emerald86 Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 For the past week, I've been talking to a guy that I met online. He seemed like an interesting person, so I agreed to meet him on Sunday. We've only been texting so far, but something suddenly seems off in our conversations. I can't figure out just what it is. The only possible red flag that stands out to me is that he wanted me to drive over to him for the first date--and we live 70 miles apart. The driving is never an issue for me, but I still find this strange. So then I suggested a restaurant equidistant from both of us, but he insisted that the restaurant near him was better. Both restaurants are in fact very similar, and both have great reviews. So that makes this all the more strange. I didn't want to get into a disagreement with someone that I've never even met before, so I agreed to meet him in his city. I can't tell if this is a huge red flag--it might not mean anything for all I know. There are other things about our conversation that are making me wonder if this is even worth it. Should I just go ahead and see how it goes? And if I do decide to cancel the date, what's the best way to do it?
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 For the past week, I've been talking to a guy that I met online. He seemed like an interesting person, so I agreed to meet him on Sunday. We've only been texting so far, but something suddenly seems off in our conversations. I can't figure out just what it is. The only possible red flag that stands out to me is that he wanted me to drive over to him for the first date--and we live 70 miles apart. The driving is never an issue for me, but I still find this strange. So then I suggested a restaurant equidistant from both of us, but he insisted that the restaurant near him was better. Both restaurants are in fact very similar, and both have great reviews. So that makes this all the more strange. I didn't want to get into a disagreement with someone that I've never even met before, so I agreed to meet him in his city. I can't tell if this is a huge red flag--it might not mean anything for all I know. There are other things about our conversation that are making me wonder if this is even worth it. Should I just go ahead and see how it goes? And if I do decide to cancel the date, what's the best way to do it? Personally (this is just me), I wouldn't drive 70 miles (holy cow!!) for a date I had so many reservations about. For a guy who literally could be "the one"? That amazing guy with whom I'd had a bunch of amazing conversations, who could make me laugh, who was bright, interested in nerdy stuff, and cute...? Yeah. Maybe 70 miles in that case. (And before anybody freaks out, LOL, YES, I would expect a man to feel the same way and make the go-the-distance-or-not decision about me...absolutely.) But for...this? This meh-ness, "off" feelings, guy refusing something logical and equidistant and so on...? I'd POLITELY text or call and say "I enjoyed speaking with you, but I want to be honest before we both spend so much time and effort to go so far to see one another...I simply am not feeling like I want to move forward with this and have a date. I wish you all the luck in the world and I know you'll find the right woman for you, but I'm afraid I have to cancel our date." 1
Redhead14 Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 For the past week, I've been talking to a guy that I met online. He seemed like an interesting person, so I agreed to meet him on Sunday. We've only been texting so far, but something suddenly seems off in our conversations. I can't figure out just what it is. The only possible red flag that stands out to me is that he wanted me to drive over to him for the first date--and we live 70 miles apart. The driving is never an issue for me, but I still find this strange. So then I suggested a restaurant equidistant from both of us, but he insisted that the restaurant near him was better. Both restaurants are in fact very similar, and both have great reviews. So that makes this all the more strange. I didn't want to get into a disagreement with someone that I've never even met before, so I agreed to meet him in his city. I can't tell if this is a huge red flag--it might not mean anything for all I know. There are other things about our conversation that are making me wonder if this is even worth it. Should I just go ahead and see how it goes? And if I do decide to cancel the date, what's the best way to do it? If a guy from OLD wants you to drive 70 miles to his place, he wants a booty call. If he agrees to meet a restaurant near him, it's because he wants to be able to invite you back to his place for a "drink" and, hopefully, sex. You text him and tell him you have changed your mind about meeting him and wish him well. End of conversation. Block-delete. 11
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 If a guy from OLD wants you to drive 70 miles to his place, he wants a booty call. If he agrees to meet a restaurant near him, it's because he wants to be able to invite you back to his place for a "drink" and, hopefully, sex. You text him and tell him you have changed your mind about meeting him and wish him well. End of conversation. Block-delete. Wow, good point. I actually never thought about this (the proximity to his home in order to make the beast with two backs). I had just thought it was a sort of lukewarm and lazy thing. But that's such a good point.
Author emerald86 Posted January 21, 2017 Author Posted January 21, 2017 Yeah I agree with all the answers so far. This may certainly be a booty call, but even if it isn't, I just don't think it's fair to make someone drive that far for a first date without putting an equal amount of effort in. I'm going to pass. 4
Redhead14 Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 (edited) Yeah I agree with all the answers so far. This may certainly be a booty call, but even if it isn't, I just don't think it's fair to make someone drive that far for a first date without putting an equal amount of effort in. I'm going to pass. even if it isn't -- It is and good for you. And, the first time you meet a man from OLD, it's not a date. It's a meet up. Neither you nor they should spend a lot of money. It's just a couple of drinks and maybe, hor d'oeurves to confirm that they are who they say they are and that they look like their pictures and to see if there's enough there to want a real date. So driving that far for any OLD meet up isn't worth it. Edited January 21, 2017 by Redhead14 3
dumbass2 Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 "Hey___, sorry but I'm going to have to cancel our date. Best of luck in your search." Let's him know to move on and not try again. I always offer to drive to my dates area or half way. He wasn't willing to compromise. He's not worth your effort. 5
Author emerald86 Posted January 21, 2017 Author Posted January 21, 2017 even if it isn't -- It is and good for you. And, the first time you meet a man from OLD, it's not a date. It's a meet up. Neither you nor they should spend a lot of money. It's just a couple of drinks and maybe, hor d'oeurves to confirm that they are who they say they are and that they look like their pictures and to see if there's enough there to want a real date. So driving that far for any OLD meet up isn't worth it. This is also what I was thinking. I would drive that far to meet a friend or someone else I cared about, but for someone I've never met before? Don't think it's worth it.
