Does it make the break up worse if they actually start dating someone and fall hard

[AT15]

I'm not sure, but I seem to be mentally obsessing about my ex and his new girlfriend. I'm almost certain he is into her because she is 23 and he is 35.

 

But, I think my feelings are hurt because he thinks she's so much better than me.

 

I know I need to get over it.

 

But, it still hurts. Does anyone else think it makes the heartbreak worse when they meet someone they really like?

[preraph]

No one likes to be seeing the new girlfriend or hearing about them. So don't allow him to contact you! Block him or anyone else who is feeding this info to you. You don't need that.

[Blanco]

It sure doesn't usually help the situation, that's for sure. It's normal, but I'll say that if you're getting any of this information from friends, you need to protect yourself and tell them you don't need to hear about him AT ALL. If this is information you've sought out or found yourself, then again, protect yourself and stop doing it.

 

People who have exes that they don't have kids with or must see or have a ton of mutual friends really don't process just how relatively easy they have it when it comes to closing out information about the ex.

[AT15]

You're 100% right. It's not NC, if I'm getting info on him. Maybe that's why, I feel a little down.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, what you are feeling is totally normal.

 

But where are you getting this information on him and his girlfriend?

[keiji]

But, I think my feelings are hurt because he thinks she's so much better than me.

 

I know I need to get over it.

 

But, it still hurts. Does anyone else think it makes the heartbreak worse when they meet someone they really like?

 

She's not better than you. She's just different and the fact that he likes her doesn't diminish your value whatsoever.

 

As to making the heartbreak worse, it's possible, but it can also be a good boost for you to cut all ties and devote all that energy to yourself. When I learnt that my ex was with someone else I knew there was nothing I could do but forget her. Also, when I was out with my friends trying to have fun I would suddenly think "what is she up to? Is she making out with someone new right now? Is she meeting her new love at this very moment?". It was incredibly painful. Once I knew she had her brand new boyfriend, all those obsessive and crippling thoughts disappeared for good. I knew exactly where she was.

[layla21]

I am very sorry to hear. I am currently going through the same situation and yes, it is normal to be hurt.

 

I totally agree with the previous posts that you should maintain strict NC in order to heal emotionally. Whatever your reasons for your breakup might be, it really helps to reflect on the relationship and try to take it in a positive aspect for the next relationship. Breakups are tough by all means but it does not mean you are not learning and growing from it. Easier said than done but with NC, I know but you will see it all from a different perspective at some point.

 

Let all emotions out which come along the NC, be it sadness, anger, agony, hatred, frustration, anything.

 

ALso, do NOT ask yourself whether this other girl is better or not, but rather focus on yourself, that at some point you will be rewarded in life and there is someone more compatible for you than he ever will be. Do not let it put you down because there will be someone who will see you as his priority and BEST!

[Mrlonelyone]

As the others have said go total NC block and/or avoid all social media. The just mourn your loss and live life. I know how hard it can be until you find someone really special again. Try to believe you will again.

 

Try this, when you miss your ex, try to think of your next. Somewhere in this world there is a man who is living life wondering when he'll meet the love of his life. He hasn't because he hasn't met you. Think if him if you are religious pray selflessly for his well being. Try to become the woman you feel the man you want would want.

 

Before you know it this ex will be irrelevant.

[AT15]

As the others have said go total NC block and/or avoid all social media. The just mourn your loss and live life. I know how hard it can be until you find someone really special again. Try to believe you will again.

 

Try this, when you miss your ex, try to think of your next. Somewhere in this world there is a man who is living life wondering when he'll meet the love of his life. He hasn't because he hasn't met you. Think if him if you are religious pray selflessly for his well being. Try to become the woman you feel the man you want would want.

 

Before you know it this ex will be irrelevant.

 

Thank you this really lifted my spirits. I loved my ex more than anything. And sometimes you wonder, how they could not want that love. But, it's just the way it works.

