Jump to content

Should I just move on for now? Any chance of him coming back?

ConfusedGirl17

By ConfusedGirl17
in Breaks and Breaking Up

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

jamili Established Member

jamili

Posted
Posted
No other guy I know had wanted to move this fast so it took my surprise! I will definitely look for the red flags in future! My friends have said he will probably xome crawling back at some point but I'm not actually sure what I'll do if he does. I've went completely no contact and won't be speaking to him any time soon. I'll see how I feel in a while and go from there.

 

I would suggest going No Contact forever until he contacts you first. And then see how you feel and go from there. You should start dating other guys imo, it helps somewhat, and maybe you will meet a good one.

  • Like 2
  • Author
ConfusedGirl17 Member

ConfusedGirl17

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I would suggest going No Contact forever until he contacts you first. And then see how you feel and go from there. You should start dating other guys imo, it helps somewhat, and maybe you will meet a good one.

 

That's not a bad idea either to be honest!! I don't know if he ever will or not. Like I said he told me he wanted to cut all ties "for now" whatever that's meant to mean!

jamili Established Member

jamili

Posted
Posted
That's not a bad idea either to be honest!! I don't know if he ever will or not. Like I said he told me he wanted to cut all ties "for now" whatever that's meant to mean!

 

Sometimes ppl say that **** to let you down easier (in their head). Sadly, you gotta ignore that he said that. Believe it when you see it. Pretend hes not coming back, and move on, so if he does come back you are in a clear headed state of mind.

  • Like 1
Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted
This should have been raising alarm bells in your head.

 

People who approach relationships rationally and maturely don't try to rush like this. These are signs of an impulsive person who doesn't think big decisions through. People like your ex aren't making these big plans because they are in love with you; heck, he barely even knew you. Impulsive people tend to do these things because they're using the partner to fill some void, because they get off on the "thrill" of a new partner, because they're trying to prove something to themselves - essentially, they rush for all the wrong reasons. This is why he had little trouble letting it go. He wasn't attached to you the way you thought he was.

 

I have an old friend who is similar, and she's now got two failed marriages behind her at the age of 35. Her children live in chaos because of her desperate desire to fill a hole in her self-esteem by blazing through new relationships at 100km/hr so she can feel "secure." They barely get to know Mom's new guy before she's moving them in and playing house. I mention this because you need to start seeing your ex's behaviour as unusual and irrational, potentially with long-term consequences, and not as a sign that he was truly in love. I feel that will help you detach.

 

In the future, watch out for this sort of thing. Put the brakes on any guy trying to zoom through courtship. It's almost never a positive sign.

 

 

I couldn't agree more. He loved bombed you. People who take their words and commitments seriously don't let them roll out like water. They think it through. It makes you feel special but it's just empty words. And he'll probably come back when he's bored with whatever it is he's doing now. Please move on, I'm sorry :(

  • Like 1
  • Author
ConfusedGirl17 Member

ConfusedGirl17

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Sometimes ppl say that **** to let you down easier (in their head). Sadly, you gotta ignore that he said that. Believe it when you see it. Pretend hes not coming back, and move on, so if he does come back you are in a clear headed state of mind.

 

Judging by the way he went about dumping me, I doubt he was trying to be nice as such. I have decided to move on and whatever happens, happens lol! I've got a date tonight so here's hoping that goes well!

  • Like 2
preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

It might have happened for two reasons I can think of. One is he is in love with love and projects the ideal woman in his head on anyone he is attracted to and then as he gets to know them, realizes they aren't that women (she doesn't exist) and then falls away.

 

Or he could have been playing you just to get sex.

 

Anyway, block him and date and move on. Sorry it didn't work out.

  • Author
ConfusedGirl17 Member

ConfusedGirl17

Posted
  • Author
Posted
It might have happened for two reasons I can think of. One is he is in love with love and projects the ideal woman in his head on anyone he is attracted to and then as he gets to know them, realizes they aren't that women (she doesn't exist) and then falls away.

 

Or he could have been playing you just to get sex.

 

Anyway, block him and date and move on. Sorry it didn't work out.

