Eztype Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 (edited) So me and my gf of two years recently broke up and she's told me she's seeing another guy who is also long distance and I don't understand the whole process of how she's "happy and okay and moved on" so I'll start from September since that's where she said it started. So imo we were really good and at least we seemed like it and being in a long distance relationship you can't see stuff you'd be able to see in person but after the fact she just told me that she had mourned the relationship since September and it didn't make sense because we had a long trip in October for our birthdays and we had a great time and then I'll be honest i haven't been myself for a while I just became very depressed cause my life was going through a drastic change (career change and people) so I was a bit hard to deal with after our trip to a point where we broke up for a weekend, but ultimately came back together. So fast forward to December and honestly this is the only time I saw a drastic change our text and conversations in general were just very stale from her side she wouldn't talk much and I tried but it just didn't seem like she wanted to talk. So on Christmas Day her sister and her bf were having an issue so I was trying to talk my gf through it because she knew something involving it and she told the sister and the bf and somehow the sister flipped it on us and said "you're only getting involved because me and her were having our issues" and at first I was like WUT? What issues are we having and then she told me that she couldn't do this anymore and that we were done and it completely took me off guard... so at this point I was like do I wanna change or just leave this girl and I had a realization that I was so willing to do whatever to get her back, so I started changing my life and making her a priority again and for two weeks we were golden and she was slowly opening up to me and stuff and was saying that I just didn't show the effort as much and that these last two weeks were absolutely phenomenal and that she fell in love with me all over again and that she was extremely hopeful. THEN the next day she sends me a TEXT saying how she doesn't want to be in a relationship and wants to figure herself out because since the end of November she's been mentally checked out and couldn't get checked back in so in a sense she just kinda seemed done, so me being me I stuck around and was hopeful we'd get back together. Then 2 days into me giving her space I'm noticing on social media that this guy and her are getting pretty close out of no where and I did some lurking this guy has liked her for an entire year and she had been like subtweeting like heart eye gifs and he would always favorite them and they just seemed to be getting closer so I became insanely jealous and asked her about it and she assured me that they were just friends. Then the next day we were talking and I saw something else and I asked and it progressively became more and more with this guy and she'd be like ya I really enjoy talking to him then the next day she was attracted to how he looked and then ultimately after the final blow up she was telling me how she will NEVER want to date me again and she made that abundantly clear, and that she had "feelings" for someone else and at this point I'm like so lost and in despair because like wtf happened in a week or whatever. So obviously I lashed out and we fought to a point to where her mom got involved and basically told me that we needed to stop contacting and that's where for me it was kind of a finality type of feeling and I was just so blown away and extremely hurt because now I'm blocked on social media, phone, every possible way, so after all of this we talked one last time and she was telling me she's happy and moved on and that I should move on to and I'm just wondering HOW, how did she get over our two year relationship with what seemed to be 5 days and already start talking/seeing another guy who is in a long distance situation, when she told me she didn't wanna date anyone across country anymore. So what is really bugging me more than the breakup is the fact she got over me in a matter of days it felt like after all the stuff she said about wanting me back and saying she was in love with me all over again and the effort and changes were being made but it just didn't seem like it was good enough. So how is she over us and what we had and how is she happy with someone else already because I've been talking to a couple girls just to like talk and I know I'd never be able to date anyone right now so like what do you guys think the deal is? I am 100% getting over her but I just am so confused and can't really wrap my head around this stuff tbh And from the people I've vented to about this, they've all told me she's rebounding hard and just doesn't know what she wants and in her mind just lost and that she'll be back in 3-4 months trying to fix this. But I believe that since her mom got involved it's like officially done. Edited January 20, 2017 by Eztype
ExpatInItaly Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 Sorry you're hurting so much, OP. The truth is that she didn't get over you in a matter of days. She emotionally left the relationship a long time ago, as evidenced by her hidden and flirty communications with this other guy. For her to have been able to do that, she would already have needed to detach from you to a large extent. Thus, she already moved on before she actually broke up with you. Maybe not fully and completely, but to a significant degree. Her saying that everything was all better and she was back in love? Perhaps she wanted to be able to feel that way again, but it's pretty clear she didn't. Not deeply enough to continue the relationship anyway. Or maybe this other guy backed away, so she tried to keep it going with you until she got more reassurance that he was still interested in her. She's able to think about dating him because she's not still invested in your relationship. That's the harsh truth for a lot of dumpers. Yes, they grieve too, but usually before the relationship has actually ended. That's why it seems like she's moved on so quickly while you sit in confusion and sadness. She got a head start in her healing, so to speak. Really, she made the immature choice to stay in the relationship with you while getting cozy with another guy behind your back. It's not right at all, but it explains what's happened here. In my opinion, anyway.