 

I went out with someone last night, and had fun with him. I didn't compare he to my ex, I just enjoyed his company. I actually would love for us to explore something more. Not sure how he feels.

 

Everytime, I thought of my ex, I would repeat "Indifference" or "I let go of him".

 

I have low moments especially during my "cycle". The thoughts are terrible during that time.

[AT15]

My ex has been on my social media and sending the occasional text. A few days ago he sends me a pic of me laying on the bed in my underwear. I didn't respond to the email. But, I've given short responses to the texts.

 

What in the world? Was I suppose to be flattered? kinda weird.

[Zahara]

Just baiting. Hoping you both will start sexting or even get you all worked up for a booty call.

[divegrl]

What? The behavior of this guy is creepy.

 

He is playing with your emotions and stringing you along. I would really try to block him.

 

Take care my friend.

[AT15]

Just baiting. Hoping you both will start sexting or even get you all worked up for a booty call.

Must be sexting...because a booty call is impossible. He lives 700 miles away. I think he has BPD or at the least he is bi polar.

He has severe mood swings, anger flare ups, and he can be verbally abusive.

So, my view of him is like someone who may have an imbalance, which means, I don't take his words (positive or negative) as anything that is real.

 

I still miss the beautiful part of his personality, but in general his split personality makes it hard to trust him. hes a good guy when he is balanced. But, as he gets older the more unpredictable he becomes.

[Zahara]

Must be sexting...because a booty call is impossible. He lives 700 miles away. I think he has BPD or at the least he is bi polar.

He has severe mood swings, anger flare ups, and he can be verbally abusive.

So, my view of him is like someone who may have an imbalance, which means, I don't take his words (positive or negative) as anything that is real.

 

I mean this kindly but all this analysis about him when it should be turned inward. Why have you remained accessible to someone like this? When we focus on another's shortcomings, it's mostly avoidance of our own.

 

And doesn't this guy have a girlfriend?

 

I still miss the beautiful part of his personality, but in general his split personality makes it hard to trust him. hes a good guy when he is balanced. But, as he gets older the more unpredictable he becomes.

 

You mentioned you are "25% healed" -- it would be best for you to remove him from your life, and this email would be a good reason why you need to start now.

[AT15]

I mean this kindly but all this analysis about him when it should be turned inward. Why have you remained accessible to someone like this? When we focus on another's shortcomings, it's mostly avoidance of our own.

 

And doesn't this guy have a girlfriend?

 

 

 

You mentioned you are "25% healed" -- it would be best for you to remove him from your life, and this email would be a good reason why you need to start now.

 

I have been doing a lot of inward work on my own psychology and emotions. I'm in therapy, I'm reading books on letting go and attachment styles. I've told myself, my spirit is like a savings account. I need to invest and put energy into my growth.

But, apart of me still loves him, even tho I'm no longer chasing him or giving in to his needy texts.

I guess I think at times, if he would just get the help he needs, things would work well between us. Its fantasy, not reality.

 

Today I looked at a journal entry from June, and I have a short way from where I was. So, I'm happy about that. However, the fantasy and projection of who I want him to vs who he is, creeps up on me from time to time.

 

I'm getting better.

[jamili]

At first when I read this I thought you said he sent you a pic of him in his underwear. That would have been funny lol. But this way... it's just weird. Definitely a strange move. I'd ignore, it's not like it warrants an answer, it's its kind of creepy.

[Zahara]

I have been doing a lot of inward work on my own psychology and emotions. I'm in therapy, I'm reading books on letting go and attachment styles. I've told myself, my spirit is like a savings account. I need to invest and put energy into my growth.

But, apart of me still loves him, even tho I'm no longer chasing him or giving in to his needy texts.

 

I'm not sure what your relationship was like but with the little that you provided, there also comes a time when we have to determine the meaning of "love" that we extend to someone that treats us poorly. The difference between love in a healthy sense versus "love" in a dysfunctional circumstance. Sometimes we confuse love for unhealthy attachment.

