RichardV1980 Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 Hey everyone, I'm new here and I'll keep it short. I would just like some feedback from anyone just to help me out with this new girl I've been dating. We have been dating now a little shy of 6 months. I've been in plenty of relationships in the past some short term, 1 even for 3 years so I've been in many different relationships that have had many different angles. My current girlfriend now works for a PR firm. She is always checking emails, constantly doing social media posts, browsing the web, all for what she has to do for her job. I love the fact she does that but while she is at work. Is it too much to ask at 10:45 at night on a weekend when she is not working to not be checking emails and looking for twitter feeds to repost? Like I want to spend the time we have together. Sometimes she has even freaked out while at my house on a weekend, and being like "I need to use your computer to get these posts out!" My response is "Babe, its Saturday night, almost 11 o'clock and your still worrying about work?" Recently she has been messaging and chatting with one of her male co workers, she doesn't flirt or any of that because we have an open relationship with everything, and we both trust each other. We have both been cheated on in the past so we want to be completely open with each other when we reach out to other people of the opposite sex. Might sound stupid, but its how we trust each other, just to keep each other in the loop. Recently she has been chatting him and not getting back to me but the stuff they talk about isn't really important. Its work related but like last week, we were in the middle of a small argument, she was responding to me the whole time, then went MIA for like 30 minutes, then called me and was like sorry I was chatting with Joe. I asked what it was about and she was like oh he messaged me asking me if we still had to go to the meeting and if there was going to be lunch there. Then they were like saying how hungry they were and stuff like that and how they hoped there was food there. My response was like your chatting your co worker about stuff like that when we are in the middle of a conversation that is important. She was like "My co worker asked me a question so I had to respond, I'm working" So....thats how I feel. Sometimes I feel though that she puts work in front of me and is being selfish. There have been times where she has cancelled plans that we made for meetings, she also didn't celebrate our 5 month over dinner because she wanted to rest for work the next day, also for some reason she has scheduled a meeting on valentines day from 7-9 that she can't get out of and she told me earlier on that valentines dinner/day to her with me was very important. I told her I was upset and sometimes I feel she puts her job and coworkers before me. What does everyone think?
VeveCakes Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 Does she make up her own work schedule? How did she leave mid convo of an argument - were you areguing over text? Stop doing that first of all. Why not ask her if she can be phone free when you are spending time together? 1
DKT3 Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 I think you need to find another girlfriend, this one doesn't seem that into you. 1
NinjaX Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 I can understand your frustration. However, you have to realize that you do not own her life. She's going to make her own life choices. You must love in a way that the other person feels free. Love is not possessive. At this point, I think you have already communicated your desires to her. Getting into more small arguments or acting upset with her will not help your cause. Either she makes more time and attention for you by her own free will, or you have to consider walking away and finding a person that suits your needs. 2
Pill Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 I think you're the one being selfish. Don't know how long you guys are in the relationship but you can't expect her to place you over her livelihood. Her career will always be there but you could easily be temporary.
mikeylo Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 Everyone's work schedule is different and since hers involves a lot of updates on social media, she can't be lax on it or she'll be fired.
smackie9 Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 If she was a doctor she would be excused?? there are people that have a type of job that consumes their life. This isn't about being selfish, this is about compatibility. She's a work alcoholic, and work is her priority. There is nothing you can do about it, you have already told her to put the phone down, stop working, etc. She's not going to change....one thing you can change is your GF. You are better off finding someone that finds celebrating your 5 month anniversary a priority. 3
Larryville Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 Sometimes I feel though that she puts work in front of me and is being selfish. There have been times where she has cancelled plans that we made for meetings, she also didn't celebrate our 5 month over dinner because she wanted to rest for work the next day, also for some reason she has scheduled a meeting on valentines day from 7-9 that she can't get out of and she told me earlier on that valentines dinner/day to her with me was very important. Either she makes more time and attention for you by her own free will, or you have to consider walking away and finding a person that suits your needs. Thing is you are exhibiting signs of being seriously needy and while you may balk at that assessment if you don’t chill she will quickly lose interest in you if she has not already. This is think the third thread this week where someone discovers a personal, personality or relationship characteristic after the fact. We have been dating now a little shy of 6 months This characteristic or behavior did not just crop up today, other issues going on but what Ninja says is the bottom line. She’s NOT changing who she is for you, so the question for you is will you choose to live with it?
LoveFiend Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 I have a similar situation with my girlfriend, she thinks I put work first before her. I explain to her honey I need this job and need the money to financially support you. I have to put work first to support us. Yes you should be first, but to be realistic a lot of times work does have to come first in order to get ahead in life. At least she is responsible and being a workaholic to get ahead in life.
neowulf Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 Often when our partners fail to meet our expectations, we think the onus is on them to change. However, in the end, I've come to think that all you can do is try your best to get your needs met. If they're not being met and you make it clear that it's a deal breaker for you, then "them's the brakes" as they say. You girlfriend is obviously tending towards the "workaholic" end of the scale. Some people are like that. Their careers come first. The career will *always* come first. So, if you make it clear you'd like more time just for "yourselves" and she decides it's not a priority, then you have your answer. Her career matters more than the relationship does. Matters more than compromising and trying to find a "win/win" solution. Simply put, she doesn't care enough. I've been there man. Don't be a door mat. Decide what matters to you and own it.
basil67 Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 I think your problem is that you're looking for right and wrong here instead of compatibility. You want a woman who has regular working hours. And that is your prerogative. But you have a woman who puts her work first and this is her prerogative. The fact that you want something different to her doesn't make her wrong or selfish - it simply makes you incompatible.
coolheadal Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 I have the same problem also GF has a lot bills and taken on so many hours that leaves no time for us being together. I told her do what you have to do I'll be here for you. Not much else you can say. Just be there for her like I am doing not selfish, yours has to work, unless your going to support her to be with you more. So the choice is if you can deal with this then drop the ball back into your lap and don't keep on asking her about coming to see you. When she can she'll come. Mine the same way. She usually comes today but I have a funny feeling she's not coming today. At work there is no time to text you back unless they make the effort.
ElizabethIII Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 One thing I've learned the hard way is that it is such a waste of time to try and force someone to behave in a way you want them to and get mad because they dont want to. I wouldn't be happy with a man retweeting all sorts of crap at 11pm on a Saturday. It does seem a bit much. If it isn't for you then leave her.
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