Should I just move on for now? Any chance of him coming back?

[ConfusedGirl17]

Me and my ex met at the start of Dec and we hit it off straight away! He stayed with me for a few days when me met, went on a date and he met my family (his idea). I was invited to his house that he shares with his mum for Boxing Day day dinner with some of his family. We said I love you to each other and it was going so great! We were inseparable. Spent over two weeks together and NYE. He told me he was so so happy etc. And so was I. I came back home the day after New Year's Day and he text me as usual saying he loved me and I thought everything was fine until he started ignoring me. few days of being ignored and asked him was everything ok, had we moved too fast, should we slow it down? I actually thought something was wrong and messaged his mum to see if he was ok. He told me that it had moved too fast, it had put him off and he was planning on moving to Liverpool. (He lived there for 7 years and moved back to Ireland last Sept) this shocked me big time, I thought we were getting on so well. I organised to collect my clothes from his house and sent him one last message to see if he would change his mind and he said "I want to alone for a while as I'm deciding on moving and for now I want to cut contact as it's for the best"

[Nadine123]

are you sure he isnt seeing someone else?

[stillafool]

Yes sweetie leave him alone. I don't know what is going on lately with guys but if you read around this forum you will see quite a few guys are ghosting girls, being vague, or breaking up because they don't feel the attraction. I personally think it's because guys have so many choices for sex now that they don't want to settle down and miss out. I'm sorry this happened to you as it did seem like you two had quite the fling.

[jamili]

Yes sweetie leave him alone. I don't know what is going on lately with guys but if you read around this forum you will see quite a few guys are ghosting girls, being vague, or breaking up because they don't feel the attraction. I personally think it's because guys have so many choices for sex now that they don't want to settle down and miss out. I'm sorry this happened to you as it did seem like you two had quite the fling.

 

It's not just men. Both sexes do this. It's just the way dating is now. Combat it with NC and be the stronger person, all you can do.

[ConfusedGirl17]

are you sure he isnt seeing someone else?

 

As far as I know he just wants to be alone for now because he's moving

[ConfusedGirl17]

Yes sweetie leave him alone. I don't know what is going on lately with guys but if you read around this forum you will see quite a few guys are ghosting girls, being vague, or breaking up because they don't feel the attraction. I personally think it's because guys have so many choices for sex now that they don't want to settle down and miss out. I'm sorry this happened to you as it did seem like you two had quite the fling.

 

I had a really great time with him and we were planning a future and all of a sudden he's moving overseas

[ConfusedGirl17]

It's not just men. Both sexes do this. It's just the way dating is now. Combat it with NC and be the stronger person, all you can do.

 

I'm going no contact. It's the only solution for now.

[ExpatInItaly]

It was all way too much, way too soon. When things move that fast, it's rarely a good sign.

 

This is why fantasizing and planning about the future and declaring love for someone you barely know is a very unwise idea. It creates insta-attachment which usually isn't actually grounded in reality. It's like trying to build a castle without any foundation.

 

I would consider this one done. He's not leaving the door open and he didn't even both to clue you in until you contacted his mom. These are not the actions of someone who actually cares about you.

[jamili]

It was all way too much, way too soon. When things move that fast, it's rarely a good sign.

 

This is why fantasizing and planning about the future and declaring love for someone you barely know is a very unwise idea. It creates insta-attachment which usually isn't actually grounded in reality. It's like trying to build a castle without any foundation.

 

I would consider this one done. He's not leaving the door open and he didn't even both to clue you in until you contacted his mom. These are not the actions of someone who actually cares about you.

 

I disagree. If you go Hard NC, there is always a chance. Move on and dont dwell, but never think there's zero chance. Time and distance can do wonders. Let him feel the loss, let it stew. Dumpers sometimes take 6+ months to finally allow themselves to feel the breakup.

[Whodatdog]

You may have been thinking of the future, but apparently he wasnt. He had a great 2 weeks with you, but now he's moving on to something else. He wasnt as serious about it as you were. Remember, they can say anything, but actions show their feelings. And he's happy to leave you behind, so theres your answer about his feelings.

[nolookingback716]

It was all way too much, way too soon. When things move that fast, it's rarely a good sign.

