NaViAlcatraz Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 (edited) I've been dating my girlfriend for three months now. I'm 22, and she's 19. Like the title says, I'm not entirely sure if she's the one for me. I know that the relationship could definitely work, and she's a great woman. She's optimistic, open-minded, supportive and she keeps saying how she's obsessed with me and I was madly in love with her for the first two months. But lately, I haven't been sure if we're compatible. I'm a huge philosophy and physics fan, I read quite a bit and I have an obsession with metal and classical music. My girlfriend is (I'm quoting her) 'uncomplicated', and she always underestimates herself. She hates arguing with me, so we can't talk about philosophy very much, even though she has mentioned a slight interest in it and her ideas about it tend to be brilliant. Her tastes in music are approximately opposite mine, with R&B and pop dominating. She doesn't have much interest in science above trivia. She reads a lot, and she writes a bit, but she keeps saying she's not good enough at it to make it a full-time hobby. In short, she's only occasionally introspective. The thing is, I really want her to enjoy time with her, but we only have a few common interests. I know for a fact that she would try out stuff that I like if I asked her, but I'd feel too pushy, even though I'd love try out things she likes, too. What do you guys think? Edited January 20, 2017 by NaViAlcatraz
PogoStick Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 Well you shouldn't expect her to change. You, trying to encourage her to develop the areas that YOU want is typically a pointless exercise. In short, if you're not satisfied with her as she is NOW, then yes, you are incompatible and should end the relationship. Get involved with social groups that are inherently philosophical or scientific, and date a girl you meet from there.
Gaeta Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 About trying to find NEW interests that would please the both of you? I have a brother who's above average smart with degrees in philosophy, politics, chemistry, name it. His first serious girlfriend was not interested in any of that (she worked in tourism) and she was content to read her pop-star magazines and talk fashion. Their relationship lasted 5 years. My brother ended the relationship because he craved intellectual connection. Fast forward, he is now married to a physician and they can blahblah all the rest of their life together. Life is long, find a compatible partner.
Larryville Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 not compatible; unable to exist together in harmony” It is not about differences in race, religion, politics, age, education, interests, hobbies ect The best relationships form when two people that care enough about each other that they will bridge any differences but doing so makes things EASY, harmonious celebrating what they learn from others differences. The thing here is people start threads here about “compatibility” without first looking in the mirror and completely understanding themselves. For young people this is where life comes in because you are still evolving. For older people being in touch with ourselves enough to understand how we have changed over time but still learning and understanding ongoing self-education... 1
mccluskeyj17 Posted January 24, 2017 Posted January 24, 2017 Compatibility in any relationship is important. When couples are compatible they enjoy being around each and spending time together. Even couples who have differences enjoy being together and spending time together. As you have mentioned you and your girlfriend have some differences. The differences you have experienced do not mean that you are not compatible, it just means the two of you have to find a solution that you both can accept. In any relationship whether the couples are a lot alike or opposites it is important to respect each other’s point of view or opinion. All couples at some time in their relationship experience disagreements or arguing, this does not mean that you are not compatible. Some couples are more than others, but it is important to be able to communicate and work through your differences. Just as opposites attract, you and your girlfriend may compliment each other.
LoveFiend Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 (edited) Well your only 22 you got a lot of time on your hands before you need to worry about how compatible you are with your current girlfriend or future girlfriends. I see the word "compatibility" as an overused, overrated euphemism. Most women I date tend to be extremely incompatible yet things work out, at least for as long as I want them to work out. Was as incompatible with my ex-wife as could be, but the sex was good an back then I was a young guy in my 20's and at that time in my life sex was all I really cared about having in a marriage. Edited January 25, 2017 by LoveFiend
BAcK Posted January 25, 2017 Posted January 25, 2017 Compatibility is something that can be 'built'. Often people use the term incompatibilty as a catalyst to end a relationship. People are different and it's upon us to try and develop the compatibility. It takes time. However, people sometimes do not have the patience to do so. I think you do not want to be with her. If you really wanted her in your life, you would atleast try. I think the issue here is that the flame burned out.
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