woman and wanted some cold approaches, the first thing Id do is get a boob job and shop for a bunch of low cut tops...

TFY

January 26, 2017

Just for the record I do not consider myself attractive or ugly... average at best. I guess wearing a smile is the best part of your wardrobe

I agree, you are what is known as "approachable". Some people although they may be friendly if you got to know them, are not seen as approachable.

They look serious or sullen, or angry or preoccupied, or disinterested in public, and people tend to avoid them as they do not know the reaction they will get if they try to speak to them.

If you look happy, are smiley and catch their eye then it is a lot easier for lots of different types of people to strike up a conversation with you, not only men.

January 26, 2017

This wasn't a totally cold approach because I'd met the guy briefly because two of my younger friends liked him, but he came up to me at a gig of three really bad bands and said the funniest pickup line I’ve ever heard.

He said he and I should just go over to his place and (he used the f word) , adding that even if we were the two most boring [f word plural ] in the world, it couldn’t be worse than staying there listening to the bands.

I would have gone if my girlfriends hadn't been already competing for him.

January 26, 2017

This ^^

In my previous post, I commented on how only weird guys have done cold approaches on me. Given that I found cold approaches a bother, I was never interested and therefore found them weird.

By weird, you mean physically unnattractive.

January 26, 2017

Who knows, maybe she considered herself a 9 because of her accomplishments. In a cold approach, no one knows the other person, only their looks, so you were going up a point over your attractiveness and got shot down.

In my old crowd, there were two women most of the guys approached at one time or another and got shot down. They were both good looking enough to be used as local models in the music scene but neither pursued a modeling career. One was a bar waitress and I'm not sure the other one even worked. At the music bars, all the guys would be watching whoever the hottest woman in the room was, whether they cold approached them or not. Then at the end of the night when that seemed hopeless, they might pick the drunkest girl with blond hair and see if they could pick her up for a one-nighter.

Cold approaches in bars is a different thing altogether, of course. The best cold approaches in a bar are something to diffuse the situation, like just saying something funny to someone instead of "Are you a model?"

I don't know what kind of people you hang out with but no guys in my social circle (back when they were all single) ever hit on the hottest girls in the room. It's a recipe for failure because the chances are just so low. I think the guys in your social circle are over-confident and have a high opinion of themselves.

You even said yourself that attractiveness is hard to gauge. I'm a 6.5 purely in looks but combined with me as a person as well as my accomplishments in life, I think I'm a 7.5. And if she considered herself a 9, that means she's delusional because although she was pretty attractive, she's by no means model material. I consider a 9 as someone who can pretty much appear in model shoots or commercials.

Being that it's hard to gauge one's own attractiveness as well as other people's attractiveness, your whole point about how guys should only approach girls within their league kinda goes out the window. It would only work if both the guy and girl in question have a realistic assessment of their own attractiveness.

So a guy who thinks he's a 7 approaches a girl who also thinks she's a 7. That might actually work. But in the real world, there's a large grey area.

January 26, 2017

I don't know what kind of people you hang out with but no guys in my social circle (back when they were all single) ever hit on the hottest girls in the room. It's a recipe for failure because the chances are just so low. I think the guys in your social circle are over-confident and have a high opinion of themselves.

You even said yourself that attractiveness is hard to gauge. I'm a 6.5 purely in looks but combined with me as a person as well as my accomplishments in life, I think I'm a 7.5. And if she considered herself a 9, that means she's delusional because although she was pretty attractive, she's by no means model material. I consider a 9 as someone who can pretty much appear in model shoots or commercials.

Being that it's hard to gauge one's own attractiveness as well as other people's attractiveness, your whole point about how guys should only approach girls within their league kinda goes out the window. It would only work if both the guy and girl in question have a realistic assessment of their own attractiveness.

So a guy who thinks he's a 7 approaches a girl who also thinks she's a 7. That might actually work. But in the real world, there's a large grey area.

You missed the point about maybe she thinks her accomplishments make her think she's a nine, not because of her physical attractiveness. After all, you did say you rate yourself higher because of your personality and accomplishments. So do women.

January 26, 2017

When I do it, they usually aren't open to talking to strangers cold turkey. I recall at time when I was in a coffee shop waiting on my order, and a pretty lady behind me steps up an orders, so now we're both waiting on our coffees.

She ordered a particular blend I wasn't familiar with, so I asked about it and how it was. I got short answers, "It's okay" I had asked her if she was done with her Christmas shopping yet, and she goes, "No." and doesn't even make eye contact.

Usually they have one foot pointing towards the door or something. It's like if they don't know who you are, they don't want to know you.

Of course, I live in an area where it's a fishbowl community, so unless you went to the same high school they did and know you from the clicks from back then...they aren't open to making new friends.

January 26, 2017

^ Well, yes, some women are going to be standoffish with any stranger. But I have to say that if you looked like someone she was attracted to AND she was available, she would probably be friendly back. And some people would just be friendly back and not even be attracted to you if they're just sociable people who enjoy chit chat.

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How often do men either cold approach you or strike up a conversation with you?

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