GunMetal Posted January 19, 2017 Posted January 19, 2017 I'm in such a mess right now...i know that noone can tell me what to do, but any advice would be greatly appreciated. I've known this guy a couple of years. We dated for a few months last year but remained in contact when it ended. We started seeing each other again about 7 months ago. I'm 28 and have experienced long term relationships/dating so i have experience of moving on from people i've cared about. This guy however, just seems to have this inexplicable hold on me. I have no idea why, because 9 times out of 10, this guy is actually pretty horrible to me. He's never really let me in fully, he can speak to me like dirt sometimes and i had constant anxiety about whether he even cared about me because of his actions. But then, at the same time, he made me feel so happy when i was with him. It was almost a bit of an obsession! Hopefully someone understands that I have been trying to find the strength for a few months to walk away, but found the idea of not having him in my life terrifying. I have managed to do it this week though, I went over a collected my stuff from his place, and told him that i couldn't cope with feeling like i do anymore. That i'd become a person i didn't recognise anymore and that i wanted to be happy. I also wrote a letter with exactly how i felt, because my worry was that i would leave and regret that i hadn't said something to him..so i wanted to make sure i'd said it all. He was pretty silent through everything i said, which is him all over. He can't have serious conversations and clams up and doesn't say anything. I left anyway. Unfortunately, the one mess in the middle of this is that i'm pregnant with his baby. I'm only early on at the moment, and it was definitely a shock for us both. My initial thoughts were of keeping it, but after realising things with him weren't going to change and weighing up where my life is at the moment i decided it wouldn't be far to bring a baby into it all and made an appointment to end it. That was this morning, but as i was driving there and became filled with doubt and had a panic attack about it. I went to the appointment but couldn't go through with it. They were so supportive there and put me through the initial consulation and told me i can go back any time if i do decide treatment is the right decision. I have literally gone from wanting to keep it, to not, and back and forth about 50 times today. Like i said, i know noone can tell me what is right to do. But if anyone has been in a similar situation i'd appreciate some advice/words of wisdom Thanks x
umirano Posted January 19, 2017 Posted January 19, 2017 Separate the baby question from the relationship questionto be honest he doesn't sound like a catch, but you seem infatuated with him. I think it's best if you stay NC.
spiderowl Posted January 19, 2017 Posted January 19, 2017 A baby is a huge commitment. The next 18 years of your life will be spoken for. To have that with a father who is uncommunicative and makes you feel anxious and unhappy would be difficult. I can imagine you are in a really difficult place at the moment. I wish you all the best with whatever decision you make.
Frozensushi Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 I have no idea why, because 9 times out of 10, this guy is actually pretty horrible to me. He's never really let me in fully, he can speak to me like dirt sometimes and i had constant anxiety about whether he even cared about me because of his actions. So you want to bring a baby into this world with a man who treats you like garbage? Wouldn't you want to create a life with a man who loves you and wants to have a baby with you? You know having a baby is a life changer, it's much bigger than you realize. 1
PinkPampies Posted January 20, 2017 Posted January 20, 2017 Op this decision is yours, and yours alone to make. I don't think you are giving yourself enough credit though: you ended a toxic relationship with someone "who's got that hold on you". I know the hold you're talking about. AND you're pregnant with his baby. You are strong. Look inside yourself and go with your intuition on what to do about the baby. You got this. 1
Author GunMetal Posted January 20, 2017 Author Posted January 20, 2017 (edited) Thank you for your replies, I appreciate the comments. I am trying to keep the 2 situations seperate. I know that the best thing to do is not continue with the pregnancy. The cons massively outweigh any pros...and really, the pros aren't really good enough reasons to keep it anyway. It's definitely not fair to bring a baby into an environment like this. As for him, no contact is something I have always found hard, not just with him. I think it will be particularly hard with him. It hurts more because he has literally been silent about me leaving, didn't say anything when I was at his collecting my stuff and telling him I couldn't carry on the way things are. The silence is worse than any horrible thing he could have said to me, because it leaves me thinking why he couldn't say anything! Edited January 20, 2017 by GunMetal Spelling mistake
BluesPower Posted January 22, 2017 Posted January 22, 2017 Make your choice but understand, the baby that you are carrying in not responsible for it's father. And the baby is not responsible for you having unprotected sex with a man like this. Maybe you should, maybe you should not. One thing for sure, you need to keep this man out of you life forever.
TheWoman Posted January 22, 2017 Posted January 22, 2017 The main problem with having child with a person like this, is that you and your child will never be free from him. His absence will cause distress, and from the sound of it his presence will cause distress. If you just want a child, and anonymous doner would be preferable to this.
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