Author Eztype Posted January 20, 2017 Author Posted January 20, 2017 Sorry you're hurting so much, OP. The truth is that she didn't get over you in a matter of days. She emotionally left the relationship a long time ago, as evidenced by her hidden and flirty communications with this other guy. For her to have been able to do that, she would already have needed to detach from you to a large extent. Thus, she already moved on before she actually broke up with you. Maybe not fully and completely, but to a significant degree. Her saying that everything was all better and she was back in love? Perhaps she wanted to be able to feel that way again, but it's pretty clear she didn't. Not deeply enough to continue the relationship anyway. Or maybe this other guy backed away, so she tried to keep it going with you until she got more reassurance that he was still interested in her. She's able to think about dating him because she's not still invested in your relationship. That's the harsh truth for a lot of dumpers. Yes, they grieve too, but usually before the relationship has actually ended. That's why it seems like she's moved on so quickly while you sit in confusion and sadness. She got a head start in her healing, so to speak. Really, she made the immature choice to stay in the relationship with you while getting cozy with another guy behind your back. It's not right at all, but it explains what's happened here. In my opinion, anyway. So you believe that this is just 100% done then? And not just a rebound?
ExpatInItaly Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 So you believe that this is just 100% done then? And not just a rebound? I don't think it's a rebound, because she's not the one trying to fill the void left behind by you. If you had dumped her, then yes, I would venture she was rebounding. But in my experience, rebounds are often the domain of the dumpee...not the dumper. It's hard to say if it's 100% done. However, if she does reach out to you, I would think long and hard about giving this another chance. You discovered she'd apparently been keeping some secrets, and that speaks volumes about her level of respect for you and your relationship. A girl who is really in love doesn't get flirty like that with another guy. In other words, if she comes back, it might not be for the reasons you hope.
Author Eztype Posted January 20, 2017 Author Posted January 20, 2017 I don't think it's a rebound, because she's not the one trying to fill the void left behind by you. If you had dumped her, then yes, I would venture she was rebounding. But in my experience, rebounds are often the domain of the dumpee...not the dumper. It's hard to say if it's 100% done. However, if she does reach out to you, I would think long and hard about giving this another chance. You discovered she'd apparently been keeping some secrets, and that speaks volumes about her level of respect for you and your relationship. A girl who is really in love doesn't get flirty like that with another guy. In other words, if she comes back, it might not be for the reasons you hope. Oh no I have come to terms that I do not want this, because like you said no respect I'm just a bit confused. Over the week she was always reaching out to me when I told her countless times I didn't wanna talk to her, and she just kept saying she valued our friendship and I would say I can't just be friends with her and she would get mad or whatever and throw stuff in my face like "crazy to think I'm only seen as a dating prospect"
ExpatInItaly Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 Oh no I have come to terms that I do not want this, because like you said no respect I'm just a bit confused. Over the week she was always reaching out to me when I told her countless times I didn't wanna talk to her, and she just kept saying she valued our friendship and I would say I can't just be friends with her and she would get mad or whatever and throw stuff in my face like "crazy to think I'm only seen as a dating prospect" Meh, that's her ego talking. That comment right there demonstrates that her mindset about all of this is immature. How old is she? She expected you to just take it, to ease her guilt, and she's mad that she's not getting her way. You're doing the right thing not accepting friendship. She can't realistically expect you'd want that. Your refusal to just to be friends reminds her that she hurt you, and she's not free of responsibility. That's what's bothering her.
Author Eztype Posted January 20, 2017 Author Posted January 20, 2017 Meh, that's her ego talking. That comment right there demonstrates that her mindset about all of this is immature. How old is she? She expected you to just take it, to ease her guilt, and she's mad that she's not getting her way. You're doing the right thing not accepting friendship. She can't realistically expect you'd want that. Your refusal to just to be friends reminds her that she hurt you, and she's not free of responsibility. That's what's bothering her. This makes sense tbh, towards the end she made this all about me and how it was my issues and she didnt like the person I was anymore. I felt like my life was worthless and that I wasn't good enough. I tried friendship for like a day or two and just couldn't so just a ****ty situation Also 23
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