 

I don't think this can be stressed enough. I mean, saying I love you after a month, if even that? How could either one of you possibly know each other well enough to be in love?

 

Moving at an unusually fast pace is a major red flag op. Keep that in mind for whenever you decide to start dating again.

[ConfusedGirl17]

I don't think this can be stressed enough. I mean, saying I love you after a month, if even that? How could either one of you possibly know each other well enough to be in love?

 

Moving at an unusually fast pace is a major red flag op. Keep that in mind for whenever you decide to start dating again.

 

He was the one moving it so fast, I just went with the flow really!

[ConfusedGirl17]

I disagree. If you go Hard NC, there is always a chance. Move on and dont dwell, but never think there's zero chance. Time and distance can do wonders. Let him feel the loss, let it stew. Dumpers sometimes take 6+ months to finally allow themselves to feel the breakup.

 

I am going hard NC! It'll help me if nothing else! I don't expect him to come running back any time soon. He did say he wanted no contact "for now" so I'm just going to leave it.

[ConfusedGirl17]

You may have been thinking of the future, but apparently he wasnt. He had a great 2 weeks with you, but now he's moving on to something else. He wasnt as serious about it as you were. Remember, they can say anything, but actions show their feelings. And he's happy to leave you behind, so theres your answer about his feelings.

 

I think he always had moving in the back of his mind and it just won over me to be honest.

[jamili]

I am going hard NC! It'll help me if nothing else! I don't expect him to come running back any time soon. He did say he wanted no contact "for now" so I'm just going to leave it.

 

Best thing you can do, and only chance you have. Fyi my ex did the same thing- she was very needy/clingy and moved at lightspeed, and i just went along for the ride haha. At the end she accused me of taking things too fast... ah, people .

 

Fyi i have been doing strict nc for over 3 months now and my ex emailed me and broke nc. Its the ONLY way you have any shot at hearing from them again. And you mustn't reply unless you get something substantial. You have to show him you moved on by complete disappearamce from his life. As if you dont exist in this dimension any longer. He MUST feel the loss, and internalize it, in order for there to be any chance.

[ExpatInItaly]

I disagree. If you go Hard NC, there is always a chance. Move on and dont dwell, but never think there's zero chance. Time and distance can do wonders. Let him feel the loss, let it stew. Dumpers sometimes take 6+ months to finally allow themselves to feel the breakup.

 

I didn't say there is zero chance he'll be back.

 

I'll clarify what I meant when I said she should consider it done: he showed her through his careless and inconsiderate behaviour that he's not all that bothered about her feelings. She was the one who had to ask his mother if he was alright, because he'd dropped off contact so dramatically. Thus, even if he did come back around, I would not advise her to consider this a viable relationship prospect.

 

And let's be realistic, they were together for all of a month. He is not going to need 6+ months to allow himself to feel the break-up, nor will he be spending much time feeling the loss. There was barely a relationship to begin with, to be blunt. Your thoughts are far more applicable to a long-term relationship in which there were plenty of shared memories and established history for the dumper to actually miss. There was just a handful of weeks here. Not much for him to reflect on, unfortunately.

[jamili]

I didn't say there is zero chance he'll be back.

 

I'll clarify what I meant when I said she should consider it done: he showed her through his careless and inconsiderate behaviour that he's not all that bothered about her feelings. She was the one who had to ask his mother if he was alright, because he'd dropped off contact so dramatically. Thus, even if he did come back around, I would not advise her to consider this a viable relationship prospect.

 

And let's be realistic, they were together for all of a month. He is not going to need 6+ months to allow himself to feel the break-up, nor will he be spending much time feeling the loss. There was barely a relationship to begin with, to be blunt. Your thoughts are far more applicable to a long-term relationship in which there were plenty of shared memories and established history for the dumper to actually miss. There was just a handful of weeks here. Not much for him to reflect on, unfortunately.

 

Oops i totally missed that it was only a month. Damn, well that severely hurts the chances. Still NC but, yea, the internalizing and "missing" will be lacking from such a short coupling.