4kad Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 For the past week, I've been talking to a guy that I met online. He seemed like an interesting person, so I agreed to meet him on Sunday. We've only been texting so far, but something suddenly seems off in our conversations. I can't figure out just what it is. The only possible red flag that stands out to me is that he wanted me to drive over to him for the first date--and we live 70 miles apart. The driving is never an issue for me, but I still find this strange. So then I suggested a restaurant equidistant from both of us, but he insisted that the restaurant near him was better. Both restaurants are in fact very similar, and both have great reviews. So that makes this all the more strange. I didn't want to get into a disagreement with someone that I've never even met before, so I agreed to meet him in his city. I can't tell if this is a huge red flag--it might not mean anything for all I know. There are other things about our conversation that are making me wonder if this is even worth it. Should I just go ahead and see how it goes? And if I do decide to cancel the date, what's the best way to do it? When women cancelled on me it was because of family or health so I guess you can use one of those reasons.
4kad Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 I thought this was a 2nd date so since it's not you don't have to do anything but stop contacting him.
Erik30 Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 Like others already said, listen to your gut. I would never ask someone to drive 70 miles just for a first date, he's even insisting it. I would suggest meeting somewhere halfway, or in her town. (If I really like the girl) So I think he's either lazy, or hoping to take you home. Just text him and say you can't make it, you don't owe him an excuse. 1
Simple Logic Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 Text him, thank for the offer, but you have decided to not to date right now.
purrrfectlyflawed Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 There is absolutely no way would I drive 70 miles for a guy I haven't met. Pass on this or he can come to you. I'm dating a guy I met on OLD who actuallly lives about 50 miles away. He drove to me and still does. Right now we only see each other once a week due to his work schedule. If he really likes you and wants to meet you he will drive to you or at the minimum meet in between. But he's too far to probably even see again. Sounds like he wants a hook up. Tell him you are sorry but decided he lives too far but if he is ever on your side of town to let you know. 1
4kad Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 There is absolutely no way would I drive 70 miles for a guy I haven't met. Pass on this or he can come to you. I'm dating a guy I met on OLD who actuallly lives about 50 miles away. He drove to me and still does. Right now we only see each other once a week due to his work schedule. If he really likes you and wants to meet you he will drive to you or at the minimum meet in between. But he's too far to probably even see again. Sounds like he wants a hook up. Tell him you are sorry but decided he lives too far but if he is ever on your side of town to let you know. That's why I always ask a woman what area she lives in so I can determine if we are close enough to date. But most women think you are asking because you want to know where she lives so you can stalk her. lol
Redhead14 Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 Wow, good point. I actually never thought about this (the proximity to his home in order to make the beast with two backs). I had just thought it was a sort of lukewarm and lazy thing. But that's such a good point. I had just thought it was a sort of lukewarm and lazy thing. -- It is. He wants you to bring it to him because he wants to get laid but he's too lazy to make the trip . . . Why? Probably because he can get it more locally and those options are dry at the moment, so why not get it from someone who will serve it to him on a silver platter too? And, if he has a girlfriend, it would be difficult to drive 140 miles and be able to give a credible explanation as to his whereabouts. He can get away with a few hours, probably . . . If you drive 70 miles to his area, where would you stay? It would certainly be a late night, so would you want to drive 70 miles home at say midnight for a guy you don't even know? "You know, Californiagirl, it's really late. Why don't you crash at my place."
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 21, 2017 Posted January 21, 2017 I had just thought it was a sort of lukewarm and lazy thing. -- It is. He wants you to bring it to him because he wants to get laid but he's too lazy to make the trip . . . Why? Probably because he can get it more locally and those options are dry at the moment, so why not get it from someone who will serve it to him on a silver platter too? And, if he has a girlfriend, it would be difficult to drive 140 miles and be able to give a credible explanation as to his whereabouts. He can get away with a few hours, probably . . . If you drive 70 miles to his area, where would you stay? It would certainly be a late night, so would you want to drive 70 miles home at say midnight for a guy you don't even know? "You know, Californiagirl, it's really late. Why don't you crash at my place." I just wanted to clarify I'm not the OP. I'm not in this situation. It's just that in a scenario like this I would never have made the connection. However, as explained, it makes total sense. 1
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