Are we compatible at all?

[injustice112]

I 19f and he's 24m.

I'm not really sure how to word this as it's still a mess in my head but I hope I get my point across. Thank you in advance.

 

Bit of backstory: This is not my first relationship and I'm well experienced, he is not, he has never had a girlfriend or anything at all. We have been together for 2, almost 3 months. Before we started dating he told me he was this clingy, engaging (in conversations aka 'deep talks'), affectionate guy who would do everything I found necessary in a relationship for a relationship to work out, all of this made him really shine in my eyes as amazing. We talk everyday and I fear we are not compatible for a long term relationship. We were supposed to meet in December but we had to cancel the flight due to his living situation. A week or so ago one of his parents died. This has put a massive strain on us.

 

When we first started dating he was in all aspects perfect; he was affectionate in all aspects. After a week or so roughly the 'honeymoon phase' ended as did 90% of the affection. Now I don't think that ending after a week is normal I'm not entirely sure, but I wasn't thrilled about it to say the least.

I brought it up that I felt as if we were drifting a lil' bit because he wasn't being his usual self by being affectionate towards me or even engaging in conversations. The conversation ended up by being me asking for more affection and talking as much as possible because to me, IMO, that is necessary in a relationship. He said he would try, but made no promises as it "just isn't him".

 

So I left it at that and hoped he would try to do more. It ended up all sounding forced and not something he wanted to do and I hated that. It all eventually stopped again so I just left it and after awhile it started to get to my head and now I'm here thinking about what options I have.

I don't think something like this can work long term as I believe we have different 'need' levels but I am still hopeful and would like to try. "I don't need as much attention and care as you do." - He has actually said that to me. The most I get is an I love you, otherwise I feel like we could just be friends that spend a lot of time together.

 

I feel really petty typing this out and I can't tell if this is a stupid ass reason to be debating whether or not to continue a relationship.

 

Things I worry aren't compatible between us summary: He is not as affectionate as he made me believe in the first week of dating / We talk over skype a lot and fail to ever talk about us or anything for longer than 5-10 mins. / I don't want affection or anything to be forced and if it has to be asked for is it even worth it.

 

Sorry for the really messy post, I'm really lost but he means alot to me and I'm wanting to talk with him about all of this at some point and see his opinion on if we should continue.

 

Edit: I remembered he said something once about feeling a lot of emotional pressure due to my past and me having experience with relationships & he didn't want to cause me any pain or remind me of my exes. I'm not sure if this adds to anything but yeah.

 

tl;dr: I [19F] feel my partner [24M] and I aren't compatible. When the relationship began he was very affectionate and we were a great fit together. Now I am unsure as things changed within a week of dating.

[smackie9]

He just experienced something very tragic....that kind of thing changes one's perspective about their life and can also increase doubts, insecurities.

 

If it doesn't feel right, then it's not. He's grieving.......you are better off writing him off.

[Whodatdog]

Dont get yourself seriously emotionally invested in this guy, because he's not at all with you.

[Lilyana76]

I'm guessing this is an online relationship, as you two haven't met yet.

 

I would be very cautious giving someone your heart you haven't met in person yet. They may not be telling you the whole truth, hence the distancing.

 

Be careful!