 

Love yourself more. It's normal to still feel attached to someone that was unhealthy for us, but it doesn't justify staying connected to them.

 

I guess I think at times, if he would just get the help he needs, things would work well between us. Its fantasy, not reality.

 

Change only comes from within. And most times, some may never find that self-awareness.

 

Yes, fantasy. It's the inability to let go and accept.

 

Today I looked at a journal entry from June, and I have a short way from where I was. So, I'm happy about that. However, the fantasy and projection of who I want him to vs who he is, creeps up on me from time to time.

 

I'm getting better.

 

Stay the course. It's normal to fantasize who we hope for them to be rather than surrender to reality. I'm hoping this email and the fact that he's with another woman and behaving very inappropriately is an eye opener for you.

 

You deserve better.

 

Self-preservation is very important in your journey towards healing and self-realization. Don't let anything, especially this man derail you.

[AT15]

I'm not sure what your relationship was like but with the little that you provided, there also comes a time when we have to determine the meaning of "love" that we extend to someone that treats us poorly. The difference between love in a healthy sense versus "love" in a dysfunctional circumstance. Sometimes we confuse love for unhealthy attachment.

 

Love yourself more. It's normal to still feel attached to someone that was unhealthy for us, but it doesn't justify staying connected to them.

 

 

 

Change only comes from within. And most times, some may never find that self-awareness.

 

Yes, fantasy. It's the inability to let go and accept.

 

 

 

Stay the course. It's normal to fantasize who we hope for them to be rather than surrender to reality. I'm hoping this email and the fact that he's with another woman and behaving very inappropriately is an eye opener for you.

 

You deserve better.

 

Self-preservation is very important in your journey towards healing and self-realization. Don't let anything, especially this man derail you.

 

This was an unhealthy attachment from the very start. I had no impulse control or boundaries when it came to him. I have a history of unhealthy attachments starting from childhood, with girlfriends as well as boyfriends.

 

I used to beat myself up about, but through therapy I'm learning HOW & WHY I attach in certain ways.

 

I've met someone new, and for the very first time, I am NOT projecting and idealizing him. Which gives me emotional space to actually get to know him, as well as give him an opportunity to show me who he is.

 

It's a new frontier for me. But, it's amazing how when I stopped projecting, idealizing and devaluing my anxiety is at a minimum.

 

I'm still idealizing the ex, because of the rejection. But, I'm working thru it.

Just thus afternoon, as I was walking with my daughter home from school, I asked myself "why would I choose that type of man for myself?" Not just him, but the 3 ex's that were previous too. I'm beginning the process and it feels freeing.

[Stercrazy]

Stop the drama and move on. You deserve someone more compatible.

[AlmostFamous]

If he posted it on social media it seems to me he was trying to embarrass you or show you he has kept all the private stuff you two shared. I would ask him to not share personal things you two shared while together.

[aileD]

My friend just got out of a 30 year marriage with a bipolar husband who did not do what he needed to do to manage that disorder.

 

You don't want to be in a relationship with a bipolar person who is not doing to work to stay healthy.

[Bromeo]

This has to be one of the strangest things I've heard. After the connection is broken, and the intimacy has dissipated, I would imagine that in addition to being highly inappropriate, came as a shock.

 

We can only speculate as to his motivation. Unfortunately, the old advice rings true, unless there is better communication, best to stay the course.

[preraph]

He's probably thinking about posting it all over the internet.

[elaine567]

If he is as deranged as you say he is then it's probably a threat or it is designed to put you off balance and worry you.

Does he have any more revealing pics/videos of you?

[preraph]

He's just doing whatever he wants with no regards to your feelings and dangling you. I'm telling you, no contact and blocking him on social media and everything else is the way to keep him from pulling your strings. He is perfectly comfortable out dating other people while certain that he can get you back anytime he wants. And if you put up with it, he'll start trying to get you back AND keep dating others.