[ConfusedGirl17]

Oops i totally missed that it was only a month. Damn, well that severely hurts the chances. Still NC but, yea, the internalizing and "missing" will be lacking from such a short coupling.

 

Yeah I know it was only a month but he went from 0 to 180 in 5 seconds. Talking about wanting babies, marriage and moving in then all of a sudden done a disappearing act. I don't know whether he had decided on moving away and just figured t was best not getting anymore invested cos of the feelings or what. The only way he will remotely miss me is by going no contact. We did share a lot of things and spent loads of time together in such a short space of time. He said he has never felt this happy in so long. But I guess he missed his life in Liverpool. I went along for the ride because I was so happy. He insisted on adding us in a relationship status within days of meeting. We talked about a future and then he said we moved so fast it put him off. Strange. He said he wanted no contact "for now" so I don't know whether that means forever or just the time being.

[jamili]

Yeah I know it was only a month but he went from 0 to 180 in 5 seconds. Talking about wanting babies, marriage and moving in then all of a sudden done a disappearing act. I don't know whether he had decided on moving away and just figured t was best not getting anymore invested cos of the feelings or what. The only way he will remotely miss me is by going no contact. We did share a lot of things and spent loads of time together in such a short space of time. He said he has never felt this happy in so long. But I guess he missed his life in Liverpool. I went along for the ride because I was so happy. He insisted on adding us in a relationship status within days of meeting. We talked about a future and then he said we moved so fast it put him off. Strange. He said he wanted no contact "for now" so I don't know whether that means forever or just the time being.

 

Wow, well just a word of advice, moving in together after 1 month is super super risky. As im sure now you have learned, wait! There is no harm in waiting to cohabitate, and it allows you to get to know a person a lot more before making such a big jump. Also, talks of having children after only a few weeks is red flag... Definitely not normal behavior. Just be careful in the future if you meet another man like this. Even if he's the one moving quickly, ask him to slow down. If he cares about you he will respect that. Chalk this up to a really good learning experience, and if he does come back, take it about 10x slower. I learned my lesson the hard way too, and now my policy is to take it really slow in my relationships, regardless of the woman insists on moving quickly.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yeah I know it was only a month but he went from 0 to 180 in 5 seconds. Talking about wanting babies, marriage and moving in then all of a sudden done a disappearing act. I don't know whether he had decided on moving away and just figured t was best not getting anymore invested cos of the feelings or what. The only way he will remotely miss me is by going no contact. We did share a lot of things and spent loads of time together in such a short space of time. He said he has never felt this happy in so long. But I guess he missed his life in Liverpool. I went along for the ride because I was so happy. He insisted on adding us in a relationship status within days of meeting. We talked about a future and then he said we moved so fast it put him off. Strange. He said he wanted no contact "for now" so I don't know whether that means forever or just the time being.

 

This should have been raising alarm bells in your head.

 

People who approach relationships rationally and maturely don't try to rush like this. These are signs of an impulsive person who doesn't think big decisions through. People like your ex aren't making these big plans because they are in love with you; heck, he barely even knew you. Impulsive people tend to do these things because they're using the partner to fill some void, because they get off on the "thrill" of a new partner, because they're trying to prove something to themselves - essentially, they rush for all the wrong reasons. This is why he had little trouble letting it go. He wasn't attached to you the way you thought he was.

 

I have an old friend who is similar, and she's now got two failed marriages behind her at the age of 35. Her children live in chaos because of her desperate desire to fill a hole in her self-esteem by blazing through new relationships at 100km/hr so she can feel "secure." They barely get to know Mom's new guy before she's moving them in and playing house. I mention this because you need to start seeing your ex's behaviour as unusual and irrational, potentially with long-term consequences, and not as a sign that he was truly in love. I feel that will help you detach.

 

In the future, watch out for this sort of thing. Put the brakes on any guy trying to zoom through courtship. It's almost never a positive sign.

[ConfusedGirl17]

This should have been raising alarm bells in your head.

 

People who approach relationships rationally and maturely don't try to rush like this. These are signs of an impulsive person who doesn't think big decisions through. People like your ex aren't making these big plans because they are in love with you; heck, he barely even knew you. Impulsive people tend to do these things because they're using the partner to fill some void, because they get off on the "thrill" of a new partner, because they're trying to prove something to themselves - essentially, they rush for all the wrong reasons. This is why he had little trouble letting it go. He wasn't attached to you the way you thought he was.

