IRL Dumper Poll: NC

[jamili]

The other day I was talking to a female friend about guys she has dumped, and as Im currently going through a breakup and NC, i decided to ask her if she has ever had a dumpee go NC on her. Her answer: Never. Not once. They all kept in contact, and she never went back to any of them.

 

That got me thinking, and i asked other female friends, and coworkers. Same answers - none of them had ever had a dumper go NC on them. Then i asked male friends and coworkers - same thing - NC, except one male friend who actually knew abouy NC and he actually uses it when he has been dumped and claims its gotten the dumper back both times he tried it.

 

So, that got me thinking even more... NC must be really rare in our society. True, hard NC is discussed on Loveshack as if it were a religion, but out in the real world it appears to be an almost unheard of thing.

 

I wonder why this is why most exes dont get back together, becsuse the dumpers didnt use NC. It also might be reason why it appears to be effective- because the average dumper has never had it happen to them before, and it throws them for a loop, completely taking them off guards, and perhaps leaves them wondering "wtf?", and thus intrigues them.

 

So, i ask you all to ask your friends, family, coworkers, etc who have dumped someone at some time in their lives whether they have ever had a dumpee just vanish on them and pull NC. Im very curious of the results. Post here when you find out!

[Miss Spider]

Depends on the circumstances and the character of people involved etc but...

 

 

I've been a dumper a few times and none of them come back. I usually make sure they know I'm done, though, by more or less saying I'll always care for them but I don't want to hear from them again. And I don't. One of them hurt but lessened with time and distance. With others, I was relieved from day one. It's not that I've forgotten them or the great times we shared, it's just I rarely if ever think about them anymore unless I purposely recall it. The feelings are just gone. I don't think about my ex I broke up with a year ago as much as I think of a guy I briefly 'dated' last year.

 

 

I do miss that guy I broke up and think about contacting him, occasionally. But I know we're just incompatible and he hasn't contacted so I'm moving on. However, it's been way harder then my LTR bf because of the 'what if' factor. With my LTR it's played out. We tried it, it didn't work. When I ended it with them, I loved them in a way more of committed love, not passionate love...not romantic love. If they were to reach out again, I wouldn't mind, but I definitely would never want to be with them romantically again...I've just emotionally moved on and I hope they have done the same and are happy (That's what their silence tells me).

 

 

That's the point of NC, to move on. If it has the unintended consequence of making your dumper come back I think it's more along the lines of 'I wasn't happy and saw something better, but now I'm thinking maybe I can't do better, so I'll go back to what's familiar' or 'I'm just curious if I can get them back now'

Sometimes both.

 

 

I don't understand why a dumpee would contact again unless they did something obviously wrong to lead to the breakup like cheat...?

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm a woman who has broken up with a couple guys.

 

Though I didn't reach out to them, none of them maintained strict No Contact in the immediate aftermath.

 

But after a couple months, all contact stopped. The result is that I haven't spoken to any of the aforementioned guys (3, in my case) in a few years now. There's really no reason to and we've all moved on.

[BAcK]

What if the break up was really nasty? What if the dumper has found a new love interest? And if NC is initiated much later after the break up, does it work? I guess not all break ups are the same. And the answers will be different.

[Bromeo]

Well, please read my thread for everything not to do.

 

To the substantive question, I chased my last ex for months. All it did was push her further away.

 

I finally went proper NC in December and began to finally move on with my life. Less than 30 days later (last Monday) got an email from her, that she "finally ready my long email, sorry for the long delay, hope you are well, I'm still looking for love and peace, etc."

 

Ignored that trash, I'm better than an email.

 

Tuesday, same week, email number 2: "This song makes me think of you, I hope you find happiness".

 

Here it is Friday, nothing since. I owe a friend a steak dinner, we bet I'd never hear from her again. I just bet another friend I would hear from her in the next 10 days. So we will see.

 

The point is as previously stated, it depends on the person. I broke it off with a very pretty doctor several months back, and she has enough fortitude never to contact me since.

 

The insecure little one who drove me to this forum? Clearly the rebound didn't work out, shes lonely, and is fishing. But her fingers aren't broken, and I didn't change my number. So while I'd like to speak with her, I'm trying to maintain some self-respect.

 

So, like much on this site, it depends on a variety of factors. Having spent some time perusing this site, I wonder sometimes how much of the information put out is accurate.... lol

[keiji]

I've always heard from my ex-girlfriends, always, whether they were dumpers or dumpees. I have also contacted a few. However, in most cases contact vanishes after a few months. My latest relationship, I know I'll never hear from her again and I'll definitely never contact her. The idea of not knowing what she's up to ever again is a bit daunting, but keeping in touch wouldn't make any sense. We went through a lot.

 

I don't think there are rules for this and I doubt the statistics are reliable, as someone pointed out.

[Nadine123]

My ex boyfriend ghosted me for another girl. I went strict NC as in blocked him on everything.

 

six months later, he calls from a strange number and i tell him to **** off. You do NC to protect yourself and move on, not to get him/her back.