 

To be honest, I think he had in his head that he was planning. On moving to Liverpool the whole time we were going out and then when the fun of xmas was finally over, he decided on moving away

preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

I'm so sorry. Maybe he wanted to be ready for a long relationship but realized he simply wasn't.

  • Author
ConfusedGirl17 Member

ConfusedGirl17

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I'm so sorry. Maybe he wanted to be ready for a long relationship but realized he simply wasn't.

 

It's ok, I figured that's maybe why he rushed things quite as fast as he did! I know he wasn't that happy about being back in Ireland and maybe he thought I was enough to stay for. I dunno. I'm choosing to move on and learn from this the best I can. I went on a date tonight but it just didn't feel the same. He was a lovely guy and time will tell if there will be a second one. Do you think there is any chance that with time my ex will get back into contact or is all hope completely lost?

  • Like 1
sandylee1 Established Member

sandylee1

Posted
Posted
I had a really great time with him and we were planning a future and all of a sudden he's moving overseas

 

You only met in December. How much of a future were you planning?

 

I never advice a woman to chase a man. If he wants you he knows where you are.

  • Like 2
  • Author
ConfusedGirl17 Member

ConfusedGirl17

Posted
  • Author
Posted
You only met in December. How much of a future were you planning?

 

I never advice a woman to chase a man. If he wants you he knows where you are.

 

He was planning a big future for us! Travelling together, moving in together etc!! I was so happy I didn't question it. I'm nt chasing him but I would like him to come back though.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted
He was planning a big future for us! Travelling together, moving in together etc!! I was so happy I didn't question it. I'm nt chasing him but I would like him to come back though.

 

With no snark intended, may I ask why?

 

He has demonstrated that it's no problem for him to leave you hanging, that making big plans doesn't mean anything and certainly doesn't mean he's committed.

 

This isn't someone who is a good candidate for a mature, long-term relationship.

Nadine123 Established Member

Nadine123

Posted
Posted

You're not going to gain anything when he comes back. You think it will satisfy your ego, it wont. You will just want more.

 

As I told you before, you should even want him back. You need to learn how to love yourself. A person with good self esteem wouldnt accept this type of treatment.

SerPundnes Established Member

SerPundnes

Posted
Posted
You're not going to gain anything when he comes back. You think it will satisfy your ego, it wont. You will just want more.

 

As I told you before, you should even want him back. You need to learn how to love yourself. A person with good self esteem wouldnt accept this type of treatment.

 

Nadine123 is right here.

You need to start looking at ways to better your self esteem.

  • Like 1
  • Author
ConfusedGirl17 Member

ConfusedGirl17

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Nadine123 is right here.

You need to start looking at ways to better your self esteem.

 

Nadine 123 is right, I do suffer from quite low self esteem and always have done! I do miss him but I'm hoping it will pass!

  • Author
ConfusedGirl17 Member

ConfusedGirl17

Posted
  • Author
Posted
With no snark intended, may I ask why?

 

He has demonstrated that it's no problem for him to leave you hanging, that making big plans doesn't mean anything and certainly doesn't mean he's committed.

 

This isn't someone who is a good candidate for a mature, long-term relationship.

 

Don't worry, I didn't take it as snarky! I understand where you're coming from. I guess it's because I was looking forward to our plans etc only to realise it was all fantasy talk from him! I think he was trying to cram a full blown relationship into as little time as possible.

Nadine123 Established Member

Nadine123

Posted
Posted

I lack salf esteem as well so i know where youre coming from. I worked on it when i rejected my ghoster ex when he came back. Baby steps girl :)

  • Author
ConfusedGirl17 Member

ConfusedGirl17

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I lack salf esteem as well so i know where youre coming from. I worked on it when i rejected my ghoster ex when he came back. Baby steps girl :)

 

It's hard when your confidence takes a knock like that when he built it up so much! How long did it take your ghoster boyfriend to come back?

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted
He was the one moving it so fast, I just went with the flow really!

 

This was your mistake. Don't just go with the flow, do as you like because he certainly will do what he wants to do.

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...