viatori patuit Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 I have a girlfriend currently and we are very close to being married. First and foremost, I do love her, and I am certain she loves me. I do not think we have any sort of giant issues or red flags that should derail us. We do however have some smaller issues that might become bigger if we do not look at them. Specifically, the primary issue is that she has two children and that she routinely puts me so far down the chain in priorities that things I desire do not get met. I am specifically talking about sexual things – nothing too kinky, but I sure would like to have some raucous romps every once in a while rather than 20 minutes of missionary right before going to bed every other night. Now first and foremost – kids come first. I know this and I am fine with it. I genuinely like her children and we get along fine. I also understand that my needs and wants fall far below them. I routinely hear things like “I am so tired; can we deal with that later” or even outright hostility when I pursue these things. It is to the point that I am not comfortable sharing my opinion with her about this because I am certain it will end badly. I am sure that most of the advice will be “try and talk with her” or “be more gentle”. Trust me, I have both tried to talk with her and been as gentle as possible. At this point neither works. The only thing that seems to work is if I do what she wants. She has tunnel vision and right now it is focused elsewhere. I get that she has her hands full with two small kids. I also think that can be a fair reason for some of this issue. I also do not simply want to break this off. Like I said, this is not a huge issue right now, but I know from experience it will be a few years from now. I have been down this road, and ignoring this stuff is the surest way to doom a relationship to failure. I also recognize that every relationship has its issues – if I break this off then the next one will have some sort of other issue. I do not want to issue shop – I want to find a better way to work through them with my current partner. I really am a pretty easy guy to please. Some aggressive pursuit, skimpy lingerie and maybe a few pictures here and there would keep me happy. It lets me know sex is still important to her as well and that she wants me to enjoy it. I don’t see these things as an issue, but of course I am not female and I could be missing some sort of huge obvious issue with these items. If that is the case, I would be curious about the rational and reason for the issue.
SaltAndLight Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 Being a married woman i will tell you that sexual satisfaction IS important in marriage (since that is where you guys are headed). Now, i'm not saying that it is the "cake", but it is the icing on the cake (if you get my analogy). A median where the both of you can be happy needs to be made....not saying force her into things she is not ready for, rather communicate with her your desires and see what can be done for you to both be fulfilled.
coolheadal Posted January 23, 2017 Posted January 23, 2017 Yes I too have same issue my girl friend has 3 kids but only 2 of them live with her. She told me her two would chase me away. Stuff like that is silly because no kid can get away with that with me. I not scared off like that. You know that the kids are first some with me but there are times you have to allow certain things you want to be push back. Can't force them to do what you want and if they don't want to do it when you want, just have to drop it. If everything else is good enjoy what you have right now until things change. My has her hands for with her son is always getting into trouble and eats without stopping. Single parent life is tough for women and we men that date such women need to understand what she's going through and what we can do too support them. Fun and games come later when both are willing to have fun.
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