 

I have an old friend who is similar, and she's now got two failed marriages behind her at the age of 35. Her children live in chaos because of her desperate desire to fill a hole in her self-esteem by blazing through new relationships at 100km/hr so she can feel "secure." They barely get to know Mom's new guy before she's moving them in and playing house. I mention this because you need to start seeing your ex's behaviour as unusual and irrational, potentially with long-term consequences, and not as a sign that he was truly in love. I feel that will help you detach.

 

In the future, watch out for this sort of thing. Put the brakes on any guy trying to zoom through courtship. It's almost never a positive sign.

 

Yeah, I know I should've noticed the red flags but I think I was just so caught up in the moment that I didn't stop to think. I'm figuring he had the move to Liverpool already on his mind and was trying to rush a relationship with me to see if he wanted to stay or go. I feel kinda used to be honest. I really was falling for him big time. Least it wasn't a good few months down the line before it happened tho. If he does come back, we would be going at snails pace. Although I don't know why he would when he's moving away.

[ConfusedGirl17]

Wow, well just a word of advice, moving in together after 1 month is super super risky. As im sure now you have learned, wait! There is no harm in waiting to cohabitate, and it allows you to get to know a person a lot more before making such a big jump. Also, talks of having children after only a few weeks is red flag... Definitely not normal behavior. Just be careful in the future if you meet another man like this. Even if he's the one moving quickly, ask him to slow down. If he cares about you he will respect that. Chalk this up to a really good learning experience, and if he does come back, take it about 10x slower. I learned my lesson the hard way too, and now my policy is to take it really slow in my relationships, regardless of the woman insists on moving quickly.

 

I will definitely be on the lookout next time! I have never met a man who rushes things this quickly. Things were so great and I kept telling myself that it was too good to be true! And clearly they were! I don't know whether to wait a month or so and send him a message asking if he got moved ok or not. He said he wanted to cut contact for now and I don't know if he means that literally or forever?

[nolookingback716]

He was the one moving it so fast, I just went with the flow really!

 

Oh I'm sure he was which, again, when a guy love bombs you like this that is usually not a good sign. When you think about it it makes sense - there is no way he could've realistically known after only a month that you were someone he wanted to marry and have kids with. The truth is he was using a bunch of bs lines in an attempt to reel you in (and he might not have even realized it himself). My ex did the same thing. During our second date he started talking about us having kids someday. I completely understand it's hard not to feel extremely flattered by that kind of talk.

 

I would recommend you read the book Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl by Natalie Lue. It goes over love bombing as well as many other red flags you should be aware of when dating someone new. Attached by Amir Levine is another good one. Unlike the previous few posters, I think there is a chance this guy will attempt to come crawling back, and when or if he does I do not under any circumstances think you should give him another chance as the outcome will most likely be the same.

[Nadine123]

You shouldnt even want him back.

[ConfusedGirl17]

Oh I'm sure he was which, again, when a guy love bombs you like this that is usually not a good sign. When you think about it it makes sense - there is no way he could've realistically known after only a month that you were someone he wanted to marry and have kids with. The truth is he was using a bunch of bs lines in an attempt to reel you in (and he might not have even realized it himself). My ex did the same thing. During our second date he started talking about us having kids someday. I completely understand it's hard not to feel extremely flattered by that kind of talk.

 

I would recommend you read the book Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl by Natalie Lue. It goes over love bombing as well as many other red flags you should be aware of when dating someone new. Attached by Amir Levine is another good one. Unlike the previous few posters, I think there is a chance this guy will attempt to come crawling back, and when or if he does I do not under any circumstances think you should give him another chance as the outcome will most likely be the same.

 

No other guy I know had wanted to move this fast so it took my surprise! I will definitely look for the red flags in future! My friends have said he will probably xome crawling back at some point but I'm not actually sure what I'll do if he does. I've went completely no contact and won't be speaking to him any time soon. I'll see how I feel in a while and go from there.